The Ones Left Behind

By Brynne

Chapter Seventeen – Golden Slumber

‘Once there was a way,

To get back homeward,

Once there was a way to get back home;

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,

And I will sing you a lullaby’ – The Beatles

~*~July 4, 2010~*~

“So then he just says, ‘We should get married’!” Brooke exclaims, holding out her hand. I think I’m in shock, and I don’t know what to say as she and Luke stare at me, eagerly awaiting my response. I know I’m the first person they’ve told, and I want my response to be what they need.

“You – you guys, I – wow! Congratulations!” I throw an arm around each of them. I pull away, fixing a smile on my face. A part of me still doesn’t think this will work out, but they’ve proved me wrong so far, and I’m not going to try and dictate to them how they should live their lives.

“Isn’t this great?” Brooke enthuses, her voice getting shrill with excitement, “I can’t believe this!”

Luke just stands here smiling like he’s the happiest guy in the world. And if he is, then I’m just as happy for him. “We’re really happy, Hales,” he smiles, finally jumping in.

“I can tell,” I smile back. “Oh, my gosh, we get to plan a wedding!” I squeal, grabbing Brooke’s hands and jumping up and down with her.

“I know!” she laughs, “And it’s mine!”

“Wow, when are you going to tell everyone?” I ask, still smiling. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of an engagement – I know that first hand. I just hope things turn out better for Luke and Brooke than they did for me. Well, they couldn’t turn out much worse, of course.

“Tonight!” Luke beams, “Everyone will be in town, so it’s perfect! Deb and Dad got back from their vacation yesterday, so they’ll be there.”

“And Nathan will be here, too,” I remind him, and a dark look crosses his face. There is so much consternation between the two of them right now that it is ridiculous.

“Not that he’d be happy for me, anyways,” Luke mutters.

“Luke, you know he would,” I argue, “The other stuff, that’s just basketball. It has nothing to do with how much he loves you as a brother and a friend. Give him a break, it’s hard for him sometimes.”

“Why are we doing this again?” Brooke wonders. Luke and I have had this argument several times since the night of the draft. Luke and Nathan haven’t spoke to each other since, and Nathan hasn’t spoken to Dan, either.

“Because, no matter what asshole things he does, Haley will always defend Nathan,” Luke informs her, glaring at me superciliously.

I roll my eyes at him and take a step closer. “That’s bullshit and you know it, Luke,” I retort, poking him in the chest, “And if you paid attention to things, maybe you’d notice that there is a lot more going on in this situation than Nathan being an asshole.”

He throws his hands up in the air. “You’ve been saying that the last two weeks, Hales! You’ve got to give me more to work with than just that, okay? Because from where I’m standing, he’s just being a jerk for no apparent reason.”

“Think about it, Luke. You have everything he’s ever wanted. You have Dan’s love and respect, you have the ability to walk away from basketball, and he feels like he has none of that.”

“He doesn’t want to walk away from basketball, Hales.” He doesn’t even acknowledge what I said about him having what Nathan always wanted from Dan.

“Did you hear what I said?” I ask him, getting pissed at him. I feel bad – this is supposed to be a happy occasion, but I can’t stop myself from defending Nathan, especially in this situation.

“Yeah, I heard, and it’s bullshit,” he spits out bitterly, “Nathan has had Dan his whole life, and I just got him a few years ago. You can’t tell me that I’m getting something he never had when he’s had it four times as long as I did.”

“Did he?” I ask, challenging him, while Brooke stands there looking like she’d rather be anywhere else right now, “Did he really, Luke? Is that why he had himself emancipated when he was sixteen? Because he had such a great relationship with Dan, who treated him so great? I don’t think so, and if you try and tell me you do, then you’re a liar. How many times did you tell me that even though he might have been the one Dan ‘chose’, he was worse off than you?”

Luke sighs, and I think my words have sunk in. “He’s jealous? Really?”

I shrug. “Look, I promised him a long time ago I wouldn’t say anything, and he’s probably not going to be happy with me now, but I hate seeing him so left out, and I hate that you are both hurting by this rift.”

Brooke turns and walks out of the room, giving us space to talk about it. Luke looks at me with his broody look, and I almost feel bad about laying into him so hard on this. I know Nathan still hasn’t mustered whatever it is he needs to talk to Dan and Luke about this, so maybe it is coming more out of left field for Luke than I’m giving him credit for.

“How long?” he asks quietly, and I know what he means immediately.

“Last year, that barbeque Labor Day weekend. I think he snapped when Dan talked about how proud he was of you for knowing basketball wasn’t everything. Dan never said anything like that to him.”

“He never said it because he thought it wasn’t true,” Luke sighs. “Dan – God, we all think that Nathan wants basketball. That he doesn’t want anything as much as he wants basketball. If Dan said that to Nathan, it would be a slap in the face, you know?”

I nod, because I do understand both sides of things. “The thing is, Dan never said it when Nathan needed to hear it. He never heard it when he was under all that pressure, and now, he sees Dan giving you what you need from him, and I think it hurts. I know it isn’t your fault, and it isn’t even Dan’s fault, really.”

Luke sits down hard on the chair behind him. “I wish I’d paid more attention to how Nathan was feeling with everything. It’s just that, things have been so good with Dan and I, and then I had to worry how Keith and Mom felt about it, and I never considered Nathan.”

I push him over so I can share the chair with him. “Its okay, Luke. He knows. God, he even understands, but he’s still not doing a great job dealing with it. I think the worst part is that he wants to be happy for you, but he’s so frustrated with how things are for him that he can’t be, and then he feels guilty.”

He puts his arm around me. “Thanks for telling me.  I know you didn’t want to.” I nod. “But I needed to know, and I guess its obvious Nate wasn’t going to tell me himself, huh?”

“He wanted to, or so he told me. He was going to invite you and Dan over the morning after the draft.”

He looks over at me sharply. “Why didn’t he?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, when I left that morning, that was what he was planning, so he didn’t need a ride back to town.”

I can see understanding dawn, and I mentally kick myself for giving so much away. What happened between Nathan and me that night was something I’d have liked to keep between just us.

“You were with him that night?” he asks, “Were you with him all night, Hales? What happened?”

I shake my head and stand up, moving away from him. “That isn’t germane to this conversation,” I tell him, trying to brush off his questions. Of course, I know it won’t work. He’s a Scott, and when they think they’re on to something, they don’t give up.

“Don’t give me that crap,” he mutters, rolling his eyes, “What happened, Haley James? Tell me now, or I’ll get Brooke in here to torture it out of you. Hey, she doesn’t know already, does she?”

He pouts that last part, and I laugh at the look on his face. “No, come on, we’re going outside then.”

I walk briskly out to the backyard, and he diligently follows me. We each sit on one of the swings of Eric’s playset. “What happened?” he asks again.

“I followed him, found him a block away, and drove him to the River Court. He kissed me after we talked for awhile,” I relate, seeing the surprise on his face, “And then he apologized and ran off.”

“Wow,” Luke breathes.

“That’s not all,” I laugh, “After he ran off, I got out of the car and sat in the middle of the court. That’s where we went after the Labor Day fiasco, and it was a good talk we had, and I just wanted to sit there again, feel that. But he came back. And he told me he meant it, he meant the kiss.”

“And that was it?” he asks, confused. I shake my head. “God, no details,” he reminds me, grimacing.

“No details,” I laugh, promising him, “But after that, we went to the beach house, and stayed there for the night.”

“Are you guys together now?”

I shake my head. “We haven’t even talked about it yet, so I don’t know what, if anything, we are.”

“You haven’t talked to him since then?” he asks, confused, “What the hell is that?”

“No, no, we’ve talked, just not about what happened. It’s too much right now, I think. I mean, look at how his life is changing. He’ll be living in Seattle for a good portion of the year, and I’ll be here in Tree Hill.”

He shrugs. “So what? That’s no reason for him to avoid talking about it.”

I shake my head at him. “It isn’t him who’s avoiding, it’s me. I am the one who isn’t ready to talk about it yet.”

“Why not?”

“God, I don’t know. There is so much to say to each other, and over the phone isn’t how I want to do it. That, and I’m mostly just scared.”

“Of what?”

“Come on, Luke! Scared that he won’t want me, that he doesn’t feel anything more than a sexual attraction, that he can’t forgive me for everything, that he doesn’t love – God, there are a million and one reasons why I’m scared!”

“You’re going to talk to him, right?” he asks, concerned.

“Yeah, there’s no way he’ll let me not talk to him about it. God, he’s tried already, but let me put it off until we’re face to face. We’ll see what happens.”

“At least you’ll finally be putting it all out there. What are you going to say?”

I shake my head at him. “I think I owe it to him to wait and talk to him first, okay? Do things right for once.”

He looks a little hurt, but he nods. “Sure, I got it.” He looks over at me. “So, you surprised I asked Brooke to marry me?”

I laugh, leaning back a little on the swing. “Yeah, floored, actually. I mean, I knew you were moving back here for her, but I figured you’d give it a little more time before you jumped into a wedding.”

He laughs, too. “Yeah, you aren’t the only one. I didn’t plan on this, but I was buying something for Mom at the jewelry store, and I saw the ring, and I got it. I can’t believe it. I’ll be in debt for a long time now, but it’ll be worth it. You should’ve seen how happy she was about it. The look on her face.”

“I saw, Luke, she was really happy. You guys are good for each other.”

He grins. “Yeah, we are. We really are.”

I’m so happy for him, for her, for them. But I’m jealous, too. I want what they have, which is funny since I have doubts still as to how well they’ll work out. But I want that magical, carefree feeling you get when you’re so in love with someone that you act rashly and wildly like Luke did when he bought the ring, like Nathan and I did when we got married all those years ago.

“Everyone is going to be thrilled for you – oh, your mom is going to be over the moon!” I laugh, picturing Karen’s reaction, “Are you really going to tell her in front of everyone else?”

He shrugs, “We were going to, but I know what you’re saying. I should tell her first, away from anyone else. Maybe I’ll tell her alone, and ask her not to let Brooke know she knows.”

I smile at him. “Karen might appreciate that.”

“Yeah, she probably will.” He looks over at me. “Think Nathan will behave tonight? I mean, I’m not going to have time to hash things out with him before the party starts, and so I don’t want him flying off the handle. Brooke is really sensitive to everyone’s reactions to our news, you know.”

I nod, knowing that Brooke would be. She’s far more vulnerable than she projects, and I’m glad Luke sees that. “He’ll be fine. I can run interference, if you’d like,” I suggest, quite possibly more to further my own agenda than anything else, but I know it could be helpful, too.

He smirks at me, and I know he knows. “Yeah, you do that, Hales. Tell yourself it’s to help me out if you have to. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

I duck my head down, staring at the dirt underneath the swing. “Easier said than done, Luke.”

He rolls his eyes at me, still smirking. “You’re full of crap, Hales. Just do it for a change, quit making him do all the work in your relationship, lay something on the line.”

“Have you and Brooke been going over notes together or something?” I ask, peevish.

“Yeah, Tim, too.”

“Tim, too?” I gasp, suddenly irate, “How dare you guys do that? Wait, you and Tim can hang out now?”

He laughs at my topic jump. “Yeah, we’re cool. He’s not quite the dumbass I always assumed, so we are getting along okay. Brooke really wanted it, you know?” I nod dumbly. “And we dare because we care. Hey, I rhyme!” he grins.

“Yeah, good one, Poe,” I say sarcastically, my anger returning. I must be PMSing or something, because this rapid-fire emotion change can be explained no other way. “And just because you ‘care’, it doesn’t give you the right to talk about me behind my back. That’s not fair, Luke.”

“Maybe not, but it isn’t really fair that you want something so bad, but can’t go after it. That’s lame, too.”

I groan, “Oh, my God, you and Brooke are like twins. Damn it. Okay, look, I already am planning on trying to tell him.”

“Planning on trying? Wow, that sounds pretty much like a copout plan, if you ask me.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I haven’t asked you, then, wouldn’t you say? Besides, why does it sound like a copout? I’m going to try, and what more can I do, right?”

“How about instead of trying, you actually do it?” he suggests, brilliantly. He looks at me smugly, and he knows he has me here.

“Whatever, I’ll do my best. But if he starts looking uncomfortable and like he doesn’t want to hear anything, I’m not going to say it all,” I tell him, my lip quivering.

“Hey, Hales, it’ll be okay. I mean, I don’t know how it’ll work out, but even if it isn’t how you want it, things will be okay.”

I nod half-heartedly, not believing it. My life is so wrapped up in Nathan, around Nathan, that no matter what happens over the next few days, we’ll always have a connection. If things go badly, I’ll have to see him still, and be constantly reminded of everything else. Maybe that’s why I’m so hesitant – things are tentatively decent right now, and it would really hurt me if that were to change for the worse. Of course, it isn’t like decent is so great or anything.

“Well, I can’t do it tonight because this is a happy occasion,” I grin, kind of relieved that I’ll have at least tonight to feel things out with Nathan before attempting to jump in, both feet first.

“Chicken,” he laughs, reaching over from his swing to shove me.

“Shut up!” I exclaim, pushing off him with my foot, sending us both flying. We used to do this when we were little, but until Luke starts making chicken noises, I was going to let it go. “Oh, you’re going down, Scott!”

I push off him harder, sending him flying into the side of the swing set. He comes flying back at me, and grabs onto the rope of my swing, taking me with him. He gives it a good tug and sends me whipping around in circles, laughing my head off.

“I think we’re going to break the swing set!” he laughs, not really sounding worried.

“Ow! Luke!” I complain as I smash into the side of the swing set, “That hurts! How did we not break bones when we did this when we were little?”

“Got you!” he laughs, “That’s a point for me!”

The swing set is really starting to creak and groan now, so I jump off and away from it. “Luke, I think you were right about the breaking it thing,” I tell him worriedly, not liking that he’s swinging higher and higher.

“You’re paranoid!” he laughs, pumping his legs even harder. And then it happens: the swing set collapses, sending Luke crashing to the ground, where he lands awkwardly on his arm.

“Shit,” he curses as I run to him, “I think it’s broken.”

“Crap, Luke, roll over,” I order him, “Let me look at it!”

“I can’t, there’s a piece of swing set underneath me. I’ll just get up on my knees.” He tries to do so, but wavers, and then leans forward, puking. God, it really must be broken.

“Okay, here, let me help you.” I manage to get him out of the wreckage of the swing set, and lay him back on the softer grass. His arm is clearly broken; it looks like the bone is just a fraction of an inch away from poking through his skin.

Trying not to gag too, I stand up. “I’m going to go call 911.” He nods. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

I sprint into the house, again thankful for my morning runs with Tim. “Brooke!” I scream, “Where the hell are you?”

She doesn’t answer, and so I find the phone and report our emergency. I take the phone with me, and run back out to Luke. “I yelled for Brooke, but she didn’t hear me, I guess. I’d look for her, but you shouldn’t be out here alone,” I tell him tearfully.

“Hales, I’m okay,” he smiles up at me. “I’m not dying or anything. They’ll put it in a cast and I’ll be good as new in a few weeks. Hey, look at it this way, at least I didn’t sign with Houston, so they can’t sue me for breach of contract for playing on a swing set.”

I can’t believe he’s making jokes when his arm is so grotesquely broken, but at the same time, it is so essentially Lucas. I breathe out a sigh of relief when I hear the sirens of the aid car blaring down the street.

“Ambulance is almost here.”

“Yeah, I hear it,” he says, and then he smiles. He fucking smiles. At a time like this.

“Luke, you amaze me. I can’t believe you’re smiling when your arm is like – like – like that,” I finish with a wave of my hand.

“Like what?” he asks, glancing down. “Holy shit, it’s gonna poke out of my skin, Hales!” he screams, “Oh, my God, it hurts!” He tries to sit up, but I keep him down. “Look at it!”

Shit. Way to go, slick. “Luke, stop, just lay back and don’t look at it! You’re turning all white again,” I tell him worriedly, “Are you going to puke again?”

He just stares at his arm. Thankfully, two EMTs burst through the fence gate, Brooke running behind them looking scared. I jump up to calm Brooke down as the EMTs go to work on Luke.

“What the hell happened?” she cries, “Oh, my God, Luke, I’m here. Brookie is here, it’s all going to be okay.”

He manages a wan smile at her. “I know, it’ll be okay. Just a little break. A disgusting, horrifying, little break.” With that, he passes out.

Brooke grips my arm tightly. “What the hell were you two doing?” she bursts out, surveying poor Eric’s mangled swing set.

I blush, I know I am. I feel so stupid, and we were acting so childishly. “We were, uhm, we were playing on the swings. This game we used to play, where we’d kick and shove each other into the side supports. Guess we weighed less then,” I sigh.

“So you were on there too? How’d you escape serious injury?”

I shake my head. “I had jumped off because it was creaking and Luke said he thought it was going to collapse, but he didn’t jump off. Started swinging harder!”

“Unbelievable!” She shakes her head, pacing the yard, always keeping one eye on Luke. “That is completely unbelievable! You two thought it would be some fantastic idea to put your adult asses on a swing set made for a three year old, and then kick each other around. Great.”

“I know!” I cry, “I know!” Tears are sliding down my face as they load Luke onto the backboard for the ambulance ride.

“We’re ready to take him now, ma’am,” one of the EMTs says to me. I nod. “Are either of you related? You could ride along.”

“I’m his fiancé!” Brooke exclaims, flashing her ring again. “I want to ride with him; in fact, I demand it.”

The poor guy looks helplessly at me. “Uh, yeah, okay, let’s go then. We need to get him to the hospital and get that arm set. He’ll probably also need x-rays of his back taken, since it looks like he took quite the spill.”

“Maybe we should cancel the thing tonight,” I tell Brooke.

She shakes her head, “No, Lucas won’t want it cancelled. Let’s just stick with the plans, okay?”

I nod, sighing. “Okay, I’ll head over and get things ready.

Brooke glares at me, and follows the EMTs and Lucas out to the ambulance. I sit down heavily on the grass, the events of the last twenty minutes washing over me as I start to cry in earnest.

“Haley?” I look up to see Keith standing in the doorway, holding Eric in his arms. “Oh, my God, are you okay?”

I nod, choking out between sobs, “I’m fine, but Lucas broke his arms, and they took him to the hospital with Brooke, and it’s my fault because I didn’t make him stop swinging, and his arm was so gross and broken and he threw up.” I finally stop when I can’t talk and cry anymore.

He sets Eric down and runs over to me. “Hey, hey, slow down.” He puts his hands on my shoulder. “Now, take a few deep breaths, and start over, okay?”

I nod, complying. “Luke and I were playing on the swings, and then it started creaking, so I jumped off, but he didn’t. And then it broke,” I sob, waving my hand towards the mess, which he can obviously see. “And his arm is broken, and the EMT said they’d have to do back x-rays to make sure he isn’t hurt worse, and it’s all my fault.”

“No, no, Haley, it’s not your fault, honey.” He pulls me into a hug, and I sob against his chest. “He’s going to be okay, it’s Luke, and he’s tough.”

Eric starts crying, and Keith pulls away from me to pick him up. Seeing the scared look on Eric’s face inspires me to pull myself together a bit. I wipe my eyes and breathe deeply until the sobs subside. When I’m a little calmer, Eric reaches his little arms out, and I take him.

“I’m going to go to the café and pick up Karen,” Keith says to me quietly, “Will you watch Eric?”

“Of course, go. I know she’ll be pissed if you don’t,” I smile, squeezing Eric gently, breathing in his baby scent.

“Thanks, Haley. And believe me, he’ll be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I nod, knowing he’s right. It was just a stupid, freak accident that was caused because Lucas and I are boneheads sometimes.

He runs off, and Eric and I follow him into the house since I can’t stand the sight of that swing set right now. I’m just glad the tonight’s festivities are being held at Brooke’s house. She insisted that we throw the get together for a change, and Tim and I agreed thinking it would be fun.

I need to get back there, in fact, to get everything set up. I call Keith’s cell and let him know that I’m grabbing Eric’s car seat and taking him over with me. He tells me its fine, and that he and Karen will call once they hear something.

When I get back to the house, Tim is immediately concerned when he sees my tearstained cheeks. “What’s going on, Haley?”

“Lucas broke his arm,” I explain, setting Eric down and retrieving the bucket of toys I keep here for him. He smiles happily when I hand him his favorite book. “We were goofing around, and the swing set collapsed on him.”

“Damn,” he whistles, “He okay other than that?”

I nod. “Yeah, they’re taking more x-rays to be sure, but it seems to be.”

“Well, better safe than sorry, huh?” I nod mutely, holding Eric on my lap. “Hey, it’s okay, Haley, why are you so stressed about this?”

I shake my head. “It just happened so fast. It was awful, the wood breaking and the sound of him hitting the ground.”

“He’ll be okay,” he promises. He glances at his watch. “Crap, babe, I gotta run to the store if I’m going to get all this stuff done that is on this list Brooke gave me.”

I nod, understanding. “She gave me one, too.”

“You going to be okay here? I can do your list if you need me to,” he offers sweetly. “I don’t mind.”

“I’ll be okay,” I promise, “I’ve got Eric here to keep my head on straight. If he’s nice, I’ll even let him help me in the kitchen.” Tim laughs, and gives me a hug before taking off. “It’s just you and me, kid,” I tell Eric.

He looks up at me and smiles. “Hi Hawes, we party tonight.”

I smile back at him. “I know, baby, we are going to have a party tonight. It’ll be fun, too. And we’ll set off pretty fireworks for you.”

“Cake?” he asks. It’s the one thing he always associates with parties, cake.

I laugh, nodding. “Yeah, I made a special cake just for you.” He claps his hands together. “Come on, let’s go in the kitchen, and I’ll give you a piece now.”

“Yay, tank you, Hawes!” he grins. I laugh and scoop him up in my arms, taking him to the kitchen. As we pass the front door, someone knocks on it, startling me to the point where I almost drop Eric, who luckily just laughs and begs for more.

I laugh, setting him down. “Go into the kitchen, kiddo. I’ll be there in a minute.” He runs off, and I brush my hands over my cheeks, hoping there isn’t too much makeup on them. I open the door, surprised to see Nathan standing there with a big bouquet of flowers. “Nathan, I – ah, you’re early.”

He nods, peeking around the flowers. “Yeah, I just didn’t want to go over to my parent’s yet, so I figured I could help you out with whatever.”

“Oh, well, come on in,” I say, feeling like an awkward mess. He steps inside, and I move to hug him. I hadn’t planned on it, but I do, despite the fact he has those flowers in his arms.

I pull away, smiling tremulously at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks when he sees my face, “What happened?”

He sets the flowers down and moves closer, laying a hand on my cheek. Eric chooses this moment to come running back out looking for me. “Hawes, I want my cake!” He glances at Nathan, who is still cupping my cheek. “Hi.”

Nathan laughs, pulling his hand away. “Hey yourself, Eric.” He leans down and picks him up. “You get cake, huh? Think you can score me a piece?”

Eric grins, probably understanding, smart little guy that he is. “Be nice to Hawes. I kiss her.”

Nathan laughs again, raising his eyebrows at me. He seems so relaxed that I can’t help but wonder what’s up. I guess that’s terrible, to always expect something moodier from him, but that’s kind of how Nathan is, always intense about everything.

“Come on, you can both have cake,” I promise, leading them into the kitchen. I hear Nathan whisper something to Eric, and the smack of hands as they high five each other. He settles Eric at the table and I slice small pieces of cake for each of them, setting it on the table in front of them. “There ya go, from the world renowned bakery of Haley!”

“Tank you, Hawes.”

“You’re welcome, baby.” I turn to Nathan who is smiling fondly at Eric. “Could you watch him while I go clean up a little? I need to wash my face.”

“Yeah, of course. Hey, you gonna tell me what had you crying?” he asks, catching my hand in his as I turn to leave.

“Oh, God. Yeah, no, Luke broke his arm, and I freaked out.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “We were swinging, on Eric’s set, and it broke apart. It was just freaky. Keith said he’d call as soon as he knew for sure it was just his arm, but they don’t think it’s anything else.”

He grips my hand tighter. “Haley, you could’ve been killed! You both could’ve! My God, are you okay? Were you hurt?”

I shake my head, overwhelmed by his concern. “No, I had jumped off because it was creaking, but Luke stayed on. I’m okay, just shaken up.”

“Thank God you’re okay,” he breathes out, “And Luke will be okay? Do we need to go to the you know where to check on him?”

“No, Brooke rode with him in the ambulance, and Keith was going to go get Karen and take her there. I’m watching Eric, obviously.”

He brushes his thumb over my knuckles. “Well, thank God Lucas only broke his arm. Sounds like it could’ve been worse.”

“You should see the swing set,” I tell him, trying to make a joke, but the waver in my words preclude that from happen. “It’s a really big mess.”

He nods, understanding. “Hey, you go freshen up, I got this one for you.” He ruffles Eric’s hair, who is so engrossed in eating his piece of cake that he barely even looks up.

“Thanks Nathan,” I whisper, turning and walking upstairs to clean myself up. A glance in the mirror outside my door tells me I look awful. God, I think I even have some of Luke’s vomit splattered on my jeans.

I strip down, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself. Standing at the top of the stairs, I yell down to Nathan that I’ll be in the shower for a few minutes, and then turn the water as hot as I can stand it and jump in. It feels so good, and I actually manage to relax some.

When I get out, I pull out new clothes and put them on, and then apply some light makeup. Deciding this will be fine for now – I’m sure Brooke has grand plans for how we’re all  supposed to look tonight – I head back downstairs. I hear Eric and Nathan playing in the living room, so I head there to see them. I stop in the doorway and watch as Nathan gives Eric a piggy back ride around the room.

“You two look like you’re having fun,” I smile, dropping to the floor. Eric slides of off Nathan’s back and runs over to me, climbing in my lap.

“You smell life fowers,” Eric comments, scrunching his nose up, “Yucky ones, too.”

Nathan and I laugh at his childish mispronunciation. “Yeah, well, someday you’ll appreciate girls smelling like flowers,” Nathan tells him, winking at me. He’s so relaxed right now it amazes me. I guess something in Seattle is doing him a world of good. I just hope it isn’t a someone. “Feel better?” he asks me.

“Yeah, a lot. Thanks for watching him. Want to keep the duty while I finish off the chores on my Brooke list?”

“Your Brooke list?” he questions.

“Yeah,” I laugh, “She decided to host this thing, but she gave Tim and I lists with chores on them to do. Go figure, right?”

“Nice,” he comments, “There probably aren’t a lot of people who can get away with stuff like that.”

“Yeah, Brooke is one in a million,” I agree. “So,” I ask again, smiling a little, “Would you mind?”

“Of course not. We can play more piggy back. Who knew a three year old would be one of the most fun people I know?”

I laugh, pretending to think. “Hmm, maybe you just relate well to him,” I joke, giggling at his wounded expression.

“That hurts,” he pouts, “He’s obviously way above my level.”

I laugh with him, and stand up, setting Eric back on his back again. “You two have fun. I’ll be out back filling coolers.”

“Oooh, have fun.”

I nod, noticing the flowers. “Oh, I’m sure I will. Hey, you might want to find something in the kitchen to put your flowers in before they wilt.” I walk off.

Obviously, I’m dying to know who they’re for, but I’m not self-centered enough to assume they’re for me, but I am bratty enough to wish they were. I do my chores, and by the time I’m done, I hear Tim come barreling into the house.

“James, get out here,” he yells, and I wonder if he’s seen Nathan or something. He knew he was coming, but I’m sure neither would appreciate being alone together.

I jog into the kitchen, relieved that Nathan and Eric aren’t in here. “What? Why are you yelling for me?”

“Brooke made me get her fucking tampons, James. Tampons. I had to go into the ‘feminine hygiene’ section of the grocery store. Do you have any idea how emasculating that is?”

“Um, since I’ve never been masculated, I guess I wouldn’t know,” I joke, choking back a laugh, picturing Tim perusing the different brands of tampons. “Oh, Smith, I’m sorry, it’s just kinda funny.”

“No, it isn’t kinda funny. It isn’t funny at all. God, she hates me, she must hate me. There’s no other explanation for it. You don’t do that to someone you love and respect.”

“I’m sorry she had you do that,” I tell him, stifling another laugh, “I’m sure the trauma was overwhelming.”

“I’m never living with two women again,” he grumbles, “It’s bad enough that I have to deal with the PMS and hormones on a monthly basis, but sending me to pick up tampons, that is just above and beyond.”

“I know, baby, and I’ll tell her she owes you big time,” I promise, still laughing.

“I can’t believe you’re laughing. That is just terrible. After all I suffered today, you could at least be sympathetic.”

“I am, really. I just needed to laugh after seeing Luke there on the ground, that swing set all broken around him. So, thank you.”

“Aw, you’re welcome.” He pulls me into a hug. “You finished your list?” I nod. “Good, me too. I think I’ll go get ready.”

“Hey, Tim?” He glances back at me. “Just so you know, Nathan is already here playing with Eric.” He looks surprised, but just shrugs and walks out of the kitchen.

I find Eric and Nathan in the backyard this time playing with a basketball. Nathan lets Eric run around him with the ball, and I can’t resist teasing him.

“Mr. NBA Star, getting schooled by a three year old!” I tease, feigning shock, “Oh, if only the media could see.”

“Ha ha ha,” he grins back, correcting Eric’s hold on the ball, “There ya go!”

They’re so cute together that I can’t help but grin. “Hawey pway!” Eric demands, and Nathan cracks up.

“Now, see, Eric,” Nathan grins, lifting him up in his arms, basketball and all, “The first thing you need to know about Haley here is that she can’t play basketball. She’s very bad at it. Very bad.”

I poke him in the arm. “Sure, pick on the non-athletic one! Just because I suck at sports doesn’t mean I’m crappy at everything, thank you very much. I excel in other areas.”

His grin widens as he replies huskily, “Yeah, I know you do, Haley J.” Is he flirting with me? Am I flirting with him? Oh, God, I don’t even know anymore. And then he does it: he winks.

I just nod at him, a small smile crossing my face. “Don’t listen to him, Eric, I can bounce that ball.” I take it from and proceed to do so, grinning.

“Tsk, tsk,” Nathan laughs, “It’s called dribbling, not bouncing. And you’re doing it wrong, anyways.” He sighs all dramatically and rolls his eyes at Eric, who laughs at him.

“Okay, hotshot, I get it, I’m bad at basketball.” He nods, and Eric, who is watching him, begins nodding, too. “You’re supposed to be on my side!” I tell Eric, tickling his belly.

I left the door open, and I can hear the front door opening, and Brooke shouting for me. “Tutor Girl?” she barks, “Where the hell are you?”

Nathan looks at me with a mock terrified look, pretending to shudder. “I’ll stay out here with Eric where it’s safe,” he decides, probably not unwisely.

“Can I stay, too?” I ask, even as I move toward the door. He helpfully waves goodbye, and again, Eric is mimicking his actions. “I’m coming, Tigger,” I call back to her before she can tear out here.

“Why didn’t you come to the hospital?” she rages as she rounds the corner, “I needed you there! God, it was awful, the noise his arm made when they set it. I cried, and then I threw up.”

Her cheeks are streaked with tears, and her hair looks like a bird’s nest, but I figure it would be a very bad thing to tell her that. “Hey, it’s okay. How’s Luke?” I ask, worried.

She sits down in one of the dining room chairs. “Oh, Luke? Luke is great, he’s fantastic. Would you believe that little bastard had the audacity to flirt – flirt! – with the nurses, right in front of me?”

I look away, shrugging. “Well, Tigger, it’s Luke. I mean, he’s kind of a flirt, that’s his thing or something.”

She glares, rounding on me. “You cannot be saying this! Maybe he was a flirt before, but he’s my fiancé now! He’s not allowed to flirt!”

“Okay, okay,” I tell her, holding my hands up, “Peace. Geez, calm down, Tigger. He was probably just trying to distract himself from the pain. Now, where is he?”

“They dropped me off here, and Karen and Keith are taking him back there to change. They wanted him to stay home tonight, but he insisted. And since it’s when we’re announcing things, I figured I wouldn’t make him stay home.”

I reach out and give her a hug, and she starts crying on my shoulder. I know how she feels, so I don’t say anything, just letting her cry it all out. “It’s okay,” I promise her, “He’s fine, right?” She nods. “So, just let it all out, it’s okay.”

“God, when I saw him lying there on the ground, it freaked me out, Haley, I was so scared.”

“Shh, shh,” I whisper soothingly, “I know you were. I was, too, honey. But he’s okay now, I’m sure they gave him lots of good drugs, and he’s probably barely in any pain.”

“It reminded me of when he was in that car accident,” she sniffles, “And he was so pale and still.”

“I know, baby, it was awful,” I tell her, holding her tighter, “It was really, really awful. But hey, like you said, he’s okay. And he’s so okay, he still wants to announce your engagement tonight. So that’s good, right? Don’t you think that’s a good sign?”

“I know it is, I know he’s fine, but still.”

“Okay, look, Tigger, why don’t you go upstairs and take a shower and get cleaned up. I’ll stay down here and finish off the things on your list.”

“I don’t have a list,” she sighs, and I hold my tongue, suppressing my irritation at her giving Tim and I lists but not having one herself. I shouldn’t be surprised, though, it is typical Brooke. And although we didn’t know beforehand, it is kind of an engagement party for her and Lucas, so I guess that’s something, too.

“Okay, go upstairs. When you’re ready, it’ll be time for people to be showing up, so that’s good, right?”

She nods, pulling away from me. “Okay, a hot shower does sound nice. Hopefully you and Tim didn’t use up all the hot water.”

“I’m sure there’s plenty left for you. Oh, and Nathan is here already being entertained by Eric.” She nods, still dazed and not really interested.

“Guess I can’t talk loudly about how crazy in love with him you are right now, huh? I’ll save that for later,” she teases, and I know she’s feeling better.

I roll my eyes at her, giving her a shove. “Get out of here.” She goes, and I pick up and put away the coat and purse she’s left lying on the floor of the foyer. I turn around, and almost let out a scream when I come face to face with Nathan, who is holding a sleeping Eric. “Don’t sneak up on me!” I whisper loudly, “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

He grins widely at me, nodding down at Eric, whose head is planted on Nathan’s shoulder. “Sorry,” he whispers, “But I don’t think my arms is the best place for this guy to sleep. Got something better?”

I nod, motioning to the stairs. We take him up, and I lead them into my bedroom, closing the door behind us. He gently sets Eric down on the bed after I pull the covers back, and I lean down and kiss his forehead. Nathan places the covers back on top of him since it’s chilly in this house due to Tim’s insistence that the A/C runs twenty-four seven.

Nathan leans down and gives him a kiss, too, and then stands up, glancing around the room. Belatedly I realize that I have some relics of the us that was Nathan and me laying around, pinned to the wall and taped to the closet door, and I blush, feeling a little bit like a pathetic hanger-on.

He smiles, though, and it puts me at ease. There are some newer pictures on my desk and dresser, mainly of Tim, Brooke, and I at various Duke parties, but there are also a bunch with Karen, Keith, Luke, and Eric. He singles out one of Eric and me, and picks it up, examining it.

“You two look so cute together,” he whispers, smiling at me. He sets it back and resumes examining the other pictures. “It looks like you have a lot of fun in your life. That’s good, Haley.”

“Yeah, we try. And I’m lucky I have such fun friends. Without them, I’d probably be at the library right now, all by myself.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder as he moves to stand by my side. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know that?”

I blush, looking away. “Well, this must be boring, so we can head back downstairs,” I suggest.

He shakes his head, his hand still on me. “It’s not boring. I like finding more out about the ‘new you’,” he comments, looking at a picture of me at the beach with Brooke. “I mean, you’ve changed a lot, and in some ways, we don’t even know each other anymore.”

I look at him, hurt by that comment. He’s probably right; it has been a long time since we spent more than a few hours together, so there are bound to be things we don’t know about each other. At the same time, though it does hurt to realize that. It kind of makes everything so much harder.

“You really think we’ve changed so much?” I ask haltingly.

He glances over at me, setting the picture down. “Not so much that I don’t know you, but you’ve had a lot of experiences that I don’t know about. And I’ve had ones you don’t know about. I mean, if we looked at your high school pictures, there wouldn’t be nearly as many pictures that involve alcohol, right?” I nod. “See, that kind of change. You’re still fundamentally you, though. That doesn’t change.”

I nod, seeing what he means now. “I guess that makes a little bit of sense,” I smile, “All that psychobabble is coming in handy, huh, Scott?”

“Hey, it’s not like I have my masters or anything,” he argues, “Just a Bachelors degree. I’m not all that in the world of sports psychology or anything.”

“Of course not,” I agree, “You’re still too busy being all that in the world of NBA superstars, right?”

He blushes. “There’s no way I’ll ever be a superstar, but if I can last a couple of years and make a few million dollars, you won’t hear me complaining.”

“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?” I ask, smiling at him. I am happy for him; all his dreams have come true. It just sucks that Seattle is the city that gets to make all his dreams come true. Aside from Vancouver, he couldn’t get any further away from Tree Hill.

“Nah, I don’t think I have anything figured out. I’m just making it up as I go along, doing the best I can. It’s weird, and I know I’ve always wanted this, but it has come so fast. One day I was at UConn playing for the NCAA title game, and the next I’m being drafted by Seattle.”

“Did it rain the whole time you were there?” I ask, my first question about his time in Seattle.

He shakes his head. “It didn’t, and if you can believe this crap, I was actually disappointed. I felt like I was let down or something. If a city promises rain year round, it should at least deliver, don’t you think?”

I laugh. This is the Nathan that I loved – always making asinine observations about silly things like rain in Seattle. “I’ll give them a call before you go back, see if I can work my weather magic or something.”

He smiles. “Thanks. Anyways, it was nice there. Nicer than I expected. It’s so…clean and fresh almost, but it’s still not the same as here.”

“You miss here?” I ask, honestly surprised. He’s been gone so long that I just figured he’d see Tree Hill as a memory, an illusion of home that never quite lived up to your memory.

“Yeah, I mean – yeah. I miss my parents sometimes, and I miss, you know, Luke and stuff. I, ah, I miss you.”

Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I glance back at Eric before looking up at Nathan. “I miss you, too.”

“I know,” he grins cockily, winking at me. I smack him on the arm, and drag him out of the room.

“You’re a brat!” I exclaim when I can speak louder. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“Sure you can,” he counters, “I know I’ve changed – I’m way hotter, for example – but I haven’t changed so much that you wouldn’t expect me to downplay my greatness.”

I groan, elbowing him. “You’re unbelievable, Nathan Scott.”

He grins widely. “I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much.” We walk downstairs together and find Brooke, Karen, and Keith hovering over Lucas, trying to force him to lay down on the couch.

“I’m fine, Mom!” Luke grumbles, “God, can’t a guy get a little bit of breathing room?” He looks up to see me and Nathan. “Hey, there you are, swing buddy, little brother.”

Everyone else turns to see us. “Eric is asleep in my room,” I tell Karen and Keith before turning to Lucas, “And you! I could strangle you for not jumping off that damn swing set when I told you to!”

His arm is in a cast up past his elbow, and his eyes are glazed over a little, probably from the drugs, but he’s smiling and clearly in a good mood. Also probably because of the drugs.

“Hey, it was totally worth it to kick your ass at Swing Blaster again!” he grins, laughing his doped up head off.

Everyone else in the room looks at us like we’re crazy.

“Swing Blaster?” Brooke repeats, rolling the phrase around on her tongue, trying to make sense of it.

Nathan snorts. “No wonder you two didn’t have other friends until you started hanging with the coolness that is Nathan Scott.”

Karen sighs, wringing her hands. “Is that what game you two were playing at the park all the time? It’s a miracle my entire head of hair isn’t completely gray from you two,” she sighs.

“Hey, you guys, it’s a fun game!” Luke defends, “And I’m now the reigning champion of it, too! And there will be no rematch, so I guess I’m champ for life.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Slow down, Rocky, you also win the dumbass award for not jumping off sooner.”

“And the Good Job, Slick, You Ruined Your Little Brother’s Swing Set award,” Keith chimes in, shaking his head.

“Haley shares that one with me!” Luke retorts, sticking his tongue out at me.

“Okay, kids,” Karen cuts in before I can retort, placing most of her emphasis on the word ‘kids’, “Let’s calm down. Now, Luke, you say you want to be out back with everyone for the food and fireworks?” He nods, glaring at me. “Okay, let’s get you situated on a lounge chair. Brooke grab him a pillow, would you? And Haley, go get Eric, he’ll be up all night if he doesn’t wake up now.”

She does so, and they make their way out onto the patio in the backyard. “You okay?” Nathan asks.

I nod. “He was kidding, mostly. I think.”

“I know, and it’s fine. I guess it was a little traumatic to see him lying in the middle of that wrecked swing set, you know?”

He squeezes my shoulder. “He’s okay, Haley.” I nod. “Hey, it’s okay, don’t cry, everything is okay.”

I laugh through the tears. “Everything is never okay, Nathan,” I sob, turning away from him. I need a minute to collect myself here.

He puts his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he orders, knowing intuitively this isn’t only about Luke. I shake my head, not ready yet. “Come on, Haley J, you’ll feel better when you do.” I nod, knowing this, too, but still not ready.

“Not yet, Nathan, let’s talk about this later.” If I tell him everything, I want it to be at a time when we don’t have a family gathering immediately after that we are both expected and/or required to be at.

“Okay, later,” he says, his voice holding the promise that we will in fact talk about this later, and that I won’t even try to avoid it. “Come on, let’s go get Eric and bring him down here.”

We walk up the stairs together, and to my pleasant surprise, find an already awake Eric sitting on my bed using some of my eyeliners as markers and drawing on a magazine.

“What are you doing up?” I ask him, holding out my arms. He eagerly jumps into them. “Looks like you were having fun!”

“I made picture,” he smiles proudly, and I can’t even be irritated with him ruining the expensive eyeliner pencils he used.

“I see that!”

“How come he gets away with using those?” Nathan wonders, “When I was in my apartment, and I wrote you that message with one, I thought you were going to string me up by my ba – uh, yeah, string me up.”

I laugh, kissing Eric’s forehead. “Well, what can I say, this kid has me wrapped around his little finger!”

“Lucky brat,” he laughs with me, guiding us out the door. Eric has regained a little of his shyness around Nathan, so he quietly watches him from my arms. “Come on, buddy, let’s go see big brother.”

Eric nods, saying, “Okay,” around the fingers in his mouth.

We head out to the backyard, and I set Eric down who runs to Karen and clings to her legs. “Hey baby,” she smiles, picking him up, “Give your brother a hug.”

Eric looks at Luke’s arm. “Owie?”

Luke laughs, nodding. “Yeah, owie. But I’m okay. Come here, big guy.” Eric climbs on his lap, and Karen hovers around, making sure he doesn’t jostle Luke’s arm.

The doorbell rings, and Tim yells from inside the house that he’ll get it, so we all just continue to stand around chatting. Dan and Deb come out through the doors with Tim a few minutes later, and Deb’s face lights up when she sees Nathan. Dan looks a little more hesitant to approach him, though.

“Nathan, sweetie, how are you?” Deb asks, hurrying over to hug him. “I missed you. You should call your parents more often,” she gently scolds him.

Dan ambles over to stand in front of him. “Son, good to see you,” he says gruffly, smiling almost shyly.

“It’s good to see you both as well,” he says, shaking Dan’s hand. I can tell by the way he’s posturing himself that he’s feeling uncomfortable around Dan right now. Figuring this isn’t my business, I go over to talk to Keith.

“Hey, you feeling better, honey?” he asks.

I smile. “Yeah, I’m sorry I freaked out on you earlier. That was just too overwhelming or something.”

“It was pretty gross,” he agrees, laughing. “But you’re okay now, right? You aren’t still blaming yourself.”

I shake my head, one eye on Nathan still. It looks like he’s beginning to relax. “No, I know it was just a freak accident.”

He gives me a hug. “Okay, good, I’m glad. Lucas was worried you’d put the blame on yourself, and he didn’t want it. He yelled at Brooke for yelling at you.”

“He heard that?” I laugh.

“He did,” he confirms, “And he was worried about you.”

”Well, he shouldn’t have been. He should’ve been worried about himself. But that’s Luke for you, I guess,” I sigh with a shrug.

“It is. And it’s you to have been so worried about him, so in a weird way, it was just everything being right in the world.”

I shake my head at him to let him know I think he’s crazy. “Well, at least all’s well that end’s well. That’s something.”

“It’s a lot of things, and they’re all good,” he grins. “What’s going on with you and Nathan?” he asks in a fatherly tone of voice.

I blink, surprised. “Um, nothing?”

“Uh huh, nothing? You really think I’m going to buy that one, Haley James?” he asks, grinning at me. “Come on, it’s me, Keith, you know you can tell me. I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”

I nod. “I know you wouldn’t. It’s just hard to tell you anything when I’m still not sure myself,” I tell him, rueful.

He half-smiles at me. “You know, you and Nathan remind me of Karen and I in some ways. Well, obviously, the parallels aren’t overly clear, but the way you two dance around each other now is similar.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Now, is this a good thing or a bad thing?” I laugh.

“Depends on what you do with it,” he grins, kissing me on the forehead before walking over to rejoin Karen.

“Depends on what you do with it,” I repeat quietly to myself. A tap on my shoulder has me whirling around to see Tim.

“Do with what?” he asks, looking confused. “Do I need to call the nuthouse?”

I smack him lightly on the chest. “No, you do not need to call the nuthouse or any other house. I was just thinking of what Keith said to me.”

“Uh huh. And what did he say?”

“None of your business,” I grin, giggling at his wounded expression. “Seriously, it’s not a big deal. Nothing earth shattering, or whatever.”

“Well, still. I’m your best friend, you should tell me things.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Smith, I tell you a ton of things, and you know it. There’s nothing to tell on this one anyways.”

“Nothing you want to tell, you mean,” he presses, not giving up on this one like a reasonable human being would do.

“If that’s how you need to look at it,” I shrug, “Then yeah, not something I want to tell. Not yet, anyways.”

He sighs, the long-suffering sigh of one completely lacking in patience. “Fine, if you’re going to be that way, I’m going to go find Brooke and bug her. Oh, and I have to leave for an hour or so, I promised my parents I’d stop by.”

I nod. Gina and the girls are still in town, and they’re doing a big Fourth of July thing, and I know Tim wants to pop in. “Just make sure you’re here for Brooke’s big announcement. I think she’d kill you if you missed it.”

“Big announcement?” he asks, leaning forward. He’s like a dog with a bone when it comes to gossip: will do anything to get it, and once he has it, won’t let it go.

“Yeah, don’t miss it. And did anyone ever tell you that you’re a worse gossip than most thirteen year old girls?”

He flips me off and heads over to where Brooke is still fawning over Lucas, who will probably be thrilled to be rescued from the clutches of the overly attentive Brooke. Tim and Brooke chat for a few minutes, and then Brooke goes back over to Luke, whispering in his ear. I figure they’ll do the announcement soon since Tim probably told her he was taking off.

Nathan comes over and stands beside me. “Can we go somewhere and talk for a little bit?” he asks, my ears deceiving me momentarily into thinking he sounds nervous.

I sigh, wishing I could. “Oh, Nathan, I can’t. Brooke has a big announcement to make, and she’d kill me if I wasn’t here. And then she’d kill you, too, for missing it, and I’d have to carry that guilt to my grave.”

He smiles. “So, later then?” I nod. “I’m holding you to that, Haley.”

“Good, I do want to talk to you,” I smile.

“Well, who wouldn’t?” he laughs, “I mean, I’m hot, I’m young, and I’m not too deficient in the brains department.”

“I’ll be the judge of that!” I laugh.

I notice all of a sudden that everyone is staring at us, and it makes me supremely uncomfortable. I feel like they all know something that I don’t, and I hate it. Nathan notices my discomfort and glances around, and his face gets stony, too.

“Just ignore them,” he tells me, dropping his voice so only I can hear it, “They’re all just too nosy for their own good.”

“For our good,” I correct him, laughing.

“That, too,” he agrees, “But if we ignore them, maybe they’ll get bored and go back to having their own conversations that don’t involve us.”

“Mmm, don’t you think that’s asking too much, though?” He shrugs. “Oh, well, Brooke and Luke’s announcement will give them something bigger and more interesting to gawk and gossip over anyways,” I sigh.

He looks at me sideways. “What’s their announcement? Are they getting married or something?” he snorts, obviously not even contemplating that possibility.

I glance at my feet, not wanting to give away the surprise. “Well, you’ll just have to wait and see,” I murmur, hoping he won’t realize he was right but knowing he probably will.

“Shut up,” he gapes, “They wouldn’t get engaged so soon, would they? I mean, they’ve been dating what? Less than a year officially, right?”

I nod. “Don’t tell anyone I told you!” I plead, “They’ve got this idea that it needs to be this huge surprise thing. And smile, too, they’re worried no one will be happy for them.”

“Yeah, I mean, no problem. I guess if they’re happy, then it’s a good thing, right?” He still looks bewildered. “You think they’re rushing into this?”

I shrug, not wanting to say anything that isn’t supportive of Luke and Brooke, because they are two of my best friends. “It might be a little too soon,” I concede, “But it’s Luke and Brooke, and they’re nothing if not strong-willed, so I guess if they want to make it work, they will.”

He nods, understanding. “Well, I guess we’ll see what happens. It’s just – no, never mind, if they’re happy, who am I to criticize, right?”

I smile gratefully at him, pleased that he is refusing to say anything negative about the surprising turn of events. “He’ll appreciate your support. And Brooke will want to kill you a little less for walking out on draft night,” I tease.

“She still pissed about that?” I nod. “I guess everyone has a right to be. I definitely ruined that night.”

“It wasn’t as bad as you think. Mostly confusing for everyone,” I explain, “They just don’t know, which is why you have to tell them.”

“You’re going to hound me about that until I do, aren’t you?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

“It’s for your own good,” I point out, reasoning my argument.

“Whatever you say,” he smiles. “But I know you’re right, and I know that the sooner I sit down and talk to both of them the better.”

“You’ll feel better, not just them,” I assure him, “And hey, if ever there was the perfect time for you to clear the air and stuff, wouldn’t it be now, when you’re about to start a new life as an NBA player?”

He snorts, “Whatever, like that defines who I am. But I do get what you’re saying, and I’ll do it, I’ll talk to them and at the very least, let them know what’s bothering me.”

Brooke stands up now, tapping her pen on an empty can of soda to get everyone’s attention. She’s sitting next to Lucas, and the rest of us gather around them expectantly. Nathan winks at me, and I think he might actually be getting into this a little.

Luke stands up, with Brooke’s assistance, and smiles widely – if a bit hazily – at us. “Okay, you guys are some of our closest friends and family, and so it only makes sense that we’d want to share this with all of you first.”

He looks over to Brooke, who continues their little presentation, or whatever you want to call it. “So it’s our pleasure to tell you all first, and most proudly, that Luke and I are…” she pauses, probably for dramatic affect, “Engaged!”

Silence reigns supreme in this moment, as everyone digests the information. Dan, Keith, and Deb all look to Karen for pointers on how to handle it, and to my surprise, Nathan is the first one to step forward.

“Congratulations, Bro,” he tells Luke, pulling him into a hug, mindful of his arm. “I’m happy for you.” He turns to Brooke. “Well, you sure lucked out and got yourself a good guy.”

“Couldn’t resist making a smartass comment, hmm?” she asks, but is clearly thrilled and more than a little relieved that at least one person is congratulating them. I step forward and give both of them hugs, noticing how both Luke and Brooke are shooting worried glances at Karen.

Karen, for her part, mostly looks overwhelmed by the news, and perhaps a touch concerned. But she pulls together nicely, and after a minute, is hugging both of them and kissing Luke on the cheek. She even manages to welcome Brooke to the family quite sweetly. Brooke looks enormously relieved that Karen is accepting her.

Deb, Dan, Keith and Tim all give their congratulations, and Eric plays around on the ground, sort of lost in his own three year old world. Things relax as Deb and I head into the house to start bringing out the food. Brooke had insisted on having things catered, but I bought some steaks to grill just in case the guys felt the manly need to barbeque or whatever. We carry everything out and place it on the tables as Brooke shows off her ring and Lucas tells the story of how they became engaged.

As we’re loading up a few plates with some cold items, Deb turns to me. “How is Nathan doing?” she asks softly.

I look up at her in surprise. I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t know how he is or if it’s because she actually asked.

“Um, he’s doing okay, I think.” I don’t feel like it’s my place to go into detail with Deb on how Nathan is. If he wants her to know, he’ll tell her. We all know that.

She smiles, reading my mind. “I’ve talked to him almost every day, Haley. I’m just wondering when he’s finally going to talk to Dan and Luke about his jealousy. I hate seeing him in pain like this, but I figure he’ll do it when he’s ready to.”

I stop what I’m doing. “He’s okay, Deb, I really think that. I mean, obviously I’m not privy to all his thoughts, but from what I’m getting, he’s almost ready to talk to them. And I think things will be a lot better for him then.”

She smiles, looking like a weight is off her shoulders. “Thank you for indulging my motherly instincts. For almost a year now, I’ve been waiting for that other shoe to drop, but if Nathan can just talk to them before it does, it would be so good for them.”

“I think he’ll do it soon,” I reassure her, impulsively grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

“You two look like you’re getting along well,” she comments, smiling even brighter when she says that. It isn’t a secret to me that she and Dan would both be happy if Nathan and I got back together, but she’s never been so forthright with it before.

“Yeah, I guess we are. I mean, not that we’ve not gotten along for quite awhile now,” I point out.

“Oh, I know, I just meant you seem a lot closer again. Anything I should know about?” she asks, hopeful sounding.

I laugh, shrugging. “Deb, I wish I had an answer to give you because that would mean I actually had an answer, but unfortunately, I don’t!”

“But you want one,” she counters.

I shrug. “Well, sure, it’s always nice to know where you stand. But I’m not going to push for anything, I can’t.”

She smiles at me. “Well, I’m rooting for you, honey.” She reaches over and hugs me. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to Nathan, and once you both realize that, everything will be good.”

Ha, go figure, Karen is all kinds of nervous about Brooke and Luke getting married, but Deb here is pushing me towards Nathan, and we aren’t even together. Seriously, how weird is that?

“We’ll see what happens,” I tell her, trying to keep things noncommittal. Not only do I not want to get my own hopes up, but I don’t want anyone else’s up, either. What if things don’t work out? What if I’m hopelessly misreading Nathan, and he doesn’t want this like I do? It would be awful.

“Okay, I get it,” she sighs, “I won’t push you anymore.”

“Thank you.” I then smile mischievously at her, “But if you want to push Nate a teeny, tiny bit, I might not mind so much.”

She laughs. “Now that is something that I can do!”

“Thanks, Deb,” I say seriously, “It means a lot, you know. All the support you’ve given me over all these years, even when Nathan and I did stupid things and we didn’t really deserve your support.”

She smirks, and I see a little more Nathan in her than usual. “Ah, you must be referring to the infamous, ill-advised marriage of 2004,” she laughs, and I realize how far we’ve come if she can joke so openly about it. At the time and for a long while after, there was nothing funny about his parent’s and Karen and Keith’s reactions. My parents of course, hardly let it register on their radar.

“Yeah, not one of our brighter moves,” I admit, “But then again, forgery and fraud usually aren’t.”

She laughs. “Well, you live and learn, and I would like to think you both did learn something from that experience.”

“Probably not as much as one would hope, but who knows?”

“Come on, let’s get back out there,” she suggests, picking up a platter of the barbequed ribs Brooke had ordered.

“Thanks for this, Deb,” I tell her sincerely.

“Oh, honey, it was nothing. You really are like family to Dan and I, and if being with our son would make you happy, then who on earth would we be to object to that?” she winks.

I give her a hug, and we head back out into the yard. The rest of the night passes in a blur, and by the time everyone leaves and Brooke takes Luke up to her bedroom to let the pain pills do their job, Tim and I collapse exhausted in the living room.

“So, do you think it lived up to Brooke’s intense expectations?” he asks, yawning.

I shrug. “Probably. I think her main goal was to make a splash with the whole engagement thing, and she did a good job with that, right?”

“You knew beforehand, right?” he asks, not accusingly, though.

I nod. “Yeah, they told me earlier today over at Keith and Karen’s. That’s why I was there for the swing accident.” Wow, it has really been a long day.

“Weird day,” he sighs, “Jason brought a date to the thing at my parent’s house.”

“That’s good,” I mumble distractedly, thinking of Nathan and all that Deb and Keith said to me today. I wonder if Keith meant how long it is taking Nathan and me to admit and accept that we belong together when he said we remind him of himself and Karen.

“Yeah, but Gina doesn’t like her, so we’ll see how long it lasts,” he sighs again, “And Lola is spending the summer in Tree Hill now, so watch out for her. She’s still after you.”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve tried to apologize, and if she doesn’t want to hear it, that’s her problem now.”

“Good point.” He sighs again.

“Tim, is something wrong?” I ask. “You’re sighing an awful lot.”

He shrugs. “Life just sucks right now, that’s all. And it shouldn’t, right, because I just graduated from college, but it does.”

“Sucks how? You’ve got an awesome job, two awesomely hot roommates, an awesome family, and you totally have the power to get anything you want. What gives?”

“This is going to sound lame, and probably a little bit gay, but I want love.”

I look at him, surprised. “Love like romance and candy and flowers and shit?” I ask, nonplussed, “Or love like hot sex with a girl who’ll get involved in a threesome with you and another girl?”

He glares at me, and then laughs. “That second option is so last year. But seriously, I just want someone to be happy with, maybe even make happy.”

“That’s not so much to ask for,” I tell him, smiling, “And I don’t doubt even a little bit that you’ll find it.”

“Thanks,” he smiles back at me, “The crappy part is waiting, huh?”

I nod. “Usually is.”

“So, you shouldn’t wait then,” he informs me, “I know you want Nathan, so you should just go for him, tell him. He loves you still, even someone who had never met him would be able to tell.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Tell him, James, before it’s too late, and you guys let some other shit get in between you.”

He’s right, I know he is. Now, I just have to find the words.

Chapter Eighteen – Songbird

‘For you, there'll be no more crying,

For you, the sun will be shining,

And I feel that when I'm with you,

It's alright, I know it's right’ – Fleetwood Mac

~*~September, Labor Day weekend, 2010~*~

“We’re going to Vegas, we’re going to Vegas!” Brooke cheers, excited as all get out about this little trip to meet up with Nathan. He has a short break before the basketball season really gets underway, so he’s invited Luke, Brooke, and I to Vegas to hang out with him. It will be the first trip for each of us, and admittedly, we’re all excited.

“We’re all excited, muffin,” Luke tells her, in the most annoying way possible. God, I know it’s supposed to be cute, but it just makes me ill.

I’m excited to see Nathan in the way where I haven’t slept for almost a week, and he’s constantly on my mind. It’s kind of pathetic, actually. The thing is, we haven’t had the talk yet. He got called to LA by his agent for a charity game; he said he didn’t want to go, and I believed him, but he’s a rookie, and rookies kinda gotta do what they’re told, I guess.

But I’m going to see him now. For four whole days in the same hotel. Side by side rooms, even, so if that isn’t conducive to talking, I don’t know what is.

He should be here soon. His plane is scheduled to land about twenty minutes after ours, so we’re waiting by baggage claim for him.

“You’re pathetically nervous,” Brooke tells me with a laugh. I roll my eyes at her, shrugging. “Seriously, Hales, you need to calm down about this whole thing, okay?”

“She’s kind of right,” Luke agrees, trying to rewrap his ace bandages on his arm. The break was bad enough that he’d ended up having pins put in, and he’s only been out of the cast for a week, and he still has to keep it supported and in a sling.

“I’m not nervous about seeing Nathan, I’m just…excited.” They both guffaw with laughter, and I have half a mind to ditch them here and meet up with Nathan later when they aren’t around. “You two shouldn’t talk anyways,” I sigh.

“What?” Brooke looks offended I compared her to me. I don’t know if it’s that I’ve spent too much time around them, but these two are driving me insane. They’re on this high and mighty kick where they seem to think that everything about their relationship is bigger and better than anyone else’s, and of course, they’re now relationship gurus dispensing advice like it’s coffee.

“Hey, there he is,” Luke says, interrupting my thoughts – and the retort I would’ve laid down for Brooke that would’ve included many examples of these two acting like idiots in the confines of their relationship.

I glance up, eager for a glimpse of him. I don’t care if that makes me insufferably pathetic; I want to see him now. He looks good, relaxed. He shakes hands with Luke and they both smile, having resolved a lot of their issues over the telephone. Nathan and I discussed having our talk over the phone, but again, we decided we’d rather do this face to face. He nods to Brooke, who still has a hard time getting along with him, and then turns to me.

His smile is so big and bright that I’m half tempted to throw myself at him, kissing him senseless right here in the airport, but I maintain an aura of decorum and instead wrap my arms tightly around his neck, hugging him.

“Hey Haley,” he whispers into my hair, “I missed you.”

God, I’m going to cry. Brooke and Luke are right: I am pathetic. “I missed you, too,” I reply, managing to hold the tears in.

Unable to resist, I drop a kiss on his jaw, back near his ear. It’s soft and feather light, meant to be intimate. Judging by the way he pulls me closer, holding me tighter, it was.

”Get a room,” teases a bored looking Brooke.

We reluctantly pull apart, and Nathan grins when he sees me blushing. “Come on, let’s get out of here and go have some fun,” he suggests, moving away from me to grab his bag off of the baggage wheel.

I smile at him when he touches my arm as I lift up my bags. “Let’s get to the hotel,” Brooke enthuses, “Drop this stuff off, and hit the clubs!”

“The clubs? Already?” Nathan asks, “Shouldn’t we hang out around the hotel for awhile or something?”

”What happened to party all the time Nathan that we all knew…and knew…in high school?” Brooke asks snidely. I’m going to have to talk to her about this attitude she has with Nathan. It’s ticking me off, and if it’s on Luke’s behalf like I suspect it is, then it is wasted now, as they’ve made their peace.

“Brooke,” I begin, but Nathan cuts me off.

“Look, I might’ve partied a lot in high school, but that’s not what my life is about anymore,” he defends, “And it isn’t like you’d know about that anyways, so quit judging. And if we want to get real, it isn’t like you should be one to talk, Legs Wide Open Davis.”

Brooke looks slightly chagrined, but enraged at his use of the nasty nickname she’d had for a year in high school after she’d gotten caught with her pants down in the janitor’s closet with a teacher. But her eyes still hold a defiant look to them as she matches his stare. “Look, - “

“No, stop it. I mean it, if you two fight, I’m out of here. Gone, goodbye, back to Tree Hill, and I’ll take Hales with me. I mean it. This is supposed to be a fun week.”

I can’t help it – I laugh at Luke’s outburst.

“This isn’t funny, Tutor Girl,” Brooke snaps, looking irritated with all three of us, “And Luke, how could you say that to me? And did you hear what that jackass said to me?”

“Easy, you’re being a shrew for no particular reason. Maybe he was out of line, but you started it, pudding.”

“Okay, let’s just get to the hotel,” I suggest, stepping in. Nathan winks at me, though, suggesting that he’s more amused by Brooke’s wrath than anything else, which is a relief. I knew he wouldn’t be devastated by her blatant dislike of him, but it would make things harder if he wanted to get combative with her.

We head to the car rental place, which I think is stupid since Vegas isn’t that big and they have taxis, but Luke is under the illusion that he might get us to drive up to see the Hoover Dam with him. Apparently, he doesn’t get that we are only here for four days, and the Hoover Dam probably won’t get squeezed into the itinerary.

“How’s Seattle?” I ask Nathan as Brooke and Luke stand at the counter.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s nice, I guess. It’s different from here, I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. The funny thing is, if I get settled there, I’ll probably be traded anyways. I don’t know, I guess I don’t want to let myself like it too much, you know?”

I smile. “Yeah, I get it. There’s that whole aura of uncertainty, and you don’t want to get too attached to something until you know there is a permanence to it.” Or until you know it feels the same way.

“I should’ve known you’d get it,” he smiles, “You pretty much always get me.”

I look sideways at him. “Is that a good thing, or is it a very, very bad thing?” I ask with a laugh.

“So it’s either good or very, very bad? Two verys? Why couldn’t it just be bad?” he asks back, smirking at me.

“Smartass, answer the question.”

He grins. “You know it isn’t a bad thing. I mean, that’s probably only because you’re usually on my side, though,” he laughs.

“Brat,” I laugh, smacking his chest. Everything about this feels so natural, and right now, until we can talk, all I can do is hope he feels the same way.

Luke procures the car, and we load our stuff in there and pile in, and head for the hotel. We’re staying at the Bellagio because Nathan has declared that this trip will be nothing but the best for his brother and friends. Normally it would make me nervous, this frivolous show of tossing money around, but from what I can tell, he’s been really responsible so far, telling me about his investment banker and portfolio manager. Who am I to turn down a trip to Vegas, right?

“This is going to be so. much. fun!” Brooke squeals, throwing her arms around Lucas, who is trying to drive.

“We should’ve hired a limo,” Nate sighs, shaking his head at them. Since we’re sitting at a stoplight, Luke has turned towards Brooke and they’re making out. Charming. “You know, you could’ve warned me they’re like this.”

I shrug. “They aren’t usually this bad. Maybe it’s the thrill of Vegas,” I suggest, “I bet we barely see them all weekend.”

“That’s a bet I won’t be taking,” he laughs.

“If you two are talking about us,” Luke grins in the rearview mirror, “You can stop right now. We’ve finished doing what we were doing.”

“’Bout time,” I quip, hoping they realize that there is enough truth behind it to at least tone down the make-out sessions.

We check into the hotel, which is quite possibly the most beautiful place on earth. Forget Mother Nature and her tropical paradises and her frozen, crystal landscapes, this is perfect. This is a masterpiece. All four of us are more than a little awestruck at the sight in front of us as we stand in the bustling lobby trying to decide if we should follow the bellhop who took our luggage to our rooms, or if we should head for a casino.

“I don’t think we’re in Tree Hill anymore, Toto,” Luke breathes out, staring at the beautiful layout in front of us.

”No shit, Dorothy,” Nathan laughs, slugging him in the arm in a brotherly way. It always makes me smile to see them act so brotherly towards one another, and it’s been awhile since that has happened.

“Bite me, Wicked Witch,” Luke retorts, laughing.

“Face it, boys, you’re both flying monkeys,” I laugh, saying it as though I’m pointing out the obvious.

Brooke laughs, agreeing. “And I am so the Good Witch!”

“No way,” Nathan argues, “Haley is far more on the good side than you are.”

“But she’d obviously be Dorothy,” Brooke disagrees, “You know, the naïve, innocent one who brings everyone together.”

“Oh, my God, this is the worst analogy I’ve ever heard,” I groan, blushing at Brooke’s assertion that I’m naïve and innocent, not to mention possessing of special powers to bring people together.

Things have clearly calmed down between Brooke and Nathan as they are now able to joke with each other, which is a relief to both Luke and me, who would really rather not be stuck in the middle.

“Well, maybe we could get something to eat,” Brooke suggests, “We haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

We all agree, and head out to find a restaurant. All of us decided it’d be more fun to leave the hotel and find a restaurant in one of the other hotels, so that’s what we’re doing. It’s actually a fun meal, with Luke and Brooke keeping the PDAs to a minimum, and all of us joking around together in a relaxed manner. Nathan gets irritable, though, when the waiter nearly pours ice water in his lap.

Brooke stands up then, and announces that she and I are going to run to the ladies room. This has never been something that she and I did, thank God, but I shrug and go along with her. If she’s going to start the peeing in pairs methodology that is so popular with some women, I might as well see what the deal is.

“So, Nathan is totally into you,” she says as she reapplies her lipstick. I’m fixing my hair, but stop abruptly when she says this.

“What?” I squeak, turning to her, “What are you talking about?” I’m hoping she’s picked up on something that I haven’t.

“Did you see the waiter checking you out?” I shake my head no. “Huh, well, that’s why he almost spilled his water on Nathan, and that’s why Nathan got so pissy after that. He didn’t like the guy checking you out.”

A fissure of delight bursts through me. If Nathan is jealous of some no-name waiter, maybe he isn’t opposed to getting back together. “Hmm, well, I guess jealousy is a good thing,” I say to Brooke.

She nods. “You know, you might have to use that to your advantage.” I roll my eyes at her in the mirror. “No, I’m serious. Let’s talk the guys into going out from here, and then at the club, you dance with a few other guys. Get his blood pumping in that keyed up, adrenaline, sports way before taking him back to the hotel to hash things out.”

Maybe she’s not far off the mark on this one. Then again, “Brooke, I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to play games with Nathan right now. We’re on this tightrope, and the options are to fall together or fall separately, and I don’t want to do anything that might push him off without me.”

She shrugs. “So, if you do, you jump after him. That’s what you’ve got to figure out, Hales. You can’t let him get away anymore, not without a fight, anyways.”

I nod, knowing this. I really do, I’m so tired of not having him, and knowing that I haven’t even tried to get him. That’s just sad and pathetic, and those are things I don’t want to be. I want to take these chances, and I want to at least be able to say I went for what I wanted, regardless of whether or not I get it.

“I’m hoping he’ll want to talk soon,” I admit, “And maybe we can go back to the hotel or something. It’s too hot to hang outside right now.”

She nods. “Well, I’ll drag Luke off for some nice air-conditioned shopping, so you guys won’t have us around to distract you.”

I laugh, hugging her. “Thanks, I’d really appreciate that. I need to do this, and if I can get it done tonight, the rest of the trip could be ecstasy for me.” We both leave it unsaid that it could just as easily be agony.

~*~

“So, we’re finally going to talk about everything, huh?” Nathan asks, smirking at me. Brooke was true to her word, and effectively dragged Luke off, ditching us. Nathan even suggested coming back here and just talking, catching up and getting to know each other again.

“I’m ready if you are,” I confirm, and he reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. I smile gratefully at him.

“You don’t have to be nervous; I don’t bite.”

I roll my eyes at him. “I know otherwise, and I’m not.” He glances up sharply at me. “Okay, I am, but it doesn’t matter. I can ignore it if you can.”

He nods. “So, you’re going to start, right?” he asks, winking at me. He has totally picked up on how shaky and nervous I am, and he’s exploiting it for all it’s worth. And having a great time doing so.

“Um, I can start,” I sigh, not wanting to, “If you think that it’s best I do!”

He laughs, “Nice try, Haley J. Come on, don’t you think this is something that you should start this time?” he says gently.

He’s right, I know he is. I need to take the initiative this time, and tell him how I’m feeling. But it makes me nervous still, and so I try and play it off a little. “Well, at least tell me what you want to talk about so I know we’re on the same page. You know, I wouldn’t want to go off on a tangent,” I smile, hoping he’ll be kind enough to tell me what he’s wanting to discuss.

“Us, Haley, I want to talk about us. Now, stop stalling.”

Oookay. “Do you want me to ease in, or jump right in with both feet?” I ask, shifting from side to side nervously.

“Haley!” he exclaims, laughing, “Just do it!”

I settle back on the couch – Nathan insisted we each have a suite – and he sits down next to me, so I turn to face him. I take a deep breath, trying to settle my very unruly nerves.

“Okay, I guess I’ll start at the beginning,” I say looking at my hands like they’re the most fascinating things in the world, “That makes as much sense as anything, right?” He smiles encouragingly. “God, I have to go back a long way to get to the beginning,” I babble, “So, bear with me.”

He reaches out and squeezes both my hands in one of his. “Hey, it’s okay. Haley, you can say anything you want to me.” I nod, willing myself to calm down, at least outwardly. “Okay, okay,” he says, taking pity on me, “I’ll start. I think I would start with what happened the night of the draft, when we slept together.”

“No,” I burst out, interrupting him. He looks startled, but I push on. “Nate, it would be so, so easy for me to let you do the talking here, but that’s not right. It just isn’t.” He starts to protest, but I push on. “I mean it. I owe this to you, to tell you this without you creating the openings for me. To tell you the truth. I owe you that.”

He nods, settling back against the fluffy, plush cushions of the couch. “Okay, I just hate seeing you all nervous.”

I smile a little. “Well, I hate being all nervous, but once I get this out, it should be better, right?”

“That’s the idea,” he agrees.

“Okay, let’s do this then. When we broke up,” I sigh, “God, that was a long time ago. Anyways, I wasn’t doing it because I didn’t love you or because I didn’t want to be with you. I mean, I know I’ve explained it before, but I was always so afraid that you’d move on and find something better, someone you would love more. And that scared me, Nathan. I didn’t want to be someone you felt guilty about or thought about only out of obligation.”

“I know all this,” he says quietly.

I nod. “But it was so hard, Nathan, because I loved you so much, and I didn’t want you out of my life. I didn’t want you to find someone new, and I didn’t want to find someone new for myself.”

“But you did,” he says sadly, finally breaking his gaze away from mine.

I shrug, “Yeah, in a way, I did. It wasn’t the same, though; it never was. Do you know how long it took me to admit that to myself even? Till my goddamn wedding, Nathan! That’s awful, but I was so set on ‘moving on’ that I was almost willing to put both Jason and I into a situation that would’ve ruined both of us!”

“Hey, you didn’t though, and that counts for a lot, Haley J. I know you feel guilty about what you did to Pretty Boy, but forget him – he’s proved since that he wasn’t even halfway good enough to be worthy of you.”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t excuse what I did. I used him, Nathan. For almost two years, I used him even when I didn’t realize that I was.”

“Maybe you’re putting too little importance on that relationship, Haley,” he says, I guess invoking some of the psych classes he took in college. “It had to have meant something to you for you to stick around that long, right?”

I shrug. “Sure, it meant something. It meant I should’ve stayed friends with him, and never gone out with him in the first place. I certainly shouldn’t have gotten engaged to him when I knew that I still – “

“That you still what, Haley?” he asks, moving closer to me.

“That I still wasn’t over you, Nathan. That I still had feelings for you that were anything but resolved.” Unchecked tears are streaming down my face now. “I messed up, Nathan,” I whisper, “I messed up so bad so many times, and now I don’t know how to fix it!”

“You can’t always fix the past, Haley, sometimes you just have to move forward.”

“I know, I know that. Oh, God, how I’ve learned that this last year and a half,” I laugh wryly, “But the thing is, I want to fix this. With all my heart, I wish I could fix it.”

“So, you wish you didn’t hurt Jason, and so you feel bad about it, move on,” he orders, looking agitated.

“That isn’t what I’m saying,” I protest, “God, Nathan, I’m sorry that I hurt you, and that’s what I wish I could fix! I wasn’t talking about hurting Jason, I was talking about how my being with Jason hurt you!” He raises his eyebrows in silent question. “Damn it, all that time after I ran out on Jason I tried to tell myself it was about hurting him – that’s why I felt so bad. But then I finally realized that it wasn’t about Jason, it was about you and me. And that’s when I really started feeling like shit about the whole thing.”

“What are you saying, Haley?” he asks quietly, leaning forward again, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap.

“I’m saying that I could never love Jason because I was still in love with you! So I screwed him over, and I screwed you over, and damn it, I even screwed myself over!”

And there it is. Finally, it is all out there. I can’t bear to look up at him; if his face indicates he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ll be crushed. It wouldn’t really be right that I would, since he doesn’t have a reason to feel the same way now, but I still would. At the same time, it had to be said. I had to do this, for his sake as well as my own.

“Haley,” he sighs, “I don’t know if we can do this again.”

I nod stiffly, “I – I understand.”

“No, you don’t,” he sighs again, tipping my chin up so I’m forced to look at him. “I’m not saying we can’t, I’m just saying – what if…?”

“What if what? What if I push you away again? I won’t, Nathan, I’m so different now that I know I want to fight for you. I know that some things are worth going all out for, and I know that you are one of them! It took a long time for me to get my nerves up to realize that’s what I wanted, but here I am! If there is no chance you feel the same, tell me, and I’ll accept it, but otherwise, I want to fight for this, for us.”

“You think it’s that easy, Haley? I’m going to be in Seattle for a huge chunk of the year, and I know you don’t really want to leave Tree Hill. How would it be any different than it was the first time around?” he asks, challenging me.

“Because four years have gone by, and I know now that you don’t just let go of something that you want, that you love – when you do, you end up with nothing. I don’t want nothing, Nathan; I want you.”

I’m still looking him straight in the eye, willing him to believe me and also just willing him to want what I want. He has to believe me, I don’t know what I’d do if he doesn’t. Watching the play of emotions over his face gives me hope.

“Haley J,” he sighs, leaning closer to me, “God, I’ve waited and wanted for so long for you to say those words to me.”

“And now,” I begin, faltering, “Now that I’ve said them, what? You are scaring me, Nathan, being all quiet. That’s not like you.”

He reaches his hands up, and places one on each side of my face. I turn so that I can kiss the palm of his hand, still keeping my eyes on his. “I love you, Haley, and everything in me tells me that I shouldn’t let you know that, I should make you squirm, make you feel like I felt all this time, but I can’t. I love you too much.”

I throw myself into his arms, and I want to kiss him, hold him, and show him how I feel, but I can’t. I’m too overcome emotionally to do any of those things, so the best I can muster is to just hold onto him for dear life.

“You mean it?” I choke out in between sobs of relief, happiness.

He nods, not releasing me. “I’ve loved you since day one, and I’d be a fool now to turn down what I really want. And you – you are all that I have ever wanted. I couldn’t turn you down if I wanted, baby.”

I press myself even closer to him, climbing onto his lap. “I love you, Nathan. God, I could sit here repeating that all day, and it wouldn’t even be close to what I really feel.”

“I love you, too, baby, even though I’ve told myself a thousand times the last four years that I shouldn’t.”

I nod into his shoulder, not thinking about his words so much as feeling his arms around me. “I’m gonna make it all up to you, Nathan, I promise you that.”

He pulls away to look at me. “Oh, Haley J, that’s not what it’s about. We just move forward now, okay?”

“But there is so much behind us that we have to deal with,” I say, trying to keep the practical, rational part of my brain functioning as the rest of me reacts to the nearness of his body.

He slides one hand up into my hair, and I sigh and relax against him. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good, physically and mentally and emotionally. I turn my face towards him, pressing light kisses to his cheek and jaw. He slides his hands under my legs, and lifts me so that I am straddling his lap.

I pull back my attentions from his cheek and jaw, and look into his eyes. They are glowing like blue fire, and I’m getting drawn into their flames, just as I wanted, just as I’ve wanted for so long now. He slides his hands up to gently brush the tears off my cheeks, and then leans in to kiss me. I melt into him, savoring the feeling of him against me.

~*~

“You’re what?” Nathan asks, his jaw dropping.

“Getting married!” Luke grins, “Isn’t that great? I mean, yeah, Mom and every will probably be pissed that we didn’t wait and do it in Tree Hill, but hell, we’re in Vegas and what do people do in Vegas?”

“They get married!” Brooke answers drunkenly.

“Oh, my God,” I groan under my breath so they can’t hear me. Nathan stifles a chuckle as he rests his hand on my shoulder. Brooke and Luke both lose interest in us and move away. “Why would they think this is a good idea?” I moan to Nathan.

“I don’t know if it’s them so much or if it’s their good buddy Jose who seems be doing most of the thinking for them this weekend.”

He’s right, they’ve both spent a whole lot of this weekend drinking, but I chalked that up to a Vegas thing and didn’t figure it would lead to anything bad other than one of them getting mad at the other for flirting. Which has happened repeatedly. In fact, Brooke interrupted some really hot and heavy reunion sex between Nate and I that I’m still a little pissed about.

“This is such a bad idea,” I whisper to him, “But I can’t do anything or say anything without them getting pissed at me.”

He nods, thinking about it. “You think Brooke wants to do this because three of Britney’s weddings have been here? She’s still her idol, right?”

I snort indelicately as I try to choke back my laughter. “Nathan, don’t make this funny! It’s really serious!”

He pulls me into his arms and bends down to kiss me. His lips move enticingly against mine, and for a minute, I forget that I’m standing in the middle of the lobby of a Las Vegas wedding chapel. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he slides his hands down my back, over my hips to my butt so he can lift me up against him.

“See, I got the Cuervo in me, too,” he grins, when we pull apart for air. I guess I’m the only one who hasn’t been drinking, but I haven’t been feeling good, and so the idea of a hangover really is doing nothing for me. Besides, sometimes there is something to be said for being the sober, less likely to do stupid things one.

I laugh, but scold him, too. “Was that just a distraction kiss? Because that is a low tactic. A good one, a really good one, but it was still low.”

He swats me on the rear. “Maybe it was a distraction method, but I just felt like it, too,” he admits, “I can’t seem to get enough of touching you. I guess it’s the equivalent of pinching me to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

“It’s definitely not a dream,” I confirm, pulling him down for another kiss.

“God, break it up you two freaks,” Brooke comments from behind us, laughing her giddy, drunk laugh.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nathan sighs, pulling away from me. I feel the loss immediately. “So, what’s the deal?” he asks cautiously.

“The deal is we’re getting married!” Brooke squeals, throwing her arms around Lucas. “We are getting married. I’ll be Mrs. Brooke Davis-Scott! Oh, my God, let’s do this!”

They’ve already filled out the forms with the clerk, and someone now comes out and gives Brooke and me flowers to hold and Brooke a veil to wear. They have suit jackets for Nathan and Luke, and Nathan does not look impressed that he has to wear it over his t-shirt and khaki shorts. Of course, I’m not too excited when I’m handed a heavy, beaded shawl that I’m apparently supposed to wrap around my waist to give the appearance of an evening gown. At least that’s what we’re told.

Nathan and Luke stand at the altar, and although I feel foolish, I walk down ahead of Brooke. This whole thing feels so odd – rushed and unlike Brooke and Luke. I can’t help but think that when they get past this giddy, honeymoon phase, they’ll have regrets. It’s very similar to Nathan and me getting married when we were sixteen.

“Dearly beloved,” the Elvis impersonator begins. He even does the Elvis voice, which is kinda cool, I have to admit. Nathan and I look at each other, and I try not to crack up as he rolls his eyes.

It’s a really dorky ceremony, exactly what I’d expect out of a last-minute Vegas wedding, but I have to admit that both Luke and Brooke look entirely blissful. When Faux Elvis pronounces them man and wife, Brooke tackles Luke to the ground, kissing him. Even Faux Elvis cracks a genuine grin at that.

The funny thing about this chapel is that they have a ‘ballroom’, where all of the couples and their guests who have been married here tonight can mingle and dance, so that’s where we head next.

“Weird day,” Nathan grins next to me. It has been weird, and even a little awkward. Last night was amazing, but in the light of day, it is easier to remember there is still a lot of stuff Nathan and I will need to work out. But we’ve made the start, and this is vacation, and neither of us wants to rush into hashing out every detail of our lives right now.

“Very weird,” I agree, smiling at him. My smile widens when he reaches down to take my hand. “I can’t believe my best friends got married,” I sigh.

“I know,” he agrees, “It just feels off, doesn’t it?” I nod. “I admit I don’t know Brooke well anymore, but Luke isn’t acting like himself, and I just am afraid this thing might blow up in their faces.”

I lay my head on his shoulder, liking that I can touch him now whenever I want. “They’ve both been acting out of character, but we’ll see. I really hope this works; I love them both so much, and I want them to be happy, but I’m just afraid this isn’t going to be what makes them happy.”

“You think Luke will regret not accepting the offer Houston makes?” he asks, truly sounding curious.

I shrug. “I don’t know, I really think he wanted to be back in Tree Hill, but who knows, right? I mean, maybe someday he’ll think of what might’ve been and wonder, but I believe he needed to be back home.”

“What about me? Do you think I need to be back home?”

“Nathan,” I say, careful to choose the right words, “I think that you should be wherever makes you happy. And if you have to go where the basketball is, then I think that’s where you should be.”

“So, you don’t want me back in Tree Hill, then?” he teases, pretending to pout.

“What I want and what I think are two entirely different things, aren’t they?” I point out, kissing him. “For the record? I’d love it if we were together all the time, but right now, that isn’t in the cards. I hope there will be a time when it is, though.”

“Good answer,” he smiles, kissing me back again. “God, I missed this.”

“Me, too.” We both look out to where Brooke and Luke are dancing slowly together, completely lost in each other, and completely oblivious to how much more complicated they just made their lives by eloping. And this, this is one area that I would know about, and know well.

“They’ll be okay,” Nathan whispers in my ear, “Even if this whatever it is, this thing they have now doesn’t work, they’ll both be okay. They’re tough, survivors. They can do it, Haley J, don’t worry about them.”

I nod, trying to think positively. “You know what?” I tell him resolutely, “I’m not worrying about this. It isn’t my place to worry anyways.”

“Good girl,” Nathan laughs, “You should definitely be worrying about me instead. Worry about me all alone in Seattle without you.”

“I don’t worry about that,” I insist, “I know you’ll be fine.”

He bends down, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me up. “You’ll be fine, too, and we are going to see each other a lot. It’ll be hard, but we’ll make it work this time, okay?”

I nod, kissing him on the cheek. “I know, and I can’t wait to make it start working.”

“We already have, Haley,” he smiles, kissing me long and hard.

~*~

~*~Late September, 2010~*~

“God, Tigger, I’ve been sick for the last month, this is getting old,” I whine as I stumble into the dining room to sit down at the table with her, Luke, and Tim.

Luke and Tim are poring over the sports section, and have no interest in our conversation. Brooke looks at me sympathetically, shrugging. “Just go see the damn doctor then, Hales! I mean, this has been going on a long-ass time, and it obviously isn’t going away. Come on, you’re starting a job today, so you need to get your ass healthy so you can beautifully decorate the houses for all the rich people in town.”

I nod, picking at a piece of bread, trying to get it down without gagging. “I have to go call Nathan before I go to the office,” I smile, not sure if the smile is more for the office or Nathan. Well, probably Nathan.

“See ya later,” Brooke smiles, “I’ll have fun in lab while you’re having fun at work.” She smacks Luke and Tim on the arms. “Say goodbye and good luck to Hales. It’s her first day of work!”

“Bye Hales,” Luke grins, waving at me as he glances up from the paper, “You’ll be great, I know it.”

“Thanks, Luke.” I kiss him on the cheek. I move over and kiss Tim on the cheek. “You two have fun at work today.”

“We will,” Tim grins, “You, too, James.”

“Aye, aye, sir!” I salute, walking out the door.

“Make a doctor’s appointment!” Brooke yells.

“Yes, Mommy,” I yell back, rolling my eyes. Tim and Luke yell for me to go to the doctor, too, and I’m sure Brooke smacked them on the head and told them to.

It’s a weird little family we have here, but it works. Tim and Luke have actually gotten to be pretty good friends, and they hang out now without Brooke or I around even. It was hard at first, with Luke being virtually moved in, but we’ve all adjusted pretty well, if I do say so myself.

It certainly isn’t what you’d expect from a bunch of 22, 23, and 24 year olds, that’s for sure. Especially not ones who have the history, the long, intertwined, hard history that we have. But here we are, not only coexisting, but strengthening old friendships and even making new ones.

I pull out my cell phone and enter in Nathan’s new Seattle number, and start the car, turning down the radio as I wait for him to pick up. I pull out of the driveway, humming under my breath, anticipating hearing his voice.

“Hey beautiful, do you have any idea how early it is here?” he grumbles into the phone, “Because if you say yes, you do, then I might have to fly out there and get revenge personally.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, what is it, six?” I tease, knowing full well that it is only 4:30 there, and that Nathan isn’t really the greatest morning person in the world.

“Don’t do me like that,” he sighs, yawning into the phone to make his point, “We had an evening practice last night, and then I went out to a bar with a few of the guys.”

“Have fun?” I ask, curious as to what he’s doing at clubs exactly. I guess I’m a little jealous, and a little irritated that he’s out having fun without me, even though I have fun here without him. And besides, after everything, I really do trust him.

I can practically hear him smirking through the phone. “Sure, it was alright. The clubs are better here than Durham, so that’s something. Company isn’t as good, though,” he admits, probably more to placate me than anything else.

“I miss you, too,” I say softly, “I’ve been thinking about you all morning.”

“Mm, well, I was dreaming of you, but you rudely interrupted,” he retorts mildly, “So, when are you going to come visit me?”

“Soon, I hope, but I’m kind of beginning to think I won’t be able to get away from work until Thanksgiving,” I sigh, missing him desperately.

“You could always come up for a weekend game in New York or Boston,” he suggests hopefully, some of the sleep vacating his voice.

“Definitely,” I agree, “But it just won’t be for longer than that, unfortunately. But I’ll definitely be with you on Thanksgiving, even if I have to quit my job.”

He laughs. “Well, I hope that won’t be necessary. But it’ll be good if you can visit then, since we have a game in Seattle on Thanksgiving Day. You can see the apartment, and I can show you around the city.”

“Like you know it so well now,” I tease, laughing, “Besides, don’t they hate out of staters there?”

“Nah, especially not if they’re hot, young, rookie basketball players. Not that I’ve proven I can play yet or anything,” he admits.

“Yeah, but you know you will,” I say confidently. I have every faith that Nathan can do whatever he sets his mind to. He always has, and he always will. It takes a person with certain strength of character to have that gift.

“I’ll do my best,” he agrees, “So, first day of work. You excited yet?”

I shrug to myself even as I answer him. “I guess so. I mean, it’s not exactly big-time designing or anything, but it’ll be nice to have more cash flow than what comes from working at the café, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. So, how’s everything else? How are Brooke and Luke doing so far?”

“I don’t know, it’s weird, Nathan, it’s like they aren’t even married. Luke hasn’t even moved in entirely, and since they haven’t told anyone but Tim, it’s just odd. Hopefully once Christmas comes and goes and they let the cat out of the bag, they’ll settle into more of a marriage type pattern.”

“Luke sounds so,” he pauses as he searches for the right word, “Nonchalant about it, like it’s nothing. Just another day.”

“I don’t know, neither of them will talk about it with me, and I’m not going to push. This is their thing, so they need to figure it out. And they will, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, they will.” He yawns again. “So, whatcha wearing?”

I laugh. “Nathan! I can’t believe you actually asked me that question. Besides, you’re the one in bed, I should be asking you.”

“You already know what I wear to bed,” he reminds me huskily, “You’ve been there enough times with me.”

“Not enough recently,” I lament, but shake my head, resolving to focus on the times we had, not the times we lost. And most of my focus, of course, will go on the times to come.

“The only way it would be recent enough was if you were in here now with me,” he decides, laughing a little, “And that could be resolved if you came here.”

He’s been doing this since Vegas. Subtle little insinuations that I should move to Seattle with him, and damn if it isn’t tempting. The thing is, I don’t know if I’m ready to leave Tree Hill yet. For all intents and purposes, my family, Luke, Karen, Keith, and Eric, are here, as well as my extended family of Brooke, Tim, Deb, and Dan. It would be so hard to leave them right now. But Nathan understands that, and it is why he isn’t pushing me beyond the reminders that I could be there if I chose to be.

“You never know what the future will hold,” I tell him, not wanting to flat out say no, I won’t be moving, but not able to say yes yet, either. So I play the middle, biding my time, knowing that if it ever comes down to it, I’ll follow Nathan to the ends of the Earth.

“I love you, even if you are almost three thousand miles away,” he tells me, and I think that is just the sweetest thing.

“What if it was more than three thousand, would you still feel the same way?” I ask back, coyly.

“Nah, then I’d drop you like a hot potato,” he jokes.

“Thanks a lot,” I grumble good-naturedly.

“You know I love you and would do anything for you. It’s always been like that,” he reminds me.

“I know,” I murmur.

“You told me that once about how you felt about me. Well, except the love part, you didn’t tell me that, but you said you’d do anything. I just wanted you to know I’d do anything for you, too.”

“I know, Nathan, and thank you. God, you’re making me miss you even more than normal,” I sigh, feeling empty without him. Unfortunately, my earlier nausea is returning, and I have to pull the car over. “Hold on,” I choke out as I jump out of the car so I can puke freely on the side of the road.

“Baby, are you okay?” he asks as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “God, Haley, how long as this been going on? You need to see a doctor, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. I was just going to make a doctors appointment today. I’m sick of being sick, and I think Brooke will kill me herself if I don’t.”

“Well, if you don’t, I’ll find one myself, and pay him to make a house call on you,” he threatens.

“Well, don’t do that, but if you ever want to play doctor with me,” I tell him suggestively, “You’re more than welcome to show up on my doorstep.”

“Speaking of your doorstep, how long are you planning on living with Brooke and Tim?” he asks, sounding hesitant.

“I don’t know, we haven’t talked about it. I mean, I guess there will come a point when Brooke will realize that it’s not really cool to have two extra roommates when you have a husband, but it doesn’t seem to bother them yet.”

“Okay, well, how long do you want to stay there?” he asks, trying again. I think I know what he’s getting at, but this is something he needs to say. “I mean, look, you know I don’t begrudge you your friends, even if I don’t like them or think they’re good enough for you or Luke. But I do worry about when I get to come visit you, how awkward it would be for me to stay there with you.”

“Oh, baby, we’ll make it work. Hey, if nothing else, we’ll stay at your parent’s beach house. And I’ll talk to both of them about making sure they behave or whatever.”

“The thing is,” he points out, “It’s their house, they should be able to behave however they want. And Tim is clearly uncomfortable around me, and I don’t know if I’m getting old or something, but I don’t like it when people are uncomfortable around me.”

“Well, no he shouldn’t, but we’ll figure it out, Nathan. Hey, if Tim and Luke can be nice to each other, and actually hang out, you and Tim should be able to pull off being nice to each other for a few days, right?”

He groans. “It’s not the same, though. Yeah, they had all that antagonistic bullshit between them, but Tim and I were friends, and then – it didn’t end well, Haley J. And he and Luke didn’t have that kind of bullshit between them to deal with. But how about this? Next time I’m there, I’ll say hi and be nice instead of staying out of his way and ignoring him.”

I smile to myself, thinking that is probably better than I could’ve asked for. “That’d be good, Nathan.” I take a sip of my water, trying to get my stomach under control before I pull back out on the road. “I will be so happy when this stupid flu passes,” I sigh into the phone.

“God, don’t bring that up again, my mind is contemplating horrible things whenever I think of you being sick. Promise you’ll see a doctor soon? Make the appointment today?”

His worry is touching, and of course I can’t deny him anything, but I’m beginning to become worried myself. “I promise,” I assure him softly, “I’ll call as soon as I’m a little settled in at work.”

“You better. I worry about you, Haley J, and if I find out you aren’t taking care of yourself, I mean it, I’ll be back there so fast your head will spin.”

I smile as I pull back out onto the road. “I promise. And anyways, I’m sure it’s nothing. What’s the worst it could be? Food poisoning? A stomach flu that is really hard to kick? I just don’t think it is anything that serious.”

“Well, that’s fine, but we aren’t going to take any chances, now are we?” he asserts, and I laugh a little.

“No, we aren’t, Mommy, geez.”

“Hey,” he protests, “I’m just worried about you. God, Haley, I just got you back, do you really think I have any intention of losing you now?”

“Oh, Nathan, please don’t be so worried, okay? I’m sure it’s nothing, and there’s no point in worrying when we have no reason to suspect otherwise, right?”

“Fine, fine, I won’t worry. Or at least I won’t let you know that I am. Besides, you’ll be visiting the doctor in the next day or two and figuring things out, right?”

“Absolutely,” I confirm, pulling into the parking garage of the building I’ll be working in. “Baby, I’m at work now, I have to go,” I sigh.

“Damn, okay, you call me tonight and let me know how it went, okay?”

“You have an exhibition game,” I point out, “So you’ll be playing when I get home, and with any luck, I’ll be in bed before your done.”

He sighs. “Okay, so you’ll leave a message. Hey, get out of the car and go inside. I know you’re nervous, so just do it and get it over with,” he encourages. I take his advice and jump out of the car.

“Thanks, Nathan, I love you.”

“I love you, too, and I know you’ll be incredible today. Knock ‘em dead!”

We hang up and I head inside, still feeling sick, for the first day of my new job. My first real job. Great way to start things off.

Chapter 18 (cont) - 19

1 -2 :: 3 -4 :: 5 - 6 :: 7 - 8 :: 9 - 10 :: 11 - 12 :: 13 - 14 :: 15 :: 16 :: 17 :: 18 :: 19 :: 20 :: 21