The Ones Left Behind

By Brynne

Chapter Three – Gypsy

‘She is dancing away from you now, She was just a wish, she was just a wish, And her memory is all that is left for you now, You see your gypsy...’ - Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac)

~*~November, 2006~*~

I’ve seen all the posters and pictures on the wall in Brooke’s bedroom about twenty times now, but they’re becoming extraordinarily fascinating as I focus on them to avoid hearing her conversation.

“Okay, I understand, Mom,” she sighs into the phone, “It’s not like this is the first Thanksgiving I’ll spend without you, right?”

I can’t help but wonder who she spends her holidays with, and a glance towards Tim tells me he’s wondering the same thing. I’m kinda in the same boat, my parents were never interested in family time or holiday celebrations, so we often skipped them, but I had Lucas, Karen, and Keith. But Brooke, well, I’m getting the feeling that once she stopped speaking to Pey, she didn’t have anyone.

She finishes up her conversation with her mother, pacing all the while, and then collapses onto the loveseat Tim is sitting on.

“I am so fucking sick of her,” she mutters. Tim puts a comforting arm around her shoulders, and she smiles sadly at him.

“It’ll be okay,” he tells her, “You can hang out with me for Thanksgiving. My family won’t mind at all.”

She smiles, a little less sad this time, “It’s not that, Tim. I mean, they’ve been gone for every major holiday that I can remember since, well, since I can remember, you know? But she acts like it is my fault or something. Like I did something to make them stay away.”

“Oh, that’s not true, Tigger,” I tell her, not liking her acting so depressed, “I don’t know what it is, but I know it wasn’t you.”

“I know that. But they pretend like they aren’t selfish bastards and that it was something I did. They’ve been doing it since I was a baby, though, so what could I have done then?”

Knowing it’s rhetorical, which is somewhat surprising for him, Tim asks, “What do you do when they’re gone? Whose house did you go to for holidays?”

“When I was little, there were nannies. I usually just stayed with them. I didn’t really get what a deal holidays were until kindergarten. And then, sometime after that, Peyton started inviting me over. After that? Well, I was old enough to know Santa Claus doesn’t exist, so it didn’t really matter.”

Tim and I exchange glances. “You shouldn’t be alone on holidays,” I tell her, grabbing her hand spontaneously, “Even if it’s not with family, you should be with friends. Or surrogate family.”

“Not all of us have that, Tutor Girl.”

“Well, you do now,” I tell her firmly. Tim nods in agreement. “If you don’t want to go with Tim, then you’re welcome to come with me to the café. That’s where I go every year,” I explain.

“Really?” Tim asks, “What about your family?”

“Same thing, kind of. Only my parents aren’t jetsetters, they just don’t care about holidays or celebrating. I mean, I have a lot of siblings, but they’re all way older. I think my parents were just tired of being parents by the time they had me.”

I can tell they’re both surprised. “I never knew that,” Brooke says softly, “You’re so together I just figured you had some sort of Brady Bunch upbringing or something.”

“Yeah, not so much. But Lucas, Karen, and Keith were a really great family for me, and then I had Nathan, Peyton, Jake, and Jenny, plus Jake’s parents and Deb. It wasn’t so bad. Maybe better, in some ways.”

“Sounds nice,” Brooke says wistfully.

“Well, then, that’s that. You’re coming with me to the café. Luke won’t be there, and it’s beginning to sound like Peyton won’t either, so you should be in the clear. I know Karen always liked you,” I inform her, which is true. Granted, she didn’t push Lucas to find out what happened with Brooke, but I do know she liked her.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” she sighs, “It’d be weird.”

“Any weirder than this?” Tim laughs, gesturing to the three of us.

“Wow, you know it’s a weird situation when Tim Smith gets the bizarreness of it,” Brooke deadpans.

He raises his hands in protest. “Hey now, I’m not stupid. I know that I was a jerk, especially to you and your friends, Haley, so it’s not like you guys have any reason to want to hang out with me.”

I ruffle his hair. “We’ve all done shitty things in the past, but there is no reason we can’t move past them now, right?”

He shrugs, looking semi-miserable. “I don’t know, maybe I don’t deserve it.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Brooke practically yells at him, “I mean, one minute we’re talking about my abandonment issues, and now you’re trying to martyr yourself over past behavior. I don’t get it.”

I can’t help but laugh at her speech. Tim looks at me in surprise, and Brooke glares at me. “Well, she’s right,” I choke out between laughs, “I mean, now is a pretty weird time to bring that up.”

“Now’s as good a time as any?” he suggests feebly, not believing it himself. We fix him with our best woman-do-what-we-tell-you-now stare, and he quickly caves. “Look, I guess I just felt guilty. I have ever since I started hanging with you two. I’ve been an ass to both of you, and, oh, I don’t know, there might’ve been a tiny part of me that thought this was some kind of revenge thing.”

I laugh. “I thought that about Brooke hanging out with me. Like it was to get back at Pey and Luke or something. She quickly disabused me of that notion.” I wink at her.

“Shit,” Brooke swears, then sighs, “Can’t this just be something that has nothing to do with past crap that’s happened? This is totally separate, and it shouldn’t be affected by what any of us have done in the past. It’s working out fine so far, right?”

I nod, kicking Tim on the leg so that he does the same. “Okay, how about this,” I start, “Fresh slate. Past screw ups are just that, the past. If someone messes up going forward, then we’ll deal with if it happens. Fair enough?”

“Sounds good to me,” Brooke bubbles in her trademark husky voice.

“Okay,” Tim says, taking a deep breath, “If you two are willing to cut me that slack, I won’t deny you the right.”

I cock my head to the side, looking at them. “So, what are we doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Argh, too much to deal with,” Brooke complains, “I can hardly think about what I’m going to wear tomorrow, let alone where I’ll be on a holiday that isn’t until – hey, when is it?”

“Next week,” I inform, getting up for a trip the mini-fridge by the door. I grab myself a water, a Diet Pepsi for Brooke, and a Coke for Tim.

“Next week? Where does time go?” she sighs. “So, I think this is the part where you each flatter me half to death trying to get me to attend your shindig!”

I roll my eyes at her. “Well, you know what? You are both welcome to come to the café. I’ll be there early helping with the cooking, so just let me know if you’re interested and I’ll put you on the list.”

I guess it’s kind of assy of me to want them there so badly; Tim has family he could be with, but I’d still prefer if he came to the diner. They’ve just become a new constant for me – always in class, always ready to hang out or study, always ready to chat, and always dragging me out to do new things.

It’s fun – I honestly never would’ve thoughtI’d be having this much fun now. I guess it’s easy to assume that spending the holidays with Tim and Brooke would be fun, too. Selfish, sure, but I can’t shake that thought. It’s like they’re my buffer against missing my ‘real’ friends, which isn’t fair to them at all. The mere thought actually makes me feel like all sorts of crap.

Brooke and Tim are discussing the best way to handle Brooke’s family-less Thanksgiving, so it’s easy to get lost in my own thoughts. Would I ditch these two if Nathan, Luke, Pey, and Jake were back? I want to say ‘no’, but in all honesty, I can’t.

“Earth to Haley, come in Haley,” Brooke spits out, partially amused that I’m so out of it, partially irritated that I’m not paying attention to her.

“Oh, sorry, what’d I miss?”

“Where’d you go? Thinking about Nathan again?” she asks, rolling her eyes.

“Not really,” I tell her, and it is somewhat honest, “I was just spacing out, not thinking of anything in particular.”

“Oh, okay,” she says, although she shares a dubious look with Tim, “I guess I – well, we – were just wondering if you were wishing your holiday would be different. Obviously we aren’t your first choice friends.”

She tries to make it sound like a joke, but like they say, behind every joke lies some truth. “It’s not that at all,” I try, going for the brush- off, “You know I miss them all, but that doesn’t lessen the time we’ve spent together.”

“Hey, that works for me,” Tim laughs, “What’s that dipshit poem? ‘Make new friends, but keep the old’?”

“’One is silver and the others gold’!” Brooke and I finish, singing.

“Oh, my God, we totally sang that at summer camp,” Brooke laughs, “I can’t believe you know that song, Tim!”

“I didn’t know it was a song,” he mutters, looking at us like we’ve lost our minds. Probably because we’re laughing like maniacs. Whatever.

Brooke jumps up, moving away from the loveseat she was sitting on with Tim to come over and squeeze into the chair I’m sitting in with me. She elbows me lightly. “He is so lying,” she smirks, “I’ll bet you fifty bucks that he sang that song in Cub Scouts or some shit.”

I crack up, “Oh, can’t you just picture a tiny, little Tim in a little Scout uniform? Oh, my God, Brooke, he was Tiny Tim!”

She and I are both doubled over as Tim rolls his eyes and tries to look pissed off at us. “You two are really immature, you know that?”

“Not as immature as you in your tiny Scout uniform!” Brooke retorts, clutching her stomach she’s laughing so hard, “Did you have the shorts with the knee-high socks? Because that would’ve been so great!”

“I wasn’t in Scouts,” he reasserts, but we just ignore him.

“Brooke! We need pictures! I want to see Tiny Tim in his little Scouts uniform with the shorts and the vest and the socks!”

She gasps, “I bet his mom has some!”

I squeal, clapping my hands, which is awkward to do with Brooke half on my lap. Tim groans, “No, no, stay away from my mom, she doesn’t have any pictures of that, I swear!”

“Ooh, even if she doesn’t, I’m sure she has other embarrassing ones!”

“Naked tub pictures!” we say in unison causing Tim to bury his head in his hands, groaning. Brooke and I are cracking up.

~*~

Thanksgiving rolls around, and it’s official – Jake and Jenny are the only ones coming back, and they’ll be spending the day with his family. We’ve made plans to get together a few times while he’s in town, but I’ll be old friend-less for the first holiday in forever.

Tim is spending the afternoon with his family, and Brooke is joining him, but I’ve talked them into coming by the café in the evening. Karen and Keith are perfectly fine with it. In fact, I’m guessing that Karen is relishing it a little bit since Lucas won’t be around and this will be the smallest gathering for a holiday here since Peyton, Nathan, and Jake joined me and Lucas’s group.

“How’s school going, Haley?” Karen asks as I set the table.

“It’s okay. My classes are pretty easy, but studying with Tim and Brooke helps to make it more interesting. Or fun, at least. I guess it’s hard to infuse interest into biology if it isn’t pre-existing for you.”

“Sounds true to me,” she smiles.

“How are you doing?” She’s about five and a half months pregnant now, and she just glows. I’ve never seen a person so literally radiate happiness. It’s amazing.

“Aside from missing Lucas, I don’t think I’ve ever been better. Keith and I are doing well, and I’ve got this little bundle to look forward to,” she gestures to her stomach.

“Keith must be thrilled beyond belief. I love seeing you guys so happy,” I tell her seriously, impulsively grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

“I know you do, sweetheart. And I’m glad to see you smiling so much more now, too. You’re really developing a friendship with Brooke and Tim, aren’t you?”

I smile a little. “Yeah, it’s weird, but we are.”

“Why is it weird?”

I shake my head. “Wow, and I thought Lucas told you everything.” We both laugh. “No, it’s just each of my old friends dislikes one of them for some reason or another, or they dislike one of my old friends. You’d think it would be really uncomfortable, right? I guess because they haven’t all been in the same room yet, it hasn’t.”

She looks at me thoughtfully. “I know some of the history with Tim and Brooke, especially the whole Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton saga and Tim’s hand in hazing Luke. But when you get older, stuff like that tends to fade into the woodwork a little. Who doesn’t change throughout high school? Hell, look at Dan Scott – would you ever have thought he’d get to a point where’d he’d fly across the country to watch Lucas play basketball?” I chuckle, shaking my head ‘no’. “There’s good in everyone, Haley.”

“Yeah, there sure is. Thank you for letting me invite them, by the way. I didn’t realize how important they’d become in my life until the Thanksgiving thing came up and it hit me that I wanted to spend it with them.”

“As long as they’re friends to you, then they’re more than welcome here,” she smiles before she gets up to head back in the kitchen. She has perfect timing, as my phone starts ringing.

“Peyton!” I greet, after glancing at the caller ID, “Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Back at you! You will never guess where I am right this second!”

“Um, New York City, at some fabulously quirky little art gallery listening to angst-y punk music being fawned over by a hot Indie guy?”

She laughs. “Oh, how well you know my dream day. But no, that is not where I am. Oh, no, my darling Haley James, I am about two blocks away from Karen’s Café, which is where I assume you are right now.”

I squeal. “Shut up! Oh, my God, I thought you were staying in the City! Why didn’t you tell me, I’d have picked you up at the airport!”

“I wanted to surprise you, but then I couldn’t wait any longer! I hear Jake is in town, are he and Jen coming to dinner?”

“Nope, they aren’t,” I tell her, realizing that Brooke and Pey in the same place will not be such a great thing, “Look, Pey, I have to tell you something. Brooke is going to be at dinner. With Tim Smith.”

She groans. “But I give her indigestion, amongst a ton of other ailments, I’m sure. Damn, now I really wish I’d have told you beforehand.”

I don’t tell her that I’d have still invited them. “Look, I just wanted you to be forewarned. Um, I’m kind of guessing that Brooke isn’t going to be thrilled to see you.”

“Forewarned is forearmed?” she questions with a sigh.

”Something like that. Look, I’ll try and get her to be on her best behavior. I don’t want to tell her beforehand because I’m afraid she’ll back out.”

“You guys are getting close, huh?” She sounds a little hurt, but she doesn’t say anything other than that, so I don’t push the matter.

“We spend a lot of time together,” I tell her carefully, “And since I’m gathering holidays are rough on her, I don’t want to chase her away.”

“Yeah, no, you’re right, absolutely. Would it be better if stayed away? We could hang out tonight, I mean, assuming you don’t have plans.”

She comes walking in the door, and I squeal, turning my phone off and running to her for a hug. “I can’t believe I’m here!” she laughs, squeezing me tight.

“Me neither! This is so awesome, Pey, I’ve missed you so much!” I grab the coffee pot as she sits down. “So, tell me all about New York, it sounds so exciting and perfect for you.”

She laughs. “Yeah, it really is. Everything about it is opposite of Tree Hill, and it’s working out pretty nice for me. And classes are even going well.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Pey. I’m happy you’re happy.” I smile genuinely at her.

“What about you? How’s everything here going for you so far? All I know about is Brooke and Tim – what else is going on?”

I shrug, unsure how to describe it. “It’s weird, but it’s kind of a ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same’ situation here in old Tree Hill.” I laugh, causing her to raise her eyebrows at me. “Sorry, I was just laughing at my overuse of the word ‘weird’ lately.”

“Well, as far as a word goes to describe how life is these days, that one works for me. Or crazy. That one works, too.”

It’s fun, being with Peyton again, but it’s weird, too. I know she’s not okay that I’ve been hanging out with Brooke, and that she doesn’t want to say so, though. I wish she’d just say it, though, but leaving it this way means we can both pretend it isn’t there.

“What time are they coming over?” she asks quietly.

“Around 6, I think. They’re going to Tim’s parents for Thanksgiving lunch, and then dropping by here to keep Karen, Keith, and I company.”

“It’s just y’all? I can’t remember there ever being so few people here for a holiday,” she says, shaking her head.

“Well, Lucas and his friends are mostly gone,” I point out gently, “And while Dan is acting human, I don’t know if anyone is really ready for a family Thanksgiving.”

She shudders. “Now that would give new meaning to the word ‘weird’. I think the world would forgive you for your overuse of the word then,” she giggles.

“I’ve ran into him a couple of times,” I confide, “And he keeps trying to get me to go over to the dealership. Says he’d work out a really great deal for me on a new car. I don’t know whether to be flattered or afraid.”

Her eyes are wide. “Maybe a little of both?”

“Probably,” I agree, “I don’t know, but he does seem different. Even Lucas has said so.”

“Have you talked to him much? Or Nathan?”

I shrug. “I talked to both of them a lot, but now that basketball is full swing, not so much. They’re so busy that they don’t have time to talk. At least to me – they talking to you much?”

“Oh, no, not at all, really. And you know, it was okay, I have been busy, too. I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I got here with you. At least Jake is in town. And hey, we’re still going to go catch a game over Christmas break, right?”

I nod, remembering her suggestion that go watch either Luke or Nathan play basketball, choosing who to see based on their locations. “Yeah, that’d be fun. I think Lucas’s team will be in Florida. That’s close enough that it won’t be too expensive.”

“Sounds good to me. You sure you don’t want to go wherever Nathan will be?” she asks, looking at me intently.

“He’ll be in Arizona. I mean, nice weather, yeah, but what is there to do there?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure there’s something. If you want to go there, we can. I’m sure Luke would understand.”

She smiles a little, shaking her head. “Well, whatever you say. And anyways, Florida definitely sounds more fun.”

“It’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s.”

“Perfect, I kinda wanted to be in New York for New Year’s. Unless you wanted me to hang around.”

“Oh, no, no, you should be in New York. It’ll be your first New Year’s there, and I don’t know anyone who’d rather be in Tree Hill!”

“You’re more than welcome to come visit,” she smiles, “It’d be tons of fun. You, me, a city at our fingertips. Come on, Hales, come visit!”

I laugh at her. “You’re wandering dangerously close to whining territory, you know, and that isn’t going to get you anywhere with me.”

“Hah, I should’ve known. All those years with the Scott brothers has turned you immune to the whining. Damn. I should’ve known, seriously!”

I nod, winking at her. “You definitely should’ve. Well, you’re okay with dinner with Brooke and Tim, right? I mean, I can’t un-invite them.”

“No, you shouldn’t even if you could. It’ll be fine, I’ll just sit far away from her, and I’ll even promise to ignore all of her catty comments, okay?”

I look at her, remembering something that Brooke had told me, but unsure if this was even any of my business. Deciding if it’s not she can tell me to butt out, I ask, “What happened with you and Brooke? She said that you guys were on the path towards making up, and then – well, obviously it didn’t happen.”

I don’t think I should reveal that Brooke told me Pey ‘chose’ Lucas over Brooke when Brooke asked her not to see Lucas. Even though Brooke felt it was fine if I knew, I don’t know how Pey feels about it.

She sighs. “She just couldn’t get over it. She thought she could, I believed her, and then she flipped out about it. Couldn’t stand me again.”

I don’t know if I’m surprised or not that she’s sugar-coated the truth, but I shrug it off, figuring it isn’t my business. “Okay,” I smile.

“Why, did she say something different?” she asks, sounding defensive.

“She hasn’t said much about it at all, Peyton.” I shrug, “I don’t know, I think it’s still a sore spot for her, and maybe she’s not exactly ready to face it yet.”

Peyton rolls her eyes. “I doubt it’s that much of a sore spot, Haley. She has thrown it back in my face a thousand times how much she hates me. Sore for me, is more like it.”

I nod, letting it go. I disagree with her, but dragging this conversation out isn’t going to do anyone any good, so it’s pointless.

“Well,” I say, clearing my throat, “Hopefully things will stay calm tonight. I think Karen is looking forward to having people here.”

She smiles slightly. “Yeah, I bet. There’s definitely an empty feeling here that I can’t ever remember experiencing before.”

Could she rub it in a little more? No, that’s not fair, she’s not saying this to hurt me, I know that. “She misses Luke a lot, and it is definitely more quiet around here these days.”

“Time marches on, huh?”

I laugh. “Yeah, no stopping it. It’s not such a bad thing, though.”

“Shut up. Don’t tell me that Haley “I hate change, change is the work of the devil” James is learning to accept and embrace change.”

I roll my eyes, shoving her lightly. “You’re a brat. Anyways, I wouldn’t say that. Change still freaks me out, but I am willing to admit it isn’t always the worst thing in the world.”

“Wow, I’m impressed. That is a big admission from one Haley James. I think this warrants a call to Nathan,” she teases, whipping out her phone, scrolling through her address book.

I’m positive she’s bluffing, so I ignore her, even when she starts talking to ‘Nathan’ and ‘Haley has started accepting change’. When she says ‘Sure, here she is’, I just roll my eyes at her and take the phone, ready to call her bluff.

“Hi Nate!” I chirp into the phone, “Yes, I have accepted change. In fact, now I embrace it and I welcome and I want more of it. Everything that has happened in the last few months have been wonderful and beautiful, and I wouldn’t change a second of it. Oh, and all the sex with strangers that I’ve been having has been great. That good enough for ya, Pey?”

“Haley?”

I drop the phone like it burned me. I look up to see Peyton staring at me with a horrified look on her face. “Peyton, I thought you were joking!” I yell, breathing hard in my surprise.

“Well, sorry! Don’t just stand there like a moron, Haley, pick up the phone and talk to him!”

I groan, knowing automatically that this phone call can’t go anywhere good. “Nathan?” I whisper, “Please say something and tell me you didn’t hang up on me for being a big shit. Please?”

“Haley,” he sighs, “What the hell is going on?”

“Oh, Nathan, I’m so sorry, I thought Peyton was messing around when she said you were on the phone,” I try to explain, glaring at her. She shrugs back, mouthing an apology. “I was just playing around.”

“How many guys have you had one night stands with?” he asks, sounding uncomfortably (for me) close to tears.

“God, Nathan, none! You know me better than that! That was purely for Pey’s benefit.  It was just a joke! I can’t believe you’d think I was sleeping with strangers.”

“You said it, not me,” he retorts, “Look, Haley, what’s going on? Why is Pey there?”

“She came back for her break instead of staying in New York. And we were just goofing around. When I told her I was getting used to all the change I’ve been going through, she pounced on it and called you. That’s all, I swear it was nothing.”

“I don’t even know what to think anymore, Haley J,” he says, his use of my nickname slightly reassuring.

“Nathan, come on, you know how it is.”

“Do I?” he challenges, “Because if I did, maybe I’d understand why you won’t let us be together. Maybe then I’d understand even a little of this. But I don’t, so maybe I don’t know how it is, either.”

I don’t even know what to say. Maybe he’s right – maybe there is no way for me to make him understand this, although I tend to believe it is just more unwillingness on his part. This is just out of hand now.

“Nathan, look, it was a stupid misunderstanding of a joke. If you want to be mad at me because of it, I guess that’s your right.”

“That’s not why I’m mad at you, Haley. I’m just mad you’re pushing me so far away. I hate feeling so separated from you, especially since I know you want it that way.”

I nod, although he can’t see it. “Nathan, I’m just trying to do what’s best.” Peyton looks at me sympathetically. I sigh, feeling tears coming on. “Why can’t you understand that I can’t let you limit yourself to me?”

“Ah, so that really is what it’s all about? You really think that if we stayed together you’d be holding me back or something? Haley, that’s just not the case. I love you,” he states, causing my tears to spill over, “And that’s not going to change because you tell me it should. That’s ridiculous!”

I don’t know what to do anymore. “Maybe it is ridiculous,” I concede, “But it is what it is, and I’m not changing my mind. Nathan, you are some young, hotshot basketball player, and I will not be the one to hold you down, okay? In ten years, I would die if you woke up one morning and realized you hated me for holding you back. Die, do you understand that?”

He sighs into the phone. “Hales, it couldn’t be like that. Do you have any idea how much I love you? Need you? You’re my world, you’re the only person I trust one hundred percent, and I don’t mind telling you, it’s getting harder and harder to keep trusting you like that when you’re doing this.”

I start full-on crying. Peyton moves over to me, wrapping her arms around me from behind. “Why does this have to be so hard?” I choke out, “Why can’t we just be friends?”

“Why can’t we be friends?  Haley, after all we’ve been through, that’s just barely even a possibility. We were lovers, Haley, soulmates, and – well, you know.” He can’t even say it now, and I don’t blame him.

“I know, I know how much more than friends we were, but Nathan, I don’t think it’s in either of our best interests to try and continue that now.”

“No?” he challenges, “Well, I’m miserable here. And I know – I know – Haley, that I’d be a thousand times happier if you would stop this ridiculous break up. And you, are you happy?”

I try and choose my words carefully. “I’m not unhappy, Nathan. I’ve made some friends, and I have fun occasionally.”

“Well, good for you.” Click.

“Fuck,” I curse, “He hung up on me. I can’t believe this.”

Pey wraps her arms tighter around me. “It’ll be okay, Hales. He’ll get over it, we both know he will. Nathan isn’t one to hold grudges.”

I shake my head, pulling away. “I don’t know. I think this is it, I’ve finally driven him away, Pey. I know I’ve said that before, but it was different this time. Things are different now, and I hate it.”

“Hate it like you’re having second thoughts about breaking up with him?”

“No, I maintain that was the right decision. What I told him is true, I’m afraid he’d stay with me and regret it some day. I couldn’t live with that, Pey, I just couldn’t.”

She pulls away from me. “Okay, so if nothing is going to change, stop moping. Obviously you aren’t going to get through to Nate, so maybe this just needs to end quickly. Rip that band-aid off.”

I roll my eyes at her, a little pissed she’s being this way when she knows how huge and hard this is for both myself and Nathan. “That’s impossible. There is no way I can do that, and I don’t even know why you would think I possibly could!”

She holds her hands up. “Fine, sorry. I was just thinking that this has gone on long enough, and that dragging it out anymore is detrimental to you both.”

“So, what? Cut him off? Ignore his calls, ignore wanting to talk to him as a friend? I can’t do that, Peyton, not to him, or me.”

“It was just a suggestion, Hales, don’t get so defensive.”

I nod, sitting back down across the table from her. She takes the seat I had vacated. “Sorry, Pey. I’m just stressed about this shit. More than I knew, I guess.”

She nods. “I know, I’m sorry. There I go again, not minding my own business. I know you’ll figure out a way to do what’s best for all of you.”

“I just wish – well, in all honesty, I wish that we didn’t love each other so much. That makes it so damn hard.”

“Maybe its just lust now?” she suggests.

“It was never really about lust for us,” I tell her with a sigh, “But it’d be easier if it was. It’s so hard this way.”

She nods, about to say something when the door swings open. “Keith!” she exclaims with a grin, “How are you? Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Hey ladies,” he smiles, “It’s good to see both of you.” He gives Peyton a hug. “How’s the big city treating you?”

“It’s great, I love it there.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” he smiles, “Okay, I have to get upstairs. Karen gets, uh, a little moody these days.”

Pey nods, looking confused. “Why is she moody? Something going on?”

I realize no one mentioned the pregnancy to her. “Oh, my God, Luke didn’t tell you? Karen is pregnant!”

She gasps goofily. “Shut up! That is so awesome! How come no one ever tells me the good stuff?” she pouts.

I shrug. “I figured Luke was bragging to everyone he knew who would listen. Especially now that they’re telling people, too.”

She smiles brightly. “Well, that’s wonderful. Are they finally going to bite the bullet and get married?”

I cringe briefly at her words, but hope it doesn’t show. “I don’t know, not that I’ve heard. It feels like it’s inevitable, though.”

“Yeah, it definitely does. They’re meant to be. Some people just are,” she says cryptically, “And some aren’t.” She adds extra emphasis to ‘aren’t’.

I ignore that. “Yeah, well, they’ll do it when they’re ready.”

The afternoon passes quickly. Karen and I finish up the food while Peyton heads to her dad’s place to fix herself up, so she isn’t here when Brooke and Tim arrive. Brooke, true to form, bounces over and hugs me. Tim hugs me, too, but much more sedately.

“Tigger, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?”

She nods, looking baffled. “Well, I should warn you that I don’t know much about cooking. In fact, not much means none, in this case. So if you have questions about the stuffing or something, you might want to get Karen.”

I laugh. “It’s not a cooking question.” I grab her hand. “Just come with me.”

“I told you I don’t swing that way, Tutor Girl,” she jokes, “So what the hell is going on?”

Just then the door opens, and Peyton steps in. I cringe, and Brooke turns around, seeing her. She turns back to me, calmly squeezes my hand and pulls me into the kitchen.

“What the hell is she doing here, Haley?” Ouch, first name.

“I’m sorry, that’s why I was dragging you in here. She called earlier this afternoon, and just showed up. Please believe that I didn’t know!” If someone had told me five months ago that I’d be practically begging Brooke Davis for anything, I’d have laughed in their face. But here we are.

She sighs, looking tense. “I just – I don’t know if I can sit there with her, at the same table, for an entire meal. Especially a long one like Thanksgiving.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay. Fair enough. If you can’t stay, I’ll understand, but I’d really like it if you did.”

She peers at me. “Yeah, I think you would.” She says it like she’s surprised – I don’t know, maybe she is.

“I would. Not only me, but Karen, too. She likes you a lot, Tigger, so it’d be a shame for you to leave just because Peyton’s here.”

She slings an arm around my neck. “You know what? I am not going to leave. You and Tim are here, Karen is here, and it would be really nice to spend a holiday with people who actually want me around. And I won’t let her drive me off with my tail between my legs again”

“Good,” I tell her, returning her embrace, “We definitely want you here. Plus, you won’t find better food anywhere else.”

“Oh, Tutor Girl, how well you know me,” she mutters, rolling her eyes, “Food is so high up on my list.”

“Enough with the sarcasm!” I tell her.

She shrugs. “Can I help it if my wit overwhelms you? I think not.”

“Okay,” I laugh, “So you ready to go back out there?”

“No, first I want you to tell me what’s bothering you.”

“What? Why would something be bothering me? I’m fine, Tigger, don’t worry about me.” I smile at her, trying to convince both of us.

“You’re a liar,” she retorts.

“Honestly, come on. What good would it do for me to lie about something bothering me? None. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Tutor Girl, haven’t we established I’m not a total moron?” I nod. “Okay, so I can tell that something is bugging you. I’ve spent enough time with you to realize that by now.”

I sigh, realizing I ain’t winning this fight. “Fine, Peyton and I were talking about how I’ve kind learned to accept change a little, so she pretended to call Nathan, and when she gave me the phone, I said a whole bunch of shit about how great my life is now, how many guys I’ve slept with, blah blah blah I’m stupid.”

“Huh. And he was really on the phone?” I nod miserably. “And he threw a fit, obviously, or else you wouldn’t be upset about it. Tell him to get a life next time.”

“Like I can do that,” I scoff.

“He might disagree with your decision to break up, and yeah, that’s his choice. But it doesn’t give him the right to treat you like crap,” she points out.

“Thanks,” I tell her, squeezing her hand. Right or wrong, it’s nice to have someone completely on my side, biased or not. “You ready to head out there?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” she smiles. It’s a nervous smile, though, which catches my attention.

“It’ll be okay, Tigger, I’m sure Peyton will be on her best behavior. And you two will sit at opposite ends of the table.”

“Thanks. Okay, let’s go.”

We go back out there, finding Tim and Peyton quietly conversing. Tim looks relieved to see us for whatever reason, and makes a beeline towards Brooke, guiding her to a chair away from Peyton. I pick what I hope is a neutral seat right in the middle, not too close or too far from anyone.

Karen and Keith come in, each carrying platters of food. “Can we help?” Tim asks.

“No, no, you kids stay seated and visit. We don’t mind at all,” Keith smiles, “Oh, and in case anyone has moral opposition to my brother, which isn’t so impossible, he and Deb will be stopping by for dessert.”

Peyton particularly looks surprised and fascinated by this, and when Karen and Keith are back in the kitchen asks, “So, it really is one big, happy Scott family now, huh?”

I shrug. “Dunno about that, but things are definitely improved. Dan really is different, I guess.”

Tim nods. “I ran into him last night, and he was not only cordial, but actually friendly. It was a little unnerving.”

I laugh. “That’s how I felt the first time he was nice to me. Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it seems genuine, surprisingly enough. Even now that Nathan is gone, he’s still being freakishly nice to me.”

Brooke smirks, “Well, I wouldn’t trust him. Can you really forget the years where he was the town terror?”

“Excuse me,” Peyton growls, “But if that was a thinly veiled insult directed at me, then save your breath, Brooke.”

Peyton has a very malicious look on her face, and I can tell the possibility of bloodshed is there. Brooke, for her part, does look confused.

“It had nothing to do with you, Peyton. I’m sure it’s shocking, but the whole world? It does not revolve around you.” She rolls her eyes and tosses her hair. Tim catches my eye and mimes diving under the table for cover. I almost laugh, but hold it in. “But for the record, trust isn’t something I’d recommend anyone give freely to you either, Peyton,” she finishes.

“So, Peyton, how’s life in New York?” Tim asks, jumping in.

“It’s fine,” she mutters mindlessly, turning back to Brooke, “There are tons of girls on the street corners that remind me of you. I’m sure you’d fit right in with them.”

“Peyton!” I gasp, appalled, but unsure what else to say.

Brooke shakes her head. “It’s okay, Tutor Girl. Don’t worry about it.” She calmly picks up her water glass and takes a sip.

Karen and Keith come back in with the rest of the food, mercifully putting an end to wherever this conversation was going. Karen says a brief grace, and then we all dig in, except Peyton, who sits there and pouts.

Brooke bounces back nicely, though, engaging everyone except Peyton in conversation. Peyton mopes throughout the entire dinner, politely speaking only to Karen and Keith, who, for their part, try to ignore the obvious tension in the room. Tim also does his best to ignore the tension.

Peyton ignores every attempt I make at including her in the conversation, so I basically give up trying. What’s the point when she is so obviously set in this funk? All in all, aside from the tension it’s okay. Tim is on his best behavior so there are no threesome jokes, and Brooke proves to be as charming with adults as she can be with our peers.

When dinner is over, Karen and Keith insist upon clearing the table themselves, not allowing any of us to help. I’m tempted to do so anyways; the tension in here is almost too thick to bear. Once they’re in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, Peyton grabs me by the arm and drags me outside.

“What the hell is going on, Hales? Why are you taking that bitch’s side?”

I gape at her. I don’t know what to say. “Peyton, since when do you have such hate for Brooke? I mean, I know you guys aren’t on good terms, but you always sounded so sad when you talked about her and what happened.”

“Yeah, well, that’s just not the case, is it?” she snaps, “And you! I can’t believe how you are treating her. You’re acting like she hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“Well, she hasn’t,” I tentatively inform her.

Wrong thing to say. She practically explodes. “Goddammit, Haley! She comes into the café owned by the mother of one of my best friends, commandeers the attention of one of my other best friends, and I’m the bad guy! What the hell is that?” she screams.

“Peyton, calm down,” I implore, “This isn’t doing anyone any good!”

“Shut up! Don’t tell me what’s good and what isn’t!” she shouts as she gestures wildly, “You don’t have a clue how I’m feeling right now!”

I shake my head at her. “So what? You think this is helping? You think I can understand better when you scream at me like I’ve done something wrong? Pey, this is ridiculous!”

She just glares at me. “I should’ve known, I’m sure. Of course you’d take her side. God, how could I be so stupid as to think you were actually my friend?”

I just gape at her. I don’t know what else there is for me to do. “Peyton, where is this coming from? You know you’re my friend and you know I love you! This is just so out of the blue, I don’t get it!”

“You know what? I have to go. There are countless other places I could be where I’d actually be welcome. I think I’ll go to one of those.” And with that, she storms off to her car. I stare after her for a minute, kind of unsure what to do.

“Haley? Are you okay?” I look up, stupidly surprised to see Deb and Dan staring at me, Dan waiting for an answer to his question.

“Uh, I guess you saw that, huh?” I ask with a little laugh, “I’m sorry, I just – I don’t know what’s going on.”

Deb walks over and puts an arm around me. “Oh, honey, what happened?”

I shrug helplessly. “She wasn’t supposed to come home for Thanksgiving, but she called me earlier from just outside the diner. And then after dinner, she freaked out at me because I had invited Brooke and Tim. I don’t know why, she’s always said she wanted to reconcile with Brooke, but now she’s acting like she hates both of us.” I know I sound bewildered, but I can’t help it.

“Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding,” Dan suggests, “Or holiday stress?”

I manage a small smile at him. “Maybe, I don’t know. It was just weird. And today, ugh, today has been a nightmare.” And I really don’t want to think it, but I can’t help but notice that Peyton started every aspect of the nightmare.

He smiles back as I take one of the three pies he’s carrying from him. “Well, things have a way of working themselves out. If I’m not living proof of that, then nothing is,” he jokes.

Deb groans, “Oh, Dan, don’t remind us, please! Now, Haley, aside from this trouble, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, but Dan told me he ran into you last Monday.”

“I’m okay, really. School and work are keeping me nice and busy,” I tell her, “And yes, I ran into Dan. He’s still trying to get me to buy a new car from him.”

He smirks. “I’m just saying I think you should have more reliable transportation, and I am just the guy to get you the perfect deal!”

Deb pats him on the back. “That’s my husband, a real humanitarian,” she jokes, and I laugh, but only after they both do. This is still so surreal; I think Nathan would be having apoplexy if he were here to witness this.

We all head back inside, Brooke and Tim looking at me in concern as I set the pie down on the table. I smile at them, mouthing ‘later’ so that they know I’m not going to talk about it now. Dessert is fun, though, and despite a tiny bit of awkwardness, it turns out to be the best part of the day.

Once dessert is over, Deb and Karen clean up while Dan and Keith stay and chat with us. It is so weird to see those two interact on a brotherly level. Well, it’s weird to see Dan interact with anyone on any kind of normal level. But when he says that he and Deb are discussing having another child, it doesn’t seem like the most appalling thing in the world.

Keith grins at this news, and tells him that it’d be nice for his and Karen’s child to have someone to grow up with. Brooke and Tim congratulate him and wish him luck, although Brooke looks quite skeeved out that someone of Dan and Deb’s advanced age would be trying for children.

I smile genuinely at him. “Nathan would really love to have a younger sibling. He’d spoil him or her like crazy, but he’d really love it. And Lucas would, too.” I’m not as sure about Lucas, but I know that if he can accept and come to love Nathan, then he’d do the same for a baby.

His face lights up. “You think so? I know it’s asking a lot, but I’d like to form some kind of family with them. And if we do have another child, I’d like them to be happy about it. Or at least accepting. I can’t ask too much,” he sighs.

Keith pats him on the shoulder in that manly, jock way. “It’ll all work out, Dan.”

Brooke, Tim, and I leave shortly after that, but not before I promise Dan I’ll stop by the dealership next Monday and look at cars with him. Karen and Deb both give me warm hugs, and Keith ruffles my hair the way he has since – well, since I can remember. We take a walk while we decide what we’re going to do tonight.

“That was a weird meal,” Tim says, breaking the silence, “I remember sophomore year, how much Nathan hated Lucas and Dan hated, well, everybody, and it just makes that whole scene so hard to believe.”

“Tell me about it,” I laugh.

“What happened with Peyton?” Brooke asks, “She seemed really upset. We could see out the window, not that we were watching.”

I shrug, unsure what to say. Fact of the matter is that I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why Peyton freaked out when she’s always said that she wishes her and Brooke could mend things.

“I don’t know what happened. She just started screaming at me, and then stomped off in a huff. Apparently I’m evil for taking someone’s side beside hers.”

“Mine, you mean,” Brooke states, “Look, I’m really sorry that my presence caused you so many problems. I, um, I didn’t want that.”

“I know,” I tell her, smiling, “And it’s not like you did anything wrong. She just – you know, she’s always – always – said that she hated how your friendship ended, that she wanted to be your friend again. So, why would she treat you like this? I don’t get it.”

Brooke looks like she wants to say something, but just shrugs instead.

“Maybe she’s just doing another of her moody, pseudo punk things,” Tim contributes, “I remember Peyton getting randomly pissy occasionally for no reason other than....well, no reason, I guess.”

Brooke laughs bitterly. “Well, she’ll come around, Tutor Girl, you’ll be as chummy as always soon, I’m sure.”

“We’ll see, I guess.”

Tim snorts, “Why would you want to be friends with such a bitch anyways? I’m sorry, but that’s just stupid.”

I laugh. “Maybe you’re right. But she isn’t always like this. In fact, I’ve never seen her like this, that’s why it’s so hard to figure out what the hell is going on.”

Tim pats me on the head. I raise an eyebrow at him, silently questioning his methods of affection. “I don’t know, you looked like you needed comfort.”

“So you pat her on the head?” Brooke asks, “Real slick there, stud!”

I laugh at the two of them. “Y’all are freaks, but I have to admit that I kind of like that about you.”

Brooke curtsies and Tim just smiles kind of, well, dumbly. “We aim to please, right Slick?” Brooke smiles, elbowing Tim on her way up from her curtsy.

“Oh, yeah,” he agrees, “I like to do some pleasing. If you know what I mean.” We both groan as he waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, gag me,” I laugh, linking arms with Brooke, “That’s classy Tim.”

“Yeah, remind me why you’re single again,” Brooke requests, giggling, “Because you’re such a catch that I just can’t get it!”

~*~

Christmas came and went, and it was pretty much how I predicted it would be – lonely, sad, a little miserable, but also good. Peyton came back to Tree Hill again, and she and I patched things up enough that I accepted her last minute gift of plane tickets to Florida to see Luke play.

Things are still tense between us, and sitting here next to her on the plane, I’m beginning to realize that I have no idea what to say to her. How did this happen?

“Haley?” she says tentatively.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about Thanksgiving. I know I haven’t said that, and I really know that I should’ve – no, could’ve – but I’ve been selfish and haven’t.”

“You know, I’d really rather not talk about that, Peyton. It just, well, I don’t know if anything we say about it is going to change anything, so why bother? Last time we talked about it, you stormed off.”

“Couldn’t we chalk that up to heat of the moment or something?” she asks, nervous sounding. I really couldn’t give a shit how nervous she is; she brought all of this on herself and me. No sympathy from me.

“No, we can’t,” I tell her bluntly, “And that’s exactly why I don’t think we should be having this conversation. Nothing good will come of it.”

She looks rather dumbfounded. “I – I, well, fine. Whatever you want. But this is really something we should talk about Hales. We’re friends, we’ve been friends for several years now, and I hate that there is this thing between us right now.”

“Peyton, I don’t know what to say. I just do not know how to reconcile your behavior at the café on Thanksgiving with the Peyton I’ve known since sophomore year! It was so uncalled for, so out of character, but it happened. I can’t forget that, I can’t forget the look on Brooke’s face.”

Peyton snorts. “She’s really done a number on you, Haley James.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask quietly.

“She’s got you believing that she has the capacity to feel hurt or upset or even anything. That’s not possible with Brooke, she has no emotions. She’s like a little robot.” She tries to make it sound like a joke, but neither of us are laughing.

“Jesus, Pey, what happened? You have always been broke up about what happened with you and Brooke, and you told me countless times that you hated how much you hurt her, that you would’ve done anything, anything if it meant being her friend again! Now you’re saying she doesn’t have the capacity to hurt?”

She leans back heavily in her chair. The couple in the seats next to us are giving us odd looks, but I don’t really care.

“It wasn’t like that. I wanted to make up for what I did, but she’s so heartless, she wouldn’t even hear me out, Hales!”

“Peyton, please, let’s just drop it.” She readily agrees, smiling brightly at me and chattering on about a good punk/metal club she had info on. All I can think about is what Brooke has told me, and I don’t know what to do.

It’s such a conflict, this old life/new life stuff. The one good thing about the next couple days will be watching Luke play and hopefully getting a night to hang out with him. He thinks that is a possibility since the coach promised to make curfew exceptions to players with family in town, and who am I to Luke if not family?

We spend two days at the beach during the day and at clubs at night. Both nights Peyton meets hot college boys that she makes out with while I stand around like a loser wishing I was anywhere else. Lucas hasn’t been able to come out with us yet due to early games, so that part of the trip isn’t even panning out.

The worst part is that I feel like Pey and I are getting further and further apart with each passing minute. We barely talk, and we avoid situations where we might have to at all costs. Tonight, for instance, I went for a jog on the beach, and by the time I got back, Peyton had eaten and was plastered.

I don’t know what to do about it. Hell, I don’t know if there is anything I can do about it. Maybe I’m stupid and making a really rash decision here, but because of what Brooke has told me and the way Peyton has acted since Thanksgiving, I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. I’m tempted to ask if it is true that she promised Brooke she’d do anything to get their friendship back, and then broke that promise by hanging with Lucas.

Because I apparently have some good luck left, my phone rings, which is more than enough to snap me out of this depressing reverie.

“Hello?” I sing-song, seeing that it is Lucas on the caller ID.

“Hey, Hales! Guess who has some free time tonight and wants to spend it with his best buddy ever...”

“Why – why could it be the ever-popular, the amazing, the gorgeous basketball stud Mr. Lucas Scott?” I chirp out in a fan girl voice.

He laughs. “Well, my dear, it certainly could be. You know, if you want it to! So, what do you say? You, me, and Peyton, hanging out tonight?”

“Uh, actually, I think it is just going to be you and me, cowboy. Peyton left, probably for a bar.”

“What?” He sounds confused. “Why would she be out at a bar already? It’s only 6, and I know Peyton can throw them back better than anyone we know, but come on. Isn’t that too early for even her?”

“Not on this trip,” I mutter, knowing I can’t really complain because I haven’t been helping the situation.

“Sounds ominous,” he comments, “And you can tell me all about it. Meet in the lobby of your hotel in fifteen minutes?”

“I’ll be there!”

“Good.”

We hang up and I go about making myself at least a tiny bit presentable. I spent the entire couple days we’ve been here on the beach, so I’m a nice golden brown and my hair has lightened several shades. I look like a sun- kissed beach bum, which isn’t so bad.

I head for the lobby ten minutes later, figuring Luke will be early and knowing it will impress him if I am, too.

“Hey, look at you,” he says from behind me. I whip around, jumping into his arms. “Hales, God, I really missed you.”

“I missed you, too!” I pull away from him, smiling. “God, everything about you is perfect. I missed you so much, Lucas Scott!”

He pulls me into another hug. “I missed you, too. There is no one half as fun to hang out with as you.”

“You know it,” I tell him with a grin, “It is so good to see you again. So, what are we going to do? Bar, beach, dinner?”

He matches my grin. “Oh, no. I was thinking your hotel room, movies, and tons of junk food!”

I groan, “Oh, Lucas, I’m on a diet, I can’t eat that crap!”

He gapes at me. “You – you are on a diet? You’ve never dieted before? Besides, you look perfect, so what’s going on, Hales?”

I shrug, “I’m just moral support for Brooke’s diet, mostly. Apparently dieting is a strength in numbers thing.”

He rolls his eyes. “First of all, that is ridiculous. Second, you’re so tight with Brooke that you’d keep a diet while you’re on vacation instead of pigging out with me? And – and what you do on vacations don’t count, right? It’s a gimme, I think!”

My turn to roll my eyes. “Please, so we could have sex here in the lobby and it wouldn’t count?” His eyes bulge out and he looks ill. “Geez, thanks, your reaction was flattering! It’s a good thing that was just an example, you butthead!”

“I, um, well, fine, so you’re on a diet. You’re not one of those mean dieters on sitcoms where they freak out when their friends or family eat real food in front of them, are you?”

I wink at him, laughing. “Well, let’s make a run to the store and find out, huh?”

We go to a convenience store around the corner, both still too ingrained with the idea that bargains are good to go to the better located hotel store. We stock up on junk food, and looking at the selection in Luke’s arms, I know I’ll be giving in and jumping off the diet for the night.

We each pick out a movie and rent a VCR from the front desk on our way up to the room. I’m not sure what time Peyton will be back here, and at this point I don’t even know if I care. It doesn’t really matter anymore when there is nothing for us to say to the other.

We make a huge mess over my bed, which we are both sitting on, throwing popcorn and candy at each other. I fill Luke in on what’s gone on with Peyton since Thanksgiving, and while he looks mildly surprised, he tries to tell me that it’s best I stay out of the uber-complicated Peyton/Brooke relationship. If that was possible, I would.

We let the subject go and just watch the movie, occasionally interjecting our own commentary, making each other laugh. For awhile it feels like we are back in Luke’s bedroom in Tree Hill, and that once the movie is over, I’ll head over to Nathan’s. Of course, this isn’t the case, but it’s nice that for a little while I can pretend that it is.

We’re talking about the classes he’s taking next semester when Peyton comes stumbling in the room, obviously inebriated. Lucas’s eyes reflect his surprise as she glares at us.

”What the hell is wrong with you two?” she barks, “Could you at least pretend to care about someone other than yourselves? This mess is disgusting!”

If this situation wasn’t so uncomfortable, I’d laugh at the fact that Luke’s jaw has literally dropped open and he is gaping at her now.

“Hey Pey,” he tries, “We were hoping you’d get here soon.”

“Oh, bullshit, Luke, do you really think I’m that stupid?” Neither of us know what to say to her, so we just watch in silence as she gathers her stuff up, stealing glances at each other.

She fills one of her suitcases and takes off again, stopping only to glare at us from the doorway.

“O-o-oh,” Luke stutters, “I think I see what you mean now. What the hell was that? Please, tell me I just imagined that!”

“I wish I could.”

“Is that how she’s been acting towards you, Hales?” he asks, his voice tight and hard.

“I – well, sort of. That was the worst.”

“Stay away from her,” he orders.

“What?” I’m completely baffled that he’d order me to stay away from Pey.

“I’m not kidding, Hales. Peyton gets really self-destructive, and I know for a fact that she’s not one to shy away from taking others down with her,” he grimly informs me, “And I don’t want you in her line of fire.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Luke?”

He sighs, looking away. “Look, I promised Peyton I’d never tell anyone about this. So did Jake. She got help and everything, so it didn’t seem like something that people should know.”

“Okay, you’re scaring me, what’s going on?”

“You remember the summer after sophomore year? Duh, of course you remember, anyways. That summer, Peyton and Brooke kinda became friends again. Maybe friends is pushing it, but they found a way to be civil to each other. I guess you know more about than me, that was the summer I was in Charleston with Keith.”

I nod, knowing all this. “Yeah, so what’s with the history lesson?”

“Let me finish,” he sighs, “It gets a lot more interesting.”

And it did. Oh, how it did.

“So let me get this straight,” I say when he has finally finished, “You and Jake caught Peyton trying to poison Brooke’s vodka? And instead of, oh, say calling the police, you hooked her up with a psychologist? And this was after an entire summer of her completely insane shenanigans! Oh, but I’m the only one you don’t see fit to tell? That is bullshit, Luke!”

“I can’t believe you’re more angry that we didn’t tell you than you are about all the shit she tried to pull,” he grumbles.

“I just don’t like being kept out of the loop. I really don’t like that you told Nate so he could ‘protect me’. This whole thing is bogus. And that doesn’t even scratch the surface in terms of Peyton and what she did.” I rub my hands over my eyes, suddenly dead tired. “I can’t believe this, Luke.”

“I wish I’d told you,” he murmurs regretfully, “You should’ve known, you should’ve been aware so that when she got like this again...”

“It is okay, Luke. I can understand why you didn’t want to tell anyone besides the necessary. So what do we do? Do we get her help again? I don’t know if she’s going to accept hearing that she needs it from us, me especially.”

“I’ll talk to her dad. He’s the one who convinced her last time.”

“Is this why Jake never let her babysit Jenny?” I ask quietly. “I mean, it was never a big deal, and he never seemed to care if she visited when I was watching, but if I suggested he ask Peyton he’d always make up some excuse not to. I never thought anything of it until now.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why. I thought it was stupid at the time; she seemed fine. Obviously I was way off on that one.”

“So, you’ll call Larry?” He nods. “And maybe I should call the airline in the morning, see if I can get a different flight. I can’t be around her like this. Oh, unless she needs someone with her at all times. God, she isn’t suicidal, is she?”

“I don’t know,” he whispers, “She wasn’t really before. It was more a reckless, tempting fate kind of thing.”

I shake my head. “Does Brooke know she tried to poison her?” He nods. “She never told me that.”

“She promised,” he states simply.

I fly home the next morning, leaving a note for Peyton telling her that I had a family emergency to tend to. Tim agreed to pick me up at the airport, so I was covered on that end. My goodbye with Luke was bittersweet. It was amazing seeing him again, and up until Peyton barged into the room spazzing, things were going great. Just like old times.

Everything has changed now, and although that was the case as soon as my friends moved away last September, it feels more permanent, final now.

Chapter Four – Desperado

Why don’t you come to your senses, you’ve been out riding fences for so long now?

Oh, you’re a hard one, but I know that you’ve got your reasons… ~ The Eagles

~February, 2007~

Valentine’s Day. My least favorite day. Give me St. Patrick’s Day, give me Martin Luther King, JR Day, give me anything but Valentine’s Day, please. Any day of the year is better than Valentine’s Day.

Hell, who am I kidding? Not even myself, that’s for sure. The only reason I hate Valentine’s Day this year is because I’m alone. I can’t let go of my relationship with Nathan enough to date anyone else, even casually, but at the same time I can’t give in and get back together with him.

I’ve talked to him about once a week since the big Thanksgiving blow-out, and he’s sent me presents and I’ve sent him some, too. Things are still strained, though, and although he tries to brush it off, I know that a big part of him is very angry towards me. There’s nothing I can do about that, though. Well, there is nothing I’m willing to do about it. I guess that there is a difference in that.

He hasn’t asked me to get back together with him once since then. Selfishly, that hurts. I know it is exactly what I wanted, and now that I have it, well, I don’t know what to think of it all. I really hate that I feel that way. I put myself in this position, and I have no right to feel like shit because of it.

The phone rings, and I fumble with my purse that is on the passenger seat of my car to grab it. The caller ID tells me it is Nathan. Maybe that ESP thing isn’t so much bullshit.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I tell him, trying to sound unaffected.

“Back atcha! How are you, Haley J?”

“I’m pretty good. Caught your game last night. Saw you get your few minutes of playing time. Keep that up you’ll be starting in no time.”

He laughs, “Well, the season is almost over except for the tournament, and I know I won’t get much time then, but thanks. How’re things in Tree Hill? Still loving that car my dad coerced you into buying?”

I laugh. “Coerce? Geez, I’d have to be the stupidest person alive to turn down the deal he was offering me. But yes, I still love it. Next time you talk to Dan, tell him again how much I love it and appreciate his doing that for me.”

“You’ve told him about a thousand times yourself, Haley J, I don’t think that man’s ego needs further inflating,” he jokes.

“Okay, maybe not, but still, that was a nice thing he did for me.”

“Yeah, it was. Nice, but surprising, which I guess isn’t always the worst thing in the world,” he decides.

“I should hope not!” I laugh.

“So, what’s up? How’s life with Brooke and Tim?”

Surprisingly, Nathan has either accepted that they are friends to me now, or has just decided this isn’t a battle he wants to fight. Either way, it is much better than the open hostility that existed whenever they’d come up in conversation a few months ago.

“Well, we’re going to a party tonight. Some sort of Valentine’s Day BS thing. I can’t decide if it is going to be really fun or a really awful train wreck. I guess that either way, it will be interesting.”

“Sounds like it. You gonna be dressing up in pink and red and passing around candy hearts?” he laughs.

I shudder. “God no, there is no way I will ever be that festive! Although Brooke has been working on creating a drink called Candy Hearts for the past week. Last I heard it involved Everclear and different flavors of Pucker. I’m scared!” I laugh.

“Damn, I wish I could be there to see you drinking that stuff.”

“Hey, you just know it’ll knock me on my ass!” I protest, “You big brat! And what about you? What plans does the great Nathan Scott, basketball stud have for the evening?”

He clears his throat. “Uh, I kind of have a date.”

Oh. Oh my. This is – well, this is really something. “So, how do you kind of have a date?” I ask, trying to play it off.

“Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t say kind of,” he concedes tersely, “It’s just this stupid thing that some of the older guys on the team set up. Since the tournament is coming up soon, this is our last chance to have fun because we’ll be focusing on practice so much. So, they hooked everyone up with dates.”

“Sounds like fun!” I say brightly, probably more for my benefit than his. “I hope she’s a nice girl,” I tell him softly.

I can hear him sigh, so I know he was trying to get a reaction out of me. “Eh, it’s nothing. Just a stupid basketball thing, but everything about my life here involves basketball, so no surprise there.”

“Well, still, have fun. At the very least, you’ll be hanging out with guys from the team, so that’s good, right?”

“Yeah, that’s not so bad. Look, I gotta go, Haley J. I have this math test that is going to kick my ass tomorrow, and I need to study for it. I wish you were here to tutor me,” he informs me in a flirtatious voice.

“I wish that, too, but I know you’ll be wonderful. Make me even prouder than you already have, Nathan!”

“Yeah, I will.” By the sound of his voice, it really is more than an empty promise. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I really miss him when we hang up. That’s not to say I don’t miss him all the time anyways, but I just feel so bereft right now that it’s almost a physical pain. I just hurt. This is a feeling that I wish would go away, but don’t really know if it ever will.

I guess it doesn’t matter, at least not to the point of stressing over for now. I can’t change it, I can’t will it away. Oh, I’ve tried, but I’ve also quickly come to the realization that this is going to be a natural process and will go away when I’m ready for it to go away. Whenever that may be.

I don’t have much time to think about it anyways, as I pull up to Brooke’s. I’ve agreed to put my life in her hands and let her dress me, as well as do my hair and makeup. I’m not too sure where this will end up, but how bad could it possibly be? No, I don’t even want to think of it. The possibilities for badness in this situation are endless. I am going to be her life-size Barbie doll, after all.

“Tigger, where are you?” I call as I open the door.

“In my room, get your ass up there!” she shouts back. I jog up the stairs, ready to get this torture over with.

“Hey!” she grins, partially buried in a sea of clothes and shoes, “This is going to be so much fun!”

I look at her dubiously. “Am I going to look like a hooker?” I ask, only half joking.

She rolls her eyes. “You can look hot without looking like a hooker. Am I not living proof of that?”

I nod slowly, mostly out of self-preservation. I’m 90% sure Brooke could kick my ass if she set her mind to it, so I’m not going to give her ammunition by likening her style to that of a whore.

“So, I was thinking that you look really good in red and black. How about red pants and a black top?”

“You have red pants?” Clearly she has the most vast and extensive wardrobe this side of Paris Hilton.

“Of course! And I think they’ll look totally hot on you. Plus, it is Valentine’s Day, and red is the color of love, so you should be festive!”

“Festive is fine, but let’s all keep in mind that I’m not looking for love,” I remind her, “And I would really not like it if you try and hook me up or something.”

She looks at me, rolling her eyes. “First of all, Tutor Girl, it’s really pathetic the way you’re pining over Nathan Scott still. Second, if I’m hooking anyone up, it’s myself. Third, get over Nathan already.”

I laugh a little. “Easier said than done, I think. He has a date tonight, though, so at least one of us is moving on, huh?”

“Wow, really? I thought for sure you’d crack first. Well, isn’t this what you wanted?” she asks, sitting beside me on the bed.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, “I mean, it’s weird. I have been pushing and pushing for this, and now that it’s here, it just kind of sucks. Besides, he says it isn’t a real date, just some basketball thing.”

“Well, just because it doesn’t start as real, doesn’t mean it won’t turn into it.”

I flop backwards, staring up at the ceiling. “Well, thanks a lot for that cheery thought, Tigger!”

“Okay, look, it is your life and all, but this is ridiculous. You can’t have it all ways, right? So you either have to let him go and move on yourself or else call him up and get back together. Those are your only choices, Tutor Girl!”

I groan, not liking either. “Isn’t there some middle ground where I can pine over him without actually compromising my belief that this is for the best? Because I like that idea best.”

She stands up, grabbing some clothes to toss at me. “Put those on.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I pull my shirt off and slip the one she tossed me on. She looks at it critically.

“Take your bra off, the straps are showing.”

“I’m not going braless!”

“Ugh. Prude. Fine, you can borrow one of my strapless ones. We’re close enough, it should do the job.”

I sigh, but accept the racy, lacy black number she tosses my way. “Well, at least it fits reasonably well. Although it does kind of have a push-up effect.”

“Well, duh, it’s supposed to,” she grins.

I roll my eyes. Of course it is supposed to. Who was I kidding? I quickly change pants, and move over to check myself out in her full-length mirror. I have to admit it; I look pretty good in Brooke’s clothing.

“Okay, get your ass over here.” I walk over to her torture chair, and sit down, ready to let her do her worst on me. I sit there fairly patiently – if I do say so myself, Brooke would beg to differ – and chat with Brooke about tonight’s party and some other parties that were coming up.

“Finally, perfection,” she says, messing with my hair one more time before stepping away. “Go see!”

I’m somewhat worried about what I’ll look like when I step up to the mirror. It isn’t that I think Brooke wears slutty makeup or something; it’s just that she wears a whole lot more of it than I do. To my surprise, though, it looks decent. I certainly wouldn’t have applied this much myself, but she did do a good job of it, and it’s fairly flattering even.

“Wow, not too bad, Tigger,” I grin, kind of excited now to go to this party. The only drawback is that it’s at Duke, which is about a half hour away. Still, though, it should be a blast, and if none of us are sober enough to drive home, we can find a place to crash there.

“Hello?” Tim bellows from the foyer.

“Jesus, he’s loud,” Brooke mutters, before shouting back at him to get his ass up here, just as loud. I barely resist the urge to cover my ears with my hand.

“You’re one to talk. God, at least he didn’t have anyone sitting right next to him!”

“You’re fine,” she dismisses with a wave of her hand.

Tim stalks – yes, he does that manly strutting thing I call stalking – into the room, leaning in the door frame. He lets out a low whistle. “Hey, you two are looking hot,” he grins, “I scored in the date department tonight!”

Brooke groans, “If you even refer to me as your date anywhere within a half mile radius of any eligible men, I will kill you, Smith. Not nice kill, either. I’m talking string you up by your balls and slowly but surely removing whatever semblance of a dick you have. Capiche?”

He takes a step back, the color draining from his face. I do my best to cover my laughter with coughing. “I – yeah, understood. This is not a date. Not even as a joke. Okay.”

I can’t hold it any longer and I burst out laughing, collapsing against Brooke. A few seconds later, I feel her shaking with laughter as well. “Oh, my God, you should see the look on your face!” I choke out.

“You two are mean,” Tim grumbles, “Look at you two, laughing at shit like that. That ain’t right! You two ain’t right!”

We both laugh even harder. Brooke gasps, “I’m going to have to use that line more often! That reaction was priceless!”

Both of us have tears streaming down our faces, and I don’t know about Brooke, but I have one hell of a sideache from laughing so hard. When she sees that our makeup has ran, she drags me back over to the chair and reapplies mine first, and hers second.

We finally manage to get all our shit together and on the road. We’ve coerced Tim into driving, and I am seriously hoping that he’ll stay sober enough to drive us home. Brooke and I pass a bottle of vodka back and forth between us on the way there, and all three of us laugh and sing along with the radio. It’s fun and light, and I forget about my problems.

The party is at Tim’s cousin’s fraternity, and while this is my first frat party, it is definitely not Brooke’s. So, she gives me a few pointers which are true to any party situation, and therefore completely redundant and pointless. However, it is somewhat cute that she feels protective of me, so I humor her and smile and thank her for the advice.

We head into the party after Brooke looks us all over and declares us fit. Brooke agrees to let Tim and I ‘cramp her style’ long enough to meet Tim’s cousin, but the she’s off. Or something.

“Hey Tim!” An unbelievably gorgeous guy comes sauntering over, a huge grin on his face. Brooke looks to be in absolute awe of him, and I’m sure that is reflected on my face as well. He’s gorgeous; light brown hair, amazing green eyes, and a sexy, muscular build.

“He’s mine,” Brooke hisses, to which I roll my eyes and Tim looks like he swallowed poison.

“You can’t call dibs on my cousin,” Tim protests, “There is just something seriously wrong with that!”

“Ha! Your cousin is hot, he doesn’t have some sorority slut draped over him, so there is no reason for me not to call dibs!” she counters.

“This is bullshit,” he groans.

“What’s bullshit, Tim?” his cousin asks as he reaches our group. He holds his hand out to me and then Brooke. “I’m Jason, by the way.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” I smile, “I’m Haley.”

“Back off, Tutor Girl,” Brooke grins, winking at me. I roll my eyes and step back. “I’m Brooke, Brooke Davis, and it is a pleasure to meet you,” she fairly purrs.

Jason looks a little overwhelmed by Brooke’s attention, and after a few minutes of getting to know you’s, he lets her drag him off towards the bar leaving Tim and I to fend for ourselves.

“So, James, what do you want to drink?”

“Whatcha got?” I grin at him.

“I was thinking beer. Brooke is practically molesting Jason over by the bar, and that is just something I don’t need to see. And since there are beer containers everywhere, we wouldn’t have to go by the bar to get our drinks!”

“I thought it was like cool with guys to watch each other get it on to a certain point. I seriously doubt they’ve crossed that point yet. Besides, I want hard liquor tonight, so if you won’t brave the bar, I will!”

He sighs overdramatically. “Oh, fine, I’ll go with you.”

We walk over to the bar, and since it is self-serve, I step behind it and start mixing drinks for Tim and I.

“So, Tim, you didn’t tell me that you actually had some cute friends,” Jason jokes, “Why you holding out on me?”

Tim grins, “More for me, less for you!”

Brooke grabs Tim by the collar of his shirt. “Tim,” she says in a deadly calm manner, “Do you remember our discussion earlier? Because we might’ve laughed, but behind every joke…well, you know the rest!”

She ends in a totally cheerful voice which has me cracking up immediately. Jason looks bewildered, but also bemused, so I take pity on him and explain Brooke’s threat.

”Wow, you take this single thing seriously,” he comments to Brooke when we all stop laughing.

“You never know who you’ll meet,” she grins rather obviously.

I grab Tim’s hand, and we walk off. I pull him onto the makeshift dance floor, which in this case is just the common room with the furniture cleared to the side or out of the room. We dance to a bunch of popular rap songs before getting hot and following a group of people upstairs to a balcony.

“This is fun,” I tell Tim, smiling, “It kind of makes me wish I’d left Tree Hill for college.”

He nods, “I know what you mean.” Just then a big chested blonde girl brushes up against him, obviously wanting his attention. I pat him on the shoulder to let him know it’s alright to ditch me.

They go inside together, and I make a mental note to expand on Brooke’s threat to him if this chick is the reason we don’t get home tonight. The fresh air feels nice on my face, and I chat with a few of the people who revolve through here. I even accept a few offers to dance, but come back out in the fresh air when it gets warm again.

“Hey,” calls a soft voice from behind me.

I turn around to see Jason. “Hey yourself! Brooke had her wicked way with you yet?” I ask with a smile.

He laughs. “She passed out. Was she drinking on the way here or something?”

I nod. “She and I both were.”

“How come you aren’t down for the count?” he asks, stepping closer. His arm is against mine now, and the heat of his body feels good.

“Oh, well, that’s probably because she’s much more of a champ when it comes to partying than I am, so she probably drank a whole lot more after we got here. I’ve only had two since we arrived,” I laugh, “And that’s enough!”

“Ah, so you’re the sensible one?” he questions.

“I’m friends with Tim and Brooke, so I don’t know how sensible I could possibly be,” I joke, getting him to laugh.

“So, what’s your story?” he asks, smiling at me sweetly.

“My story?” I repeat, “I don’t know. There is nothing that exciting about my story; nothing I can tell without having to kill ya later, anyways!”

He laughs. “Okay, how about I ask questions, and then you decide the merit of these questions and answer or don’t answer accordingly. Sound like a deal?”

“Works for me,” I smile.

“Single?” Well, he cuts right to the heart of things, doesn’t he?

“Uh, yeah, I am.” I feel so guilty saying that, and worse, I feel like a liar, but it is the truth, and if I want Nathan to move on, the best way is for me to do so as well.

“Really? Cool, me too. So, I gather you go to THCC. How long have you known Tim?”

I tilt my head to the side, thinking. “Probably since middle school. He used to be best friends with my, uh, ex-boyfriend in high school, but they stopped hanging out around the time I started dating his friend.”

“Ah, so you just became friends recently?”

“Yeah, pretty much.

“Were you dating Nathan?” he asks out of the blue. I raise an eyebrow at him. He blushes, hastening to add, “Well, I mean, I knew that he was Tim’s friend. I’ve met him a few times, years ago.”

“Oh. Well, yeah, Nathan was my boyfriend.” And so much more. “We broke up because he’s at UCONN now, and I’m still in Tree Hill.”

“That’s rough. And you haven’t started dating again yet?” He blushes, “Oh shit, that is probably way too personal, I’m sorry about that!”

“No, it’s okay,” I smile, surprised that I do mean that. “I haven’t dated since Nathan left, no. It is actually really hard to move on, believe it or not.”

“That’s odd, with friends like Tim and Brooke, I’d think they’d be all about pushing you to move on. I’m surprised Tim doesn’t hit on you left and right.”

I laugh, “Oh, I think Tim knows what is good for him. Besides, that’d be a weird line to cross. At least with girls there is generally a ‘don’t screw with your friend’s ex’ rule, and even though Nathan and Tim aren’t friends now, it’d be weird.”

“There’s a vague guy rule along those lines, too, but I don’t think it is quite as strict. Basically, you just have to observe a case appropriate waiting period and then give a heads up.”

I grin. “Oh, that is way more lenient than the girl rules. Of course, one of my – “ I pause, unsure of how to describe my relationship with Peyton now, “Well, a friend had dated Nathan before I did, but it was one of those rare instances where the situation was just perfect and there weren’t any hard feelings.”

“Ah, so you’ve got experience with it, huh?”

I shrug. “Sort of, but not really. I became friends with his ex after they broke up, basically, so it wouldn’t be like dating one of Brooke’s exes or something.”

“Of which I’m sure there are many, right?” he smiles.

“There’s a few,” I admit, “But not as many as she’d have people believe.”

“She seems like a really nice girl,” he comments.

“She really is,” I marvel, laughing. At his raised eye, I explain, “We weren’t friends. I wouldn’t say we were enemies, but I’ll admit I didn’t have the world’s greatest perception of her, either. I’ve really come to change my point of view in the last five months, though. Anyways, enough of me. What about you? What’s your story?”

“Well, I’m from Raleigh, I’m 21 years old, I have two sisters, and I’m a Crim J major, hoping to get into law school in a year.”

“Wow, law school? Which one?”

He shrugs, “You know, for awhile I thought it really mattered that I go to the best, but now? I don’t know, a law degree is a law degree, and if I work hard and graduate high in my class, I’ll still get hired. I kind of don’t want to put too much effort into getting into Harvard or something now.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it all planned out,” I smile, “I envy that, actually. I have no clue what I want to do, which is weird because I’ve always been a very driven student.”

“I’ve had three years here to figure it,” he points out, “Plus, my parents wanted me to go to med school like my father did, but that held no interest for me. Of course, I also want to be rich, and law school is a good bet for that!”

I can’t help but grin. “Well, we all want that!”

He ducks his head, laughing. “I suppose so. So, what are you interested in studying? You have to at least have some interest in something, right?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, my life is so up in the air right now. It’s stupid, but it’s almost like I don’t know who I am anymore.”

He thinks about it for a few minutes. “Well, that sounds about right, Haley. You’re what, 18? You can’t possibly know what you want to do forever. Hell, I don’t know for sure what I want to do forever.”

“Oh, like you’re so much older,” I tease, rolling my eyes.

He laughs, “Fine, fine, so I’m not much older, and I’m definitely not any wiser, but still, don’t freak out over not knowing. You’ll figure it out.  Most everyone does.”

“I just hate having things unsettled,” I explain, “I’m weird like that.”

“Oh, you’re one of those neurotic, uptight, ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’ types?” he asks, serious.

I scrunch up my face in revulsion. “No! Absolutely not! Well, I don’t think so, at least! Huh, no, I’m not.”

He laughs, “I was teasing, don’t freak.”

All of a sudden there is a loud crashing noise from outside, and we look at each other, and head for the balcony. I was thinking Tim might be involved because he tends to lose control of his arms and legs when he’s drunk, but what I see here is beyond any imagining I could’ve possibly done.

Tim is two floors down, hanging from a bungee cord. A fucking bungee cord that was attached to the balcony support on this floor. He’s still about 8 feet off the ground, and since I know it wouldn’t kill him, I’m tempted to unhook him up here.

“Tim, what the hell are you doing, you damn moron?” I scream down at him, “You could’ve killed yourself!”

He just laughs. The little shit laughs. “I’m bungee jumping, James, what the hell are you doing?”

I groan, burying my head on Jason’s shoulder. “Your cousin is either insane or a raging moron,” I inform him.

He just laughs, patting me on the back. “A little of both, I’m guessing.”

“Tutor Girl!” I turn around to see if Brooke is okay, and judging by the look on her face she’s none to pleased about something. She pulls me aside. “I told you I wanted Jason, why are you flirting with him?”

“Flirting?” I’m genuinely baffled, and more than a little amused if I’m being honest. “Brooke, look.” I point over the balcony; she cautiously scoots forward, her jaw dropping open when she sees Tim hanging off the side of the building.

“That’s Tim!” she says dumbly.

“I know.” Deadpan.

“He’s hanging from a bungee cord.” She rubs her eyes and glances back down. “He’s really down there.”

“I know.” I lower my voice so Tim can hear. “Dumbo down there thought it’d be a good idea to go bungee jumping off the side of a building with bungee cords wrapped around his waist. Isn’t that a good idea?”

“Hey, how about instead of insulting me you guys ream out the assholes who told me this was a good idea? Or help me down, this is starting to hurt.”

Brooke and I both roll our eyes, and Jason reaches over and unhooks, with a great deal of effort, the cords up here, causing Tim to crash to the ground. All three of us lean over the edge watching Tim groan and moan and rub his rear.

“Ow?” he says, looking up at us pitifully. The large crowd that has gathered up here with us is either laughing in earnest or trying their best to hold the laughter in.

“This is retarded,” Brooke sighs, rubbing her temples.

I couldn’t agree more. What a night.

~*~

St. Patrick’s Day rolls around, and Brooke, Tim and I are planning on just hanging out at Tim’s apartment. That’s kind of our spot when we just want to chill. At my place there is always the slight risk a parental unit will wander in, and Brooke’s house is so huge that it feels huge and vacant. But Tim’s apartment had become this homey mish mash of all three of us since Brooke and I have left so much crap over here the past seven months.

“We could get some beer and some food coloring and make our own green beer,” Brooke suggests.

”No,” I protest, “Tim is still on beer ban.”

Brooke laughs. “That is so not fair,” he whines, “It’s been over a month since the bungee incident.”

“Oh, right, I forgot all about that,” I laugh, “The Great Bungee Freak Show of 2007. Funny how that slipped my mind.”

“You two are evil bitches, making fun of me and my accident!”

“Tim! How can you consider hooking yourself up to bungee cords and hurtling yourself over the edge of a three story balcony an accident?” Brooke sputters. “That’s just stupid!”

He shrugs, “Well, what was the big deal? I mean, it’s not like I broke anything.” We both just stare at him, open-mouthed. “Okay, nothing besides a couple of ribs. That’s no big deal. And it was fun. You two need to have more fun, that’s all there is to it!”

I roll my eyes. “You are so ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you love me anyways,” he grins, batting his eyelashes at us, which is kinda creepy, actually.

“Ew, don’t do that,” I laugh, swatting him on the arm.

“Seriously, Timmy, she’s right, it is downright creepy,” Brooke agrees.

”Again with the meanness,” he pouts, and we crack up at him. If nothing else, Tim is good to lighten up pretty much any situation.

Brooke and I are lying side by side on the couch, kind of spooning in that way only really close girl friends can do. The first time we did it, Tim looked like he thought we were about to engage in porn-like behavior until Brooke got up and slapped him upside the head and informed him it was just a thing.

The TV is on in the background, but we’ve gotten to a point where we don’t need that buffer anymore. We can just sit and talk to each other and laugh together with ease, and no need for extraneous conversation starters. Of course, it isn’t until this instant that I really realize how close to them I’ve become. Hell, Brooke and I are girl-spooning!

My phone calls with Jake, Nathan, and Lucas are becoming fewer and farther between. I don’t think it lessens the bonds I share with them, but maybe I have to admit to myself that the times, they are a-changing. We’re still close, but it is different now. I have new friends, and so do they. Lucas is dating a girl he met at school; she seems really nice from the times I’ve chatted with her on the phone. Jake found a group of teen/early 20s single parents to buddy up with, and is now dating one of the girls he met there. And Nathan, well, he’s got his buddies on the basketball team, and although he hasn’t explicitly said so, I’m getting the feeling he’s seeing someone.

I don’t want to ask him – I’m afraid of what his answer will be. I try to tell myself that I’d be happy for him if this is the case, but that’s not true. As much as I love Nathan and want him to be happy, I still don’t think I can, not entirely anyways.

How do you get exactly what you wanted, or at least insisted you wanted, and be more miserable than you ever had been previously? Because that’s me. Every time I think of Nathan or Nathan and I together, I feel crushed. It’s my own doing, but no matter how many times I remind myself – which is a lot, I know – it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t get easier, nor does it hurt any less.

“What are we doing this weekend?” Tim asks, his voice startling in the silence that had overtaken us.

“Dunno,” I tell him, too tired to think hard enough to come up with something interesting. Of course, even when I think I come up with something that is interesting, these two usually shoot me down in favor of something they cook up. Admittedly, their ideas are generally more interesting and definitely more exciting than mine.

“Let’s go to the beach,” Brooke suggests, “I know it’s only March, but it’s been warm the last two weeks. It’d be fun to get some sun.”

“Oh, we could even bring our homework and do it there,” I suggest, “It’ll almost be relaxing.”

Tim rolls his eyes. “You don’t go to the beach to do homework, James! You go to the beach to drink and toss a Frisbee. Study, that’s just – I don’t know what it is, but it’s something that isn’t good!”

“You’re so eloquent!” I retort, my voice dripping with sarcasm, “A great orator if ever I did hear one!”

He grins. “I don’t know what that means, but I know it was mean. I won’t hold it against you, though, I know how hard it is to be the one who thinks that a day at the beach involves books and learning!”

“Asshole.”

“Geek.”

“Okay, children,” Brooke laughs, “You two need to grow up now, act your ages. Or something. But stop bickering!”

Tim and I join in with her laughter. “I was just thinking that we could stay caught up on homework that way. I was trying to be responsible,” I defend.

“And no fun,” Tim smirks.

“You’re a brat, Smith.”

He smiles proudly. “And I try very hard at it,” he grins. “Very hard, indeed.”

“We should go get ice cream,” Brooke decrees, “I have a craving for mint chocolate chip. Or butter pecan.”

I sigh. “Now I have a craving for ice cream. Why’d you have to bring that up?” I demand, poking her in the side.

Tim jumps up, grabbing his shirt. “Let’s go, I’ll drive!”

“No, you won’t,” Brooke counters, getting up off the couch, “Haley will. Your car stinks, and hers has that new car smell still.”

He pouts, “Mine isn’t that bad, Davis. I don’t know what you’re talking about it; I bought one of those air freshener things, and it’s nice.”

“Quit arguing,” I order, “We’ll take my car, and we’ll all be happy about it. And we’re going to get at least two flavors of ice cream because I feel like mixing!”

We file out to the car, joking and laughing with each other. Brooke shoves Tim when he teases her about her hair sticking up funny.

“Oh, guess what?” Tim says.

“What?” Brooke and I say in unison.

“I said ‘guess’.  Doesn’t that mean anything anymore?” Brooke and I both groan in dismay as his grin grows at his stupid joke. “Okay, fine, spoilsports. Anyways, I got an ‘A’ on my Civ test last week, and since I owe it all to you two, I thought I’d take you out to dinner as a thank you. You cool?”

I gasp, clapping my hands together in delight. “Tutor Girl, get your hands back on the wheel!” Brooke commands.

“Sorry, Tigger,” I grin, “I’m just really excited for Tim. That is so fabulous; I’m proud of you!”

He blushes a little. “Thanks, I’m kinda proud of myself, too. It’s stupid, but it feels like a big accomplishment. Can’t remember the last time I got an ‘A’ on something!”

Brooke pats him on the head. “Good job, Timmy. While we’re buying ice cream, I’ll buy you a cookie, too,” she grins.

“You’re a bitch, Davis,” he grumbles, “You gotta go on and rain on my damn parade, don’t you? Thanks.”

“Aw, I’m teasing, Tim! Calm down, don’t get your panties in a twist!”

“Not my panties, yours,” he retorts, “Got ‘em out of your drawer yesterday when you were searching for your math notes.”

“Oh, God,” I groan, “You both need to stop right now, this is going nowhere good.” I fake a shudder.

“Seriously, Smith, some jokes aren’t funny,” Brooke snots, “And perversely joking about panty theft isn’t funny.”

Tim laughs. “You’re just a big baby that can’t take a joke! Come on, it was funny!”

I shake my head. “Disturbing, yes. Funny, not so much.”

I pull into the parking lot, park, and we all jump out, running into the store. It turns into a little race, and Brooke and I gang up on Tim to hold him back. We’re all laughing as we head for the ice cream aisle.

“Mint chocolate chip!” Brooke squeals, grabbing a carton. Tim takes it from her, setting it back down.

“No way. Chunky Monkey, all the way. Definitely Chunky Monkey,” he grins, “And Rocky Road.”

“Oh, no, Smith, you are not even dictating the ice cream choice tonight,” I tell him with mock severity, “And if you are even gonna try, you’re buying your own!”

“Seriously,” Brooke agrees, “And if you take my mint chocolate chip away from me again, I will kick your ass from here to Raleigh.”

Tim smirks. “Ooookay, note to self: never mess with Brooke’s ice cream. File that away under ‘good to know’.”

“You two are such dorks,” I smile, grabbing a carton of butter pecan. “And we’re getting this, no fighting.”

“You’re gonna let us duke it out over the second flavor?” Brooke asks, eyes wide.

I laugh. “Why don’t we each just choose one? I mean, we’re at Tim’s all the time, the ice cream will get eaten, right?”

Tim nods. “I’d eat it even without you guys,” he grins.

“You better not; if I’m paying good money for ice cream, I expect it to be there when I get there!” Brooke asserts.

“Good money? It’s three bucks,” I point out.

We grab our ice cream, and wander through the rest of the store grabbing other random items. Tim grabs pretzels, claiming they’re great with ice cream. Brooke and I just shrug, figuring it’s a guy thing or something.

“We should get popcorn, too,” Brooke decides, “You never know when you’ll need popcorn for a movie night.”

“As long as it is movie butter, I’ll buy,” Tim smiles.

“Cool.” Brooke tosses some into her basket.

We embarrass the hell out of Tim by going to the feminine aisle, where Brooke spent ten minutes debating on the merits of different types of tampons with the stock boy, who looked as embarrassed as Tim. I just try to contain my laughter, occasionally voicing an opinion in Brooke’s debate.

“You two are evil!” he exclaims when Brooke finally gets bored and we walk towards the checkout stand, tampon free. “I mean, I knew you were a little mean, and maybe even a little evil, but we’re talking El Diablo here. Evil.”

I ruffle his hair. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” he repeats in a girly voice, mocking me, “And you are both still evil. Flattery does nothing to change that!”

“Aw, don’t be mad.” Brooke hugs him from the front, so I hug him from the back. “It’s a Tim sandwich,” she giggles.

“Isn’t this cozy?” a bitter voice says from behind us, causing me to cringe inwardly. Recognizing it, I turn around to face him.

“Nathan, hi!” I step towards him to hug him, but seeing the implacable look on his face stops me. “I didn’t know you were coming, did I?

“Obviously not,” he smirks, gesturing to the three of us.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I smile at him, still cringing inwardly, though. “How long are you here for?”

“Just the night,” he mutters, “Look, I’d better go. Have fun with your friends.” He turns and walks away.

I glance at Brooke and Tim who are staring at us slightly open-mouthed. “You guys, I’m – I – I – “

Brooke nods, cutting me off, “Just go, Tutor Girl. Do what you have to, okay?”

I nod, choking up. I hug them both and run after Nathan, dropping my basket, and turning around long enough to toss my car keys to Brooke. “Nathan!” I scream as I run through the parking lot.

He turns around and glares at me briefly before turning around to continue on to his car. “Just go back to your friends, Haley. I don’t have time for this bullshit tonight.”

I finally catch up to him. “Nathan, stop! What are you doing? Why are you so mad at me?”

“I’m not mad, Haley,” he says, sounding formal, “I am just finally giving you what you want – I’m moving on. Coming to visit you was a stupid mistake – I could have and did disrupt your bonding session with your moving on partners.”

I grab his arm, sliding my hands down to hold his. “Nathan, what are you doing? Why are you so mad at me?”

He shrugs. “Who said I’m mad? I’m just realizing how stupid I am. Has nothing to do with you, really.”

I haven’t seen him this way in years. He used to freeze me out like this occasionally, but not for quite awhile now. It’s unsettling, him doing it now.

“Nate, please. Talk to me! I don’t deserve you freezing me out like this; I haven’t done anything wrong!”

He seems to deflate at these words. “No, you haven’t. But I have, that’s the whole point. I’ve been holding onto this really childish hope that you weren’t so serious about breaking up, that if I just saw you again I could convince you otherwise. I was wrong, though.  It’s obvious that’s not the case.”

“Are you mad that I have friends now?”

“No, I’m not. But it did drive the point home. You have a life that doesn’t even remotely begin to include me, Haley, and it took seeing you with those two to realize that,” he spits out. His face darkens as he looks over my shoulder. I glance behind me to see Brooke and Tim walking through the parking lot staring at us on their way to my car.

“That doesn’t lessen what I feel for you,” I tell him urgently, “You weren’t just my boyfriend, Nathan, you were my fr – “

“No, I wasn’t just your boyfriend, and I wasn’t just your friend. I was your goddamn husband, too. Something you conveniently forget on a regular basis these days.”

It hurts that he mentioned that. “Yeah, you were,” I say quietly, “And I wouldn’t change that, Nathan. Not for anything.”

He spins away. “Just stop. I don’t want to do this now. Hell, I don’t know if I want to do it at all.”

“So, what? You’re going to walk away? Leave me here in the parking lot by myself? That’s great, Nathan,” I say sarcastically, “Thanks a lot.”

“Is it my fault your precious friends left?”

I throw my hands up in the air. “You know, you say it’s not about that, it’s not about them or me having new friends, but here you are, undermining them every chance you get! What the hell, Nathan?”

“Look, it doesn’t matter anymore. You just do whatever you have to do, drive all of your old friends away. Just like you did with Peyton.”

I just stare at him. I don’t even know what to say to that; that comment is just that unfair. To his credit, he does flinch under my gaze, probably knowing he went too far with his uncalled for comments.

I turn and walk away. There is no way I can continue to do this with him. It hurts too much, and it honestly isn’t getting either of us anywhere.

“Haley, wait,” he calls, sighing. I ignore him and keep walking. “I’m sorry, that was low, and I didn’t mean it,” he says when he catches up to me.

“You’re damn right it was low!” I explode, bursting into tears, “You have no idea how much guilt I have over everything that’s gone on with Peyton!”

He wraps his arms around me, my back to his front. “I’m sorry, I know, baby, shh.”

I continue sobbing, my knees going weak. Nathan lifts me into his arms, taking me to his car. “Why does it have to be so hard?” I ask him between sobs.

He sets me in the passenger seat, kneeling beside the car. “Shh, Haley J, it’s okay, don’t cry, baby. God, I’m sorry!”

I nod, laying my head on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I hurt you.”

He nods, brushing a kiss on my forehead. “I know. And I’m sorry I was an ass. You don’t know how hard you are to get over, Haley James. I guess I just resent that you’re asking that of me sometimes, resent how easy it is for you to move on.”

I pull myself together enough to pull back and face him. “Oh, Nate, if you think it’s easy for me, you just don’t know. It is so hard. I miss you every day, and I even question breaking up with you. But then things like this happen, and it just reminds me of how hard it would be if we tried to maintain a long distance relationship. We’d be doing this – “ I gesture between us, “All the time. I don’t want that for us!”

He nods miserably. “I know, baby. Hang on a minute.” He runs over and gets in the driver seat. I reach over and take his hand.

“You okay?”

“Nah. You?”

“Nah.” I squeeze his hand. “At least we’re both miserable, huh?”

He chuckles a little. “If you say so. Hey, I’m sorry I said that Peyton thing. I know you had nothing to do with it, and it was just unforgivable of me to suggest otherwise.”

Lucas had held true to his promise and discussed getting Peyton help with Larry, who promptly flew up to New York City to confront her behavior. She ended up in the psych ward of a hospital up there, and we haven’t heard anything from Larry or Peyton since. Nathan knows the whole story and all the details about Peyton’s mental health problems.

I shake my head. “No, forget it. I know you, Nathan, and I know you didn’t mean it. But you sure know how to get to me, don’t you?”

“Hey, I was married to you, I ought to know a whole lot about you, right?” I’m surprised he’s joking about that, it’s not a subject either of us generally touch, even when things between us are perfect. “I am sorry.”

“Me too. For so much.”

He smiles at me. “You should go hang out with your friends. You guys looked like you were having fun,” he says wistfully.

“We were,” I agree, “But you’re here for one night. Number one, they’ll understand, and number two, I want to spend time with you. Come on, let’s go to my house. My parents are in Williamsburg visiting Matt and his family.” Of course they’d want to spend time with my oldest brother rather than me.

“Yeah, that sounds nice. Uh, Haley J? What about your car?”

“You can drop me off at Tim’s apartment complex tomorrow, and I’ll pick it up then,” I decide, not wanting to worry about that for now.

“Alright, let’s go.”

And so we did.

~*~

“So, was it break-up sex?” Brooke asks, puzzled. Nathan left two days ago, but I was busy at the café and Brooke’s parents showed up to feign an interest in her long enough to force her to attend some party, so this is our first chance to talk about it.

I shrug. “Hell if I know. It just was. Maybe it was closure sex or something, I don’t really know.”

“Was it as good as together sex?”

“It was the same,” I shrug again, not sure where she’s going with this. I’m even less sure if I want to know where.

“Huh. So, if it’s the same as together sex, wouldn’t that just make it together sex? Which would mean you’re still together?”

Oh, how the mind boggles. “Uh, Brooke? We broke up months ago. This was so not together sex.”

“Not officially, no, but it just tells me that you both have the mindset that you’re still together. Now, that might run its course naturally, but I wouldn’t be so sure.”

I snort, very indelicately. “You’re full of shit, Tigger.”

“Yeah, I know,” she laughs, “But still. I’m not that far off on this one. You and Nathan are so not over, no matter what you tell yourself and him. It’s kind of stupid to insist otherwise.”

I shrug. “Well, what can I do about it? I can’t change how I feel, and I can’t change how he feels. Circumstances just aren’t on our side.”

She smiles at me. “I know. And it’ll turn out okay, just think positive.”

“Since when are you all up on the power of positive thinking?”

“Er, since my parents hopped back on the plane outta Tree Hill,” she grins, “God, it was shitty having them here.”

I laugh. “Well, then I’m glad for you that they are gone. And thanks for understanding why I had to spend that night with Nathan. I didn’t want to ditch you guys, but he was only here for one night. And things were so messed up.”

“I still can’t believe he threw that Peyton bullshit in your face.”

“Well, he felt really bad about it,” I say, “And he apologized about a thousand and one times.”

“And well he should,” she laughs, “I really am glad for you both that you’ve worked something out. I know it isn’t the perfect resolution, but it’s something.”

Nathan and I had made a deal to date other people. It was the only way we could figure that really made sense in terms of moving on. Brooke and Tim seem to think I should call Tim’s cousin Jason, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t want to date anyone connected to our little group, and Jason is just too close.

But since we agreed to make an effort, the next time a guy shows interest, I won’t be as standoffish as I have been the rest of this year. I’m already dreading the first time it happens; I know it will be awkward and sad and painful. Since Nathan said he might call his Valentine’s Day date, I figure I should try, too.

Nobody ever said it’d be easy, though.

Chapter 5 -6

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