The Ones Left Behind

By Brynne

Chapter Five – Goodbye Yellowbrick Road

‘Maybe you’ll get a replacement,

there’s plenty like me to be found…’ ~ Elton John

~May, 2007~

It’s a gorgeous day. It’s sunny and bright, and it is perfect for tank tops and short shorts. I love it. It is also the day of my first non-Nathan date ever. I caved and decided that it’d be cool if I went out with Jason.

I don’t know what possesses me sometimes.

There is just no way I foresee this ending well. Number one, he is Tim’s cousin. Tim has become one of my best friends. What happens if Jason and I end up hating each other? That’s a shitty position to stick Tim in. Number two, I’m not ready to date yet. Oh, I know I need to get my ass out there again, but I’m just not feeling it. It’s easier this way, which I know is such a slacker attitude. And number three, part of the reason I’m going ahead with this is that I know Nathan is dating. Not only is Nathan dating, but he’s been dating the same girl for two consecutive months. Obviously that is the worst reason of them all – sticking it to the ex.

Still, knowing all that, I’m doing it. For all the wrong reasons, although I did genuinely think he’s a great guy; a cute guy, too. It’s not really about that, though. Any of the issues I have with dating him are issues with myself, not him. Maybe they’re stupid, maybe they’re wrong, but they just are. And I don’t know how to resolve them.

Tim and I are jogging right now. He’s harassed me into it, so every morning at 7 AM we are up and jogging through the quiet streets of Tree Hill. He’s actually the one who really pushed that I call Jason and ask him out; he seems to think we’d go really great together, and he might be right. We might be really compatible. The only problem is that I can’t promise I’ll let myself be compatible with anyone else.

“Where you two crazy kids going tonight for your date?” Tim huffs out.

“I don’t know, Jason said it’d be a surprise. I’m sure it’ll be fine no matter what it is, though,” I smile.

“He’s a really good guy, James, and I don’t only say that because he’s my cousin either.” He wipes sweat off his forehead. “I know it’s still hard for you, I mean with Nate and all, but don’t write Jase off because of that.”

I slug him in the shoulder. “I’ll try not to. I can’t make any promises, Tim, and I hope you don’t hold it against me if this doesn’t work out. All I can do is try.”

He stops running, and I stop, too, turning to look at him. “Hey, whatever happens happens. It’s not going to be the end of the world one way or another. Besides, he knows about Nathan, right?” I nod, hands on my head trying to catch my breath. “So, he’s forewarned. That’s something.”

“Maybe this won’t be as bad as I figured then,” I smile.

“I should hope not. Look, at least let yourself have fun. I’d bet you good money that whatever he has planned for you tonight will be fun, so at least promise me you’ll be willing to try having fun, okay?”

I laugh, holding out my pinky, which he links with mine. “Pinky swear,” I smile, “That is one promise I can make. Besides, Jason is so nice and easy to talk to, I’d have to be a complete ass not to.”

He starts jogging again, grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him. “Come on, we’ve got a little more exercise to get in.” I make a face at him. “Don’t be a baby,” he says, laughing at me, “Suck it up, James!”

~*~

“’Kay, Tutor Girl, how hot do you want to look tonight?”

There’s a scale? “Um, I don’t really know, Tigger. Haven’t thought about it much.” Which isn’t true, of course I’ve thought about it. There aren’t many girls I know that don’t think about how they look on a fairly regular basis.

Brooke ain’t buying it either. “Pfft, whatever. Where are you going? That’ll help me decide what you’ll wear,” she says, looking through her closet. She’s decided that her wardrobe is more date suitable than mine, and I’m more than happy to let her dress me.

“He won’t tell me,” I tell her, furrowing my brow, trying to decide how I feel about the shirts she is holding up. “I guess he wants it to be a surprise or something.”

She smirks. “That’s strangely sweet. I think.”

I laugh, “Well, I think it is sweet. And I never said he was anything but a nice guy. It just feels like this is too soon or something.”

She looks at me plaintively. “Tutor Girl, it’s been 9 months since you and Nathan officially broke up. Now, I know you’ve both had these really strange issues with letting go, but come on. You need to realize that dating someone else isn’t a bad thing.”

”Tigger, he’s the only guy I’ve ever dated. Seeing someone else is really hard for the first time.”

“That’s your problem. Being with Nathan is too easy, too comfortable. There was nothing challenging about it, nothing remotely interesting. It was just simple and uncomplicated and fun.”

If only she knew. I sigh, “It wasn’t like that. I don’t know, maybe since he was my first love – my only love – it isn’t so easy to let go.”

“So? That doesn’t make it an excuse to hang on, which is exactly what you’re using it as,” she points out.

I know she’s right, but it is still irritating to hear. “Whatever,” I mutter, not thrilled with this topic of conversation, “This is pointless, Brooke. Seriously, what good is torturing myself with this discussion?”

“Hello? The torture you’re inflicting on yourself is that you won’t move on. That’s what is causing you pain!”

I sigh, defeated. She’s right and there isn’t anything I can say to disprove that. Every single thing she has said is truthful and full of common sense. A little disconcerting that it is coming from Brooke, those things.

“Okay, you’re right. I’m doing the right thing by going out with Jason. He’s a nice guy, and by all indications we’ll have fun together.”

“Could you at least say that shit with a teeny, tiny bit of enthusiasm? You’re acting like you’re going to a gassing, not on a date.”

I roll my eyes at her exaggeration. “Come on, I’m not acting that bad about it, am I? Really?”

“Yes, really!” she exclaims, “You totally are! Geez, you’ve practically written this date off as pointless already, not even open to the possibility that it could be great! And, oh, I don’t know, you just need to get over yourself.”

I sigh, laughing a little ruefully. “I don’t think it’s me that I need to get over,” I point out, thinking of Nathan.

“Yes, it is,” she returns point blank. “YOU are the one who won’t even let you have fun. YOU are the one that won’t admit that moving on isn’t just something you can tell Nathan to do. YOU are the one that tells yourself that you don’t mind being alone, even though you’re lying. All you, Tutor Girl.”

I shrug. “Given this a lot of thought, have you?”

“Nah, not especially. It’s not really brain surgery to figure this stuff out. And look, if you feel guilty about Nathan or something, dude, move on. He’s dating, right? The same girl for the past couple of months?”

“Yeah, her name is Miranda,” I say, trying to keep my voice devoid of emotion. I think I hate Miranda, although I obviously do not know her.

“Right. Anyways, that goes beyond dating. They’re like, a couple, Tutor Girl. So, why shouldn’t you date a hot guy who has been bugging his cousin to hook you up for the past four months?”

I can’t think of any good reasons, honestly. Hell, I can’t even think of any bad ones, for that matter. There is no reason for me to not want this date. None. “Okay,” I surrender, “You’re right.”

She blinks in surprise. “I’m right? Really?”

“Yes,” I laugh, “You’re right. So do your magic, make me look all cute for the date. Not slutty, just cute!”

“Hmm, that could take some work,” she jokes, heading back towards her closet. “I guess you don’t want to wear a skirt if you don’t know where you’re going, right?”

“Yeah, probably not a good idea,” I smile, “Who in the hell knows what he has planned? I mean, we could be going bowling or something, and a skirt wouldn’t fly so well with that.”

She crinkles her nose up, “Actually I think it would fly very well. Too well, obviously. But seriously, I hope he isn’t taking you bowling. That’s so – boy-like, I guess.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s not what he’s got planned. It couldn’t be, right?” I, Haley James, am the world’s worst bowler, and can think of nothing worse to do on a date than get humiliated by the continual tossing of gutter balls.

“Scared of a little bowling?” she asks with a smirk, “Because that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Actually, if I’d known how anti-bowling you are, I’d have called Jason myself and suggested it!”

“Some friend you are,” I grumble, “Wanting to exploit my inner turmoil for a good laugh. Tim’s right, you are evil!”

She giggles. “You’re a freak. And for the record, I am a wonderful friend. You should be praising me, not whining at me!”

I cock my head to the side, regarding her. “You know, you really are a great friend, Tigger. A year ago? I never would have imagined it, but you’ve been great. I’m really glad I got to know you.”

She blushes, ducking her head. She looks back up, crying unabashedly. “Thank you. You have no idea how important it is to me that you said that.” She launches herself into my arms. “I love you; you’re the best friend I ever had,” she sobs.

I hug her tight. “Brooke, I love you, too. I meant every word I said – you’re a great friend, and you’re extremely important to me.”

She pulls back to look at me. “You know I haven’t had many friends. It sucked, but I never cared that much when I cycled through them. I just want you to know that if I lost your friendship, I’d really hate that.”

“Well, that’s the thing, you won’t. There is no reason why you should or would. Friendship doesn’t just go away.”

She sniffs. “I know, but what if something happens? Like what happened with Peyton and I?”

“Brooke, stay away from Nathan, and we’ll be fine,” I joke, not entirely sure what she means. “Besides, my thing with Peyton? Well, she’s sick, and she needs help that I can’t give her. And we can’t be friends in the meantime – she doesn’t want that.”

“I know,” she sighs, “It’s just weird. And I’ve never been good at maintaining healthy relationships, you know?”

I smile. “We’ll figure it out. We’re doing a great job so far, don’t you think?” She nods. “Okay, then, we’ll just stick with what works.”

She grins at me. “I can do that. I think. I make no promises, but I think I can do this.” We laugh together.

“You can. All three of us can,” I say, including Tim.

“Yeah, we can. Okay, mushy stuff is done for now. We have to get to work on your hair!” She picks up the curling iron and goes to work.

~*~

Jason and I are meeting in a small town – even smaller than Tree Hill, actually – about halfway between us and going from there. I pull into the parking lot of the church we’re meeting at, and spot him immediately, standing beside his car.

“Hey,” I call after I roll down the window, turning off the car, “How are you?”

He grins, walking over. “Hey yourself! It’s good to see you again.”

I step out of the car, reflexively hugging him back when he leans down, arms outstretched. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“You ready to go?” he asks.

“Sure, let me just grab my purse and lock my car. Unless you wanted me to drive, of course,” I smile.

“Hey, I think your car is nicer than mine, but nah, I’ll drive. Hey, I’m the one who has been requesting this date for the last, oh, three months, right?” he laughs with a wink.

“Yeah, well, is it okay if I tell you I’m glad you kept asking and harassing Tim? Because I am,” I tell him, surprising myself a little by meaning it.

“Oh, good, I was afraid I was coming off a little stalkerish or something. I don’t think I’ve ever been so persistent about something. At least not since I was five and I really wanted my mom to give me candy and I’d keep asking until she gave in. I suppose it is good to see it still works!”

I laugh. “Why don’t we chalk it up to charm rather than any stalker sensibilities you may or may not have?”

He blushes a little, “Yeah, let’s do that.”

We get to his car, and he opens the door for me, which is sweet. Totally unnecessary, of course, but still sweet.

“So you going to tell me now where we’re going?” I ask as he settles into his seat.

He smiles. “Well, not especially, but it might be a good idea.”

“Huh, and why is that? Oh, God, if you’re taking me to like, the Reptile House or something, I will flip. I don’t do snakes and shit like that,” I tell him, having fun kidding around with him.

“Damn. Okay, I guess we’ll move on to Option B, in that case,” he sighs, playing along, “Okay, this one might need approval, too.” He pretends to think hard about it, causing me to giggle a little.

“So, Option B sounds scary, too? Okay, well, as long as it isn’t cliff diving, again, we’re cool. Because that whole jumping and sliding and getting nasty and messy thing? Not so good when you’re wearing shorts!” I joke.

“Well, so that’s out,” he smiles, “Why don’t you just tell me where you want us to go, and then I’ll take you there.”

“Oh, no, I like surprises,” I inform him, “And I also like giving dates a bad time, too. See, I’m having double fun right now.”

He laughs. “Well, that’s all I wanted – you to have fun.”

I look at him sideways. “So, you don’t care if you have fun or not? Because I bet it wouldn’t be too hard to come up with ways to make this terribly not fun for you,” I smirk, ruining the saber wit effect by letting out a giggle.

“Yeah, yeah, well, you just buckle your seatbelt, and tough out whatever gross, manly thing I have planned, okay?”

I laugh, “Yeah, okay.”

We talk about the school year being almost over and our plans for the summer. He’ll actually be even closer to Tree Hill since he’s going back to his dad’s house, so if this works out, we could be seeing a lot of each other.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asks, looking at me cautiously. I know immediately what he wants to ask.

“Sure, of course,” I smile.

“Okay, just tell me if this is none of my business. No, I know it is none of my business right now,” he smiles, “But tell me if I’ve crossed lines I shouldn’t have, okay?” I nod. “Okay, I was just wondering what happened with you and your ex-boyfriend. I remember when we talked at that party; it seemed like there was still something there. You didn’t say that, but the way you sounded when you talked about him, I could tell.”

I sigh, smiling softly as I look down at my hands which are folded in my lap. “Yeah, I guess a lot has changed since. No, that’s not true. Everything changed last September, when the only four friends I really had moved away for college. That’s when I became friends with Brooke and Tim. It honestly wasn’t out of some great desire to get to know them better or anything, it was out of necessity. And Brooke harassing me, and then Tim harassing the both of us,” I say, causing him to smile, “Eventually it just became a really great friendship between the three of us.”

“I could tell how close you guys were at the party. I wasn’t sure if you guys realized it, but it was pretty obvious then, even.”

“Yeah. We’re a weird little threesome, but it definitely works,” I laugh. “Anyways, I guess somewhere along the line, it just became obvious that I can’t sit around missing the boyfriend I broke up with. There was no point to it. I’m not gonna lie, of course, it was hard. Hell, it IS hard. But it’s good, too.”

He glances sideways at me, keeping his eyes on the road. “You know, if it is still too soon, I’ll understand. I don’t want you to feel pressured into being here, whether it was by myself or Tim.”

I reach over and place my hand on top of his. “I don’t. I’m a little nervous,” I admit, “I’ve never dated anyone aside from Nathan, so this is a first for me. But I want to be here for myself.”

He looks over and grins at me. “Well, fair enough.”

I’ve been so wrapped up in our conversation that it just now registers with me that he pulled into a parking lot a few minutes ago, and that he turned the car off. “Are we here?” I ask in surprise.

He laughs at my question. “Why, as a matter of fact, we are here. Want to know where ‘here’ is?”

I unbuckle my seat belt, looking around. I gasp when I realize where we are, and break into a grin. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God!” I clap my hands together. “I haven’t been here since I was fifteen! My best friend’s mom used to take us here all the time!”

He laughs. “So, why haven’t you been back since then?”

“I don’t know. Life happened, I guess. Lucas and I made friends beside each other,” I laugh, “And he joined the high school basketball team, and I started dating Nathan not too long after that. Even Karen, his mom, got too busy to take us or come with us.”

“Ah, gotcha. I remember when that happened with me and my friends,” he sighs, “You just grow up after awhile, I guess. So, anyways, you ready?”

“I am definitely ready!” We jump out of the car and walk through the parking lot to the little store that is the first stop on our way to our final destination.

Windy’s Kite Shop is one of the most popular kite shops on the coast. I doubt there is a single person I know that hasn’t been here at least once. Jason and I walk in, browsing through the kites. He picks out one with the Superman logo, and I choose one that is striped in bright colors with black polka dots all over it.

I refuse to let him pay for mine, and he does the same, so we finally compromise by buying each other’s kite.

“Okay, we have to stop back at the car really quick,” he smiles, “I know kite flying is fun, but we need some food and drink, too.”

He grabs a cooler out of the trunk, and he carries it while I carry our kites down through the dunes to the beach. It’s beautiful tonight, and there is enough of a breeze that flying the kites will be, well, a breeze.

“Eat first or should we get the kites up?” he asks.

“Kites!” I chirp, suddenly excited to take my shoes off and run around on the beach. He laughs at my enthusiasm.

“Okay, kites it is,” he agrees, setting down the cooler. I put the blanket on top of it, and toss him his kite to set up.

“Wow, is it just me or were these things a lot easier to put together when we were little?” I ask him, getting frustrated with my string after a few minutes of wrestling with it in silence.

He laughs. “Way easier back then.” He holds up his hand with the kite string tangled around it as proof.

We finally get them untangled, and then kick our shoes off and get them up in the air. Jason shows me some of those fancy kite tricks, and I don’t tell him that Lucas taught me them when we were nine. It’s fun, and once we tire of the kites, we walk through the water awhile before heading back to the blanket to eat. We talk then, and it’s comfortable; never stilted or filled with uncomfortable silences.

He takes me back to my car, and before I get out of his, I make plans with him to see him again. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship; which thankfully he knows, but there is no good reason not to see him again. He’s funny and sweet and cute and smart, so I’d be crazy to write him off because I’m still hung up on an ex.

All in all, it was a great night. I didn’t think about Nathan at all after our talk in the car until he was driving me back to my car.

Funny how he’s all I can think of now.

~*~

“Lucas, you can’t seriously expect me to drop everything for you, can you?” I ask, feeling a little irritated.

“Well, Haley, it’s not like I ask all that much of you these days. You know, considering I only see you once every three months or so.”

“Luke! You call me from the airport asking for a ride! You could’ve pre-planned this ride any time after you bought your plane ticket! But no, you figure it’s better to wait until you actually get to the damned airport!” I rant, “And call me THEN, asking for a ride. No, not asking, expecting. Jesus, Luke!”

I pause to take a breath, fully prepared to continue on with my rant when someone taps me on the shoulder, causing me to spin around in shock. I gasp when I see him standing there.

“Luke! You asshole!”

He just cracks up at my expense, laughing even harder when he sees the angry expression on my face. “Oh, God, Hales, I’m sorry, but this is too funny. You get so worked up about such little things that I just had to have a little fun with you.” He grins at me. “Aren’t you at least happy to see me?”

I stare at him a minute before snapping out of it and jumping into his arms, throwing my arms around his neck. “God, I’ve missed you! I know it’s only been a month and a half since Eric was born, but still.”

He hugs me tight. “I missed you, too, Hales. Speaking of my little brother, why aren’t you over there now keeping an eye on him?”

I roll my eyes at him. “You’re ridiculous. Besides, I think your mom and Keith have that more than under control. Oh, Luke, you are going to love seeing Keith with him. It is truly the sweetest thing you’ll ever see.”

“Yeah?” he grins, “I knew he’d be a good dad. I mean, he was a good one to me in a lot of ways.”

“I know. So, you want a ride over there to drop your bags off?” I ask, gesturing to the pile of crap he left lying in the doorway.

“Uh, actually, no, I’m not going to stay there. My mom turned my room into a nursery, which is fine, but spending the time on the couch isn’t really high on my list of things I’d like to do for a week.”

“Oh, you planning on staying here then? Cool, let’s move your stuff up to the ‘guest room’.”

He smiles again. “Thanks for the offer, Hales, but I’ve already accepted Deb and Dan’s offer to stay there. I know it isn’t the most expected thing in the world, but Dan and I have been talking a lot, and you know they came up for a couple of games. And when Deb suggested this, Dan and I both agreed it’d be a great opportunity to get to know each other better.”

I stare at him, resisting the urge to bring my hand to my face to check if my mouth is hanging open. “Since when did you lose the bitterness this much?”

He shrugs, not offended by my question. “Dunno. All that I really know now is that it doesn’t matter. What difference does all that crap make now if both Dan and I are willing to make the effort, right?”

“Wow, that is very mature, Mr. Scott!” I tell him, impressed, “So, maybe I do the honor of being your chauffer over to Deb and Dan’s this afternoon?”

“Only if we can swing by Mom’s to see Eric first,” he bargains, knowing already that I adore that baby and don’t need a reason or an excuse to want to see him. “Oh, and Deb and Dan would like it if you stayed for dinner. I told them I’d invite you and only let you off the hook if you had legitimate plans.”

“That sounds good. I’m meeting Brooke and Tim tonight, but Brooke works until ten-thirty, so I’m probably free until eleven. And you know I’d love to stop by and see Karen and Eric.”

“Good. It’s not that I’m scared or anything, but it’d be nice to have a buffer there for the first part of my week at Dan’s, you know?”

I smile at him, understanding. “Yeah, I know. And I’m happy I can be here for you,” I tell him, seriously. I really miss Lucas and the comforts of having him here on a daily basis. I hate when he calls up, upset about something or other, and being unable to do something about it. As much as I love Brooke and Tim, I still miss Lucas.

“So, um, can we go now?” he asks, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Anxious to see your baby brother?” I ask him, smiling.

“Oh, you know, I really am. I thought one was enough,” he jokes, “Hell, for the longest time, he was way too much.” I laugh with him. “But now, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve been away so much for school, but family just seems really important.”

“Which is why it’s so nice that you and Dan have gotten to the point you have,” I say, understanding.

“Yeah, it is. Now, if Mom and Keith would just get married or at least move in together, we’d be doing really good,” he laughs.

“I have no doubt it’ll happen eventually,” I tell him, taking his hand and squeezing it. “Now, come on, let’s get your stuff in my car.”

We toss his bags in the trunk, and jump in the car. He talks me into letting him drive, and he whines about how unfair it is that I have a pretty little sports car and he’s got nothing at the moment. Even though he wasn’t here so long ago, he’s excited to be back, and as we pass the high school and some other places, he slows down to point them out.

“Lucas, I can see them,” I tell him, sounding grumpy, “I have eyes, you know. And I see these places every day.”

“Aww,” he laughs, “I’m sorry. I’m just excited to be home again. If it makes you feel better, I’m most excited to see you. Even more than the school.”

“You’re a big liar, Lucas Scott,” I grin, “We both know that a certain younger brother is your main reason for visiting, and there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise.”

“Well, he is pretty important, too,” he admits, “But it is always great to see you. I miss having you around, annoying me, day in and day out.” I slug him on the arm. “Ow! Geez, Hales, you don’t have to get physical.”

“Yes, I do, you brat! So, anyways, I’m going to change the subject before your big mouth gets you in even more trouble,” I warn him with a laugh, “How was the end of the school year? Any hot dates?”

He grins. “Finals went well, I probably have a 3.3 or 3.4, which is decent. And I’ve kinda been seeing this girl, her name is Kirsten. She’s like – God, this is going to sound pathetic, I’m afraid, but she’s kind of a cross between Peyton and Brooke.”

I stare at him. “I hope the parts of Peyton she has are the artistic, alternative sides, not the mental illness side.”

He makes a gurgling sound, like he’s trying to choke back his laughter. “God, that’s not funny.”

“Well, I know it isn’t funny, but I guess I’m just at this point where if I don’t joke about it – well, I don’t know, it’s just easier to think of it in slightly joke-y terms rather than as reality, you know?”

He nods. “Yeah, I know. So, you surprised or freaked that she’s kind of a cross between the two?”

I think about it for a minute before shrugging. “I don’t know, Luke. Maybe it’s kind of weird – wait, does she look like one of them?”

“Oh, no. She’s Asian-American.”

“Well, if she looked like one of them, that would be way weirder. And I might have to have you checked out or something. I don’t know, I don’t really see a problem.”

“Thanks, Hales,” he says, quietly, “I was afraid I was trying to recapture the glory of high school.”

“No offense, but your whole mess with Peyton and Brooke wasn’t so much glory as it was a debacle. You might do well to remember it as such, you know?”

He laughs. “God, but that was such a mess. Think we’ve grown up appropriately yet?”

“I have,” I tell him smugly, “But you as always have a way to go.”

He pulls my car into a spot in front of the café, and we jump out. “You’re a brat, Haley James, but you’re the best brat I’ve ever known.”

“Why, Lucas Scott, I do think you might make me cry!” I grin, grabbing his arm and dragging him across the street.

The bell on the door chimes as we walk through, and Karen looks up from behind the counter, gasping. She drops her towel and runs towards Lucas, pulling him into a hug. I watch them with a smile before moving behind the counter to take Eric out of his bassinet and coo at him before Luke gets the chance to take him away.

“That’s your big brother,” I tell the infant I see nearly every day, “He loves you very much. And even though he’s a big dork, he’s still pretty tough. He’ll be there whenever you need him.”

“Hales,” Luke whines, “I’m not a dork!”

I pass Eric off to him and move to stand by Karen. “Oh, I wish I had my camera,” she sighs, “But I suppose there will be plenty of time for that over the next week. I can’t believe Luke pulled a surprise visit off.”

I smile at her. “I know, pretty incredible, isn’t it?”

“Very,” she says to me. She turns to Lucas then, asking, “Honey, do you want me to make up the couch for you, or are you staying with Haley?”

He looks uncomfortable for a minute. “Actually, I’m going to stay with Dan and Deb. They invited me each of the times they visited me at one of my games, and I don’t know, it just seems like the time is right to do that.”

Karen looks nonplussed by this, and sensing they need time to discuss this in private, I tell Karen I can watch Eric and the café for awhile. They head into the back.

“Well, Eric, your big brother sure knows how to make an entrance, doesn’t he?” His eyes are drooping, so I lay him down in his bassinet, figuring he’ll go back to sleep. By the time I fill up everyone’s coffee cups and wipe off the counter, Luke and Karen are back.

“Come on, Hales, let’s go.”

I peer at him, trying to figure out if everything is okay. He grins and nods at me. “We’re fine, don’t worry. But it is approaching dinner time, and I don’t want to put Deb out by being late.”

“Okay, let’s go. Bye Karen!”

“Bye honey, thank you for watching Eric.”

“Anytime! I love that baby!”

Luke and I head over to Dan and Deb’s place. We have a pleasant dinner with them, and Luke and Dan actually man the barbeque together. Deb and I just smile over it, kind of in awe of how far they’ve come.

All in all, it’s a fun evening. It is kind of weird to be in Nathan’s old house with Nathan’s parents, but this night is so much about Luke and Dan that it is easy to put that aside. Still, though, there are pictures and trophies everywhere, and those aren’t exactly easy to ignore.

Luke walks me out to my car at a quarter to eleven. “So, thanks for coming tonight. It made it easier for me to ease in with you here.”

“Anytime,” I smile, hugging him.

“Hey, you’re okay, right? I know it must be weird to be in Nathan’s house. I’m sorry I didn’t think of that before I asked you to come. Didn’t even put two and two together until I was in there and saw the pictures and stuff,” he sighs, sounding regretful.

“Luke, I’m okay. It’s okay. I won’t lie, it isn’t easy, but it isn’t the end of my world, either. I’m okay.”

“Whatever you say, Hales.”

I laugh. “Don’t you believe me?”

“Yeah, I do.” He hugs me again. “I don’t know, it’s just a mess. I’ll stay out of it, I promise.”

Huh? “Uh, Luke, what’s a mess?” I’m seriously clueless here.

“Oh, you know, you and Nathan.”

“What about us?”

“I mean, you know I talk to Nathan, right?” He looks even more uncomfortable than when he was telling Karen he was staying with Dan. I nod. “Well, I mean, I just know that you guys have a complicated relationship.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Okay, what’s going on? Because I have no idea what you’re talking about, and if Nathan told you something, well, you’ve come this far, you may as well tell me now.”

He sighs. “Look, you know he’s been dating that girl for the past couple of months, right?” I nod. “Well, he mentioned they’ve been sleeping together. God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, but I kind of figured he’d told you. I know you guys talk a lot still, right?”

“Yeah, um, we talk a lot.” Funny how that never came up. I don’t know why I’m surprised, though. He’s 18, he’s never been one to not have sex when he’s in a situation he can, so it’s stupid to think otherwise.

“Hales, I’m sorry.  Fuck, I don’t know why I told you.” I can see the genuine remorse in his eyes, and I know he feels like utter crap for telling me this.

“Luke, it’s okay. Hey, I mean, I knew it would happen, right? I practically pushed him into bed with her – all I didn’t do was buy the condoms.” My voice cracks a little, a sign of my distress, but I smile brightly. I don’t want him to feel worse than he already does. “And I’ve been out on a date, too.”

He looks doubtful, but he humors me. “Yeah, okay. Hey, I’ll see you soon, okay?” One more hug, and I get in my car and get the hell out of there.

I knew this would happen, but it wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.

~*~

~July, 2007~

“Haley J, where are you? I’ve left you two messages now, and you haven’t called me back. What’s going on? Okay, well, at least call me and let me know you’re okay. I worry about you.”

“Tigger,” I whine, flopping dramatically on my bed, “Why does he have to sound so much happier than me?”

“Because he’s getting laid and you aren’t?” she asks. I glare at her. “Oh, that was one of those rhetorical things. Sorry.”

“Crap, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve gone on three dates with Jason now. I have fun on these dates with him – so why can’t I stop thinking about Nathan and his new girlfriend sex? It’s not fair.”

She laughs a little. “It usually isn’t. I’m sorry, though, that this is hard for you. I don’t know what to tell you.”

I nod. “Well. Yeah, I don’t know either,” I laugh. “Maybe I was stupid to think that we could be friends and keep talking. Maybe that’s what is making it so hard,” I shrug.

“No, that’s lame. You guys were friends first, and you should be friends now. Hey, we talked about this in terms of you, Tim and I, right? It’s just too important to have good friends to cut off all ties with someone you love, even an ex.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. It just sucks. When I call him back, or when I don’t think and just answer the phone and it’s him, I’m going to be thinking of him screwing whatever that little sluts name is.”

She looks surprised by my vitriolic rant. “Wow. Okay, well, you don’t know if she’s a slut. And you don’t know what it means. It could just be hard-up sex. It doesn’t have to be love sex.”

“You aren’t helping,” I whine.

“Sorry. There’s nothing I can tell you to make you feel better. I think you need to talk to Nathan about this.”

“I can’t,” I whisper, “How can I ask him about his sex life? Number one, it is none of my business. Number two, I already know what he’s doing, and I don’t want him to know Lucas spilled. Number three, I’m scared. There is no answer or nothing he can say that will make me feel okay with all of this.”

“So, what? You’ll just ignore it? That’s very un-Tutor Girl of you, Tutor Girl,” she jokes, getting me to crack my first smile since hearing that damn message.

She lays down beside me. I look over at her, asking, “Do you think I should talk to him about this?”

“Well, personally, I wouldn’t. But I’ve never been in a situation where it mattered this much to me. So, yeah, I guess I think you should. I don’t think you’ll be okay until you at least talk to him.”

I sigh. “I do have to talk to him, you’re right. I can’t go on like this. It isn’t fair to Nathan that I refuse to talk to him and it isn’t fair to Jason that I have no closure with Nathan.”

“And it isn’t particularly fair to yourself, either.” I look over, raising an eyebrow. “I’m serious, you are torturing yourself. Practically worrying yourself sick. Even Tim has noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately, and that boy lives in oblivion.”

I sigh. “If I call him now, will you stay and lend moral support?”

She laughs. “Sure, but if you start having phone sex, I am so out of here,” she warns, “Like so fast you won’t even see me leave.”

“Point taken. And don’t worry, I doubt that’ll be a problem,” I say ruefully.

I sit up, grabbing the phone off the base, and dialing his familiar number. Brooke puts a hand on my shoulder, and somehow, some way, it actually does help. God, the ringing is driving me crazy.

“Hello?” That isn’t Nathan’s voice. That isn’t even Nathan’s roommate. No, it’s a girl. I panic a minute, wondering if it is the girl.

“Uh, hi, is Nathan there?” I trip out.

“Oh, sure hang on,” she says into the phone. There are some muffled noises as she moves the phone away from her mouth. “Hey Nathan, baby, you have a phone call.”

I almost drop the phone. I guess it is her.

“Hello?”

“Nathan, hi. It’s Haley,” I say neutrally, “I was just calling to let you know I’m alive, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Haley!” I can tell he’s shocked to hear from me, especially when the girl is over. No, not the girl, his girlfriend. She is his girlfriend now.

“It sounds like you’re busy, so I’ll just let you go.” It isn’t so much that he’s busy, but more that I’m about to start bawling. I can already feel tears forming in my eyes, and any minute they’ll be spilling over.

“No, no. God, you know I always want to talk to you, Haley J!” He sighs. “I’ve missed you lately. What’s going on?  You avoiding me?”

“Any reason I should?”

“Um, no? Come on, Haley, what’s going on? You’ve never not returned my calls; I don’t get this. Are you mad at me for something?”

“No, everything is lovely, Nathan. Forget about it, okay?”

”I’m not going to forget about it, Haley. Damn it, what the hell is going on?”

Brooke looks at me sympathetically as the tears spill over. “It’s nothing, Nathan. Anyways, I’ll let you go back to your company now. Sorry for wasting your time.”

“You’ve never wasted my time, Haley!” he says passionately. I can tell how frustrated he is getting with me. “Look, if something is wrong, I need you to tell me, okay? I can’t stand being so far away from you thinking something is seriously wrong.”

I take a deep breath, trying to quell the tears and the shaking that has started. My voice sounds shaky even to my own ears. “I promise you I’m fine. I’m healthier than ever – Tim even has me going running every morning. So, don’t worry, you can hang up without fearing I’ll be dead by morning.”

He gasps. “That is a horrible damn thing to say, Haley James! Shit, what the hell is the matter with you? Why are you treating me like I’m some second cousin you barely know? Listen, I know something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice. I know you that well, Hales! So just tell me what’s wrong, why you’re crying.”

“I – it’s just – I can’t, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what, Haley? You have never, ever shied away from telling me what’s going on. Not once. So what’s the catch now?”

I can’t tell him now. Not knowing she is there, probably listening to every word he says. God, maybe even in his bedroom, laying on his bed, listening in on our conversation from the phone he has in there. “I’m sorry, Nathan,” I say dully, “But now isn’t the best time for this conversation. Go, I know you have company.”

“Wha – No, you know what, you’re right, this is dumb. Goodbye.”

And again with the hanging up. I deserved it this time, though. I can’t even be honest with him when he practically begs me to be just that.

I collapse against Brooke crying.

~*~

The next day Tim and Jason come over, and we all go to the beach together. I spent the whole night crying and worrying over this thing with Nathan, but in a way, that was the closure I needed. It’s kind of ridiculous to think that it took the trauma of calling him up and getting his girlfriend answering to be the wake up call I needed, but somehow it was.

Jason volunteers to run to the store and get more Coke and junk food when we run out, so it is just Tim, Brooke and I sitting here together.

“I can’t believe we survived our first year in college,” Brooke muses, “Of course, it’s just THCC, but still.”

”I think being stuck in this hellhole is actually harder than going away to a four-year university,” Tim jokes.

I laugh, “Can’t disagree with that. I mean, seriously, we have to deal with being stuck in an itty bitty small town and knowing all the people in our classes. Scary.”

“Well, only another year and we’ll be at the four-year schools, getting our degrees there. Um, provided I keep my grades high enough,” he groans. “Thank God for you two. I’d have probably been kicked out for crappy grades after first quarter.”

Brooke rolls her eyes. “And Timmy, you can start repaying us for that any time you like. Visa, Mastercard, I take it.”

“You’re leaving yourself pretty wide open for jokes there, Tigger,” I tell her, shading my eyes to look at her. Tim laughs, nodding along.

“Hey, was that a hooker joke? Because if it was, I have to say that I am very impressed, Miss Haley James!”

“Why thank you,” I grin, “If I was standing, I’d curtsy, but alas, my ass is firmly planted on this blanket.”

“Hey, where are you guys going once we graduate THCC?” Tim asks, sort of out of the blue.

“Haven’t really decided yet,” I tell him.

Brooke nods. “Me neither.”

“Well, I was thinking, we should all go to the same place.” Brooke and I glance an ‘he’s crazy’ glance at each other before looking back at him. “No, I’m serious. Look, we’re really close now, right? Kind of a built-in support system. So, why shouldn’t we all go to the same school if possible? You know, we could just make a pact or something.”

“I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, so it’s kind of hard to plan for something that is a year away,” Brooke points out.

“Stop looking at me like I’m crazy,” he mumbles, “This isn’t such a bad idea. Look, you two are my best friends. Maybe that’s dumb or weird or something else, but it’s still true. And if wanting to stay close to my best friends is dumb and weird and other things, well, then fine, I’ll be all that.”

“Okay, when you put it that way,” I tell him, “It’s pretty sweet.”

“See? And you guys think I’m such a bad guy.”

“No, no, just misguided,” I laugh.

“So, we make a pact to try and go to the same school?” Brooke questions, “Because I think I could get behind that. I honestly can’t imagine going to college without you two, it has become so ingrained in me this last year.”

“Yeah, me too,” I agree.

“Hey!” Tim grins, “Does this mean I had a good idea?”

Brooke rolls her eyes and goes back to reading her magazine. I look over at Tim. “It means you didn’t have a bad one for a change.

“Good enough for me.”

Good enough for me, too. All of this, actually. Life changes, and it was about time I accepted that.

Chapter Six – You Can’t Always Get What You Want

‘You can't always get what you want, no!

You can't always get what you want

You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need’ – Rolling Stones

~August, 2007~

The café is over-crowded for a Tuesday, and since Karen had to run out and buy some things for Eric, I’m stuck here not only with the crowd, but trying to keep Eric happy as well. It isn’t easy, and although I love spending time with Eric, this is certainly not my ideal way of doing that.

I’ve got Eric in one of those frontal baby carrier things, and am carefully carting him around as I fill up people’s coffee cups. Karen has done it a thousand times, and she makes it look easy, but I’m terrified of spilling coffee on him, so I’m going super slow. Luckily, everyone cares way more about baby-talking at Eric, so no one is upset about the slower service. Plus, I am pretty sure half these people are just here for the air conditioning.

I’m chatting with two of the ‘regulars’, an older couple who come in nearly every day when the door opens and the bell jingles. I don’t know why I look up – I usually don’t. But this time I do, and much to my shock, Nathan is standing there in the doorway.

If Eric wasn’t in this sleeper thing, there is a good chance I would’ve dropped him. Likewise I’m lucky that I had set the coffee pot on the table while I was talking to Mr. and Mrs. Owens.

“Will you excuse me?” I ask them nervously. They nod, Mr. Owens patting my hand and Mrs. Owens brushing a hand over Eric’s cheek.

“Almost makes you want children in the house again,” I hear Mr. Owens comment.

“Which one, the baby or Haley?” Mrs. Owens laughs. If I wasn’t on a mission right now, I’d probably go back to the table and pretend to be affronted, but right now Nathan is a magnet drawing me.

I stop about ten feet away from him. I don’t know if I’m scared to go closer or if I just have this built-in ability to protect myself, but my feet won’t let me get any closer.

“Haley,” he says, looking at Eric. Avoiding eye contact with me, nice. “That must be Eric, huh? He’s cute.”

“Yeah, it’s Eric.” God, way to go, Hales, can’t come up with anything better to say? “Would you like to hold him?” I ask.

Finally, he looks up and makes eye contact. “Wow, really? I mean, can I?”

“Yeah, sure. Um, actually it’d help me out a lot.  It’s kinda busy today.” I lift Eric out of the pack and hand him to Nathan. “Thanks a lot.”

“No problem.” I move away from him, not needing to be any closer than necessary. I busy myself, running around taking orders and filling cups.

Karen finally comes back, delighted to see Nathan. “Oh, Nathan, your mom told me you were coming!”

Shit, Karen knew he was coming; apparently I wasn’t supposed to. I don’t even know what to think about that. Obviously, it’s none of my business. I made it that way. It still hurts to think that he wouldn’t tell me he was coming back to town, though.

Of course, I haven’t talked to him in over a month. Why would he tell me? It doesn’t matter, though, that logic dictates he shouldn’t tell me – it still hurts. Quite possibly hurts worse than finding out that he was sleeping with that slut Miranda. I accidentally burn my hand on the coffee pot, letting out a little yelp as I drop it. Stupidly, I burst into tears when it hits the floor. Even more stupidly, instead of cleaning it up, I rush into the kitchen.

“Haley?” I am so relieved that it is Karen who came after me.

“Hey, I’m sorry about that. You can take that out of my paycheck, along with that sugar bowl I broke last week,” I sigh.

“Oh, honey, you know I don’t worry about broken dishes. If I did, we both know I would’ve had you out the door a long time ago.” I’m impressed that she managed to elicit a giggle from me. “Now, I take it you didn’t know Nathan was coming to town.” She says it as a statement rather than a question. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. No, not really. I guess it’s just hard to see him again, what with everything that’s been going on. Everything that has happened between us. The worst part is that he didn’t tell me he was coming; but that’s my fault. I’ve been a bitch to him.”

She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Hey, I don’t know all that’s happened between you two, but since Lucas will be here tomorrow, you two will probably be spending some time together. That’s why Nathan is here, I gather, to see Luke.”

I sigh, having completely forgotten Luke was coming. “Damn,” I curse softly, “This is going to be torture. Maybe we need a custody agreement or something.”

She laughs softly. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, honey, I have faith in you. Now, why don’t you take off early? I ran into Brooke and Tim while I was at the grocery store, and I told them I’d let them kidnap you tonight.”

I smile at her genuinely. “And I have makeup all over my face and you’re giving me a heads up so I fix it in time, right?”

“That might have something to do with it.” She hugs me, and I gratefully return her embrace. “And you’ve worked every day for the past two weeks. You deserve an early night, at least.”

“Thanks, Kare.” I grin at her, suddenly really happy that Brooke and Tim will be here soon. I pull out my compact once she leaves and fix my hair and makeup. Not great, but seriously, it is just Brooke and Tim.

I hear Brooke’s voice, then, saying something loud and snotty to Tim, and I just have to laugh. It is such a relief to have the two of them here. I stand up, glance at myself one last time in the compact, and walk through the swinging door to greet them. I see Nathan sitting at the counter, still holding Eric.

“Hey Tutor Girl,” Brooke grins, “Guess what we’re doing tonight?”

I groan, “I hate when you make me guess. It is always something bad.” I turn to Tim. “On the badness scale, how bad is it?”

He pretends to ponder for a minute. “Hmm, only a two tonight. I think she’s PMSing or something because she’s not on the ball with her ideas right now.”

Brooke slaps him upside the head. “You never learn, Timmy,” she laments, “We’ve spent how much time together the last year, and you still say exactly the wrong things. You’re pitiful.”

I continue making a show of ignoring Nathan. Brooke looks at me questioningly, but I shake my head a little, warning her not to say anything. “Come on, let’s go,” Tim decrees, taking each of us by the arm, “We’ve got movies and junk food waiting for us.”

“Awesome, I could really go for some ice cream right about now,” I say hopefully, smiling at Tim.

“Yeah, yeah, we picked up some Butter Pecan.” I squeal, hugging him, then Brooke.

“You two are the best,” I beam, suddenly ready to gorge myself on ice cream, bad movies, and good friendship.

“Yes, we know,” Brooke preens.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tim sighs, “Jason wanted me to give you this.” He pulls an envelope out of his back pocket, handing it to me. It obviously contains a greeting card, so I rip it open. There’s a picture of a couple flying kites on it, which immediately has me smiling. The note inside tells me that he misses me, and that he’ll make up the fact that he’s been working so much to me soon.

“I’ll have to call him tonight,” I tell Tim.

“What’d it say?” he whines. I smack him from one side, Brooke the other.

“None of your business!”

“Fine,” he sighs.

We leave the café then, and as we cross the street, I can feel the heat of Nathan’s stare on my back.

~*~

The next morning I’m feeling drained. Lucas gets here today, and I know that if I want to hang out with him tonight, I have to be prepared to do so with Nathan around. The only saving grace for this situation is that Theresa, a girl we went to high school with, is having a party, and invited Tim, Brooke, and me. So now I am hoping that I can talk Luke into attending.

The one issue that might arise with this is that I know Tim is inviting Jason. I can’t tell Tim he can’t, and I don’t even want to. There is just the possibility that things will get mighty uncomfortable.

“Rise and shine, my lovely Tutor Girl best friend!” Brooke chirps as she walks into my room, way too excited for 9 AM.

“What are you doing up so early?” I ask her, “On a Tuesday of all days.”

“I’m working early today so I can have the evening off. I don’t want to miss this party of Theresa’s. You know, she backstabbed the hell out of me senior year. I kind of owe her one.”

“Oh, God,” I groan, knowing what Brooke’s idea of ‘owing’ is, “Promise me you’ll be nice. It is her house, after all.”

“Oh, darling, all the more reason to fuck with her fugly little head.”

I shake my head, but can’t help but laugh at her. “You’re a trip, Tigger. Ugh, but did you have to wake me up so early? This is pathetic.”

“No, what is pathetic is the amount of time I know you spent last night after you left Tim’s feeling sorry for yourself over Nathan Scott.”

“It wasn’t that long,” I defend, “I fell asleep pretty fast.”

“Exactly my point – ANY amount of time wasted on him is too much. You have to kick that habit. You have to face him today, and you have to be normal.”

“What the hell is normal, anyways?” I ask, sighing.

“Oh, don’t ask me that,” she giggles, “Not much is normal about my life. Just treat Nathan the way you treat Lucas.”

“Oh, right. I’ll hang on him and tease him and ruffle his hair and beg to borrow his sweatshirt. That’ll go over well, I’m sure,” I bitch sarcastically.

“Okay, okay. Damn. Maybe not that stuff, but maybe like we are with Tim?” she suggests. She thinks about that for a minute. “Okay, that’s probably not a good idea, either. Look, just be civil to him. That isn’t too much to ask, right?”

I sigh, knowing she’s right. “Okay, civil. I think I can do civil,” I concur, still thinking of ways I can avoid him, though.

“Ha! Well, it’ll be fun to see you try, anyways,” she smirks, teasing me.

“God, not funny. Honestly, I don’t know if we can even carry on a conversation. I treated him like such shit that honestly, I wouldn’t want to talk to me if I were him.”

“Well, we’ll see. Look, Nathan loved you for a really long time, and time counts for more than a few rash words, right?”

I shrug. “I guess we’ll find out later today, huh?”

“Looks like it.” She glances at her watch. “Crap, I gotta go, hun. Work calls. You know, I still can’t believe I have a job. Oh, I almost forget. I brought these for you to wear tonight – you’ll look spectacular!”

“Neither can the rest of the world,” I call to her as she leaves the room, pausing only to turn around and flip me off. I laugh, “Bye Tigger!”

I get out of bed with a sigh. “Oh, it is gonna be a great day,” I tell my mirror image sarcastically as I pass by. I don’t even bother to see what Brooke put in the bag. With my luck, it’s probably a bra, panties and a pair of buttless chaps.

A great day indeed.

~*~

Karen suggested that I pick Luke up at the airport, so an hour later, I head out. I blast the radio on my way there, which is nice because it doesn’t allow me to think much. I’m about a half hour early, so I get out and walk around. It’s weird now that you can’t go all the way into the airport if you aren’t traveling. I remember going with an older sibling when I was younger to pick up or drop off our parents, and if they were feeling nice we’d go early and watch the planes land and take off.

I head for the baggage claim area and take a seat to wait for Luke. I must be tired, though, because the next thing I’m cognizant of is Luke shaking me awake.

“Hales,” he whispers, “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

I yawn loudly. “I don’t wanna. I’m sleepy.”

He laughs out loud. “Okay, get your ass out of the chair.” He picks me up and sets me on my feet. I keep my eyes closed the whole time.

“I really hate you, Scott,” I mutter.

“Thought you’d be saying that to me, not him,” a voice says behind me, jarring my eyes wide open.

I don’t even know what to say as I stare at him. Luke jumps in, “Okay, Hales, I got my bags. You get to carry the big one, right?” I don’t react, just keep staring at Nathan until Luke elbows me. “Hey, you got the big one, right?”

“Oh, um, yeah, of course,” I say, smiling brightly at him. He laughs, tossing me his carry-on. “Hum, so what’s the plan? Over to the café? Oh, wait, um, are you still riding with me?”

He looks at Nathan. “Well, actually we both are, if that’s okay, of course.”

I nod shakily. “Yeah, of course. Car is this way.” I lead them out of the airport and through the parking garage to my car. We load Luke’s bags into the trunk.

“I get to drive, right?” Lucas asks with a grin, “Come on, Hales, you know I don’t have a car of my own up there in Michigan, so you owe me the chance to drive this car again.”

“I owe you? Huh, whatever, Scott. You could’ve stayed here and driven it any time you wanted, you know,” I tease back, “Maybe if you had, Dan would’ve given you a stellar deal, too.”

He groans, “You know, he tried to buy me a car one of the visits they made. I kept refusing, he kept asking, and finally Deb had to step in and tell him to leave me alone.”

I chuckle and Nathan groans. “Sounds like Mom and Dad. He never did know how to take ‘no’ for an answer, even now when it isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

Luke nods at him, and then turns back to me. “Does this mean I get to drive?” He holds his hand out for the keys.

I toss them to him. “Fine, but I get to sit in the backseat and sleep. I am just dead tired; Brooke woke me up at 9 this morning.”

“Brooke was up at 9?” Nathan asks, incredulous. I think after a second he realizes that he spoke civilly to me because an oddly pained look crosses his face.

I choose to ignore that, though, and answer. “Yeah, she switched her work schedule so she’d be free for Theresa’s party.”

“Shit, she works?”

I can’t help it; I laugh. “Yes, she works. As a volunteer at a vet clinic. She really likes it, and she’s even pretty good at it.”

Both of the guys look absolutely incredulous. “Wow,” Luke breathes, “Never thought I’d hear of that day.”

“You know, you two – oh, never mind,” I sigh.

“No, what, Haley?” Nathan asks petulantly, “Come on, inform us of our wrongs.”

I shake my head, getting into the back seat of my car. “All I was going to say is that maybe you seriously underestimated Brooke. I know I did.”

“Anyways, where am I taking everyone?” Luke asks, “To your parents’ place, Nate?” He nods. “Hales, you’re gonna let me drop you off and keep the car, right?”

“Doubtful, hot shot. I’m not one of your groupies, falling for your basketball god routine,” I tease.

Luke blushes. “Hey, it’s not like I have tons of groupies or anything. Even if I did, I wouldn’t do anything with them,” he contends. I see Nathan’s face harden at this statement, and Luke looks immediately chagrined.

My God, his girlfriend is a basketball groupie. Charming. Neither of them say anything, though, so I don’t either. I just look out the window, resisting the urge to cross my arms over my chest and pout in anger. Both of them glance back at me, I can feel it, and I’m sure they’re exchanging looks between the two as well.

“Hey Luke?” I say after a little while on the road.

“What’s up, Hales?”

“Would you mind dropping me off at Tim’s? I can grab my car from you later on today, if that’s okay.”

“Um, sure. But I thought you were going to hang out with me today. Did you forget about me already?”

“No, I’ll catch up with you later, I promise. I just have something I need to do first,” I say cryptically, not feeling like I owe either of them an explanation right now.

“Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want.”

“Oh, yeah, it is.” I pause, looking back out the window. “Do you want to go to Theresa’s party tonight? It sounds like a lot of people from high school will be there, and that might be fun.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Luke decides after thinking about it for a minute, “What about you, Nate?”

“Yeah, no problem, whatever.”

We pull into Tim’s driveway, and he and Jason are standing there shirtless tossing around a football. I feel like my old and new worlds are truly colliding for the first time, so I rush out of the car waving goodbye to Luke and Nathan. Luke promises to call when he has some free time to pick me up.

Tim tosses the ball to me, laughing as I drop it. Jason walks over and drops a kiss on my cheek, something that I’m sure doesn’t escape either Nathan or Luke’s notice. When he puts his arms around me in a hug, I reciprocate, something else I doubt escaped notice.

“You’re a ball dropping spaz, James,” Tim laughs at his own joke.

“Oh, Smith, you can come up with better jokes than that, can’t you?” I taunt him, “Mr. B- average for his first year of college.”

Jason just shakes his head at our joking around, and as Lucas and Nathan drive off out of sight, I give him a genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re here,” I tell him sincerely.

“Me, too. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Liar,” Tim sighs, “What happened with Lucas and Nathan?”

Jason raises his eyebrows in surprise. “One of those guys was Nathan? I wasn’t paying much attention.”

“Yeah, Nathan was in the passenger seat,” I sigh, “Apparently Lucas couldn’t be bothered to tell me he’d be at the airport, apparently to help me pick him up or something. Anyways, it was weird and uncomfortable, and I’m glad it’s over.”

I smile brightly at them, but neither look entirely convinced. Jason hands me the football saying, “I’m going in to grab some drinks. Need anything?”

“I’m good,” I smile, squeezing his hand, “Thank you, though.” Once he’s gone, Tim puts his arm around my shoulder. “Hey,” I smile.

“Hey. You can tell me if you aren’t okay, you know.”

“I know. I am okay, though, like I said, it was more awkward than anything else.”

He thinks about it for a few minutes. “Well, maybe awkward isn’t the worst thing it could be, huh?”

I laugh. “Absolutely not! I can think of at least a million worse things right off the top of my head. This could be a lot worse, I know.”

“I’m glad you realize that,” he tells me with a smile. “So, what brings you over here? Hiding out? Oh, shit, before I tease you, I guess I should make sure I’m not a moron who forgot you were coming over. I’m not that moron, am I?”

“No,” I laugh, “You aren’t. At least not about this.”

“Ah, finally, to not be a moron. How awesome is that?”

I laugh. “Well, Smith, I don’t know if I’d recommend getting used to it, if I were you. You never know when the moronism will return.”

“What’d I miss?” Jason asks as he walks down the porch stairs, taking a seat on the bottom one. I walk over and sit next to him.

“I was just explaining to Tim why he shouldn’t get to comfortable with not being a moron. I thought that was pretty stellar advice, but he’s looking at me like he wants to kill me.”

Jason grins at me and offers his hand up for a high five. “Right on, you've got to keep that one in his place,” he jokes.

Tim just rolls his eyes. “Fine, gang up on me. I’m used to it by now. It’ll just get worse when Brooke gets here. It always does,” he laments.

We hang out for awhile outside, and then head inside where I watch the boys play some video game for awhile. Luke calls eventually, and comes back to pick me up. Jason walks me out, and kisses me in the doorway. I kiss him back, and it actually turns pretty hot. I pull away from him, flustered, unsure if I’m ready for our relationship to get that physical yet.

He must sense my dilemma because he just smiles at me and says,” It’s okay, I know. We’ll just take it as it comes, okay?”

I smile at him. “Thanks Jason. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

And I’m glad he’ll be there.

~*~

Luke comes over to my house with me while I’m getting ready rather than going back to Karen’s. I guess guys really don’t

need to get ready the way girls do, because we are going straight from here to Theresa’s, unless I shock the world by lowering the time it takes me to get ready.

“Hales?” he asks from his spot on my bed.

I’m going through my closet, trying to decide if I have anything in there that I want to wear, or if I should just cave now and wear what Brooke leant me. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Is the reason you won’t talk to Nathan because I told you he was sleeping with that girl?” He sighs, “I really didn’t mean to cause you trouble.”

“That’s not why, Luke,” I tell him, “I called up to talk to him about her, and she answered the phone. God, and then I acted like a bitchy idiot to him, so it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Well, if I hadn’t told you, then you wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him about it, and you might not have called and she might not have picked up the phone,” he reasons, “So it is my fault.”

I stop what I’m doing in the closet and sit down beside him. “Luke, I needed to know. Okay, it isn’t any of my business anymore, but it wasn’t such a bad thing for me to know. I can move on better from here.”

“I guess that guy that was kissing you at Tim’s is this Jason you’ve been telling me about,” he smiles.

“Yeah, the one and only. He’s a nice guy. I don’t know if it’s going anywhere, but he’s a nice guy, and we’re having fun. He’ll be at the party tonight, I’ll introduce you.”

He nods. “Nathan will have a fit,” he warns.

“Well, it isn’t Nathan’s place to have a fit, now is it?”

He shrugs. “I guess not.”

“You guess not? Luke, he’s sleeping with someone else that he considers a girlfriend. It is absolutely none of his business.”

He shrugs again. “He still loves you, Hales. And he’s just confused. I don’t think he gets why you wouldn’t talk to him for the last month when he had basically done what you had pushed him into doing.”

“Whose side are you on?” I ask, grumpy, “Never mind, don’t answer that. I’m sorry, I’d never put you in the middle of your brother and I and our little dramas.”

“Hales, I’m always on your side. Thing is, I can see his point in this one, too. So it’s just conflicted. But I’m here for you, and anything you need, I’m your man.”

I laugh. “Sure, okay. I mean it, though – if you think I’m putting you in the middle of our shit, just tell me to knock it off. I would really hate for you to feel uncomfortable because of that.”

“I’ll remember that,” he smiles, kissing me on top of my head. “Okay, I’ll be downstairs watching TV. Just so you know, I told Nathan to meet us over here so we could go together. I hope you don’t mind.”

I sigh inwardly. “Nope, it’s fine. Okay, I’ll get changed, and I’ll meet you downstairs.” He turns to walk out of the room. “Hey Luke?” He turns back to face me. “Thank you. You know, for everything.”

“I love you, too, Hales,” he smiles before leaving for real.

I shower and get dressed in the outfit Brooke left me this morning, which is actually really cute and only mildly slutty. Very sexy, but without being slutty. Exactly my kind of outfit. I blow dry my hair so it curls a little, and put on more makeup than usual, and then head downstairs.

I walk down the stairs, and step into the dining room to grab my purse. As I’m walking towards the living room where Luke is waiting, I hear two voices. Nathan has arrived, too. I know it’s wrong, but I stop in the hall and listen to their conversation.

“Cut her some slack, man,” Lucas is saying, “Things haven’t been as easy for her as you assume.”

“Why should I?” Nathan retorts bitterly, “She pushed and pushed and shoved and kicked me away, and when I make a pitiful little attempt to move on, she won’t even talk to me. Luke, three years, one marriage, countless hours of laughter and love, and she won’t fucking talk to me. And the few times she deigns to do just that, she’s a complete bitch. Tell me there isn’t something wrong with this picture.”

Luke sighs, loud enough for me to hear. “Fine, you two can continue whatever child games you’re playing, and I’ll just stay out of it.”

I’m so irritated with both of them that I stomp in there, purse in one hand with my other hand on my hip. “This childish bitch is ready to go party with her friends right now. If you’re riding with me, you might want to get in the car.” Emphasis on friends.

They both look chagrined – especially Luke – to have been caught talking about me, and they follow me without any fuss. None of us say a word on the way there, and the tension is practically unbearable. It is all I can do to keep myself from bursting into tears as I speed down the road to Theresa’s house.

I park on the street, and stay in the car, glaring Luke out when he tries to stay behind with me. I need a minute to calm down, or else I know I’ll do something I’ll regret. I take several deep breaths, forcing myself to stay in here until the urge to run in and jump all over Jason just to stick it to Nathan passes.

The door opens, and I’m prepared to do some serious battle, so I’m relieved to see it is just Brooke, not Nathan or Luke.

“So, you’re not crying, that’s something at least,” she sighs, “I saw Tweedledee and Tweedledum walk in without you, so I figured something happened.”

“Yeah, well, Nathan was there at the airport when I picked Luke up. We sniped at each other a little, but other than that, said nothing. And then I come downstairs after getting ready this evening – “

“You look great, by the way,” she interrupts, smiling.

“Uh, thank you,” I smile back, flustered, “Anyways, I come downstairs, and they’re talking about me. Behind my back. Luke calls both of us childish, and Nathan calls me a bitch. Needless to say, I wasn’t too happy. I stayed here to cool off. I didn’t want to do something I’d regret in a half hour.”

She leans over and gives me a hug. “I’m sorry you had a bad evening. But now is the time to come in and get shitfaced and hang out with your best friends and your maybe, kinda, sorta boyfriend,” she jokes.

“Okay, sounds good. Let’s go.” Shitfaced – why not?

We get out of the car and walk in, arms linked. Theresa greets me rather snottily at the door, but Brooke and I both manage to mostly ignore her. Brooke does have her malicious gleam in her eye, and I’d bet good money she’s got something planned, but I’m too selfish to care right now.

Nathan and Luke are standing in the corner of the room chatting with a couple of guys who had been on the basketball team with them. I drag Brooke in the opposite way towards the bar. “Jason and Tim here yet?” I ask her.

“They were, but they ran out to get some beer that Tim’s parents have. Apparently keg beer isn’t good enough for them or something. Ooh, but anyways, I have a fifth of vodka with our names on it, so let’s go to the bathroom.”

“Brooke?” I ask as I follow her down the hall, “Why the hell is the vodka in the bathroom?”

“Okay, my grandpa is a total alcoholic, right? So, when I was younger, he’d come stay with us for weeks at a time. And my grandma didn’t like him drinking, so he’d hide it in the back of the toilet.”

“Ew, and that’s where the vodka that we’ll be drinking is now?”

She grins. “Yup. Clever, no? You know how party people are, stealing your booze, getting all rowdy. Well, they aren’t stealing my booze if I have anything to say about it.”

“God, well, I don’t know if I even want any now,” I tell her, kind of grossed out, “That is just weird and unsanitary.”

“Get over yourself,” she orders, “It’s not like the toilet water is in it. The cap stays about the water level. It’s perfectly fine. We’ll just use Theresa’s nice silk blouses that I might have jacked from her bedroom to wipe them off before we pour.”

“You’re bad,” I laugh, not really caring what she wants to do to Theresa tonight.

“What? No lecture?” She looks shocked. Am I really that much of a naggy brat?”

“No, no lecture. Do what you gotta do, right?”

She nods, hesitantly. “Does this mean you’ll drink the vodka?”

I burst out laughing. “Sure, why the hell not?”

“Woo!” she cheers, “Alright, let’s get this party started.” We fill our glasses half full with vodka, and head for the kitchen to find something to mix it with.

We find some wine coolers, and Brooke convinces me that those will make a good mixer for vodka, and against my better judgment, I go along with her. It actually tastes pretty good, but I can tell already it will hit me hard a few glasses from now.

“Let’s go dance,” Brooke shouts over the music. She doesn’t wait for an answer, just grabs my hand and pulls me out to the makeshift dance floor. “Woo! Isn’t this fun?” she screams as we dance to something that sounds suspiciously like decent classic rock.

I laugh with her, screaming back, “Yeah, it is definitely fun!”

She takes my hand and twirls me, and then I twirl her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nathan and Lucas watching, but I don’t care about either of them right now. We laugh and dance and chink our drinks together and just generally have fun. It’s exactly what I need right now, and it doesn’t hurt that Nathan and Luke are watching me have all this fun.

“Tim and Jason are back!” Brooke grins, making her way over to them. I grin, following her.

“Hey girls,” Jason smiles as we approach. He leans down and kisses my cheek. I smile up at him. “How’s the party?”

“Better now that you two are here,” Brooke laughs. “Hey, Timmy, some not legal girl was asking for you. I told her you had VD and weren’t into ~that~ anymore,” she grins, loving torturing him.

He just stares at her open-mouthed. I don’t blame him, I can’t tell for sure if she actually told this girl that or if she’s just getting a kick out of torturing him. Of course, knowing Brooke, it’s both.

“You’re – you’re evil!” Tim sputters, “I cannot even believe you!”

She just laughs her head off. I smile at Jason when he puts his arm around my shoulder. “God, Tim,” Brooke laughs, “She’s sixteen! You’re nineteen, you should be thanking me for getting her off your back!”

He mutters something under his breath as he pulls open a beer and tosses it to Jason. He pulls out one for himself and cracks it open.

I can’t resist messing with Brooke’s head a little, so I add, “Its okay, Tim. Let’s just forget about it for now. And if it happens again, you just tell everyone you caught the VD from Brooke.”

She glares hotly at me as Tim and Jason laugh along with me. “When did you get so mean, Tutor Girl?”

“I learned from the master,” I tell her, bowing towards her. She just laughs.

“I’m so glad my influence is wearing off on you,” she laughs. “Okay, come on, Jason, come on, VD, we’re dancing now. Tutor Girl, my student, would you make me another drink?” she asks, pouting.

I smile, “Sure, I can do that. I need another, too. I’ll be right back.”

I head back for the bathroom, waiting in line. It’s finally my turn, and as I step in and try to shut the door behind me, someone blocks it. I whirl around in surprise, shocked to see Nathan standing there.

“We need to talk,” he says tersely.

I sigh, turning away from him. “I don’t know if that is such a good idea. I mean, I might get bitchy.”

“Haley, I’m sorry I said that,” he sighs, “You know I don’t think that. It’s just, you’ve been really difficult towards me the last few months, and I don’t understand what’s going on. I think you owe it to me to explain.”

I ignore him, buying time by removing the vodka from the toilet. “Look, Nathan, I’m so sorry if I’ve hurt you, but this isn’t a good time to talk about it.”

“Why? Because your pretty boy boyfriend is out there waiting for you? Does he have you on a tight leash already, Haley? If he tugs on it, do you have to go running back to him?” he snaps angrily.

I slowly turn around to face him. “You don’t know anything about my relationship with Jason, so don’t even bring it up. It has nothing to do with you.”

“What does that mean? That my relationship with Miranda actually has something to do with you?”

“You know what, Nathan? I don’t want to talk about your groupie slut, so why don’t you just leave?”

He shakes his head, stepping closer to me. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not,” I say as calmly as possible, “I have no reason to be jealous of anything. You just go and live your own life, screw as many sluts as you want. See if I care.”

“Ah, isn’t that the point, though? You do care. You know, this is exactly why you piss me off, Haley!” he shouts, “You go on for months – months before we even graduate high school, for crying out loud – about how we have to break up when I leave! And now, NOW, you’re upset because I’ve been seeing someone! Which is exactly what you wanted all along! Was that all just lies, Haley?”

I sigh, struggling to hold myself together. I don’t want to break down here, in a bathroom in front of Nathan. I just don’t.

“You know, this isn’t going to get us anywhere, Nathan. I should just go,” I say quietly, trying to step around him. He puts his hands on my shoulders, and in that moment, I know I am lost.

“Don’t go,” he whispers, “We spent too many years caring about every little detail of each other’s lives to stop caring even about the big stuff now.”

I’m so close to tears now that I’m afraid to speak for fear of opening the floodgates. I look up at him, and I can see the pain I know is etched across my features reflected on his. “God, Nathan, I don’t even know what to say.”

He sits down on the counter of the sink, taking the bottle of vodka from me and taking a swig. “Tell me what’s going on, Haley. I don’t think I’ve ever been this disconnected from you before. It is scaring me.”

I sit down on the edge of the bathtub, so I am across from him, but a few feet lower. He doesn’t like this because he slides down onto the floor so we are closer to being at eye level. “I don’t know, Nathan,” I sigh, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know why I’ve shut you out, and the only thing I do know is that I don’t have a right to do either of those things.”

He takes my hand and pulls me down on the floor next to him. People are banging on the bathroom door, but we both ignore them.

“Haley, I love you. More than that, I care about you and your happiness. I want you to be happy, and right now it is killing me to think that I’m part of the reason you are unhappy.”

I lean my head back against the cabinet, turning it to look at him. “I’m not unhappy. I’m not,” I insist, unsure if it is more for him or me. “And I know that I’ve been really hurtful to you and I know I’ve shut you out unfairly.” I repress the urge to beat my head back against the cabinet. “God, it’s just that when I called, and your girlfriend answered the phone, that hit home. I mean, I knew you had her, and I knew you were sleeping with her by then, but still. I guess that made it official in my mind.”

He groans, probably not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry she answered that day.”

“No, don’t be,” I tell him, “I really didn’t have any right to get mad. I don’t know why I did,” I shrug, “Maybe I was mad you beat me to that point or something.”

“So, Lucas told you, huh?”

I nod. “I think it came out accidentally. He felt really bad that he betrayed your confidence.” He nods. “Would you have told me yourself?” I whisper.

“I don’t know, Haley. How do you say that? ‘Well, I can’t have you, the woman I love more than I love my own life, but since I can maintain erections, I have decided to start have sex with a reasonably nice girl at college’. Is that what I was supposed to say?”

I can’t help but giggle a little. “Maybe it was better Luke told me.”

“Well, what about you? That guy seems to really like you,” he sighs, taking another swig of vodka.

“Yeah, I guess he does. Look,” I say, standing up, “I do need to get back. I promised Brooke I’d get her a drink.”

“Okay,” he sighs, “Plus, I think there is a line forming out there, anyways.”

I nod, grabbing the bottle of vodka and our glasses. “I’ll, um, see you around.” I fervently wished this wasn’t so awkward, but since I don’t have a magic wand, that isn’t going to change.

He just nods, and follows me out. We go our separate ways – me to the kitchen for the wine cooler mixers and him to the living room, presumably to find Luke. Once I get our drinks made, I walk to the living to find Brooke. Literally, I am shocked to find her dancing with Lucas. Jaw dropping open and everything. I look around for Tim and Jason, but they aren’t anywhere to be found.

“Shocking, isn’t it?” Nathan asks from behind me.

I nod. “What the hell is going on here? She – she hates him. And they, I mean they haven’t talked for years. Huh.”

“Where’s pretty boy?” he asks harshly.

I look around. “I don’t know. Can’t find him or Tim. Oh, God, they are grinding. Why are my best friends grinding? With each other?”

Nathan is no help in explaining – he is laughing way too hard. “I think,” he gasps out, “That it is Brooke’s fault. Look at Luke’s face! He looks like he wishes he were anywhere but there.”

“I – should I stop her? If she’s drunk enough to dance with him, then she couldn’t possibly know what she’s doing.” I’m completely puzzled as to how to handle this.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, it kind of looks like they’re having fun. Or at least Brooke is, and you have to admit that it’s kind of funny to see Luke tortured like that!”

“I’m putting a stop to this.” I march over there, pulling Brooke away from him. “Tigger, whatcha doing?”

“I thought you forgot about me,” she slurs, obviously having found something else to drink while I was talking to Nathan, “So I started making Broody Luke dance with me. But now my Tutor Girl is back.” She throws her arms around my neck. “I love my Tutor Girl!” she squeals.

“I love you, too, Tigger. But come on, remember, we’re mad at him,” I tell her, jerking my thumb at Luke, “Let’s go get another drink.”

“Silly, you have drinks in your hand! I can feel them against my back,” she laughs, “So let’s play a drinking game instead!”

She drags me over to a table, and we take seats, as do a few of the other people standing around, including Nathan and Luke. I hold in the groan I feel at that, and mix a healthy amount of vodka with a little wine cooler.

“That’s my Tutor Girl, drinking like a pro,” Brooke beams. I laugh at her, leaning my head on her shoulder.

“What are we playing?” Nathan asks.

Brooke pauses in her card shuffling. “Oh. Umm, let’s play Kings.”

So we play Kings for an hour, and unsurprisingly, Brooke loses and has to drink the cup from the middle that is filled with a mix of beer and mixed drinks. She drinks it like a champ, and slams the cup down proudly when she’s done.

She and I walk out to the porch; I need fresh air, and I can’t imagine any possible way that she doesn’t.

“How ya feeling?” I ask her, solicitously.

“I’m good. How was your bathroom time with Nathan?” she asks back.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s not like we resolved anything, but it’s not like we really can. I’m beginning to think that the only thing to do is cut ties completely. God, Tigger, what else is there? He’s got his new ho-bag girlfriend, and I’ve got Jason, who I can’t commit to if Nathan is in my life. And it’s so messed up.” I kick the deck railing.

“You know, if you love him so much, just go be with him.” I roll my eyes at her. “Okay, fine, not the best solution. Don’t get your Victoria’s Secret panties in a twist.”

I laugh at her. “You know, just for one day I’d like things to be easy. Not this messy tangle of emotions and stress and mixed messages and unsure feelings.”

She pats me on the head, drunk giggling. I don’t know why I’m having a serious conversation with someone as wasted as her. “I’m sooooo drunk,” she laments, but ruins it by laughing. I laugh with her, rolling my eyes at myself. Deciding to catch up with her, I take a few swigs directly from the bottle. “Go Tutor Girl!” she cheers, “I didn’t know you could drink straight vodka!”

Somehow, I don’t spit it back out. Or puke it up once I swallow it. How, I don’t know, but I don’t. “Yeah, that’s me, a regular alcoholic,” I say ruefully. I pour more vodka in my cup and fill it the rest of the way with wine cooler.

“I’m gonna get some cigarettes,” Brooke announces, heading for the door, “And to find Timmy. I think he’s still mad at me for saying he has VD.” She looks so worried over him being mad that I almost feel bad for her.

“Don’t worry – remember that he’ll just tell people he got it from you,” I wink. She rolls her eyes and stomps inside.

“You two are really good friends,” Nathan’s voice floats through the door. I turn around to nod at him. “I mean, yeah, you said it, and I’ve seen you together a few other times, but…Lucas is really the only person I’ve seen you act so,” he pauses, searching for the right word, “I guess open with.”

“I don’t know what it is or how to explain it, but Brooke and I work as friends. I kind of wish we’d gotten to know each other better, but maybe everything happens for a reason.”

“I’m sure it does,” he sighs, “Anyways, I’m glad you have her.”

“Thanks, me too. Lucas seems to hate it, though. He’s never outright said so, but he hates it when I talk about her and Tim, I can tell.”

“He’s jealous,” he confides, “Think about it. He was always the one you ran to before, and how often do you do that now? Probably not very, right?”

I sigh, getting that he’s right. “Everything changes, huh? Do you ever wish things could just stay the same? Like you could get them this perfect way, exactly how you always pictured things, and then they’d just stay that way forever?”

“You can’t always get what you want,” he laughs, “But what is your perfect way?”

I laugh nervously. “I don’t know. A year ago I knew, maybe even a few months ago I knew, but now everything is so skewed that I feel like I don’t even know who I am.”

He cocks his head to the side, looking intently at me. “I know who you are. You are Haley James, the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’re Haley James, the smartest person I’ve ever met, one of the only people who can get through to me. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re so beautiful. And you know what you want, and you should do anything and everything to get it.”

“You’re gonna make me cry,” I whisper, sipping my drink nervously, “But thank you. I don’t know how you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Make me blush, after all this time. God, you’ve seen me in ways and know things about me that no one else on this planet even has a clue about, and I can still blush at the drop of a hat around you.”

He laughs. “I’m gifted, maybe.”

“Maybe,” I concede. I pass him my drink and let him have a sip of it. “How come you’re being nice to me? You know I don’t expect you to, not after everything I’ve done and said.”

He shrugs. “Because it’s you, and it’s me. And I can’t imagine being mad at you for very long. And because I understand. I wanted to bash that pretty boy boyfriend of yours face in when I saw him kiss you on the cheek earlier. I just – I’m sorry.”

I look at him in surprise. “Sorry for what? Nate, you didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Sure I did,” he smiles, “I acted like a whiny brat a bunch of times to you. I should’ve at least – well, I could’ve done a lot of things different.”

I shrug. “We all could, at some point or another. Water under the bridge now, I guess, right?”

“Is it really?” I shrug again. “Well, no matter what it is, I’m here for you. I just – I can’t imagine you not being in my life in some capacity, Haley. You’ve meant too much for too long to just let go of you now.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know if that is such a good idea, Nathan. It didn’t work out so well so far, did it?”

“Okay, maybe not, but Haley, we can be friends. I know we can.”

I sigh. “Nathan, I don’t think we can. I don’t think that I can tease you and joke with your girlfriends and I don’t think I can borrow your sweatshirts or lay my head on your shoulders or let you wrap your arm around me during a scary movie. I can’t do that with you and not expect more.”

“So, what? You want to drop me? Kick me out of your life, pretend like what we have doesn’t matter, pretend like the past doesn’t exist.”

“No, it isn’t that. I just want to be able to move on. I don’t know what your secret is, but I haven’t gotten that part down yet. I’m not good at that.”

“Tell that to your pretty boy,” he snaps, pissed off.

“Stop it. Leave Jason out of this. This is about you and me and no one else.”

“So you don’t even want to try and be friends anymore?”

“It’s too hard,” I whisper.

And he walks out.

~*~

~September, 2007~

Nathan had stayed in Tree Hill for two weeks, the same as Lucas. But I didn’t see him at all after the party, not even from a distance. He stayed away when Lucas and I begged each other for forgiveness, and he stayed away every time we hung out after that. I think Luke felt trapped in the middle, having to divide his time between me and Nathan like that.

And I felt shitty for putting him in that position, but it had to be done. I had arrived at the inevitable conclusion that the only way to get Nathan Scott out of my system was to deny myself completely. Never mind that he was also a friend, not just a lover. Never mind that he had been the best support system I had for over three years. Never mind any of my ‘firsts’ that he owns. Never mind any of that.

Like I told him, it was too hard. If I had tried to maintain a relationship with him, it would’ve been too hard. I never would’ve gotten over him. Oh, hell, I’m not even over him yet, but at least now I have the chance to figure a way to get there. I’m just terrified it’ll take a really long time.

Jason has been really great through all this. I found out the next day from Tim that he and Jason had left to give Nathan and me time to work things out. They figured that I’d be less distracted if Jason wasn’t there. I suppose they are probably right, and I’m glad they left me to figure it out by myself without any outside pressure.

School has started again, so I’m seeing less of Jason. Of course, we spent the last few weeks of August almost constantly together when we weren’t working, so that was good. I got to know him a lot better. We’re actually officially dating now. It took long enough, since we’ve been seeing each other since May.

I’m laying on his bed in his fraternity right now, watching him try to find a matching tie to go with his new suit. He has a job interview for some part time work at a law firm tomorrow, and he’s so nervous that it’s cute.

“I told you I liked the dark purple one,” I remind him as he stares at his fistfuls of ties, “And seriously, Jase, why do you need so many ties?”

He laughs. “Because obviously this whole job thing is going to drive me insane and I’ll need something to hang myself with.” He sighs, laying down beside me. I roll onto my back so I can look at him better. He leans down and kisses me, his tongue playing across my lips. Just as I open mine, he pulls back to smile at me. “I’m glad you’re here. I know you have class tomorrow, and you’ll probably be tired, so I really appreciate it.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his face down close to mine. “I’m really glad to be here. Really glad.” I lean up and kiss him, this time sliding my tongue out to meet his. It is a sexy and hot kiss, and when he moves more fully over me, I moan and pull him closer.

“God, you feel good,” he mutters, dropping hot kisses on my neck. I’ll probably have a few hickeys tomorrow, but it will be totally worth Brooke and Tim’s teasing.

His hand slides up under my shirt, and at first I’m surprised – we haven’t gone this far yet – but I immediately relax and enjoy everything he does to me and everything I do to him.

~*~

“You okay?” he asks an hour later. One of his fraternity brothers had just barged in, catching us half asleep and fully naked, lying on his bed talking to each other. Of course now we’re up and he’s got his boxers and jeans back on, and I’ve got my panties and skirt on, searching for my bra.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was actually kind of funny when Matt came barreling in; you should’ve seen the look on your face,” I tease him.

“When did you turn into such an exhibitionist?” he asks, “And how can I work this to my advantage?”

I smack him playfully as I pick up my bra. “You know what, you better keep your mouth shut. I’d hate for you to ruin a good thing, here.”

After I finish putting on my bra, he pulls me to him. “A good thing, huh?” He leans down and kisses me softly.

”Well, yeah,” I say, suddenly shy, “It was good. I mean, it was good for me, I guess I shouldn’t presume it was good for you, though. But that’s me for ya, always assuming and stuff. Oh, God, I’m babbling.”

He bursts out laughing. “Oh, honey, it was good for me, too. But I like seeing you flustered like this.  It is very sexy,” he smiles, hugging me to him. He kisses my temple, leaning back. “Hey, you’re okay with this, right? I didn’t push you too fast?”

I look at him in disbelief for a second before bursting out laughing. He really is too good to be true, in some ways. “It’s been five months since we started seeing each other. I don’t think it is too soon at all.”

“Good,” he grins, pulling away from me. “Shit, I can’t stop smiling.” When I laugh, he turns back to me. “Hey, don’t laugh, it’s your fault. You make me smile.”

“Well, you have a similar effect on me, so I guess we’re even.”

“You know, this wasn’t how I pictured it.” I look at him questioningly. “Yeah, yeah, I pictured it,” he laughs at my expression, “Anyways, I just figured it’d be in a more romantic setting than my bedroom in the fraternity, you know? I hope you don’t mind too much.”

I laugh. “I don’t mind at all. At least you have your own room, right?”

“The benefits of being an upperclassman,” he confirms.

He’s holding my shirt. “You gonna give that back to me?” He shakes his head, so I lunge for it. He moves it out of my reach. “Hey, Jaaasoooon, give me my shirt!”

“What’ll you do to get it back?” he smirks, putting it within reach only to snatch it back before I can grab it.

“Ohhh, blackmail, nice,” I laugh, “You’re being a brat, you know that?”

He nods. “Yeah, but I have to tell you it is totally worth it. You do realize that you are practically dancing around my room, in only a bra and skirt, don’t you?”

I can feel my face heat up, knowing I’m turning red. “Did you plan that?” I ask suspiciously.

“No, it’s just a really nice bonus for me,” he laughs. I lunge for him, tackling him to the bed. This time when the door flies open and one of his brothers comes storming in, I’m straddling Jason, ass in the air, skirt flipped up for all to see. Instead of getting embarrassed, I just laugh. I laugh even harder when the guy who barged in gets over his shock and grins causing Jason to throw an empty beer bottle at him.

“This damn place needs lock,” he whines, “Stupid fire codes.”

“Aw, poor baby,” I tease, laying down on top of him. “You know what? I hate to do this, but I have to go. It’s almost six-thirty, and I told Karen I’d babysit Eric at seven.”

He groans. “Damn, okay.” He pulls his shirt on, giving me back mine. “I’ll walk you down.”

As we walk through the house, we are subjected to catcalls and tons of teasing, which has me laughing and Jason threatening his friends. He walks me all the way out to my car, which is a little much, but it’s sweet, so I don’t say anything.

“So, thank you,” I say, smiling, “I’m not really sure the etiquette of these situations.”

“Well, if there is supposed to be etiquette, I’m screwed,” he jokes, blushing when he realizes what he said, “Aw, crap, I can’t do anything right.”

I wrap a hand around the back of his neck pulling him down for a kiss. “Thank you for a really good afternoon.” He smiles at me as I get into my car. I glance up at his house, and there are at least twenty guys watching us. “Um, Jase? Are you sure you aren’t in a sorority?” I ask, pointing out all the guys.

He groans, “I’ll talk to them. I think they’re just shocked that I have a girlfriend.”

“And such a cute one at that,” I joke, turning the car on. He laughs, leaning in for one last kiss. “Wear the purple tie!” I yell as I pull away.

~*~

I make it all the way to Karen’s and get settled in the café with Eric and get her and Keith out the door before I collapse in the back. Luckily there is a new kid working out front, so I don’t have to worry about that.

It really isn’t that I regret sleeping with Jason, because I don’t. It was sweet and sexy and fulfilling, and I have no complaints in addition to no regrets. But at the same time, it is just weird now that I’m not with him to keep my thoughts completely on him. Of course, my thoughts drift to Nathan, and I wonder if he felt this weird sense of sadness the first time he slept with that ho-bag groupie girlfriend of his.

“Eric, what’s wrong with me?” I ask plaintively, making faces at him. “I have a great guy, who I adore and who is totally – “ I cover his ears, whispering this part, “hot in the sack, and I still think about Nathan. Am I insane?”

He giggles, waving his hands in the air.

“Is that a yes?” I tickle his chubby little belly. “Probably, huh?”

The door swings open, and Brooke steps in. “Ah, Tutor Girl, thought I’d find you here,” she grins. She stops short when she sees me. “Oh. My. God. You had SEX!” she squeals.

“What? How did you know that?” I gasp, “Oh, no, Tigger, tell me I don’t smell like it!”

She laughs, taking Eric from me. “No, no, I just know these things. I can tell by the look on your face.”

“What? I have a post-sex face?” I am thoroughly confused by her right now.

“I’m kidding. Actually, I talked to Matt. He told me he busted in on you two,” she laughs, “I wish I’d been there to see that!”

“Crap, I forgot you two had become buddy-buddy,” I sigh, laughing, “Oh, Tigger, you should’ve seen the look on poor Jase’s face when Matt came in. It was about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”

She giggles, bouncing Eric. “That’s what Matt said. So, congratulations on the sex. How was it?”

I blush, “God, I make it through getting barged in on not once, but twice – once buck naked, mind you – but now that you’re asking me about it, I can’t stop blushing. Go figure. Anyways, it was good. Very good.” I giggle. I freaking giggle. Unbelievable.

“Wow, you giggled,” she blinks, “It must’ve been good.” She looks at Eric. “Oh, this is too weird, talking about S-E-X in front of a baby.”

I laugh. “I was thinking the same thing a few minutes ago.”

“So, how are you?” she asks, changing the subject again.

“I’m fine. I told you, it was good.”

“No, I mean about Nathan. This was your first post-Nathan sex, right? Has to be weird, you’ve only been with one guy.”

“It wasn’t weird until I left Jason. And then it was a touch odd,” I admit. “I don’t regret it, but still, it’s just that a part of me had always thought Nathan would be the only one. I guess I’m a little sad, even though I’m happy Jason and I took the next step. Does that make ANY sense?”

“Not really,” she laughs, “No, I’m kidding, it does. Look, three years is a long time to be with just one guy. And you were sleeping with him for over two of those years. So obviously there are some strong feelings involved, and it is bound to be odd the first time you’re with someone new.”

“Not bad,” I reiterate, “Just not the same. And that’s good, it would’ve freaked me out of it was.”

She laughs. “You look happy,” she comments, “Happier than you’ve been since you and Nathan broke up for good, or whatever that was last month.”

“You mean since we cut off all communication?”

“Yeah, that,” she nods.

We chat for awhile more, and then she leaves me alone with Eric. I check in periodically up front, but spend the majority of the evening back here with him. Of course, the majority of my thoughts are occupied by Jason and to a lesser extent Nathan, but they aren’t really negative thoughts.

I guess I really am moving on. Finally.

Chapter 7 - 8

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