Walkaway Joe - The End
By Whitney
Chapter 15
What a beautiful mess I've made
"God I love this stuff." Peyton breathed in the yummy aroma of her Chinese take out as she and Haley settled down onto Haley's big comfy living room couch and popped in the latest Nicole Kidman hit into the DVD player. "Why can't I look like her?" Peyton turned to Haley with a perplexed pout, as she shoved a fork full of Orange chicken into her mouth, tangy just like she liked it.
"Because you pig out on Chinese food?" Haley smiled back sweetly before settling in beside her, and situating her water bottle in her lap for easy access. When she'd gotten back from the airport earlier that day, she'd received to messages. One was Robin thanking her for her hospitality and suggesting the four of them do dinner soon, and the other from Peyton, bitching about Robin. She could never get a moments peace it seemed.
"What’s in your carton, it doesn't look like lettuce." Peyton sniped back, her expression challenging.
Haley simply smiled shoveling more food into her mouth, "I have no delusions of looking like Nicole Kidman. I'm content looking like me, and pigging out on Chinese."
Peyton exhaled heavily as she looked down into her nearly empty Chinese carton. When had she become such a glutton? She surmised that Luke was bad for her body, since she turned to food for comfort every time he left again, and he always left.
"That’s because you have a gorgeous boyfriend and a settled life. And soon you'll be a wife, everyone knows once you get the name you can just let yourself go." Peyton shook her head disgusted with her own inability to get the "Scott" name. She had her chance...and now, well now Robin had her chance.
"Did you just admit Nathan was gorgeous," Haley laughed, "Oh dear God, I must call him and tell him-"
"Haley," Peyton warned ready to lunge at her if she tried to call Nathan, or contact him in any way. All she needed was for Nathan to hold that over her head, with that jerky smirk of his. She would kill him. "Do not even think about it."
"His ego is large enough." Haley rolled her eyes at the thought before turning back towards the television, and hitting the play button on the remote. As much as she hated Nathan being away, she enjoyed just hanging out with Peyton, watching girly movies and drinking until there were no secrets left between them. Nathan could handle them sober, but she knew he would likely shoot himself if he had to deal with them drunk, and then he would never be ready for kids. At this point she felt like she was practically dragging him down the aisle, and it made her extremely uncomfortable, not at all the feeling she thought she would associate with marrying Nathan.
"I'll say," Peyton agreed, "So uh- what’s up with the marriage thing?" She ventured, "Am I going to have to strap on some more torture devices?"
"That’s the plan," Haley nodded her head trying to ignore Peyton's new inquisition in favor of watching Nicole and some foreign dude get lusty on the TV. Why was it that the female leads, never got equally hot leads in movies? She needed some eye candy pronto. "Except I'm working on a no shoes policy." Haley laughed, although if she thought it was any kind of appropriate she would have gone ahead with the plan.
"Wouldn't that make life easy..." Peyton eyed Haley suspiciously, she could tell something was weighing on her best friends mind, "So why aren't you happy?"
Haley took in a deeply annoyed sigh, and paused the movie before twisting around to face Peyton's prying gaze. Sometimes she felt incredibly lucky to have such caring friends, and other times it was a complete hassle. She didn't want to be talking about this right now, she didn't even want to think about it.
"Movie Peyton remember," she pointed to the paused screen, and Peyton's face remained impassive.
"Real life Haley remember." Peyton shot back, and continued to stare her down. Haley remained silent, and Peyton decided to continue pushing a bit more, at the very least Haley would explode and she would get some kind of hint about what was going on. "Fine, the love of your life asks you to marry him, you say yes and now you're miserable...should I continue, should I start guessing, you know how creative I can be-"
"Ugh!" Haley through up her arms and gritted her teeth trying to hold in her annoyance, she knew Peyton was only trying to help. "Look, I want to marry Nathan okay, I just...I don't know if this is really what HE wants." She let out finally, her words sounding tired and sad.
"Ah." Peyton nodded surprised by the revelation. She'd expected something less severe, like maybe she wanted a big wedding, he wanted city hall, not a disagreement about the marriage actually happening.
"He says he does," Haley reasoned finally giving into Peyton's questioning gaze, "and I want to believe him," she smiled slightly, Nathan's earlier proclamations running through her head, "but something just feels...off." She finished and turned to Peyton for a reaction.
"So what are you going to do?" Peyton shot another question out unable to provide any helpful advice. Haley was the advice giver, she was the one they all went to for answers. Peyton wasn't used to being in the position where she was supposed to be the wise old sage. It made her uncomfortable, what if she gave horrible advice and Nathan and Haley broke up, she would never forgive herself. She loved Haley, and even though Nathan was the biggest grump she knew, she kind of loved him too, and they just belonged together it was that simple, it would always be that simple.
"What can I do?" Haley sighed, "He's really gung-ho about the whole thing. He wants to start planning right when he gets back, get someone to help us I guess. He wants the wedding of the century...just my luck."
"What did you expect from Dan Scott's son?" Peyton laughed, "Nathan and you couldn't do low key if you tried. He was born for the spot light..." Peyton trailed off when she saw Haley's face fall in the dim light, "sorry I'm depressing you right. I suck at this stuff." Peyton admonished herself, and occupied her mouth with her egg roll.
Haley shook her head at Peyton's comment, "Yeah you kind of do," she laughed, "I'm kidding. How can I expect someone else to have the answers for me. God I'm turning into Luke, when did that happen and why didn't you smack me?"
"Well you're not Luke, because I don't want to jump you." Peyton joked playfully, her mouth still full of food, causing Haley to burst out into giggles.
"Hey you know he didn't sleep with Robin," Haley admitted once she'd calmed down her laughter, "he told me point blank this morning and I believe him."
Peyton nodded non-commitally, "He will...And you know," she shook her head, "-it's just none of my business. I said I was going to move on and I am. I'm going to just put myself out there...I'm tired of being alone, Haley." She admitted quietly and Haley pulled her from across the couch, into a comforting hug. Peyton let her head rest against Haley's shoulder, letting out a deep breath. "Why do boys suck so much?" Peyton questioned, continuing to lean against Haley.
"Because they're big clueless oafs." Haley returned with a teasing smile.
"Then why do we love them?" Peyton through out another question.
Haley let out a small huff of laughter, letting the question settle on her. "Because we can't help it." She finally answered honestly, and both girl knew it was true. No matter how hard you tried, once love had caught you, it nearly killed you to let go.
Suddenly they were brought out of their reverie by a persistent banging on the door. Haley jumped up from her seat on the couch, placing her food on a nearby table, while looking between Peyton and the door quizzically.
"Who in the hell got past the doorman?"
The answer hit both girls at the same time, as a single name slipped past their lips, "Brooke."
Haley rushed over, throwing off the locks and swinging the door open to find Brooke, slightly sun-burned, hair a mess, clothes all wrinkled, with mascara lining her under eyes smudged from crying. Without a word, Brooke dove into Haley's arms, and Haley guided her farther into the apartment, while Peyton came up behind them shutting the door and then helping get Brooke to the couch, where the pushed her down between them and stared at her with worry as she mustered up the courage to speak.
"What happened?" Peyton questioned, brushing away some stray hairs sticking to Brooke's wet cheeks. Brooke wasn't a cry baby, she whined, but Peyton had rarely seen her cry. But the girl in front of her could have filled a small lake at the rate she was going.
Brooke took in a shaky breath before beginning, "Well I told him about the baby..."
Both girls looked at her expectantly, but it was Peyton who continued to prod, while Haley sat back trying to help Brooke relax. "And?"
"And nothing. We were standing in our room about to go out for drinks, and I realized I couldn't keep lying to him, I had to just tell him. So I did, I just said Jake I'm pregnant, and he just stared at me. He stared at me for thirty minutes straight without saying a damn thing, and then he just announces that he's going to get a drink and he'll be right back. So he walked out, I grabbed my purse and got a cab to the airport and ended up here." Brooke finished out of breath turning to Haley and Peyton, her face about to dissolve in another round of tears. "God things are so messed up!"
"You just left?" Peyton repeated a bit befuddled by Brooke's actions. Brooke was usually one to face things head on, in fact if you tried to run away and cower she would attack you just to get you to listen. It seemed hormones had gone to her head, and made her...emotional. It was like the anti-Brooke sitting before her.
"What was I supposed to do, Peyton?" Brooke jumped up defensively and began to pace. "My husband of only a few days, finds out he's going to be a daddy and the only thing he can say to me is "I need a drink" I was mad, I'm still mad!"
"We can tell," Haley stood up beside her and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder to push her back down onto the couch, "but I'm glad you came here. You know anything you need we're here."
"I know," Brooke nodded with a small sigh of relief, "I just couldn't handle the way he was looking at me, like I ruined things or something. I mean I didn't mean to get pregnant, but I have to admit, being a mommy has grown on me. I'm kind of excited and I thought, maybe I just hoped he would be too."
"I think we should all join a convent or something," Peyton suggested with a heavy sigh, "I mean God could be our only chance at finding a good man."
"God is a woman." Brooke announced suddenly and Haley and Peyton just nodded not wanting to debate the subject with Brooke at such a touchy stage.
"So have you talked to Jake since you left?" Haley asked trying to get a little bit more information. She knew no matter how badly Jake took the news, he would be worried sick about Brooke by now.
"I left him a voice message," Brooke explained, "I told him he was an asshole and I hated him, and I hoped I had a girl, because the world didn't need a little Jake. And then I told him I was coming here and if he followed me I would maim him until he was no longer recognizable to his own family-"
"Wow, you are vicious." Peyton blew out slightly impressed by her friends tactics. It seemed even emotional Brooke could kick some ass.
"Well good he knows you're okay," Haley nodded obviously trying to get a plan of action into her head. Since they didn't have to worry about a freaked out Jake, calling the cops, they could focus on Brooke's...emotional state.
"Well where are your bags?" Haley finally questioned.
"With Jake I guess," Brooke blew it off, "I have my credit card, what more do I need. I can just borrow something from you until I send for my things-"
"Whoa, wait a minute," Haley stopped her, "are you talking about moving to New York?"
"Yes!" Brooke screeched, "I am not living with that man!" She waved her arms around frantically.
"Brooke, you just shocked the hell out of him, maybe you should give him a moment to react, take things in. If he's still a-" Haley was cut off by Peyton.
"If he's still a bastard about it, we'll help you maim him. But I think Haley's right, maybe you should at least call him, he's had time to digest and maybe-"
"No," Brooke shook her head vehemently, "I am not going to call him. He hurt me okay," her voice broke, "he just walked out of that room, with no concern to how I was feeling. We were supposed to be on our honeymoon, and instead he makes me regret the whole damn marriage. Please just let me stay here with you for a while Haley, I have another two weeks off for vacation, I'll figure out something more permanent then...Haley?"
Haley sighed taking in Brooke's pleading eyes. She knew from the moment she opened the door she would do whatever Brooke needed, she just wasn't sure she agreed with it. Still it wasn't her place to manage Brooke's marriage, that was her own business.
"We'll make up the guest bedroom, and I'll get you something to sleep in." Haley smiled sadly across at her friend, as Peyton pulled Brooke into a small hug, and Haley joined in.
Haley stretched out against her empty bed, as she cradled the cordless phone on her shoulder. Peyton and Brooke were currently holed up in her guest rooms, wearing her clothes, which made her laugh. She felt like she was providing room, board, and wardrobe to all her friends. She knew Nathan wouldn't exactly be pleased with news of their new house guest, but she figured he would be gone most of Brooke's stay so it wouldn't be so bad, and besides Brooke was their friend, she needed them, end of story, Nathan would deal. Still she hesitated to tell him as he complained about the plane ride from hell with one of the rookie players just brought in.
"He talked about all four of his girlfriends the entire trip. He actually called himself a pimp," Nathan huffed, "who the hell says that?"
"Apparently Mikey," Haley laughed at Nathan's colorful tale. "So I take it you missed me?" She fished around trying to get him in a gooey mood before dropping the Brooke bombshell.
"Except for when I was dreaming about you, but then I woke up and I missed you even more."
She smiled on the other end, even though she knew he couldn't see it. She was alone, she could be as girly as she wanted to. "What did you dream about me?" Her eyes lit with delight, anticipating his answer.
"Naughty, naughty things," he returned and his voice dipped lower, "I wish you were here so I could show you."
Haley closed her eyes as his words washed over her, when they opened they drifted to the empty place beside her and she suddenly became very sad. "I wish I was too." She finally squeaked out trying to keep her voice level.
His sigh indicated she hadn't done a very good job, "Come out here. Brian could get you on the next flight...I want you here."
"You have no idea how tempting that sounds, but I've already taken so much time off work, and I don't want to distract you from your training-"
"Those are excuses, screw them all and come." He pleaded, and she wanted more than anything to comply. She could have braved another plane just to see him for even a day, to be held by him again. She didn't know why she suddenly missed him so much, he'd been away before, and though she'd missed him, it had never been like this.
"I want to," she admitted sadly, "but you know I can't. Something’s kind of come up here, and I-"
"Is something wrong?" He jumped to ask her immediately, and she knew he was ready to race out the door and fly back that second if she said there was. Part of her was tempted to just lie and have him with her, even if it was just a day. They could do a lot in one day, but she knew she never would, no matter how much she wanted to.
"Not exactly, I had an unexpected visitor."
"Please tell me Luke's girlfriend isn't bothering you. That whole damn thing is pissing me off, I think we should just tell Luke's she’s a slut and get it over with-"
"I haven't seen Robin since this morning. No my guest is a welcome guest, just bad circumstances-"
"Haley you're worrying me," he cut in trying to get her to spit it out.
"Brooke's staying with us for a few weeks."
"I thought Brooke and Jake were still on their honeymoon."
"Oh Jake is," Haley replied, "but Brooke dropped the baby bomb, he screwed up and she just left, so now she's staying with us for a while." He remained silent over the line, "I can tell how much you love this."
He rubbed his eyes tired and sighed, "We'll figure it out we always do."
"Thank you." She breathed relieved.
"For what?" He returned.
"For making this so easy, I was worried you were going to flip out."
Nathan laughed lightly, "If I can deal with Peyton, I can deal with Brooke."
Haley smiled on the other end, "So tell me more about this dream..."
Chapter 16
Leave it on the table
It had been five days since Brooke had dropped on Haley's doorstep, and things had surprisingly run pretty smoothly. Haley had pawned Brooke off on Peyton the first day for shopping while she caught up on some work and then they all went to dinner. Things seemed so normal, three women out on the town, no men needed, except their "men" seemed to lead every conversation, and Brooke would break out into hysterics every so often. It didn't matter though, it was the city, no one really cared if you were crazy, as long as you weren't bothering them.
Still Haley found it completely weird that they hadn't heard a peep from Jake. She knew Brooke could be intimidating, but Haley was beginning to wonder if Brooke had already killed him and disposed of the body.
"Hey." Brooke greeted Haley cheerfully plopping down onto her bed beside her, as Haley finished up some work on her lap top.
"You hungry, I should probably go grocery shopping, but I usually just get take out when Nathan's gone-"
"Please tell me you don't cook just for him. I mean who's married here?"
Haley shook her head with a negative, "No with Nathan we actually eat out. I don't cook, I tried once, but I started a small fire in the kitchen, and Nathan banned me from ever trying again. For once we were in complete agreement."
"So Peyton says, I should look forward to a lavish wedding from you and Nathan. Now you know as a bridesmaid I expect some input on the dress-"
"Pay back is a bitch Brooke." Haley smiled slyly, and Brooke lifted a pillow to whack her arm, before settling back down beside her, as Haley shut down her computer and turned on the TV. It was on ESPN as usual, Haley almost hesitated to change the channel, she wasn't sure she ever had, which was kind of sad, she just wasn't a TV person. "So anything particular you like to watch?"
"E!" Brooke exclaimed, "I love all the gossip on the celebs. You never know Hales, one day you might be on there, or I might be, you know being the fashion queen that I am-"
"Oh I fully expect you to be," Haley laughed lightly, "I would accept nothing less."
A comfortable laughter settled over them, and then Brooke suddenly stopped, turning to Haley, her eyes shining with tears. Haley stared back at her unsure of what she should say, if she should say anything.
"He hasn't even called, I mean not a message anything. I'm his wife, I'm pregnant with his child, and he can't even call. I expected apologies, groveling, begging...I don't know what to do with the silence..." Brooke's face crumbled into tears as Haley pulled her into her lap, letting Brooke lay her head against it as she soothed her hair away from her clammy cheeks. Haley knew Brooke was hurting, behind all the smiles, and laughter, Brooke was scared, and alone, and that had to kill her. Haley herself was furious with Jake for his behavior.
"Well you just deal," Haley sighed, "and I'll help you. Whatever happens Brooke, you have me and Nathan okay, your baby has us. And if you need someone to beat Jake up, then I'll call Nathan up and on his break he can fly down there and kick his ass-"
"Wait a minute," Brooke sat up beginning to laugh, "are you saying your fiancé' could beat my husband...um no, I don't think so."
"Should we like throw them in a ring for our amusement," Haley joked, "two hot sweaty boys, it could definitely brighten up my whole month."
"Anything involving Jake suffering," Brooke bit bitterly, "I'm up for."
"I'm really sorry," Haley turned to her earnestly, "I didn't think it would go down like this..." Haley shook her head in frustration, "what is it with men and babies? Do they just not want to grow up? I mean I new life, something that precious, should be a happy thing...I don't know." Haley cooled down.
Brooke smiled something settling on her mind for the first time. She'd never seen Haley so passionate about children before, in fact Haley usually seemed indifferent to the idea. But it was clear that something had changed in her friend, and Brooke wasn't sure if it was for the better.
"So your biological clock finally ticked on, huh Hales?"
"Too bad Nathan's didn't." Haley responded trying to brush it off like it didn't matter, but coming up entirely unsuccessful in her attempt.
"Right and you're just sucking it up like always...you know it's okay to want things for yourself." Brooke smiled softly in her friends direction, "Hey since Jake doesn't want this kid, why don't me and you raise it together and leave those idiots behind. That way it will have a two parent household, and both of its parents will be cool."
"Okay." Haley agreed with a laugh, but they were cut off by the phone ringing.
Brooke smiled shortly and nodded towards the phone, "That would be Nathan, I'll give you some privacy-"
"Brooke," Haley tried to protest.
"Hey," Brooke shrugged, "at least he's calling."
Haley swallowed hard as Brooke exited before picking up the phone. She didn't know what to say to make her friend feel better, she didn't even know what to do to make herself feel better, and she wasn't the one separated from her husband of barely a week.
"Hello?" She sighed into the phone, unable to hide her discomfort.
"Haley?" Haley was shocked to find a voice other than Nathan's on the other end.
"Tim?" Haley returned surprised. She hadn't expected to hear from him so soon, she hadn't even talked to Lucas since he left with Robin the morning after they returned. She'd been immersed in her work and the Brooke situation. Tim calling definitely took her off guard, especially since he knew Nathan was out of town. "Is everything okay?" She finally sputtered concern lining her voice.
"Uh well depends on what you think okay is...Jake's here at my house. He arrived a few days ago, he said Brooke was crashing with you."
"Yeah." Haley confirmed, "What the hell is he doing?"
Tim sighed, "Moping basically, he won't call her."
"Because?" Haley snapped, and instantly regretted it. Tim did not deserve her wrath, Jake deserved her wrath and she was ready to cuss him until the cows came home if she could get him on the phone, then she would give Peyton his number, Brooke didn't need the grief if he couldn't even be bothered to call her and let her know where he was, which was only a few hours from her.
"He knows he messed up, he feels bad. He wants to give her space, or some s hit like that," Tim shrugged exasperated by the situation, "look, I love Jake and I love Brooke, but I can't deal with this right now. My dad's riding my ass with business, and- I'm sorry to pawn this off on you, but I just don't know what to do."
"Did he tell you about the baby?" Haley questioned, still clearly ticked off at Jake. She didn't care why he was being a jerk, she just wanted him to be sweet loving Jake again, so she didn't have to run off and play mommy duty with Brooke.
"Yeah," Tim sighed, "Do you think you can get her to come out here, they need to talk or something-"
"He should be coming to her," Haley protested.
"I know," Tim agreed, "Look I will gladly smack him upside the head, in fact I have, but he's determined to give her space. And we both know the only way Brooke is going to budge is if someone helps her get there, so...."
"I'll talk to her, tell her what you've said. But I'm not going to tell her to go there. That has to be her choice...he screwed up Tim." Haley breathed saddened by the thought of Brooke's crying figure.
"He knows that." Tim assured.
"We'll try to make it out this weekend or something-"
"Thank you so much Haley!" Tim breathed relieved.
They clicked off the phone and Haley looked up to find Brooke hovering in her doorway. It was clear she knew it wasn't Nathan, how Haley wasn't sure, maybe she just sensed it, or maybe she was a world class eaves dropper, Haley didn't know or care.
"So what’s his excuse?" Brooke asked bluntly, her face steely with resolve.
"He's staying with Tim upstate...he said he wanted to give you space like you asked."
Brooke nodded unimpressed, but lingered in the doorway, Haley couldn't tell if she was crying or not, but her voice was clearly on the verge of breaking. "What does he expect me to do, run after him...I won't do that Haley, don't ask me to."
"I'm not," Haley assured taking in a deep breath, she knew she should have tried to encourage Brooke to at least speak with Jake. But the baby issue was hitting too close to home, and she wasn't thinking like rational good friend Haley. "I think you should do what makes you feel okay, whether that’s talking to him or staying here, either way I'm behind you."
"Thank you." Brooke spoke truly grateful for Haley's unwavering support. "How weird is all this, huh? You think you're finally going to be happy, like you've finally found what you've been looking for, the elusive it...and then it's gone just like that. And then you just feel empty."
"Brooke..." Haley tried to think of some words of comfort, but nothing would come. She'd never seen Brooke Davis, so down, so defeated. It scared her, if Brooke couldn't find a way to work out her problems, how the hell was Haley supposed to persevere.
"I'm okay," Brooke assured, "it just sucks that the one time in my life when I really need alcohol, I can't have it...this kid is causing me a lot of trouble."
"It'll be worth it." Haley spoke confident in her response.
"I know." Brooke smiled that famous Brooke Davis smile and sauntered back out of the room, just as the phone rang again.
Haley snatched it up immediately this time, knowing it was Nathan. She didn't believe in that psychic connection crap, but she somehow she could just sense him, or maybe it was wishful thinking, either way she was delighted when his voice came through the phone.
Thirty minutes later and she was beginning to yawn.
"You're tired." He stated knowingly.
"No," she shook her head on the other side, "continue, I want to hear about your day-"
"I'm boring you into sleep." He laughed.
"No," she refused, "I don't want to go to sleep, I want to listen to your voice, and I want you to tell me, that no matter how screwed up we get, we're never gonna feel empty...promise me Nathan." She pleaded, Brooke's earlier words nagging at her.
"Hey, what's going on?" She'd been acting odd since she'd picked up, but he didn't want to push her. He just figured it was stress from work, or annoyance with Brooke and Peyton, those two could drive anyone crazy. But it was clear to him now something else was wrong, something more serious.
"I don't know," Haley shook her head, suddenly feeling very emotional, "this whole thing with Brooke and Jake. I just can't believe things fell apart so quickly, they should be happy right now, sipping on mai tais, dancing on the beach. Instead he's holed up at Tim's, while Brooke makes plans for her baby without him. It just seems so wrong...so sad."
"I don't know what the hell Jake is thinking," Nathan sighed, "Brooke not hormonal is hell, he's screwing with a pregnant woman-"
"You're real sensitive," Haley scowled unamused.
"I'm sorry," Nathan backed off, "things will turn out okay. Jake will get it together and she'll forgive him because she loves him-"
"Things aren't that easy Nathan," she scoffed, "there's a baby involved. What is she supposed to do if he decides to flake on her again-"
"Come on this is Jake," Nathan objected, "he might have been a little shocked. But he's going to do the right thing. They're married already, now they have a kid, things will be fine..." he paused unsure if he wanted to continue, "So why don't you tell me what’s really bothering you?"
"I can't be worried for Brooke?" She shot back trying to deflect his question.
"You can," he returned, "but this is something else. Tell me."
"I need to know why you want to marry me Nathan?" She stated bluntly, not holding back any longer. It had been hanging between them for the past week, and she was tired of the added stress. She didn't want to worry about this, not right now. Still she feared his answer would be no better than the waiting.
"I love you?" He tried not certain of the direction she was going, and hoping to avoid the conversation all together.
"And suddenly out of the blue you want to get married? I know why I want to marry you Nathan, I want to start a family of our own, I want to settle down, and because I love you...but you...I just don't think you're doing this for the right reasons."
Nathan took a breath annoyed by the accusation, "I'm trying to make you happy, I thought this was what you wanted!" He blew out, not enjoying the constant turmoil that had sprung up in their relationship.
"That’s what scares me. I don't want to tie you down to a marriage you don't want..." she sighed sadly, "and it's obvious this isn't what you want, so I think we should just call it off-"
"What?- Haley, no-"
"Look I'm tired," she announced suddenly, "I'll talk to you later. I love you."
"Haley?" He tried again, but she'd already hung up leaving him hanging.
Chapter 17
You're hiding from feelings, searching for more
"Are you okay?" Peyton questioned as she and Haley rode up in the elevator to Haley's apartment to meet Brooke. It was finally the weekend, which meant the three of them could veg and bitch about all their problems for 48 straight hours.
"Fine." Haley nodded, waiting for the lift to stop. She didn't really want to go in depth on her talk with Nathan. All she'd told Peyton was they were holding off on the wedding until a better time. She didn't mention that the better time was when Nathan really wanted it.
"You're lying." Peyton challenged knowingly.
"Live with it." Haley shot back as the doors finally opened, and she barreled out, trying to get away from Peyton's prying questions. When she opened the door she found Brooke lounged out on the couch with a pint of ice cream pigging out, her eyes were red-rimmed as always.
"Bad day?" Haley questioned as she sat her keys down and slid onto the couch next to her friend, while Peyton dropped into a near by chair, still scowling at Haley's earlier brush off.
"Nathan left like a million messages, about how much he loved you, and how sorry he was, and all sorts of other mushy crap, that sent me on an ice cream binge-"
"He did?" Haley perked up immediately, but then chastised herself. She shouldn't be thinking about that right now, she should be helping Brooke, who obviously needed it. "I'm sorry...I-"
"You should probably call him back." Brooke cut her off, pulling herself to her feet and shoving the half eaten pint of ice cream at her. "He sounded really desperate, and sad...you should call." Brooke advised again before motioning for Peyton to follow her, so Haley could be alone.
"You don't have to go!" Haley called out, but they'd already shut themselves off in Brooke's room. Haley eyed the phone uncertain of what she should do, should she call him, and if she did what would she say?
Finally she relented and grabbed up the phone dialing his cell number immediately. After a few rings, his voice came over the line, he sounded tired, like he'd been working out, which she imagined he probably had been.
"Hey..." she let it hang between them, as she grappled for something else to say. She didn't want him to think she was mad at him, because she wasn't, not really. She just wasn't going to put herself in a situation where she was miserable. And if marrying her truly wasn't what he wanted, she knew she couldn't be happy with it.
"I've been trying to get a hold of you all day. You weren't at work..."
"I hung out with Peyton at the gallery, helped her set up her stuff. Brooke said you'd left some messages..." Once again she let it hang, she really didn't know what to say to him. If she should pretend none of it ever happened, part of her really wanted to, since the sting of rejection was still pricking at her heart.
"Yeah," he sighed, "I didn't like the way we left it. I don't want you to be mad at me-"
"I'm not," Haley assured, "I just wish you would have told me you didn't want to get married when I brought it up-"
"I do want to marry you!" He objected, and he sounded sure, but Haley knew he was anything but. She wasn't really sure why Nathan was so opposed to the idea, why it frightened him so much, but she knew that it did.
"Stop it," she commanded, unable to hear that from him right now, "You're just making this worse. Look, marriage isn't a big deal, we'll just skip it, live like the stars do. I love you and you love me, we don't need a ceremony to prove that."
"You don't deserve this- I mean I feel like I'm always disappointing you. You want a baby, and I don't, so you say you'll wait. That’s not fair to you, I know it isn't-"
"I don't want to force you into something you obviously don't want!" She blew back, frustrated by the conversation. She didn't want to go into detail about why he didn't want a child with her, or about why he didn't want to have her as his wife. The simple fact that he didn't hurt enough.
"Do you understand why?" He returned desperately, "Haley, I-"
"I don't need to hear this," she tried to cut him off, "if you want to do something for me, just stop. Just let this drop like it didn't happen so we can get back to our lives, that’s what I need from you-"
"It's not because I don't love you," he continued past her objections, "because you know I do. I wish I could be the man you need, sometimes I think I never will be, but I'm too selfish to let you go, even knowing that. You pay for my hang ups, and I know that isn't right, I know I shouldn't expect you to just understand. But there's so much that could go wrong if we got married, we could turn into my parents. Sure they're together, but deep down they don't even like each other, they just coexist. I don't want that for us, I don't want you to look at me one day and wonder what the hell you got yourself into. And if we had kids, what would happen when I treated them just like my father taught me...you would end up hating me.-"
"You're not your father Nathan, we're not your parents. A million things could go wrong, you're right. We could fall out of love, I could die- there are so many things that could tear us apart. But that doesn't mean we should stop living..."
"I don't want to hold you back." He admitted quietly.
"The thing is Nathan, sure I want to get married and I want to have kids, but I want that with you. So I can wait, because what else am I going to do...I love you, you know, for better or worse, I just do."
Brooke and Peyton relaxed back against the big fluffy ornate pillows Haley had laid atop the bed. Peyton was currently flipping through the channels on the TV, while Brooke stared at the phone forlornly. Finally fed up with the pathetic display, Peyton switched off the TV, and turned to Brooke with a sympathetic smile.
"Why don't you just call him..." Peyton through out finally, trying to give Brooke some kind of advice. In the beginning she had firmly believed Brooke had done the right thing, she wasn't letting some guy jerk her around, even if it was her husband. But there didn't seem much point in being right when Brooke was that miserable.
"And be pathetic?" Brooke shot back, "No thank you." She didn't want to tell Peyton that calling Jake was exactly what she wanted to do. It was what she wanted to do since she stepped aboard the plane for New York. But she couldn't get the way he looked at her out of her head. He seemed so crestfallen, like she'd ruined his whole life. He didn't even seem to care about what having a baby did to her.
"You could never be pathetic, even if you tried to be pathetic you would fail. You're Brooke...come on..."
Brooke's eyes misted up at Peyton's words, as her lips curved into a wistful smile, "I don't know who Brooke is anymore. I mean I thought when I married Jake, that I'd be Brooke married, and then when I found out I was pregnant, I thought I'd be Brooke the mommy...but it feels like each time something changes in my life I lose a peace of myself. I look in the mirror and I don't even know who I am, I look tired half the time, and the other half I have this freaky glow, and to top it off my stomach feels like it grows bigger and bigger by the minute, now I'm fat Brooke-"
Peyton busted out into laughter at her friends words, and Brooke's eyes turned cold and unamused. "Thanks Peyton, you're a fabulous friend-"
"Brooke!" Peyton tried to shake off her giggles, "I'm not laughing at you. It's just, you could never be fat Brooke, even pregnant you look perfect. Woman pass you on the street, and they hate you on sight-"
"Oh great." Brooke rolled her eyes sarcastically.
"Do you know why they hate you?"
"Enlighten me." Brooke bit back, signaling Peyton to continue.
"Because you're beautiful, you're ten times more beautiful than most people can ever hope to be. And you have an amazing life, I mean you're not an empty void like most pretty people. You have friends who love you, a husband who although screwed up, adores you, and to top it off, you're going to have a baby. And Brooke...I know that you will be a fantastic mother. This kid is so lucky already, it has you."
Brooke smiled genuinely touched by Peyton's sentiment, "You think?"
"I know." Peyton assured, leaning down so she could face Brooke's slightly bulging tummy head on, she reached out a soft hand rubbing slightly against her friends stomach. "Hi little one," she giggled at the oddness of her behavior, but continued to talk, "So I'm your aunt Peyton, not by blood, but by love. Because for most of my life, you're mommy's been my family, she's been there for me through everything...that’s how I know you're going to be well loved and taken care of. She's already fighting for you, you already have her whole heart, I can see that."
Brooke's lip began to tremble with tears, while she fought to keep a smile on her lips. She reached out her hand placing it over Peyton's on her tummy. Peyton had been the only person who really loved her for the longest time, her parents were absent most of her life, but having Peyton made up for it somehow. Being needed by her made up for it. Peyton was her family, not by blood, but by love.
"Thanks Peyt." She finally managed to sputter out.
Haley popped her head in the door a few minutes later to find them swiping embarrassingly at their eyes, and trying to cover their obvious cry fest. She didn't ask what had been the topic of their sorrow, she had enough of her own to worry about. Instead she decided that she was going to pep them all up, they had to get out of that apartment and have a life, she was determined to get back into the swing of things, back to her life before all the dramatics of the last few weeks.
"We're going to go out and act like crazy people for one night." Haley announced out of the blue, and Peyton and Brooke's heads jerked to attention. "Don't look so shocked, I need some time away from all this real life crap."
"So do I!" Brooke jumped at the suggestion immediately hopping off of the bed, and throwing open the closet to find something suitable to wear. "Now I just need to find something my chubby ass will fit into."
"I say use your body while you still have it." Peyton joked pulling out a skin tight red dress, sure to compliment every curve on Brooke's body.
"I intend to." Brooke smirked, accepting the dress choice Peyton had thrown out and unabashedly beginning to shed her clothing. Peyton rolled her eyes at her friends brazen behavior, before yanking out a black number for herself. "Just help yourself." Brooke laughed, and Peyton motioned that she was.
Haley slipped out to find something for herself to wear. It was good to see Brooke's spirits raised even if just a little bit. She was hoping this night would do the same for her. There was nothing she could do about her situation with Nathan, at least no appealing choices. She didn't want to fight about it, or even discuss it any longer. They just didn't want the same things in life, yet there was one main thing they did agree on, they wanted each other. And that was enough, it had to be enough.
Two hours later and all three girls recongregated in the living room, all looking divine. Haley had settled for a gray slinky number Nathan had bought for her earlier that year when they'd went shopping together. He'd insisted it was a present to himself, and she'd agreed to spend the outrageous amount of money it had cost for it.
"Picture time!" Brooke announced cheerily, pulling out her phone to snap some shots of them together. "God, I just love this thing." Brooke squealed as she corralled them in next to her, while placing the phone out in front of them to take a shot.
"Look pretty!" Brooke ordered happily, and all three broke out into laughter, as Brooke pressed the button, still-framing the moment forever. Once they were through the rushed out the door, Haley locking up behind them.
"I love this place," Brooke smiled as she slid onto a worn wooden stool, placing her diet cola down in front of her. "It's so small and comfy, and no weird creepy men staring at us...is it a lesbian bar?"
"Yes, because I frequent those often." Haley joked, as she squeezed the rest of her lemon into her ice water. This was one of her favorite places, Nathan didn't care for it much, he liked the busier places, and if there was one thing you couldn’t say about "Duncan's", it was that it was busy. Most of the times she went there with a book, and ordered a coffee and just read. No one ever bothered her, or hit on her, she could just be. There was no better place she wanted to share with her friends than this.
"And here I thought Haley was finally going to join the New York night life." Peyton joked with a small scowl. This wasn't exactly what she called going out, but she knew Haley was probably right in bringing them there. Brooke couldn't properly enjoy any of the more outrageous clubs in her current condition.
"No you didn't," Haley laughed, "I would not be caught dead in those broken down crack houses-"
"You're so dramatic," Peyton laughed, "they're actually very sturdy crack establishments."
"Well I for one appreciate not being subjected to any kind of crack house. My baby and I thank you, Haley." Brooke smiled as she took a deep breathe, "it feels nice to get out though. Not have to stare at that phone all day long-"
"So have you thought about going up to see Tim?" Haley questioned, as she relaxed back into her seat. She didn't really know what she wouldn't done if she were Brooke. In her honest opinion, Jake should have been the one coming to her, but men could be stubborn.
"Still thinking about it." Brooke admitted softly, and then turned on a bright smile, "I'm tired of the beach though, I want some snow. My parents have a house up in Canada, I was thinking of going up there to relax for a while, figure some things out-"
"You're leaving?" Peyton broke in semi-hurt by the news, but trying to act as if it didn't bother her. She'd gotten used to having both Brooke and Haley around, and she liked it.
"I can't stay here forever," Brooke reasoned, "and I'm not ready to go back to Miami and face everything there. I figured I could take a month off of active duty. I called Marco yesterday and he said I could just FedEx the sketches as they came, he knows how I am when I don't get what I want...you don't think it's a good idea?" Brooke read her friends minds.
"I think you're running from Jake, when maybe instead you should try and deal with it head on." Haley answered honestly, and then smiled a thought coming to her head, "And if it's snow you're looking for, Nathan and I have a place up in the Catskills, his agent convinced him to buy it. We hardly ever use it, but...we could all go up there maybe, invite Jake, Tim, everyone, like a reunion. Make things a little more comfortable for you?"
Haley wasn't exactly fond of snow, in fact she would have much preferred the beaches of Miami. But Brooke seemed to want to avoid her home at all costs, and Haley didn't want her going off alone to stay at some mansion her parents kept on reserve.
"I don't know..." Brooke returned uneasily, "Why should I see him, when he obviously doesn't want to see me."
"No," Peyton shook her head, "Haley's right, you guys can meet in the middle. And if he acts like podJake again, I'll help you dispose of the body."
Brooke was starting to waver, and both girls could see it. Haley knew just the thing to push her over the hill, "Besides, you'll love this place. It's really secluded back in the mountains, the view is amazing, and it's really big." Haley smiled knowing size most definitely mattered to Brooke.
Brooke sighed heavily, "I guess I'm in. But uh- not yet okay. I want at least another week of peace before I have to deal with all of this...why don't we just go when Nathan comes back, that way you guys can get away too." Brooke suggested hoping Haley would agree. She knew she should have just gotten it over with, but she was scared.
"Okay," Haley agreed, "I'll tell Nathan next time I talk to him."
Chapter 18
To have you as my guide, as my light
"I don't see the point in all of this shopping," Haley sighed as she followed behind Brooke and Peyton who were flipping through three or four racks of clothing at a time. "We're just going to the mountains, a ski jacket and some sweaters will do I assure you."
"Now remind me why the press think you're so fabulous?" Brooke turned to her with a bemused smile before fingering a plush winter coat and pulling it out to try it on. It had faux fur lining the neck, which seemed to please Brooke greatly, seeing as she was so animal friendly now a days.
"When I figure it out I will let you know." Haley shot back, a heavy black ribbed sweater catching her eye. Brooke nodded approvingly as she pulled it out and then went back to her own search, as Haley inspected it more closely. They were in one of the small downtown boutiques, which meant everything in the place cost a small fortune. She knew it was silly but she hated to spend money on such frivolous things. Benefits she would give you her whole pocket book, but clothing just didn't spark that kind of generosity in her.
"It's cute, you should get it." Peyton observed from behind, as she flipped through the lingerie section. Haley eyed her suspiciously as she pulled out a black silk nighty, barely able to cover an inch of her body.
"Thinking of someone special?" Haley questioned, and Peyton shrugged it off putting it back on the rack, and moving onto to some greenish cargo pants, right up her ally. Haley knew they would be speckled with paint as soon as she wore them.
"So did you arrange everything?" Peyton inquired from beside her. It had been nearly a week since Brooke relented and decided to see Jake up in the mountains. Everyone was being overly cautious with the visit, making sure every little piece fit just right. They didn't want things to get worse for Jake and Brooke, especially now when Brooke certainly did not need the stress.
"Uh-huh," Haley nodded, "I called Tim, and he said they'd be there, and Nathan said he'd meet us up there since he'll be coming from the training center..."
"And Luke?" Peyton prodded gently.
"He said he'd be there...and he said Robin would probably come. I'm sorry Peyt, you know I don't want her there anymore than you do, but I couldn't say no."
Peyton sighed, and placed a smile on her lips, "Not a problem. You just have to help me kill her now, do you think she'd shatter if we pushed her off on of the slopes, I mean the snow would bury her, they would probably never even find her body-"
"As much fun as your homicidal ramblings are, I'd have to decline the offer. I don't plan on spending one second with that woman." Haley flashed a pearly smile before heading over to the cashiers counter with the one item of clothing she was daring to buy.
"How is it that I'm the broke one, and you're the one who refuses to spend money?" Peyton called after her, and Haley just laughed before handing over her credit card, happy to be done with the shopping extravaganza. She knew if Nathan was there she would have been buying out the whole store, he had a thing for clothing, she knew if she let him he would pick out everything she wore, for his enjoyment of course.
After getting the bag back from the sales lady she motioned to Brooke and Peyton that she would be outside, and pulled out her cell phone to dial him. Things had settled between them since they talked freely about the marriage issue, and neither had brought it up since. She was grateful for that, she didn't want to deal with his pity or regret, it just wasn't worth it. She wanted normal back and going to the mountains to help Brooke and Jake, was as much about her and Nathan as it was about them. They needed to reconnect.
"Hello?" His exhausted voice grumbled through the phone, and she bit her lip to stifle a giggle. She could picture his face sweaty, his mouth drawn and tired, his hair a mess, and sticking up all over the place. She swallowed hard, trying to reign in her desire for him.
"Hi." She finally breathed, her voice a bit squeaky from the mental image that had been playing her head. She could already hear the smirk forming on his lips, she knew he missed her too.
"I want you so much." He growled seductively, and this time she couldn't hold in her laughter, as it flowed freely from her mouth, gaining her a few suspicious scowls from onlookers passing her by.
"Good." She finally returned, "How’s training going, are they killing you out there?"
"Definitely," he agreed, "but one of my trainers is really nice, Kelly takes good care of me." He was playing with her, and she knew it, trying to rile her up. And as much as she wished she could stop the insane jealousy from boiling up she couldn't, and he got the reaction he desired.
"Should I pull out her hair now or later?" She bit in a joking manner.
"Well Kelly would be a HE. And he's bald at that so..." He chuckled happy to get her, "I have to get you worked up somehow."
"And here I was going to buy you a present on my little shopping spree, I guess I'll have to rethink that-"
"You went shopping without me?" He feigned hurt, "I hope you're at least trying to enjoy yourself. You know it won't kill you to spend money, we have plenty." He was laughing at her now, knowing her was right about her spending habits. Most times he had to beg her to buy something, and even then she seemed to feel guilty about it. He figured it was her upbringing, she hadn't been wealthy as he was, which meant she took everything she got as a gift. He had to admit most times he took things for granted, everything but her, he knew how lucky he was to have her love.
"I bought a sweater," she defended, "I don't see why I should spend an insane amount of money on things I don't need. I already have ski gear, we bought last winter, why be redundant-"
"Who said anything about ski gear, I was hoping for something with a lot less...material."
"I bet," she laughed lightly, "Peyton does want to go to "Heaven" so maybe I can be persuaded to pick something up for...us there. Now I just have to find a way to convince Brooke to buy something, at this point I don't think Jake is every getting back in her bed."
Nathan sighed, "That bad? I talked to Tim yesterday, he called asking what he should bring out there...he said Jake feels really bad."
"Then why doesn't he call," Haley huffed tired of all the drama, "it just kills me to see her that miserable. She should be happy right now, you know, they just got married, they're having a baby, she's got everything, and it's..." Haley's voice dropped off.
Nathan struggled to regain his voice, hearing her talk about those things with such passion hurt him. He knew she wanted them, but he hadn't really realized how much. "Things will work out," he assured unable to think of anything else to say, "and when I get back we can talk more about...us, you know the wedding-"
"Nathan!" She cut him off with an exasperated sigh, "I don't want to talk about that okay. We made a decision and I really wish you could just drop it. I have enough to deal with, with Brooke and Jake, and now Robin coming up there with us, and Peyton threatening murder, I don't need to deal with this!"
Nathan's jaw clenched in anger, he didn't want to push her, but it had become irritating the way she kept blowing him off. He was trying to do the right thing and make her happy, and she didn't seem to appreciate that at all. "Well we have to deal with THIS," he sniped, "let them deal with their own problems.-"
"That’s really easy for you to say," she returned, not so much angry as she was resigned, "our friends need help, and you know maybe I'm using it as an escape from us, but to tell you the truth Nathan, I don't think I can deal with us right now-"
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing," she sighed, "look we're fine, we resolved everything-"
"No, we didn't," he objected, "you just pretended you were fine with it all, and I can see you aren't. I don't want to make you miserable Haley. In fact the opposite is true, I just want you to be happy-"
"I am happy with you," she assured, "I like our life. And you know maybe sometimes that means I have to make sacrifices, and that’s life. You live your life the way you want, sometimes you have to give things up along the way...if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here. I think you know that."
"You just shouldn't have to give them up...I just need time."
"And I'm giving you that."
"Alright," Nathan nodded realizing she wasn't going to speak of it farther at this point, "I guess I'll see you down there."
"Only 4 more days..." Her voice dropped as she situated herself on a nearby bench, "I know you're trying to make me happy, I know you would do anything for me...that’s enough. Everything else...we'll deal with it when it comes, but for right now, I can wait. I know it's what you need...and I love you, you have me okay?"
"Yeah," he smiled slightly on the other side of the line, "4 days."
Peyton came out of the shop and instantly spotted Haley on the bench, as she got closer she realized something wasn't right. Haley wasn't an overly emotional person the way Brooke was, most of the time she was guarded. But when Peyton looked down on her, she'd never looked more raw or vulnerable.
"Well I'd say it's shoppers remorse, but you hardly bought anything, so...Come on Hales," Peyton pushed as she squeezed in beside her trying to get her attention, "I don't need two emotional females up on that mountain, a pregnant Brooke is all the emotion I can handle...Okay so suddenly you've gone mute...is this charades? Are we playing charades? Should I have taken that sign language course when the weird creepy guy offered? Great now people are looking at me, they think I'm weird, they think I'm crazy. I'm the crazy girl begging the mute girl to talk, thanks for giving me the new reputation Hales, I-"
"Good God Peyton," Haley exclaimed finally turning to face her, "shut up!"
"Wow, so you're not a mute?"
Haley scrunched up her face into an amused scowl, and tried to ignore her pestering friend, but Peyton didn't stop. Instead of talking non stop she began pulling on the sleeve of Haley's shirt like a petulant little child, who wanted ice cream or some other inane treat.
"What? What do you want?" Haley finally relented turning on her with fiery eyes.
Peyton simply smiled back, still unfazed, "I just want to know why you look so unhappy." She stated bluntly, and Haley took in a deep breath obviously trying to avoid the question.
"I'm just worried about Brooke." Haley replied. It wasn't a complete lie, she really was concerned for their friend, but that wasn't the only thing that was plaguing her mind. It was Nathan's insistence on bringing up the marriage issue, she didn't understand why he couldn't just let it go.
"Okay so am I. But that’s not what this, so you can tell me or I'm going to get the highly emotional pregnant lady to come out here and drag it out of you...1...2...-"
"You're worse than a child, in fact you make me never want to have a kid. See problem cured, now can we please..." Haley motioned to the sidewalk to leave.
"Ahh, so things are still rocky with you and Nathan over the baby-marriage combo?"
"I don't want to talk about it. Why does no one get that, all Nathan does is fish around and bug me about it and now you too. Look, I don't need to get married or have kids to be happy, it was just a silly stupid fantasy. I'm fine!" Haley blew out at last, more than irritated. She just wanted to relax and lately that had been impossible. It felt like a huge boulder way laying on her chest and she could hardly breathe, and every time it got a little bit better, someone had to step up and remind her of how absolutely terrible it truly was.
"Sure, you're fine. Nathan doesn't want kids, fine, you don't want kids. Nathan doesn't want to get married, Haley's fine with that too. But you're not, and I can see it, he obviously sees it. You're not happy right now Haley, and closing your eyes and pretending you are isn't going to make it so." Peyton pulled herself off from the bench eyeing Brooke inside the store and turning in her direction, "You might not want to deal with it Hales, but it's still your reality...I'm gonna check on Brooke."
Haley nodded indignantly as Peyton walked back into the store, a cool burst of air hitting her in the face as the door opened. Part of her knew Peyton was right, she had to deal with this now before it got bigger and threatened to really screw up her relationship with Nathan. But the other part of her knew that if she delved into this, if she pushed this, they could lose everything, and she didn't want that. No matter how much a baby, marriage meant to her, Nathan meant more. She just didn't know how to fix this, and she didn't want to deal with any of it until she did. Practicality was always best in her opinion, you develop a plan, and then you follow it. Running off half-cocked and emotional was Brooke's way, not hers.
"I think I bought out the entire store!" Brooke announced proudly, as she shuffled her bags onto Haley and Peyton. It seemed being pregnant prevented Brooke from carrying anything, including her shopping bags.
"I can see." Haley sighed lightly, trying to situate everything in her arms before walking on down to the next shop. Peyton’s favorite "Heaven", Haley had to admit she liked the place as well. It made you feel sexy, you could have been eighty with denture and this place would make you feel sexy. It was most definitely geared towards women, even Nathan who shopped with the best of them didn't like joining her in there. Probably all the half naked men walking around in barely there clothing, funnily that was Haley and Peyton's favorite part.
"Heaven." Peyton stopped before the door, pleased to be there, before turning around to Brooke. "This is what God gave to women."
"I don't need anything in here," Brooke turned her nose up, "can we skip it?"
Before Peyton could protest, Haley did, "I promised Nathan a little gift, it won't take long I promise. And even if you don't like anything for you, the guys are hot...please?"
"Hot guys, Haley, you said the magic word..err...words." Brooke smiled pushing past Peyton into the sexified store. Brooke went straight to the first rack where a salesman was hanging near by, and smirked happily at him as she browsed through some of the more...raunchy outfits the store had to offer.
Peyton drifted to her favorite section where "Damian" worked, or at least that’s what he called himself there. He was supposed to be the devil because he corrupted all these young women, Haley could see the similarities, still he was a little forward for her tastes. She liked the more demure, and decidingly gay Mark's section. He always got her a drink when she came in, on the house of course.
"Anything new in stock?" Peyton purred at the blonde Adonis before her. She had to admit she had a thing for fair-haired boys.
"I think I could find something you'd like." He smirked back at her, stepping in closely before pulling out a lacy purple see-through nighty. Peyton fingered the material, and she shook her head in the negative.
"Lace really isn't my thing...I like something soft."
"How could I forget." He teased.
"Slacking off." She chastised, and he pulled out a barely there navy blue nightie, that tied up the front to keep you nice and secure. Peyton eyed it happily, taking it from him.
"Now this is nice. Thanks." She bit her lip in a seductive manner, and he sent her an appreciative glance before moving on to another customer. Peyton walked away from him slowly letting the view settle before making her way over to Brooke, who already had three or four things in her arms.
"I thought you weren't buying anything." Peyton laughed, and Brooke turned back to her with a smirk.
"This is for my next husband."
"Ahh," Peyton nodded, "or for the one you just might forgive?"
"We'll see." She clipped before yanking something else off the rack with a satisfied smile.
"No Nathan?" Mark commented as he approached Haley a diet cola in hand. She took it thankfully and smiled up at him. Mark had been here the first time she came, and they'd formed a nice rapport, even Nathan had liked him, probably because he didn't exactly pose a threat. Nathan on the other hand hated the devil boy as he referred to him.
"Out of town. Peyton and I brought our friend," Haley searched around and pointed Brooke out across the way, "Brooke."
"Are all your friends this pretty?"
"Oh yes I only cavort with beautiful people..." they laughed a moment, "thanks for the drink."
"We got a new line in I think you might like."
"You know me well." Haley smiled following him to a row of finely crafted silk nightgowns. She wasn't into the "dominatrix" look, she much preferred the comfortable and sexy look. Mark smiled kindly before heading off to help another customer as Haley looked around. She stopped on a floor length white silk negligee, that dipped down in the back, and nearly as far in the front. It was perfect.
"Are you ready," Peyton came up behind her, "if we don't get out of here soon, Brooke is going to send her family into bankruptcy."
"I'm ready." Haley agreed.
Chapter 19
I was dreaming in a world of my own
Haley navigated the steep mountain roads carefully, as Peyton relaxed back in the seat beside her listening to her headphones, while Brooke lounged in the back flipping through a baby book Peyton had purchased for her that morning. The farther away they got from the city, the more serene things became. The snow topped the trees, like glitter lighting everything up. Haley had to admit she'd never seen anything more beautiful.
"What do you think of Christof for a boy?" Brooke throughout as she leafed through the pages disinterestedly. It was clear baby names weren't her biggest priority at the moment, and Haley knew why.
"Too European." Peyton piped in and Brooke nodded in agreement while continuing to flip through. Haley had seen her flip through the entire book at least five times already during their trip, like she expected something new to jump out at her.
"So the guys should already be there when we get there, right?" Brooke questioned finally closing the book for good and leaning into the heat. The farther up the mountain they got, the more chilled she got, and sitting in the back where there was no direct heat wasn't helping.
"Yeah," Haley nodded, "I told Tim where the spare key was hidden. Nathan should be up late tonight, and Robin and Luke are coming tomorrow." Haley explained, although she was sure she'd already told Brooke the plan at least twice.
"Oh right." Brooke nodded nervously, "How much longer did you say?"
"Thirty minutes." Haley replied kindly.
"Right." Brooke fidgeted more.
"Everything will be fine," Haley assured, "I promise. You guys will work this out somehow. Just sit back and relax, you don't need to be stressing right now."
"I know," Brooke smiled as she pulled her seat belt a little tighter as Haley drove around another narrow curve. "God I could never drive up here, these roads are insane."
"It's secluded," Haley explained, "that’s what we wanted. I think Brian found us the loneliest house on this mountain. But it's worth it, this place is like an oasis, you'll love it, I promise."
"Hey Hales," Brooke leaned forward again, "thanks for doing this. I know you're life is busy right now-"
"Family comes first," Haley broke in, "and you're family. Besides I'm doing this for my little God-baby remember, my first gift to the kid, keeping it's parents together."
"You know if you don't pick something horrendous, you can name the baby...well maybe I'll give you like two choices and you can pick...or something." Brooke finished with a smile, and Haley laughed lightly.
"So I guess Myrtle is out?"
"I would kill you first." Brooke flashed her bright white teeth in a clenched smile.
Forty five minutes later do to heavy snow fall they finally arrived at the house. All three girls jumped out of the car as fast as they could, a little shaken from the bumpy ride, and happy to be on solid, albeit nearly frozen ground.
"There's a creek around back, with this little footbridge going across," Haley began to explain as she popped the trunk so they could get their luggage, "in the summer we usually have a picnic on it, the view is amazing. When the snow stops I'll take you guys down, we can explore some-"
"You guys can explore," Brooke waved her off, "I'll sit by the nice warm fire. I don't go out into the snow unless there is a cute ski instructor there to guide me. And although you're cute Haley, you lack one very important thing-"
"And what is that?" Haley laughed.
"The Y chromosome." Brooke smiled cheekily, as she motioned for Peyton to grab her bag along with hers. Peyton shook her head, but did as she was asked. "You know I hate being so helpless, but I have to think of the little one." Brooke patted her tummy.
"Oh I'm sure." Peyton through back sarcastically before dropping Brooke's second bag in front of Haley to carry. Dutifully both girls brought Brooke's luggage along with their own up to the door, while Brooke trailed behind contently.
Peyton kicked at the bottom of the door for the guys to open it, and then waited impatiently until the heard shuffling feat come towards them. The door opened revealing a bathing suit clad Tim, and a billow of hot air. Brooke pushed passed all of them gravitating towards the heat, while Peyton and Haley dropped the bags at the bottom of the stairs before following Brooke to the fireplace.
"Hello to you to ladies." Tim welcomed them with dry enthusiasm, as he followed behind them to the roaring fire. He and Jake had arrived two hours earlier and found the place already perfectly manicured for their trip. It seemed the had a gatekeeper or something, yet Tim had yet to spot him.
"I already love this place." Peyton cooed as warmth returned to her body. Brooke nodded in agreement shedding her heavy winter coat to reveal a barely there top, showing off her protruding belly.
"So that’s baby BJ huh?" Tim smiled down at her, obviously in awe of her current status as expectant mommy. Haley could see Tim wasn't far off from wanting to be a daddy himself, and she knew he would be a good one, goofy but loving.
"Baby what?" Brooke snapped, not happy with the asinine nick name.
"BJ, Brooke and Jake," Tim explained like it was the easiest thing in the world. He brushed off Brooke's obvious glare and continued, "Hey if it's a boy do you think you could name it TJ, like Tim Junior-"
"You're so witty Tim, how did I miss this little personality quirk of yours?" Brooke bit out at him, not at all pleased by his joking manner. Haley could tell the moment Tim said Jake's name, Brooke's entire body tensed. It seemed she was gearing up for quite the fight, Haley almost felt bad for Jake. "So where is that dumbass I married? Huh? Knocking some other poor innocent girl up?"
Tim flinched at her anger, he knew from what Haley had told him she was mad, but Brooke seemed downright furious and he knew from experience that was never a good thing. "He's in the hot tub we thought we'd try it out. This place is amazing by the way Hales, and Nathan called and left a message for you."
Haley nodded kindly, "Have you guys checked outside yet?" She had to admit although the house was amazing, her favorite part of the place was the landscape, it could just lull you into this perfect peace.
"Too much snow, we decided to stay in. Hence the hot tub, a Nathan addition I'm sure." Tim smirked knowing his friends taste for luxurious items.
"Of course," Haley affirmed, "there's even a home theater."
"And here I thought we'd be roughing it out here," Peyton snarked, "I guess I forgot who owned this place. Nathan would die without the amenities."
"I'm going up to take a nap," Haley announced not willing to get into a sparring match over Nathan and Peyton, she'd learned so long ago to just let those two go. "My suggestion is to find a room and settle in, and then we can cook in for dinner, I had Henry stock the place before we got here-"
"Where is the mysterious gatekeeper?" Tim questioned as Haley made her way up the stairs.
"Home with his family I would assume," Haley returned, "he just keeps the place up for us, he doesn't live here." She explained and then disappeared down the long haul leaving the other three downstairs by the fire.
"If you want to be alone with Jake, I can skip the hot tub." Tim offered, knowing his friends needed to talk as soon as possible. He'd been working on Jake for the past two weeks, trying to talk some kind of sense into him, but Jake was as stubborn as his wife.
"If Jake asks- and I doubt he will- but if he does," Brooke snapped, "I will be taking a nap, God help him if he tries to bother me while I'm sleeping." Brooke turned on her heel quickly and followed the same path Haley had taken up the stairs.
"Hot tub?" Tim turned to Peyton hopefully, he loved Jake, but he was tired of his company quite frankly. All he did was whine and moan about Brooke, and how bad he felt, and how he had no idea what to do. Tim tried to tell him, but no- needless to say he needed a change of companion, and Peyton was his last chance.
"Sure," Peyton agreed, "I'm sure Haley has a suit here I could borrow, she didn't mention anything about a hot tub so, I'm not quite- I'll be there in sec." Peyton grabbed her suitcase, along with Brooke and began lugging them up the stairs before turning back to Tim.
"Where is the hot tub?"
"I'll wait for you here," he laughed, "this place is pretty big."
"No kidding." She agreed with a shake of her head.
Haley pulled off her shoes, and laid them on them at a heap by the door, they were soggy from the snow. She then preceded to discard her jacket, and shimmied out of her pants, while she rummaged through a nearby drawer and pulled out one of Nathan's old shirts to throw on. She climbed onto the large bed and buried herself beneath the comforter, before grabbing the phone, and letting the answering machine play.
Nathan's voice came through, "The plane should be on time, so I'll rent a car and then drive out tonight...I love you, I miss you. Don't wait up, I don't want you grumpy tomorrow...alright, talk to you later."
Haley smiled as she let his voice wash over her. She couldn't believe she'd be seeing him in less than 24 hours, this last training excursion felt like forever. All she wanted to do was snuggle into him and wake up in his arms like she always did. God she craved their normal existence more than anything at this point.
Brooke opened the first door she came too, inspected it for a moment and then claimed it as her own. She didn't feel like scouring the place top to bottom like she usually would, she ran the chance of running into Jake if she did, and that wasn't something she could handle yet. She still felt so...hurt by him. It was the one thing that had never existed between them before, and now it had like consumed them.
She knew she'd over-reacted when she just up and left. But she was scared, she was scared he would come back and his second reaction would be worse than the first and she couldn’t' handle that. Him not calling her, checking on her or anything, had really driven that fear home. What if he really didn't want this baby, what if he expected her to give it up. She couldn't do that, she wouldn't do that even for him. But she didn't want to lose him, for the first time in her life she was in love, and it felt so right, so comfortable.
Now things just felt so uncertain, she didn't feel safe anymore and she hated it. Above all things Jake had given her, even above love, he'd given her a sense of safety. Like she could just be Brooke, raw and uncensored, and nothing would change. He wouldn't run off to Europe with his secretary of the week like her father, and he wouldn't retreat into frivolous things like her mother, he'd just be there with her. He'd hold her hand and tell her everything was okay, and she'd believe him. Now it felt like that was all some dream, some stupid little dream she'd created, and he'd broken when he'd looked at her the way he did. When he hadn't come after her like she expected. She felt hollow for some reason, not even the little life growing inside her could fill the space.
Peyton snuck into Haley's room to find her already peacefully asleep. Instead of waking her she dug through her drawers, knowing Haley wouldn't care, she just stayed clear of Nathan's because Nathan would care. Finally she found a simple black two piece bathing suit, and took off with it to change. Ten minutes later and she came back to down to Tim who showed her to the hot tub where Jake was lounging about, although he looked anything but peaceful. In fact Peyton was pretty sure she'd never seen him look more miserable in his life.
"Hey." She greeted him with a short nod, unsure of how she should treat him. She was so angry with him for the way he had played this thing with Brooke, but she could see he regretted it more than anything.
"Hi." He tried to smile up at her, but it didn't reach his eyes and both of them knew it. Since he'd left that room, since he'd walked away from Brooke, nothing in his life had made sense. She was it for him, and he'd hurt her, and he'd screwed it up and he had no idea where to go from here.
"Well this is awkward." Tim stated the obvious.
Peyton and Jake both looked away, trying not to focus on the truth of the statement. Before this whole fiasco they had been friends, they'd all been friends, and now neither really knew what they were. It felt like they were on different sides and it sucked.
"I'm gonna go get a beer, you guys want anything?" Tim questioned as he headed back inside, both Peyton and Jake shook their heads as Tim disappeared.
"I don't really know what to say to you," Peyton admitted, "what you did really sucks Jake."
"I know," he agreed, "it just took me by surprise, I didn't know what to say. You know I went down to the bar, and I ordered a drink I just stared at it because it wasn't where I wanted to be...I want to be with her, you know that."
"Yeah, I used to think I knew that. But you screwed up," Peyton blew out exasperated, "you walked out on your pregnant wife...she doesn't trust you now Jake."
"I want to fix it-"
"I hope you can," Peyton sighed, "God I hope you can. But you better get your ass in action. Because that girl up in that room, your wife, she's worth so much more than you've given her...you know that. Come on, you know that."
Jake nodded silently as Tim slipped back in with a drink.
"So anybody up for some snowboarding tomorrow? Nathan has some awesome boards out back..."
"Sounds fun." Peyton nodded, her thoughts still heavy with Brooke and Jake worries. She knew how screwed up things could get in a relationship, she'd lived it with Luke. And to this day it made her sad, it hurt her, she didn't want that for Brooke or Jake.
Suddenly the door slid open again and all three heads shot over to see who it was.
"Hi." Brooke eyed her husband unsure of what she should do or say next. It took everything she had in her to get down there, to actually make the first move. After that she hadn't thought, and now she was starting to regret it. He was just looking at her again, the way he had looked at her that night, like she was a stranger to him.
He remained silent, and tears sprung to her eyes again, she turned on her heel ready to run out when suddenly, he called out to her, his voice desperate and sad, and for some reason even then she couldn't refuse him.
"Brooke..."
"We'll leave you guys alone," Tim shot up and Peyton began to follow, but Brooke reached out to her grabbing her hand and holding in place.
"Don't leave me alone." Brooke begged softly, but Peyton removed her hand, with a kind smile letting her know she had to do this one alone.
"Brooke-" Jake began again.
"I guess it's about time you said something." She snarked back, her anger rising by the minute.
"I know." He agreed.
