The Ones Left Behind

By Brynne

Chapter One – Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile

If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less,

Keep me in your heart for awhile. - Warren Zevon

~*~June, 2010 – Graduation Day~*~

We were the ones left behind. None of us were really great friends with each other before – okay at best, in fact, but circumstance has made us such now. And it’s good. I love these two, and I love that I have them in my life. I cherish these relationships more than any of the others I have right now.

If you had told me four years ago that I’d end up here, with these two as my rocks, I might’ve laughed. It just didn’t make sense that the three of us could form a bond like this, not when we have so little in common.

But here we are, graduating from college today, all together. Just like we’d decided we would three years ago, after one year at Tree Hill Community College. We’d decided we’d all go to the same college to finish their degree, and lo and behold, we did.

If I hadn’t known these are the two, possibly the only two, that I could count on before, I would now, I would today.

~*~

June, 2006 - Graduation

“So, here we are,” Nathan smiles, “I’m actually graduating, thanks to you. Can you believe it?”

I smile cheekily back at him. “Of course I can believe it. Who am I if not Haley James wonder tutor?”

He laughs, and it makes me a little sad, a little more empty feeling. He’s leaving at the end of the summer for college in Connecticut, and we’ve already decided that it would be in both of our best interests to break up instead of trying the long distance thing. Easier in the long run, or something, I’m still not sure. But it was my idea, and I have to stand by it, even though I know it is going to hurt like hell, for both of us.

“You’re a lot more than just that, Haley J, and you damn well know it. You know, you should take that scholarship at Boston U, it’s a lot closer to Connecticut. And me,” he adds meaningfully as he nuzzles my neck.

“Oh, Nathan,” I sigh, melting into his embrace, “If there was any way I could swing the tuition and room and board that the scholarship and financial aid didn’t cover, I would. There’s just no way.” The hopelessness I feel is evident in my voice.

“Well, maybe we should reconsider that whole breaking up at the end of summer thing. Come on, Haley J, maybe it won’t be so bad. We’re both tough, maybe we could make it work.”

I smile at his use of his nickname for me. “Nate, you won’t even be able to come at Thanksgiving or Christmas - you’ll have basketball. And in the summer, you’ll probably end up staying there for summer practices. It’s just, well, it doesn’t make sense.”

“No,” he argues, “What doesn’t make sense is ending the best thing that has ever happened to me. That doesn’t make sense. But trying my damnedest to hold on to you – that makes all kinds of sense.”

These last few months have been the most bittersweet of my life. It hurts to breathe sometimes, but Nathan is going out of his way to make things as great as possible, to cram in as many memories as we possibly can before he leaves for U-Conn in August. And it is sweet and beautiful, but it is wrenching my heart right out of my chest, too.

“I love you, Nathan,” I tell him seriously. He nods. “That’s what makes this so damn hard.” I know exactly what he means. I nod, and turn away, until able to meet his eyes any longer. I’m a little surprised when everyone around me stands up, and I realize belatedly that graduation is over. Letting go of my worries, I throw my cap in the air with the rest of my friends, laughing as Nathan twirls me around in his arms.

“Happy graduation,” I tell him with a smile, dropping a kiss on his cheek. “Back atcha, Haley J.” Once the pandemonium dies down a little, I find myself in a little group with Nathan, Lucas, Peyton, and Jake. They’re the four people I’m closest to, and it’s great to spend this day with all of them. We’ve been through a lot together, and in some ways it is amazing that we’d ended up here, all together still.

“We’re partying tonight, right?” Jake grins, waggling his eyebrows at all of us, “I hear Tim is throwing some big blowout or something.”

The rest of us groan, having experienced enough of Tim’s parties to last a lifetime. Of course, we all know we’ll be there, but still.

“I think I can manage to put in an appearance,” Peyton grins, tugging on Luke’s belt. “What about you?”

“Let’s cut the bullshit,” Nathan interjects, “We all know that we’ll all be there.”

Lucas laughs and pounds fists with Nathan. Peyton winks at me, and I can tell she’s also marveling at how amazing it is that those two actually get along well enough to do guy things like pound fists. Even Jake has a small smile on his face that indicates to me he gets how huge of a change this has been.

“Okay, you sappy freaks, let’s go take do the pretty and pose for pictures. You know the parental units are going to be after us for tons, so we may as well get it out of the way,” Peyton points out.

We all trudge off and find our various parents. We take turns posing in every imaginable combo of the five of us, and then Jake grabs Jenny, and we all start posing again. Peyton and I have both become sort of surrogate mothers to Jenny, and I know we are both missing her already, knowing that she will be moving to South Carolina with Jake when he goes to school.

“Mama!” she cries when Lucas passes her to me. We all laugh and I kiss her on top of her head. She’s been calling me ‘Mama’ for the past year and a half, no matter how many times Jake and everyone tries to convince her my name is Haley.

“Hey, Jenny Benny, smile for the camera!” She turns at the sound of Karen’s voice and smiles her big toothy smile.

When our parents are convinced we’ve posed for enough pictures, they let us go, Jake’s parents taking Jenny with them.

“What next?” Nathan asks, slinging an arm over my shoulder. I smile widely at him, snuggling into his embrace.

Luke grins. “If we’re going to be partying tonight, we might as well get an early start. You know Tim and his group are probably on their way over there right now. Why don’t we go for it, too?”

“Let’s go,” I smile, and they all let out a little cheer, knowing I’m still the one the most reticent to partying, especially all day and night.

“No, no, first Hales and I are going to my place and changing. I have ratty shorts on under this gown, and knowing Hales, she probably has sweat shorts or something.” I laugh and blush; her description is spot-on.

She grabs my hand and we head off. “Okay, Haley James, tutor extraordinaire, we are going to be the hottest, most gorgeous chicas at the party. We are talking short skirts and tube tops. “

“You know what? Let’s do it. Let’s get hot, and let’s get the jaws hitting the floor,” I reply, feeling wild and happy and carefree, even willing to express it through my clothes.

“This is gonna be fun!” Peyton raves.

And I think she’s right – it will be fun.

~*~

When Pey and I finally show up at the party, things are in full swing. Brooke is there, on the porch, scowling at Peyton as we make our way up to the door.

“Hey Brooke,” Peyton tries.

Brooke ignores her, turning to me. “Hey Tutor Girl.”

“Hey Tigger,” I offer back, although I feel bad for Pey. Peyton has tried for the last two years to get Brooke to be her friend again, but Brooke never budged after Peyton and Luke started hanging out again.

“You look hot – scouting for new boys already?” I know she’s joking, but it still hurts to be reminded that there will be a point when I’ll have to do exactly that.

“Tigger, Nathan isn’t gone yet, and he’s all I need for now,” I retort, wincing at how lame it sounds. She just laughs and Peyton drags me past her into the house.

“Hales! Pey!” Jake shouts as we walk in the door. He tosses each of us a beer, which Peyton takes and sets down.

I look at her questioningly. “Oh, no. It’s hard alcohol tonight, Hales. We’re getting hammered, we’re having fun, and we aren’t screwing around with beer.”

When she links her arm through mine I just laugh and walk along with her to the kitchen. We pour ourselves drinks – when she thinks I’m not looking, Peyton adds a healthy splash of rum to my screwdriver, but I play along and take the drink with me. It’s the last day of school, and this is probably the last huge party we’ll all be at. I’m all for getting drunk tonight.

As we finish slamming our drinks back, Nathan, Lucas, and Jake come into the kitchen. “Hey boys, what’s your poison?” Peyton asks as she fixes more for the two of us.

“Just beer for me,” Nathan mumbles as he pulls me into his arm. “Hey baby. I was missing you.”

“Missed you, too,” I reply, giving him the best kiss I’ve got. I pull away and twirl. “You didn’t even comment on my outfit,” I pout, pretending to be injured that he didn’t notice how short and tight the skirt is and how close to being a bra the shirt is.

“You know you’re gorgeous, and I love seeing you in anything or nothing at all. I’m just hoping for nothing by the end of the night.”

“Why, Mr. Scott, are you flirting with me?” I bat my eyelashes at him. “Only you,” he promises with his eyes as well as his words.

“Nathan, don’t, okay? Not tonight. Let’s just forget for one night that at the end of the summer everything is changing.”

He sighs as he peels a little of the label off his beer bottle. “Haley J, you ask the impossible of me, you know that? It’s killing me to think of how much things are going to change in three months, and here you are, asking me to pretend like everything is fine and it always will be.”

Now I feel bad. “I’m sorry, I just thought that it would be nice if we could not worry about that for five minutes. It hurts too much to think about constantly, and I love you too much to spend a day like this with you hurting.”

He walks away from me without a word – I can’t remember the last time he did that. I grab my drink and follow slowly behind him. “Nathan? Baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He nods, not turning around. “I know you are, Haley. It’s just that I don’t understand any of this. I still don’t understand why you don’t want to at least try to make it work, and I don’t understand why you think there is even a chance in hell I’d forget about it now. Pretend it isn’t out there my ass.”

I put my hands on his shoulders, leaning against his back. “Okay, so we won’t forget about it or pretend it isn’t there, but can we have fun? Please? We’ll be working all summer, so this might be our last time to really party, right?”

He turns around, finally, to face me. “Yeah, we’ll have fun tonight. Come on, let’s go back inside and see what everyone is doing.”

I take his hand when he offers it, and do my best to smile brightly at him. I hate seeing him miserable like this, and the worst part is that I caused it. I did this to him.

When we get back in the house, we take part in the normal party revelry – dancing, drinking games, shots, flirting, all with each other. Pey, Luke, and Jake are all nearby, too, and the five of us have a lot of fun. Peyton and I dance around and shout a Bon Jovi song at the top of our lungs together as the guys laugh at us, Luke arm wrestles me and lets me win, just like he used to when we were little, and Jake and Nathan make bets on the upcoming NBA draft.

It’s fun, and it is normal, and I can’t help but think this is the last of those two things I’ll be getting for awhile. Maybe my outlook on this summer is too bleak. Maybe I should realize that the possibility exists that something wonderful and magical will happen – hell, we have the fourth of July and Labor Day weekend still, and two months in between. Tons of time for great stuff to happen.

But not enough time for me to change my mind about my relationship with Nathan.

~*~

July 4, 2006

“Come on, Hales, we’re going to be late!” Lucas grumbles from the bottom of the stairs. “Luke! They can’t start the fireworks without us! Hell, they wouldn’t start them without us – it’s your mom and Keith, for crying out loud!”

“Well, I want to be there for the good food,” he counters, “And shut up, I know you’re excited to see Nathan. It has been two whole days, right?”

“Hey mister, you better watch it. I have stiletto heels and I’m not afraid to use them!” I mock threaten.

“What? How in the hell would use heels?”

“To step on your foot, of course. These things are so spiky they could go right through. Bye bye Michigan basketball scholarship,” I tease.

“You’re mean,” he pouts as he comes into my room. He sits down on the bed. “God, I can’t believe how fast this summer is going, Hales. Pretty soon I’m going to be in Michigan, Pey is gonna be in New York, Nathan in Connecticut, Jake in South Carolina, and you here. None of us together.”

“Lucas, please,” I plead, “Can we not talk about this? Especially in front of Nathan? It’s depressing enough when I think of it on my own, but when one of you two bring it up, it hurts so bad I can barely breathe.”

When I sit down next to him on the bed he wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry, Hales. You can’t avoid talking about it forever, though,” he warns.

“I know, just a little longer. I’m not ready, it’s too hard. You all are leaving me.” I choke on ‘leaving’.

“Oh, Hales,” he sighs, “We aren’t leaving forever. Besides, there are plenty of holidays to visit on, and you know you’re welcome in Michigan with me any time you want.”

“Please, Luke. You, Nathan, and Jake won’t be able to come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving, and not even Valentine’s Day or New Year’s or Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I don’t have the money to bounce from coast to coast to Great Lakes to see you all whenever I want. It’ll never be the same.”

“Life changes, Hales.”

“I hate change.”

He chuckles into my hair. “I know you do. And this change does suck in some ways.” “In some ways?” I ask incredulously, “Try in all ways.”

“Hales, Hales. We’re growing up. Time to move on, find our place in the world. I don’t know, something like that.”

“Aren’t you going to miss how things are? Aren’t you going to miss Tree Hill and all of us? Nothing is going to be the same. Even Jenny will be gone,” I sniffle, trying not to break down and completely cry.

“I’m going to miss everything,” he says seriously, “Especially you. This is huge, for all of us. I know it’ll be especially hard for you.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, feeling defensive.

I think he senses the shift in my mood because he moves away from me a little. “Hales, you’ll be here still and we’ll all be gone. I mean, maybe that’ll be easier, to be with the familiar, but I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking that the change will make it all easier.” I laugh a little, and it’s not entirely bitter. “A ch-ch-change will do you good?” I sing song.

He laughs, and it feels genuine. “Yeah, something like that. But you know, at least you’ll know most of the people you’ll be going to school with.”

“And that’s a good thing how?”

“Well, make it easier, I don’t know. I think it’d be nice if I knew at least one person at my school, but I guess with basketball I’ll make friends soon enough. I hope.”

“You’ll make tons of friends,” I assure him, knowing it’s true. “Hey, if you can become friends with Nathan, I don’t think there is anyone in this world that you can’t befriend.”

He flops backwards on the bed. “When you put it that way, I guess I’ll have friends hanging off me immediately.”

I toss a pillow at him. “Is it weird that I’m jealous of them already? I mean, these people, they’ll be the ones seeing you every day, and knowing all the little things instead of me. It won’t be Lukey and Hales anymore,” I pout.

“Don’t call me that,” he laughs before turning serious. “It’ll always be ‘us’, Hales. You and me, we go way back. Too far back to let a little time and space come between us. You’re my best friend, and that’s not something I take lightly.”

“You’re right,” I concede, knowing full well that Luke and I have the type of friendship that can be maintained. I don’t doubt that it’ll change over time, but it will be there always, in some form or another.

“So, let’s go! I know you don’t want to keep Loverboy waiting too long,” he smirks, dodging this pillow toss.

“Okay, okay, let’s go. But watch your back, Scott, you keep making cracks like that and I’ll get you good!”

We walk out of the house to his truck amiably, just enjoying each other’s company. I feel like doors are slamming shut behind me these days, and every time I do something like this with a friend or Nathan, I wonder if it’ll be the last time.

“Haley J!” Nathan grins as he sees us walking over to the large group that has gathered to celebrate the holiday.

“Hey gorgeous,” I squeal, thrilled beyond words to see him. Only two days, and I act like a besotted fool. How am I going to survive when he moves to Connecticut? I laugh as he sweeps me into his arms and spins me around. “I missed you, baby,” he whispers in my ear. “Missed you more. Ready to watch the fireworks?”

“Actually I was thinking that you and I should go make some of our own. Everyone is here, we could easily find some private, deserted spot for our own display.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively at me.

“Are you on another sex in public kick?” I ask with a laugh, “Because if you are, I might be interested.” That shocks a laugh out of him. “Really, I want to see these fireworks, but I wouldn’t mind if we left right after that to make some of our own.”

“I’m holding you to that,” he warns. I grab his hand and drag him over to the blanket that Peyton, Luke, and Jake are sitting on, playing with Jenny.

“Mama!” Jake groans, throwing his hands up in mock frustration as the rest of us laugh.

“Hey, Jenny!” I pick her up and squeeze her tight. “Are you ready for the pretty fireworks?”

“Boom!” she cheers cutely.

Nathan and I sit down with everyone, taking the sodas offered to us gratefully. Jenny stays on my lap, and I laugh when he engages in trying to get Jenny off so he can lay his head there instead.

“And there’s the Nathan we all know and love,” Peyton jokes, “Engaging in the attempted bribery of a two and a half year old. The best part? She ain’t falling for it.”

We all crack up, except Nathan, who glares at us for a second before going back to his bargaining with Jenny. Jenny refused to give in, though, so he settles for moving behind me, settling me between his legs so I can lean back against his chest. Everything about this, Jenny in my arms included, feels right.

Jenny and I both jump a little as Keith sets off the first of the fireworks. The familiarity of this is overwhelming – I’ve been celebrating this holiday with Lucas, Karen, and Keith for as long as I can remember, and aside from a few years when Lucas and I thought matches were really cool, Keith has set off the fireworks.

We all laugh as he jokes around when he moves away from them after lighting the fuse by dropping to the ground and rolling away – what he calls ‘spy moves’.

“Thank you for bringing this world to me, Haley J,” Nathan whispers in my ear. It hurts a little to think that even after our relationship ends he will still have this, still have these people who were once mine. I love that he has them now, that he has the security and warmth of their love, but it hurt, too.

“It’s a good world, and you deserve to be a part of it,” I tell him sincerely.

“It’s the best world. And that’s mainly because you’re in it.” “Oooh!” Jenny bounces on my lap, clapping her hands, drawing everyone’s attention. Nathan reaches around me to ruffle her hair.

“This is fun, you guys,” Jake says with a smile, “I’m glad we do this every year.”

“We should all try and get back here for this next year,” Peyton comments, “You know, even if we don’t come back for the summer, at least visit for Fourth of July.”

“Sounds good to me,” Luke says, ruffling her hair. “Especially since I’m 99% sure I’ll be back for the summer no matter what.”

“Yeah, me too,” Nathan agrees, and I can feel the heat of his stare from behind me, “I’ll definitely be back next summer, and I’ll definitely be looking forward to doing exactly this next summer, too.”

I crane my head back so I can give him a small smile, tightening my hold on Jenny. His words are nice, but there’s no way any of us know if it’ll really happen or not. Besides, who’s to assume that he won’t have a girlfriend by then.

Labor Day Weekend, 2006

“I can’t believe I’m leaving tomorrow,” Peyton says softly as we sit on the dock waiting for the guys. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I know, I’ll miss you, too.”

She laughs suddenly. “Who would’ve thought three years ago that it’d be you and I sitting here? I mean, I didn’t even know you, and now you’re my best friend.”

I laugh, too. “Life is funny like that, I guess. Puts you with people you never in a million years figured, but somehow it just makes sense.”

“Talking about you and I or you and Nathan?”

“Both, probably. Don’t get me wrong, you and I were an unlikely friendship in the beginning, at least going by outward appearances. But Nathan and I, wow, talk about something no one ever thought would happen.”

“Yeah, and look at you two now. I don’t know anyone, even older than us, who has a better relationship than you two.”

“A relationship that will be ending tomorrow,” I point out, trying to keep the sorrow from my voice.

“Are you sure that’s what you want to do, Hales? Nathan wouldn’t be upset at all if you changed your mind.”

“I know. I just – I don’t know, I guess it’s a preemptive strike. He’s going to a new state, Pey. He’s going to be making all new friends, and some of them will be women. If he stays tied to me, I’m afraid he’ll eventually regret it. I don’t want to be a regret.”

“You’re going to be one either way,” she points out, elaborating when I raise an eyebrow at her, “Hey, I’m just saying – the way it is now, he’ll always wonder ‘what if’. So will you. I’m just afraid in five or ten years you’ll both sit around wondering and regretting.”

“I know this seems like the easy way out, but it’s not. It’s so, so hard, Pey. I feel like I’m breaking apart, shattering. In some ways, I don’t know who I am without Nathan, or you, Luke or Jake. This is all so scary.” I hate to admit fear, and this is the first time I brought that word up in terms of all that is happening now.

“I’m scared, too,” she admits, “I’m scared of moving to a big city, especially New York, and I’m scared of leaving you and the guys, and I’m even scared of leaving my dad. But that is what this is all about. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you can be scared, but you still don’t have to shut the doors on relationships you’ve worked so hard on.”

“Pey, I can’t stand the thought of holding him back. I want him to have the full college experience, and I don’t know if he’ll do that if he has some small town girlfriend back home moping over him. Maybe this will be better for both of us.”

“Maybe,” she shrugs, and I can tell she’s not convinced.

“Hey ladies,” Tim says from behind us. A glance behind me shows that Nathan and Luke are with him, each taking one side of the cooler.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Peyton asks, “I hope there are plenty of yummy brews in there, Luke!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters as they set the cooler down. Nathan sits down beside me, pulling me into his arms.

”Haley J, how are you? You look all kinds of gorgeous today.”

It is nice that he noticed since I made a special effort to really look great for him today. I guess that since this is our last night together, I want all memories of it to be perfect for him, for all of us, really. I don’t know why it is such a big deal – we have tons of memories where we’re both all dressed up pretty or sexy or whatever, but I just want only perfect memories of tonight.

“Thank you,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat with a blush. No matter how many thousands of compliments he pays me, he still always makes me blush.

We spend the night rambunctiously, pushing each other off the dock into the water, splashing around and just generally having a wonderful time. It’s fun and comforting, and it makes me wish time would stand still at this very moment.

When it gets too cool to stay out here, we head to Deb and Dan’s. They’re out of town for the weekend, and even though Lucas and I have both made a tentative peace with Dan over the last two years, neither of us are overly comfortable in his presence still. But there is a huge family room here with a giant sectional that all five of us can crash on while we watch movies on the flat screen TV.

We barely watch the movies we put in, opting to talk and joke and laugh instead. For a little while I can actually forget that tomorrow, this will all be over. Life will never the same again.

“Why don’t we all just crash here tonight?” Luke suggests, yawning, “There’s more than enough room, and your parents probably won’t care, right, Nate?”

“Nah, they won’t care. But they might be getting back early in the morning, so you might have to see Dan,” he warns all of us, especially Luke.

“Uh, well, that’s okay. I kinda promised him I’d stop by before I left to say goodbye.” He chuckles at the looks of astonishment prominent on all of our faces. “Well, we might not have a great relationship, but we can be civil now. And he civilly asked me to do this, and I civilly agreed.”

“Wow,” Peyton mutters.

“I know, that is a total ‘wow’ statement if I’ve ever heard one,” I chime in, feeling a little left out that he didn’t tell me.

“Ah, you guys, come on, it’s not a big deal. I’m not going to see him probably until next summer at the soonest – is it so weird that I’d stop by one last time?”

“Well, yeah,” Nathan laughs, “It is really weird. I mean, you guys don’t exactly have the world’s best father son relationship. In fact I remember at least a hundred times that you wished you’d never have to see him again.”

Luke just shrugs. “Things change, I don’t know. We sure aren’t best friends, and I wouldn’t call him ‘dad’ if he paid me, but it’s not so awful anymore.”

“Well, that’s....good,” I offer, unsure what to say or think. Probably better than anyone, I know how deeply affected by Dan’s treatment of him Lucas was, and I guess it doesn’t hurt to be cautiously optimistic for him now.

“It’s nothing,” he insists again, “I swear. Just goodbye. Maybe that’s the closure he and I both need.”

Nathan snorts. “Please. Like you can ever get closure from that man.” I put my hand on his knee, giving him a squeeze. While Dan and Luke have formed a tentative truce, Nathan and Dan’s relationship has spiraled out of control. It is so bad that I’m actually surprised Nathan let us come here today despite Dan’s absence.

“Well, either way, I’ll be a thousand miles from him this time next week, so I don’t see how it’s a big deal.”

“Maybe it isn’t,” Jake says, always the peacekeeper, “I mean, yeah, maybe you’ll never see him again.”

“He’s a bad penny,” Peyton laughs, “That man will always turn up. We should all face that fact now.”

We all join in her laughter, each thinking it’s true for different, personal reasons.

We spend the entire night on that huge sectional, finally falling asleep somewhere around 8 am. Dan and Deb arrived home around noon, startling us all awake.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting you all to be here,” Deb smiles. Dan murmurs a quiet ‘hello’ before stepping into the kitchen with Deb.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Luke jokes.

“I’m sure we ain’t seen nothing yet,” Nathan sighs.

We’re all pretty quiet as we get ourselves put back together. Today is going to be a rough day. Nathan and Peyton are both leaving today, and none of us really knows how to deal with that. And by the end of the week, Jake and Lucas will both be gone, too.

Peyton and Jake leave not too long after we wake up, Peyton citing the need to pack and Jake citing the need to get back to Jenny. Nathan and I go upstairs to finish packing up his stuff as Lucas goes into Dan’s trophy room to talk to him.

“How do you think that talk is going?” I ask Nathan, kind of curious to how he feels about this whole thing.

“I don’t know, I just hope Dan doesn’t say something stupid and cruel that hurts him.” I smile at the touch of protectiveness that enters his voice.

“Well, like Luke said, he hasn’t in awhile. Maybe this is good for them; better than sweeping everything under the rug and acting hostile towards each other, anyways.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he says doubtfully.

“So, what’s left to do in here?” I ask, trying to banish the tears I feel rising as I let my gaze wander around his room. “Remember the last time we moved this stuff? When you moved back in here?”

He laughs with me. “Oh, God, that @#%$ was hell on earth. Mom and Dan were still so pissed about the emancipation thing that they would even help. That day ended good, though.”

“It sure did,” I agree, remembering that was the night we first made love, back at his then-vacant apartment before we drove the last load to his parent’s.

“I’m gonna miss that, Haley J. In fact, I’m going to miss everything about you, this. It’s not too late to change your mind,” he says as he pulls me close. He drops hot, wet kisses on my neck, and it takes all my willpower not to give in, not to agree that a break-up isn’t necessary.

“Mmm, Nathan, you know it’s for the best.”

He shakes his head against my neck. “No, you know that, I don’t. But if it is what you want, I’m not going to fight you on it. I can’t, and besides, there’s no point – you obviously won’t be changing your mind any time soon.” He pulls away and sits down on his bed.

“Nathan, come on, don’t be mad now, not on our last day together.”

“I’m trying not to be, but it is damn hard, okay? You’re all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. That doesn’t just change because you decide to take the easy way out.”

“We’ve already had this conversation,” I remind dully, “I don’t see the point in having it again.”

“Then maybe you should go,” he says, running one hand through his hair and the other pointing to the door.

I stare hard at him for a second, questioning him, questioning myself before I turn and walk out.

“Leaving so soon, Haley?” Deb asks as I walk down the stairs.

“Uh, yeah, I think Peyton probably could use a hand getting the rest of her stuff together. I’m gonna stop by there.”

The fact that I’m fighting tears must not be lost on her because she pulls me into her arms in a tight hug. “Hey, it’ll be okay. If it’s meant to be, you and Nathan will find your ways back to each other, okay?”

I nod against her shoulder. “I think I’ve made him hate me, though. I just – I’m trying to do this in the least possible way, and I think he hates me for it.”

“Nathan could never hate you,” Dan says from behind me. I pull away from Deb to face him. “It’s true, he loves you.”

Lucas nods beside him. “He’s right, Hales. He’s just hurt right now, and on top of you two breaking up, he’s moving out of state. That’s a lot to deal with.”

It’s kind of uncanny to have Dan and Lucas here in front of me, side by side, trying to cheer me up regarding my disintegrating relationship with Nathan. “Thank you,” I whisper, unsure what else to say.

“I’m gonna go say goodbye to Nathan,” Luke says. He gives me a hug on his way past me. “It’ll be okay, Hales. I’ll see you in a few hours at Pey’s, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” I sigh, turning back to Deb and Dan. “Thank you both,” I attempt to smile at them.

“You’re welcome, honey,” Deb smiles sympathetically, “You know I’ve come to love you dearly over the last three years. Any way I can help, let me know.”

“Me, too,” Dan says, clearing his throat, “I’ve never said this, but I know how much you’ve helped Nathan over the years, and I appreciate that. Thank you. If you ever need anything, you know where to find us.”

“Wow, thank you, but really, it was nothing. I’d do it all over again if I could – helping Nathan did more for me than it ever did for him,” I say ruefully.

“Just the same, we’re here,” Deb smiles.

As I walk to Peyton’s, I reflect on the strangeness of the morning. Luke and Dan making nice, Dan making nice with me, Nathan ordering me out. It’s just too much to handle right now, and I burst into tears right as I knock on Peyton’s front door.

“Haley James, what on earth is the matter with you?” she exclaims as she opens the door, “I’m not even gone yet, and already tears?”

“You should know I’m really close to begging you to not leave,” I warn her, brushing my tears away, “I mess everything up when I don’t have you to keep on me on the right path.”

“What happened?”

“Same thing that has been happening all summer. I guess since today’s the day emotions just bubbled over. Nathan ordered me out of his room. Dan was nice to me, though.”

“He ordered you out?” she asks incredulously, “And wait – Dan, King of Jackasses, was nice to you?”

I laugh through the tears at her description of him. “Yeah, a miracle, huh? And I don’t know, I guess I finally pushed Nathan over the edge.”

“He’ll get over it, Hales.”

“I guess. It’s just that there isn’t time for him to get over it now. He leaves today, Pey!”

“That’s plenty of time. He loves you, he adores you – he’s going to apologize for acting like an ass, even if you have to take the first step by going back over there. But not until after I leave. I want you here with me for awhile at least.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m not leaving you yet.”

She hugs me. “I’ll be back in November for Thanksgiving, and we are going to go crazy then, okay? And maybe for winter break we can hop on a plane and go watch either Nathan or Lucas play. I bet at least one of them will be in a tournament in Vegas or California. It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, we’ll do that,” I agree, thinking it sounds fun.

We pack the rest of her stuff down to the moving truck that is parked in front of her stuff. Like Nathan, she’s having her stuff shipped to her new place and driving with enough stuff to last them until the rest of their belongings make it.

“So, as soon as the guys show up, I guess I’m outta here,” she sighs, “It’ll be so weird to leave Tree Hill.”

“It’ll be weird without you here. I’m really gonna miss you, Pey. More than I ever could’ve imagined.”

She puts an arm around my shoulder, and I put mine around her. “Haley James, you are the greatest friend I’ve ever had. I love you dearly.”

“I love you, too,” I tell her.

“Aw, isn’t this sweet?” Jake laughs, “They loooove each other.”

“Oh, shut up, Jake,” we say in unison.

Luke and Nathan walk up behind him, and Nathan refuses to make eye contact with me. “No, I’m serious, between you two and Luke and Nathan, all this bonding is making me ill.”

“You’re just jealous,” Peyton smirks.

“Nah, I know you all love and adore me.”

Peyton rests her head on the top of mine. “Well, you guys, now that you’re here, I guess it’s time for me to go.”

I tighten my grip on her. “Already? They just got here, though.”

“I know, but I want to make it at least to Virginia, maybe Maryland, before stopping for the night.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “Give it up, the way you drive, you’ll probably make it all the way to New York before the sun sets.”

She laughs, “Yeah, I am that good, aren’t I?”

“If good is what you kids are calling it these days, then yeah, good.” Luke looks around at each of us with a mischievous look in his eyes, “Group hug?”

Nathan and Jake both roll their eyes at him, and Pey and I giggle, still hugging anyways. “Yeah, I want a group hug,” Peyton demands, “And since I’m leaving first, I should get what I want!”

The guys groan, but move over to us and wrap their arms around us anyways.

“Okay, you guys,” Peyton begins, “I want you all to know that I love you, and that you’ve made a huge difference for the better in my life. Except you, Luke, you’ve just wreaked havoc on it.” We all laugh. “No, really, I don’t know where I’d be without you guys. Any of you. I know we’ve all said it already, but who’d have thought the five of us would end up here together?”

“No one,” Nathan laughs, and the rest of us join in.

We pull out of the hug. Peyton turns to Nathan and hugs him individually, whispering something in his ear. She moves onto Jake and then Luke, and finally me.

“You’re the best, Hales. And I know you think you and Nathan have to end it, but just remember that he loves you and that’s more important than distance. Anyways, I know you don’t want my advice, so thank you for being my friend. Thank you for letting me be me. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Pey. You’re my first real girl friend,” I laugh, tears again forming in my eyes, “And now you’re leaving. Oh, God, this is hard.”

“I know. It’ll be okay. I’ll call you all the time, okay?”

“Me, too. Drive safe, okay?”

“Just for you!”

She pulls away and gets into her car. She doesn’t say anything, just starts the car and blasts the radio, and peels out of the driveway. The four of us remaining stand here staring at her car as it flies down the street towards her future.

“Well,” Jake clears his throat, brushing away a tear, “I guess it’s off to your place, huh, Nate?”

He sighs, kicking at a rock. “Yeah, it is. Let’s go.”

We all pile in Jake’s car, which is parked a little way down the street, Jake in the front seat with Nathan, and Luke and I in the back.

When we get out of the car, we head for the porch, sitting on the steps. “Well, I have to leave within an hour,” Nathan mumbles, clearly dreading what’s coming.

Luke steps toward him. “Well, I already said most of my goodbye, but I guess another hug could be in order. I’m going to miss having you on my side, bro,” he tells him as they hug.

“I’m always on your side now,” Nathan reminds him, causing my tears to spill over, “And I’m really glad for that. You’ve been a really great brother, and I’m still sorry for all that @#%$ I pulled before.”

“I know, man. I, uh, love you.” Jake looks at me and smiles as he steps forward to hug Nathan.

“Well, man, this is it. We’ve played together a long time. I’m gonna miss you.”

“And I’ll miss you and Jenny. Spoil her a little and tell her it is from me, okay?”

Jake laughs. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks.” He looks at Luke, who nods. “Well, speaking of Jenny, I should go. Want a ride, Luke?”

“Sure do.” Luke squeezes my shoulder as he walks past.

“Still want me out of here?” I ask when they’re out of earshot.

“Never,” he sighs, pulling me into his arms, “And that is why this is so fucking hard. Anyways, I won’t start again, and I won’t beg you to rethink your decision. But I’m still going to tell you that I love you and want you and need you. Because I do, and that is never going to change, Haley J, never. No matter how much you push me away, I’ll still love you, and I’ll still want you, and I’ll still think about how much better my life would be if I had you in it, committed to me like I’m committed to you.”

I burst into tears against his chest. “I love you. So much. That isn’t the issue, you know that.”

“I know.” He tightens his arms around me. “I just don’t want to let you go.”

“Me neither.”

“Maybe I should stay here. I could go to THCC with you, and then after two years, we could transfer somewhere else.”

“Nathan, you already signed.”

“Basketball isn’t the be all to end all for me, Haley.”

“I know, but you can’t. You’d hate yourself and me someday down the road if you didn’t go. I don’t want that for us.”

“Yeah,” he whispers, “You sure you don’t want to take a year off and live in my dorm room with me? I’ll smuggle you in.”

“Sounds enticing,” I laugh. “Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome.” He kisses me on my forehead as he rocks me in his arms. “Uh, thank you for what?”

“Making me laugh. I needed that. Badly.”

“Anytime. I’ll do anything for you. Will you promise me that you’ll remember that, and if you ever need anything – even the tiniest thing imaginable, you’ll call me?”

“I will,” I promise, even though we both know it’s a lie. I have to let him go completely, and depending on him to solve my problems isn’t going to accomplish that for either of us.

He extricates himself from my grasp. “It’s getting late. I have to get going in a few minutes,” he sighs.

“I know,” I whisper, drying my eyes.

Deb and Dan walk out on the porch. “You about ready to leave, Nate?” Dan asks.

“Yeah, just about.” He stuffs a few more bags into his car. “Well, I think everything is in there, at least.”

“If you forgot something, we’ll ship it to you,” Deb tells him.

“Okay, cool. Uh, could I have a couple of minutes with Haley, please?”

“Sure.” They turn and step back in the house.

“Well, this is it, huh?” He’s standing a few feet away from me, leaning against the car. “The end of a really great era.”

“The best,” I smile, “I mean that. You’ve made me happier than I ever could’ve imagined. I don’t regret a single moment we’ve shared, Nathan. I’m glad you were all my ‘firsts’. You made everything wonderful, perfect even.”

He straightens up, reaching a hand up to brush over my cheek. “You made my world right, Haley J. You gave me Lucas and Peyton and Jake, and even Karen and Keith. Without you, I wouldn’t have any of them. You were bridge to that wonderful world. But you are so much more than that. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. Ever will.” I look down, but he cups his hand under my chin, tipping it up so I make eye contact with him again. “I mean it. I don’t care what you believe, nothing can change that.”

“I love you, too, Nathan.”

“I know you do. I’m sorry I’ve been an ass all summer.”

“Only off and on assy,” I giggle. “Hug me?”

He wraps his arms around my waist, and I throw mine around his neck. He lifts me up so my feet are off the ground. “You can’t tell me this isn’t perfect, what we’ve got,” he whispers.

“I’d never say it wasn’t,” I vow.

“Okay. Okay.” He sets me down, stepping back. I can see him compose himself, taking deep breaths. “Okay. I have to go, baby.”

A lone tear streaks down his cheek, and I reach up and brush it away. “I know.”

He steps away from me. “Mom, Dad.”

They step back out onto the porch. After he hugs her, Deb comes over and puts her arm around me. “How you holding up, honey?”

“I’m still standing, I guess.” She gives me a squeeze as we watch Nathan shake Dan’s hand before Dan pulls him into a hug.

Nathan waves to Deb and I before getting into his car. Dan moves over to stand with us, and we’re all quiet as the car starts and Nathan waves another goodbye. When the car turns onto the other street, taking him out of sight, I burst into tears. Deb pulls me closer.

“It’s even harder than I thought,” I tell her sadly.

“It usually is. You’ll be okay, though. You’re strong, so is Nathan.”

I nod. “Yeah, I know. Well, I guess I should go. I’m supposed to work tonight – Karen thought it’d get my mind off of Nathan and Peyton leaving. And Jake is going to drop off Jenny with me for some girl bonding.”

“Well, I bet Jenny will be a better distraction than working will,” Deb smiles.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” For about the hundredth time today, I wipe the tears from my face. “Okay, thank you guys. I’ll probably see you around town sometimes.”

“You’re welcome to visit, Haley,” Dan says, and I’m not sure what to say. “I know we haven’t been on great terms ever, but that can definitely change.”

“Thanks, I’ll try and stop by sometime. Bye.”

The rest of the week passes in a haze. I can’t really remember anything I did beside saying goodbye to Jake midweek. It’s the easiest of the three for me because he’s the one staying close enough to visit at least sporadically. Jenny cries, though, which upsets both Lucas and I.

It’s almost a relief, though, to have one more down. Of course, the last one is a dandy. Lucas has been my friend forever. I’ve cried to him, I’ve held him when he cried, and he’s been around for a lot of the best moments or events of my life. It’s almost like he’s a part of me, and I’m going to miss him desperately. I think the big deal around Nathan leaving kind of overshadowed that for me, but now it’s all crashing into me.

We’re sitting together behind the counter of the café, just like we have forever. “So this is it,” he smiles. I think he’s really excited to get out of Tree Hill, find out what else there is for him out there. And I’m happy for him.

“Yeah, it is.” I even manage to smile back. “God, you’re going to be in Michigan this time tomorrow. That is so weird.”

“You’re telling me. It’s so far away from home. Far away from you, Mom, and Keith. Never figured I’d be one to leave, you know?”

“You scared, Scott?” I tease.

“Hales, have I ever been scared?” he scoffs.

“Oh, oh, you did not just play that off! When we were 12, 12!, you got scared and thought we were lost in the woods that time, but we practically in the backyard of that house two doors down. I could go on, but I suspect you wouldn’t appreciate that!”

“Fine, you win,” he laughs, “I wouldn’t appreciate that at all. I think this is what I’m going to miss most of all. I can’t believe this is something we won’t be experiencing together. It’s always been Luke and Hales – that’s how people knew us. I guess that changed when you and Nathan got together, but it was still there, at least a little.”

“We’re the Dynamic Duo,” I joke, eliciting a grin from him, “An elite crime fighting team whose superpower is friendship!”

“You are a strange, strange woman,” he laughs.

“That’s just part of the reason you love me,” I point out, “I funny!”

“For a tutor, you have a bad grammar,” he teases. He looks around. “It is so weird that I won’t be in here every day anymore. Hey, want to know a secret?”

“Always!” I grin.

“Mom and Keith are pregnant!” I can tell by his huge grin he’s thrilled, but I can’t help teasing him a little.

“Wow, I get how it works for your mom, but how’d Keith end up with a bun in the oven, huh? And Lucas Scott, a big brother twice over!”

“Shut up,” he grumbles in jest, “But yeah, a new baby. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? The only shitty part is that I’ll be in Michigan when it’s born.”

“Well, I’ll be here. I’ll protect him or her like you would, okay?”

“You’re the best, Hales.”

“This is true,” I agree. “A new baby. Finally, something good to look forward to. Someone coming instead of leaving.”

He smiles. “Mom and Keith are thrilled. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Keith so proud looking.”

“I bet it’s about the same as when you made the game-winning basket last year at the league championships.” I look at him more closely. “You aren’t worried about that, are you? I mean, that Keith will love this baby more because it’s his?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just that I think it was always easy to think of me as his because he didn’t think he’d have any. And now he is. It’s just weird.”

“He loves you, Luke. Not only does he clearly wish you were his, he thinks of you as his son. And that’s more important than anything.”

He smiles. “I know. I guess I’m just worried. It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not stupid. Especially considering the number Dan has done on you over the years.”

“Isn’t it funny now that I’m kind of making progress with and becoming secure in my relationship with Dan that I’m questioning how Keith feels about me?”

“What happened with Dan?” I’m so curious that I lean towards like this is the best gossip I’ll hear in a month or something.

“He – well, he apologized.” He kinda makes a face as he says this, and I laugh a little, partially at the face, partially in shock at the idea Dan Scott would apologize. Particularly to Lucas.

“Are you serious? No shit?”

“No, no shit. None. You know that we’d been kind of almost getting along the last six months or so, but neither of us had mentioned the past at all. It was like if we didn’t mention it, it wasn’t there. But he apologized, and he even looked like he meant it. He, uh, gave me a hug, even. Said that he and Deb would fly up for a game or two.”

“Wow, Lucas. That’s incredible. How are you with all of that?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s kind of like getting something you didn’t even know you wanted.”

“Or something that you pretended to everyone, yourself included, that you didn’t want, but secretly did?”

“Thanks, Hales, for getting to the heart of the matter,” he says with a rueful grin. “But you might be right. I don’t know, it was weird. In a good way, I guess.”

“Your mom must’ve been shocked as hell.”

“I haven’t told her or Keith, actually,” he sighs, “I don’t know, it just seemed like it might be a slap in their faces. They’ve done everything for me my whole life, and Dan has done nothing. Hell, Dan went out of his way to make it worse. And now, if I bond with Dan, it just feels like I’m turning my back on them or something.”

“They wouldn’t think that, Luke. Especially your mom. She knows how important it is to you, I mean, having Dan make some sort of gesture of kindness. She’ll be glad for you.”

“I don’t know about that, Hales. I don’t want to hurt her by telling her that I’ve kind of always wanted Dan to acknowledge me, you know?”

“You can’t seriously think she doesn’t know already! Luke, your mom can look at me and guess what I’m thinking or feeling! Trust me, she can absolutely do the same for you.”

He leans over and hugs me. “What am I going to do without you, Hales?”

“I don’t know. Instead of the Dynamic Duo, I guess we’ll have to be Singular Sensations now!”

He shakes his head. “You’re a big dork, Hales. But it’s okay, I love you anyways.”

“You better, best friend!”

“Always. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“You aren’t going to start singing now, are you?” I ask him, suspicious, “Because my eardrums would not appreciate that.”

“Hales!” he gasps, feigning shock, “Are you saying that I should give up my dream of appearing on ‘American Idol’? Because that’s just cruel, Dream Killer!”

When we finish laughing, I lay my head on his shoulder. “I’m really gonna miss you, Scott. More than anyone. Don’t tell them that, though.”

I can practically feel his surprise. “Hales, you know you don’t have to say that. You can miss us in different ways, it is okay.”

“I’m not just saying that, Luke. You’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend for forever. Your mom is practically my mom. I love Nathan as much as I love you, but your presence in my life is so huge. I’ll really miss that.”

“I’ll miss you most, too,” he admits quietly.

“I knew it!” I cheer, laughing. “So, when do you leave?”

“First thing in the morning.”

“I’m going to say goodbye tonight, okay? I don’t know if I can watch you drive off, Lucas. I just – it’s too hard.”

“Okay, whatever you want, Hales.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, “I’m not trying to be a pain and not be there tomorrow. I’m just, I don’t know, does it make sense that the hardest part is watching someone drive off? I can’t do that again.”

“It’s okay, I understand. We’ll say goodbye tonight, okay?”

“Thanks, Luke.”

“Anything for you, Hales.”

~*~

Graduation Day, June 2010

“Well, Tutor Girl, we graduated from college! Can you believe it?” Brooke bounces around a little, laughing. “Well, of course you can believe you graduated, but I bet it’s a little harder to believe that Tim and I did, too!”

I laugh as Tim spins me around in a big bear hug. “Why would it be hard to believe? You two might be lazy bastards, but neither of you are stupid. Well, Tigger, you aren’t, but Tim has his moments.”

Tim snorts. “Whatever. Just cuz I’m not a bookworm geek, I get labeled stupid. I might be a jock, but your labels hurt.”

Brooke and I crack up at his mock pout. “You’re a freak, Timmy,” she laughs.

“So, what are we doing to celebrate?” I ask. My parents didn’t show up, and neither did Brooke’s, so she and I have no familial celebrations to attend to.

After much debate, we decide to get some cheap wine and take a few blankets down and just sit on the beach back in Tree Hill. When Brooke’s parents moved to Florida last spring, they left her their house, and the three of us are planning on living there until we decide where we’re going and what we’re doing. It won’t last forever, obviously, but we plan to live it up and enjoy it while it does.

We’ve all lived with one another at some point over the last four years, but never all three at the same time. This could be interesting. But we’re best friends, and there’s only a slight chance someone freaks out and kills someone.

Anyways, we were the ones left behind – we have to stick together.

Chapter Two – Freebird

If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?

If I stayed here with you, girl, well, things just couldn’t be the same,

Cuz I’m as free as a bird now, and this bird you’ll never change….

~Freebird – Lynyrd Skynard

~*~September, 2006~*~

“Damn, damn, damn,” I mutter, having just slammed my knee into the edge of my desk, “Son of a bitch that hurts!”

Today is my first day at Tree Hill Community College, which might as well be Tree Hill High School extended diploma program, because that is seriously what it is. I’d assume 75% of the students at THCC are Tree Hill High grads, most of them from within in the last three years, so there will be few people I don’t know. I can’t decide if this is a good thing or a very, very bad one.

So, the good side is that I’m not nervous. Why would I be? It’s barely even a new environment, what with the campus being about a half mile from the high school. Plus, it’ll be a lot of the same faces. Of course, not the ones I want, but what can you do? On the other hand, I spent so much of my time with Nathan, Lucas, Pey, and Jake that I barely know anyone else, and those I do, I have no reason to like.

I’m not expecting things to be perfect. Obviously perfection is a state that just sets up everything that comes after it for a letdown – at least that’s how it feels to me. Because as cheesy as it sounds, even in my own head, I had perfection. It was messy and it was rough and there were bad times, but it was also beautiful and charming and strong.

But my perfection is gone. So now I’m just looking for something comfortable, something stable. I guess that means that THCC should be perfect for me.

The phone ringing startles me out of my reverie. “Hello?” I ask, breathless after hunting around the room for the purse I left it in.

“Hey baby, I just wanted to wish you good luck on your first day of school!”

“Nathan! Well, I guess I could do the same for you. How are you, how’s your second week in Connecticut going so far?”

He sighs into the phone. “I miss you. It sucks here. I’d even rather have my dad riding my ass about some stupid shit if it meant being there with you.”

“Oh, it can’t be that bad. What, do all the girls have horns and warts on their noses or something?”

He laughs a little. “I haven’t noticed any other girls, but I’m sure they’re fine. Like I told you before, my roommate is a complete tool, so he’s sucking a lot of my enjoyment out of this whole thing so far.”

“Have you met any of the guys on the team yet? Maybe they’ll be better to hang out with. Just be careful – don’t get too wild at basketball parties, okay?”

“I won’t. What about you? How are you doing?”

“Well, I miss you. I miss everyone else, too. And I can’t decide if I should be nervous or happy that I’ll be at THCC where everybody knows my name.”

I flop down on the bed. “It’ll be fine, Haley J.”

I laugh, and sound stupidly bitter even to myself. “How can you say that, Nathan? You, Pey, Jake and Luke are the only friends I really had. People probably think I’m some sort of exclusionary bitch or something.”

“What if they do? Prove them wrong, show them what me and the rest of our friends and family know. Hales, you’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re funny – people are probably glad the rest of us are out of the way so they can try and become your friend.”

His words cause me to break out into a smile. “Thank you. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

“See? Some things don’t change, even with a thousand miles in between us.”

“Oh, Nathan,” I sigh, sitting up. I move over to the closet and find shoes to wear to school. “We can’t do this every time we talk, okay?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, forget I ever mentioned it.”

“Nathan…”

“No, Haley. God forbid I tell you I love you and think it’s asinine that we can’t continue the relationship we built for almost three years. How dare I, right?”

I throw a shoe at the wall of my closet, smiling at the loud noise it makes on contact. “Nathan, I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. I’m just trying to make this easier on you, on us.”

“Bullshit. You’re a coward.” I almost drop the phone when I hear the clicking noise that indicates he hanged up on me.

“Oh, my God,” I breathe. I sit down on the floor, mostly in shock, but at least it makes it easy to put my shoes on.

If I don’t leave now, I won’t have time to find an espresso stand on campus, which is imperative. At the same time, all I can think of is Nathan hanging up on me. It would be so easy to call him back, tell him he’s right, but I know I can’t. Maybe I am a coward, but I can’t go back on this. We’re 18 years old, Nathan can’t even remember to make his bed every day, and I can’t even bother to balance my checkbook – there is no way a long distance relationship between us would work out.

I grab the messenger bag I’m using as a backpack and jump in the car, and drive to school. I sit in the car for a few minutes after I turn it off thinking about Nathan and how this is my first first day of school without Luke when Brooke’s car pulls in next to mine.

“Tutor Girl,” she smiles as she jumps out of her car. I mentally curse myself for not having rolled up the windows. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Fancy how, Tigger? Where do the Unfortunates who don’t leave Tree Hill go?”

“Tree Hill Community College,” we sigh simultaneously.

“Yeah, jinx or something,” she says, eyeing me, “So, how come you’re here? Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of genius or something? Don’t they have fancy colleges in different states for people like you?”

“I’m no genius,” I laugh, “And I can’t afford to go to college out of state. So here I am. What’s your sob story?”

She snorts. “My grades sucked, what else? I’m not a genius like you, I’m not a basketball star like your little boyfriends, and I’m certainly not an art geek like that other girl you’re friends with.”

I just shrug. “It was just a question, you don’t have to be so defensive.” A glance at my watch mercifully shows that it’s time to go to class. “Well, got to go to English now. It’s been….something, as always.”

“English? 101?” I nod warily at her look of glee. “In room 105? Oooh, we have a class together, Tutor Girl! Isn’t that exciting?”

God, not really. “Sure, exciting,” I repeat dully.

She links arms with me. She actually has linked arms with me and is dragging me through the measly little campus that is THCC. The thing is, I barely know Brooke. Sure, if a few things had gone down a little different, I’d probably know her pretty well, but the fact is, they didn’t. And I don’t. So her proprietary attitude toward my arm right now is throwing me off.

She chatters the whole way there; something about how we can study together, I think. My mind is having a really hard time wrapping around any of this, so her words aren’t really penetrating.

All of a sudden I really miss Peyton. It’s not that Brooke reminds me of her, because she doesn’t. They’ve very different; even when they were best friends it was clear how different they were. Maybe it’s just having another girl to talk to or something, I don’t really know.

“Are you even listening to me?” she bursts out, sounding peevish.

I nod. “Yeah, kinda. Sorry.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Look, I’m perfectly aware that at the very, extreme least, there are four other people you’d rather be around right now. But they aren’t here, and since you and your little Pretty Posse kept so much to yourself, I thought you could use someone to talk to.”

It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Pretty Posse? “Brooke, are you trying to say that none of your friends are going here, and you need someone to cheat off of on tests?”

She drops my arm; I guess she has more pride than I gave her credit for. She doesn’t say anything as she walks off, and for some reason I feel obligated to call her back. “Brooke? I’m sorry, it’s just been a bad week or two.”

She turns around and nods. “Apology accepted. And for the record, I’m not a good student, but I don’t cheat.”

“I should’ve known; if you had, I’m sure you’d be off at some fancy college, right?”

“Yeah, if I’m going to do something, I’d do it right. So if I was a cheater, straight A’s would’ve been it for me. Heh, like you.”

“Yeah, excepting with the cheating.”

“Whatever, I didn’t and I don’t plan to, so it’s irrelevant.”

“I guess so.” We arrive at the door of the classroom, watching as at least nine people we just graduated with in June walk in the room. “Extended high school,” I sigh, as we walk in and take seats in the middle. I’m a little surprised she’s still sticking by me.

“Yeah, this place is creepy as hell.” She points to a guy who is sitting a few rows ahead of us, hunched over a lunch pail. “I think he peed in my pool once. When I was little, we had this housekeeper who was kind of a nanny to me, too. Anyways, she would throw my birthday parties, and she’d insist that everyone from my class be invited. He was invited and he peed in my pool. How many people end up in a college level freshmen English class with a dork who peed in their pool eleven years ago?”

I can’t help but laugh at her story. “I always thought college would be different, too,” I tell her with a smile.

“It’s kinda messed up that it isn’t,” she sighs. She and I point out a few other people we’ve known forever before she changes the subject again. “Were you going to go with Nathan?” she asks, blunt as always. I guess I can admire her consistency.

“If I could’ve afforded it, I would’ve gone to Boston. That would’ve been a lot closer to him, at least.” I start rooting around in my bag for my notebook and a pen.

“What’s the status of you two? Friends, lovers, enemies?”

“Friends, I guess. We, uh, broke up, but since we wouldn’t have if he was still here, I guess it’s complicated.”

“You think we’ll need those?” she asks, indicating my pen and paper. I nod, stifling the urge to roll my eyes. “Anyways, if you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it until I’m blue in the face, but I admire you for loving him enough to set him free. And yourself, now you can party like crazy.”

I brush my hair out of my eyes. “You say it like I created world peace or something. All I did was break up with my boyfriend before he could break up with me. What’s to admire in that?”

She locates a few sheets of slightly crumpled paper in her bag along with a pink pen that has a fluffy, feathery top. “At least you did something proactive. Shit, you’re both 18 years old. There’s not exactly a high success rate among 18 year olds in long distance relationships, Tutor Girl.”

“How come I couldn’t have been dating you? At least you would’ve got it when I broke up with you. Nathan hung up on me today,” I grumble.

“I know I’m hot,” she says, serious, “But I don’t swing that.”

“I wasn’t asking – oh, nevermind.” The teacher, or professor I guess, walks in, effectively ending our conversation.

Class is short; apparently that is a common thing on the first day. So once the syllabus is distributed and read through, we are dismissed. I’m not sure what to do now – I don’t have another class scheduled for an hour after that one was supposed to end, so now I have an hour and forty-five minute break.

“We’re getting coffee, Tutor Girl,” Brooke commands, grabbing my arm, “I’ll tell you now that I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, so come on.”

“You sure like to manhandle people, don’t you?” I reluctantly walk along with her as she points to the espresso stand about a hundred yards away. I’m mentally salivating already.

“If it gets the job done, sure, I guess it’s a fine way to do things. Besides, it gets their attention, and sometimes that’s what you need.”

I don’t respond to that, kind of seeing Brooke clearly for possibly the first time. When she was still friends with Pey and when she was dating Lucas, I remember that I’d wondered if she was happy. She just seemed lonely sometimes.

“Do you miss Peyton?” I ask abruptly. She looks at me like I lost my mind, but her grip on my arm tightens a little.

“I – no, why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know. Forget I said anything.”

We walk on a ways before she says quietly, “I don’t miss her, exactly. It’s been a long time since everything happened. Anyways, I don’t think I miss her exactly, I just miss having a friend like I had in her.”

I know what she means. Well, sort of, since I actually do miss Pey, not just what she represented in my life. “You know, Peyton wanted to be your friend. She hated that you guys couldn’t figure things out.”

Brooke just nods. “I know that. The thing is I couldn’t trust her anymore, so even after I forgave her, there was nothing there.”

“That makes sense, I guess.” As bad as I feel for Peyton, I can’t help but feel sorry for Brooke.

“You still think I lost out on a lot because I couldn’t be her friend after that, right?” she says roughly.

I shake my head. “I don’t know, Brooke. I never knew you well enough to know if the things you missed are things you even would’ve cared about missing, and I don’t know if you had better things going on that surpassed what missed.”

We arrive at the espresso stand, and our focus shifts to placing orders and getting our hands on our iced lattes. There’s an empty bench, so I sit down on it, waiting for her to join me. After she does, we’re both quiet for a few minutes as we enjoy our coffee and think about things.

“I didn’t.” She practically whispers that.

“Didn’t what?”

“Have anything better. I – oh, shit, this is so pathetic, but I don’t have friends.”

I laugh at this. “Brooke, I’ve seen you with your friends. You’re almost always in a group of twenty people, the center of attention. You have adoring fans!”

“They aren’t my friends. They never were, really. Maybe they just hung around because I was a cheerleader, maybe they were afraid of what I’d do if they didn’t adore me. They weren’t my friends, though, none of them.”

I lean back on the bench, surprised by this in some ways, and more surprised that I’m not completely surprised. “Why not?”

She raises her eyebrows at the question, and for a minute I think I crossed the line of…well, whatever this is. But she merely shrugs and leans back, too. “I don’t know. They never knew me, and I didn’t want them to.” She pulls her legs up against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “I guess it sounds stupid.”

I shake my head, negating that. “No, it just sounds lonely, I guess.”

She lets out a puff of air. “I guess it is. Yeah, actually, I know it is.” Setting her feet down, she brightens up, but I can tell she’s faking it. “Well, this is lame. Why don’t we talk about more exciting things like where we’re going to party this weekend?”

“How about my place?” a voice suggests from behind us.

Tim. Brooke sighs beside me. “Aren’t you tired of having parties at your parents’ place?” she asks.

“Hey, not all of us are still living with mommy and daddy, Davis. I have an apartment now. Oh, James, you’ll know where it is – same building where Nathan had his.” His eyes widen a little at what he said. “Oh, uh, is that a bad subject? Nathan, I mean, because I didn’t mean, er, I didn’t want to – “

“Its fine,” I interrupt, “He’s in Connecticut, not dead.”

“I – yeah, sorry.” He kicks at the dirt, stirring up a little cloud of dust. “But yeah, if you want to come, you can. It’ll be a small party, I don’t want to get kicked out of my apartment, not yet, anyways.”

“Small party? Like so that’s fifty people instead of a hundred and fifty?” Brooke snorts derisively.

“Dunno. Haven’t invited anyone but you two yet, but I was think fifteen to twenty at the most.”

This feels so surreal. I barely know Tim – his friendship with Nathan disintegrated when Nathan and Lucas started getting along, but he was always such an obnoxious prick that I can’t help but wonder at his motives now.

“You haven’t invited anyone else? I certainly hope you don’t expect us to have a threesome with you,” I warn him, only semi-joking.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not that stupid,” he mutters. “Look, I just thought I’d be nice and invite you. Don’t feel obligated or anything.”

“Oh, we won’t,” Brooke smirks, “Ciao!”

He sighs and walks off. “Wonder what that was all about,” I comment, glancing at Brooke, “I thought you two were kinda friends. Or acquaintances, whatever.”

“Ha! I hung around him when Peyton was with Nathan, but other than that it was mostly just at parties, and that hardly constitutes a friendship. Story of my life, I guess.”

I suck down the last drops of my latte, the ice rattling around in the bottom of the cup. “It doesn’t have to be, you know.”

“Well, it is, so what difference does it make?”

I shrug. “I guess if it doesn’t matter to you, then none. It makes no difference whatsoever.”

She tosses her empty cup towards the trashcan, surprising me when it drops right in the hole. “Why are you still here?” she asks. I raise an eyebrow at her in surprise. “I mean, why are you still talking to me? You don’t have to pretend that we have some great friendship. We both know otherwise, right?”

“Who’s pretending we do?” Again with the eye rolling. “Fine, Tigger, you know what? You linked arms with me, you dragged me over here for coffee, you sat next to me in class. And now you’re pushing me away? Fine, I’ll go, no problem.” I sound snotty, I know I do, but I don’t get anything that happened this morning.

I stand up to walk away when she grabs my hand. “Stop. Sit down. I’m sorry, okay? I guess that’s why I have no friends,” she concludes with a bitter laugh.

There’s really nothing for me to say to that. I don’t know why she doesn’t have friends, except stubbornness in terms of her and Pey, but other than that, what comments of comfort can I offer up?

“It’s stupid,” she mutters, “I know.” I watch as she throws her hands in the air, standing up. “I don’t know how to be a friend. Either I forgot or I never knew how, I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“That shit with Luke and Peyton really did a number on you, didn’t it?” I stand up and we start walking towards the classes again.

“What do you mean?”

“You, this – it’s obviously something huge. You’re really bothered by the fact that you have no friends, but you’re pretty and you’re popular, so it’s not that you have an inability to make them. That’s why I think that thing did a number on you.”

We walk quietly for a minute as she thinks about what I said. “She was my friend, and she lied to me. She knew how much I cared about him, and she went after him anyways. And then – then she chose him.”

“Chose him? What do you mean?”

“After it all happened, like right before Luke moved to Charleston with Keith for that month or whatever, Peyton and I kind of made up. But then Luke came back, and they buddied up again. Maybe it was selfish, but I told her I couldn’t be her friend if she was his friend, and she chose him.” She shrugs it off, but I can see the hurt written across her face. “No biggie, right?”

“Brooke, it is a biggie.”

She stops walking, laughing a little. “I guess it is if you’re using my name, huh?”

“Why are you joking about this? If I were you, I think I’d be mad, too. But why’d you let it hold you back from making new friends?”

“You say it like it would have been easy. Hey, maybe it’s for the better. It just hurts worse when the inevitable parting of ways happens if you let them get too close.” She sighs. “Even I don’t believe that.”

“Because it’s bullshit,” I agree, “Why did you sit with me in class? I mean, like you said, you knew a ton of other people in there, so even if you just needed someone you know by you, why me? Is it because Pey’s my friend and you think you can use me to get to her?”

She snorts. “God, who do you think I am, Nathan? Hell, no. Look, you’re one of the few people who has always been real to me. When Lucas cheated on me, you called him on it. When I fucked up, you called me on it. I don’t know, I guess you’re just interesting to me.”

I laugh, kind of confused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it works for me. Well, I’d better get to class. Biology.”

A wide grin breaks out across her face. “Bio, you say? What a coincidence.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

~*~

Oddly enough, Brooke and I have three classes together. Tim is in two of the three Brooke and I share, and in one more that I’m in alone. Even stranger, we’ve taken to studying together, which I’m trying to figure how to tell Pey.

“Peyton and Lucy’s room, this is Peyton speaking, how may I help you?”

“Hey stranger!”

“Haley James!” she squeals, “How are you? How’s school? Oh, my gosh, you wouldn’t believe how cool it is here in New York, and would you believe that all of my classes are awesome? And my roommate and I actually get along? How’s Tree Hill? Have you talked to Lucas, Nathan, or Jake?”

“Whoa, I’m now drowning in questions!”

She giggles. “Sorry.”

“You are not! Anyways, I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m fabulous! I was freaked when I left here, but this is it, this is where I’m supposed to be. It’s incredible.”

“I’m so happy for you, Pey!” I am, really. A little unhappy for myself, which is unfair, but I can’t help it. It’s obvious she won’t be finding any excuses to come home.

“Me, too! So what’s going on with you? How’re things with Nathan? Is he still being a dick about the split up thing?”

“Things are okay. Nathan is mad. He hung up on me a few days ago and has basically cut off communication. I’m waiting for him to get over it still,” I sigh.

“Damn, I can’t believe he’s silent treatment-izing you. He will get over it, Hales, so don’t get too stressed about it.”

“Yeah, I’m trying not to. I just hate that things have gotten to this point, but I can’t change it now. Besides, I still believe I did the right thing, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. So, how’s Tree Hill’s illustrious community college? Any fresh meat there for you to ogle?”

I guess this is as good a time as any to tell her what’s been going on. “Actually, you’ll never guess who the only two people I’ve talked to are.”

“Oooh, do we get to play the guessing game? This could be fun,” she laughs, “Of course, it’s Tree Hill, so it probably isn’t.”

“That doesn’t count as a guess,” I warn, laughing, “Giving up already, Sawyer?”

“Give up? Never! I’ll go down with this ship if I have to!” She sighs loud and long. “Okay, I think I’m ready to guess now. Let’s see, who could it be. Someone I’d never guess. No, two someones I’d never guess. Hmm, Mouth? Is that one of them?”

“Nope, Brooke and Tim.”

“Brooke? My Brooke? I mean, used to be my Brooke, I guess – we all know she’d shit bricks if she knew I called her that,” she chuckles, “And Tim? How bizarre, Hales! How’d you get rid of them?”

“Eh, the three of us have two classes together, and then I have one class with each of them on our own. So, we’re kinda sorta studying together.” The last sentence rushes out sounding slightly incoherent.

“Wow.”

“Pey? If you don’t want me to study with Brooke, I won’t. There’s that whole history there, and I don’t want to disrespect you or our friendship, okay?”

She just laughs. “Haley, its fine. I love you, and well, I don’t want Brooke to be unhappy. So study, hang out, don’t worry about stopping what you’re doing on my behalf.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “You’re sure? Because you’re one of my best friends, and I am so not going to jeopardize our friendship. I want you to know that, so you can tell me if you hate the idea of us studying together.”

She laughs again. “Hales, I promise, its fine. Maybe you shouldn’t trust her, but as long as you’re cool with it, I am, too. Now, Tim, on the other hand,” she says, changing subjects so quick I don’t get a chance to ask why I shouldn’t trust Brooke, “I’d watch out for that one. He can be a real @#%$. Of course, you’re a big girl, you can handle a moron like him.”

I spin around in my desk chair. “You know, I thought I would be the most pathetic person left behind in Tree Hill, but Jake is usurping my crown. He’s, like, broken or something. I don’t think he’s in contact with any of those guys he hung out with anymore.”

“Wow, depressing. Um, you’re doing better than that, right, Hales? I mean, if you weren’t okay, you’d tell me, right?”

I stop spinning. “You know, it’s funny because I thought I’d be a depressed lunatic, but I’m not. Oh, things aren’t perfect, obviously, but I’m holding my own. Now that classes have started, I at least have that distraction.”

“A depressed lunatic? Depraved, maybe, from missing Nathan’s sweet lovin’,” she teases, “But not depressed.”

“Thanks a lot,” I laugh, “So, how’s the New York love scene? Any hotties knocking on your door yet?”

“Not yet, but I have faith it’ll be soon enough, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t doubt it for a second,” I assure her. There’s a knock at my bedroom door, which almost startles me to the point of dropping the phone. It’s Brooke, and I almost groan at her bad timing.

“Hey Tutor Girl,” she calls as she walks in and makes herself comfortable on my bed.

“Tutor Girl?” echoes Pey through the phone, “Brooke’s there now?”

“Just showed up, hang on.” I cover the mouthpiece with my hand. “I’m on the phone, Tigger.” She just shrugs and grins unabashedly at me. “It’s Peyton.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll wait in the hall or something. Got any brothers?” I groan and shoo her out of the room, feeling grateful when she actually shuts the door behind her. Sure, she’s probably got her ear pressed to it, but I appreciate that she at least pretends.

“Pey?”

“Yeah?” I can’t tell if she sounds mad or not.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t know she was coming over now,” I quietly inform her. “I wouldn’t call you when she’s here.”

“It’s okay, Hales. She’s still calling you Tutor Girl, huh?” she laughs.

“I’m hoping it dies a quick death,” I admit, “But there are worse things I could be called, right?”

“Yeah, any of the thousand things she called me over the past two and a half years.”

“Yeah, those.”

“It really is okay, Haley. Don’t feel bad about it. Look, Lucy just got back with food, so I’d better go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, I’d love to hear from you tomorrow! Have fun, good luck finding that perfect hottie!”

She laughs. “You, too! And don’t let Brooke drive you too crazy! I don’t doubt for a second that she’ll try.”

“I won’t. Love you, Pey.”

“Love you, too, Hales!”

We hang up, and for a minute I just lean back in my desk chair trying to make sense of how strange my life has become. The shock of the door bursting open sends me tipping over in my chair.

“Goddammit, Brooke!” I shout, pissed, “Can’t you knock?”

“Oh, shit,” a male voice says quietly, “I’m so sorry, James!”

“Tim,” I groan, rubbing my hip, “What the hell? Where do you get off barging into my bedroom?”

Brooke is in the doorway laughing. “Wow, that was so funny. You should’ve seen the look on your face, Tutor Girl!”

I glare at them both, picking myself up off the floor. “Well, knock next time. Can we agree that knocking is an acceptable thing to do before barging into someone else’s bedroom?”

They both nod, Tim looking exceptionally contrite and Brooke looking like she’d just seen some great comedy routine.

“I – you’re okay, right? Not hurt, I mean,” Tim asks.

“Ha!” Brooke barks out, “He’s afraid that Nathan is going to come back to town and kick his ass if he hurt you, Tutor Girl.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m fine, let’s just forget it now, please?”

And so we get on with studying.

~*~

“Hi Karen,” I smile as I walk in for my shift at the café. “How are you doing this lovely day? How’s the baby?”

She beams back at me. “The baby is wonderful, thank you, and I’m just great, too. How are you doing?”

“I’m good, school has been easy so far this quarter, so…well, that’s a bonus,” I laugh.

“It’s good to see you smiling again,” she comments as she starts a new pot of coffee, “I wasn’t sure how long it would take.”

“I couldn’t mope forever,” I point out, grabbing a rag to wipe off tables, “And besides, it’s futile, you know? It won’t bring them home, and it won’t take me to them. I guess I just have to make the best of the situation or something. Besides, it could be worse.”

“That usually is the case.”

It’s not crowded at all in here, so I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down at one of the tables. Karen sits down with me. “Heard from Lucas much?” I ask.

“Just once,” she sighs, “It sounds like he’s already really engrossed in basketball, too much so to call his mom.”

“I’ve only gotten a couple of hurried emails, so don’t feel bad. It sounds like he’s working so hard between school and ball that he falls asleep the second he’s done with his homework. I’m going to try calling him tonight, though, I miss hearing his voice.”

“I’m sure he’d love to hear from you,” she smiles.

“Well, even if he wouldn’t, he’s going to anyways,” I joke.

The chiming of the bell on the door alerts us that customers have entered, and when they start arguing, I can tell immediately that it’s just Brooke and Tim. Getting up from the table, I go over to greet them.

“Tutor Girl!” Brooke smiles. It is just really bizarre how, well, friendly she and I have become over the past few weeks.

“Hey, James, hardly working, huh?” Tim greets. He’s a bit of a shit, but I think most of that can be attributed to foot-in-mouth disease rather than any actual maliciousness.

“What can I get you two?”

“An ‘A’ on our bio test?” Brooke asks, sounding hopeful.

“Tigger, it’s the same material we learned sophomore year of high school. It’s not going to be that hard of a test.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re smart, you get that shit,” Tim sighs, “I don’t even remember taking biology, so I don’t know what that says about me.”

“You were in the same class as me, dipshit,” Brooke informs him, and I can’t help but laugh. Tim can’t either and quickly joins in.

“Sue me, sophomore year was the biggest party year for me,” Tim says in his defense, “That was the year my parents got divorced and they each spent more time with their new lovers than me.”

“So he spent the year drunk and drugged out to forget about things,” Brooke explains to me, “That was actually the last year that I hung around you at all, Tim, some of those were good parties.”

“Yeah,” he laughs, “And now those days have pretty much dried up. I have no one to party with.”

“Boo hoo,” I laugh, “No one to party with. That isn’t exactly the world’s biggest problem, you know?”

He shrugs. “It kinda is when you don’t know how to do anything else. Or when you’re not good at anything else. Especially when both are the case.”

Brooke and I laugh. “Geez, Tim, it’s not that bad,” she tries to comfort him.

“Sure it is. No friends, not much of a family, no girlfriend – I have nothing to show for anything that I am or have done.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Well, maybe your priorities just haven’t been straight. Maybe you’ve been focusing on things that aren’t going to win you friends or a girlfriend.”

More customers enter the café, and I stand up to take them menus and offer them drinks. Brooke and Tim are still talking, and I can only hope that she has something better to offer him than I did.

By the time I get back to their table, they’re actually laughing. And not one of them at the other, either, which is really the most surprising part when I think about it. That probably means they’re laughing at me, then.

“What’d I miss?” I ask cautiously. I’m still very leery of this newfound – well, whatever it is that the three of us have. It’s just weird.

“Not much,” Brooke laughs, “We were just reminiscing, actually.”

It’s weird, but I feel left out immediately because I know the chance of me sharing a memory with the two of them is slim to none. And I can’t remember any funny ones, that’s for sure.

“Sounds like fun.” I sound wistful even to my own ears.

Tim grins. “Well, James, you have to admit it was pretty when you feel trying to do that jump thing. You know, the one where you touch your toes in the air.”

My face feels warm, and I know my cheeks are pink. I sit there for a minute before bursting out laughing at the memory. “Oh, my, I had totally forgotten about that embarrassment. Thank you two so much for bringing that joyous occasion up!”

It really is fun to laugh with them, and when I see Karen smiling from behind the counter, I realize just how mopey I must’ve been the last week or so. It’s good to let go of that now and just go with the flow, something I haven’t spent much time in my life doing. Maybe this is a Dr. Phil thing, and it’s good for me to change drastically on an internal level now that my physical world has changed. Or something.

They both leave before my shift is over, so when closing time nears, I’m alone in here. I promise them I’ll put in an appearance at this little party of Tim’s before they agree to leave, though. Figuring there won’t be a better time, I pull out my cell phone and dial Lucas.

“Hello?”

“Is Lucas there?” I ask, not recognizing the voice.

“Yeah, hold on.” There’s some shuffling noises in the background, and then, “Hey, Scott! Some chick is on the phone for you! Get your ass back in here!”

A few seconds later, Lucas is on the line. “Hello?”

“Lucas!” I squeal, thrilled to hear his voice.

“Hales! What’s going on, I was just thinking of you today during basketball practice.”

“Yeah? Good, and I hope the thoughts were those of sadness and longing for your best friend.”

“Of course. So what brings you to my ear? Just a chat? How you holding up?”

“You sound like Peyton, a thousand questions,” I joke, “But no, really, everything is fine. I just missed you and have been thinking about you, and it’s dead here at the café, so I figured I’d give you a call. How’re things with you?”

“Things are good so far, I think. My roommate is a bit of an ass; actually, he reminds me of Nathan pre-you. Other than that, though, it’s okay here. Just different. No Hales.”

I laugh. “Well, I’ve got one up on you since everything is different here, but at the same time, nothing is.”

“Yeah, that must suck.”

I set down the tray I was carrying and think about that. “Huh, you know what? I just realized that it does. Suck, I mean.”

“Yeah? You find replacement friends already?” he jokes.

“No, of course not. In fact, the only people in school I’ve talked to are Brooke Davis and Tim Smith.”

Dead silence.

“Luke?”

“Brooke talks to you?”

“Sure, it’s not like I ever cheated on her,” I say, instantly regretting it. I know how bad Luke feels about that, and I know how guilty he still feels to this day. “Oh, Luke, I’m sorry, that was totally tasteless, and I didn’t mean it anyways.”

“No, it’s okay. I guess I’m just surprised. Thought she hated all of us. Guess it was just me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, all the animosity I’ve seen from her is directed towards Peyton.”

He sighs into the phone. “I guess it doesn’t matter now anyways. Besides, it’s not like you guys hang out all the time or anything, right?”

It’s my turn to sigh. “Well, we’re sort of studying together frequently. Um, the three of us have two classes together, and I have one with each of them, also. So we’re kind of doing that. I think they think I can get them A’s or something,” I try and joke.

“Haley, do you remember Tim Smith? Do you remember what an ass he is? Because if you don’t, I’d love to refresh you memory.”

I pull a stool out and sit down. “Luke, come on, that was years ago. Let the past go.”

“Jesus.” I can picture him right now, probably standing with his legs a little apart, running his free hand through his hair in frustration. I barely manage to hold my giggle in. “It’s just, Hales, he’s an ass, and even in terms of friends, you deserve better.”

“I guess this next part is where you tell me I should stay away from Brooke because she is similarly not good enough.”

“Hey, that’s not fair, I’ve never said anything bad about Brooke, and I never meant to hurt her.”

I sigh, knowing he’s right. “I’m sorry, I know you haven’t and didn’t. I just don’t see what the big deal is – it’s just Tim. He’s harmless.”

“If by harmless, you mean brainless, then yeah, I think you’re right.”

“I’m not going to argue with you about this, Luke. So, if you’re right, I’ll figure it out soon enough, and if you are wrong and I’m right, then you owe me a diamond necklace for Christmas,” I tease.

“Ha, you think we’ll know by Christmas?”

“Hey, like you said, brainless, right? If it’s all a charade, then he won’t be able to hold onto it that long.”

He laughs. “Okay, fine, but don’t hold your breath for that diamond necklace. I don’t care how right you are, you ain’t getting one of those from me. Better take that one up with Nathan,” he jokes, gasping when he realizes what he said, “Ah, Hales, now I’m sorry.”

“No, no, we can’t pretend like he doesn’t exist, Luke. That’s stupid. He’s a huge part of both of our lives. We love him.”

“Yeah, but I know it’s hard for you and him right now, I didn’t even think before I tossed that in your face.”

I sigh, not wanting him to feel bad. “Luke, stop. Its okay, I promise. And hey, like three weeks ago, he and I were together. If you’d said that then, we wouldn’t have batted an eye. It’s okay!”

“If you say so. Have you guys talked much?” he asks quietly.

I shrug, even though he can’t see me. Habit, I guess. “We talked a few days ago. He got mad at me, and I haven’t heard from him since, nor will he accept my attempts to get in touch with him.”

“Damn, what happened?”

I groan, kind of wishing I hadn’t said anything about it. “He said something about how some things never change in reference to us, and I told him he can’t do that every time we talk.”

“Can’t do what?” I can hear the confusion coloring his voice.

“Can’t try and change my mind. It’s hard on me, and it just – it can’t be good for him, you know? Anyways, he told me I was a coward for not trying and hung up.”

“Sounds intense.”

“Yeah. You really have no idea,” I sigh, “It was just hard, but maybe it’s good that it happened now.”

“Whatever you say, Hales.” I know he too questions my decision, and frankly, I’m sick of it. Maybe this is the biggest mistake of my life, but it’s mine to make and I wish people would remember that.

“Luke? I should go. It’s time to lock the door, and then I somehow agreed to attend a mini-party at Tim’s.”

“Mini-party? At Tim Smith’s? Hales, he’s never gone mini anything in relation to partying. Don’t get caught up at some raging party with no friends there to have your back.”

I laugh at his protectiveness and concern. “Trust me, it’ll be small if he knows what’s good for him. He’s living in that complex Nathan lived in for awhile. You remember how quick those people are to call the cops.”

“Okay, fine,” he agrees, “But still, be careful. Okay, I’ll let you go. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I run around and finish closing this place up, finally turning off the lights and locking the door behind me on the way out. I’d brought a change of clothes with me just in case I decided to go to the party, so I shimmy into those awkwardly in the front seat of my car before driving off.

When I pull in the parking lot of Tim’s apartment complex, my mind drifts back immediately. I feel like I’m sixteen again, and that Nathan will come out any minute and carry me over his shoulder into his bedroom.

But I’m not, and he doesn’t, so I just feel stupid sitting here instead. Shaking away the slightly depressing thoughts of things I don’t have anymore, I jump out of the car and practically run to the apartment Tim said was his. There is surprisingly quiet ‘party’ music coming through the door – I guess Tim was serious about not letting things get out of hand.

I knock on the door tentatively, visions of Brooke’s suggestion that Tim was only inviting us over for a threesome floating in my head. I’m half of a mind to turn around and head back for my car, and I actually take a step backwards when the door swings open.

“Hey!” Tim smiles as he greets me, “Wasn’t sure if you’d show, but here you are!”

“Here I am,” I agree, looking past him to see that there really are only about fifteen people in there, just like he promised. As he ushers me in, I raise an eyebrow at Brooke who just kind of shrugs that she doesn’t know what’s going on.

“Tutor Girl, let’s get you a drink,” Brooke decrees, taking my arm as she is wont to do. “So, this is weird,” she says, motioning back out to the living room with her cup, “It’s like, I don’t know, have you ever seen Tim so tame?”

I shrug. “I’ve barely seen Tim period,” I point out, “And I’ve only been to occasional parties of his, but no, they were never this small and casual.”

“I know! No one is even puking!”

I laugh at this, wondering how that’s a bad thing, but decide it’s better not to ask. “Well, I’m not going to complain. It’s a little tame, but it could be worse.”

“Well, I bet you ten bucks it’s just you, me, and Tim within the hour,” she says, sticking out her hand.

“What? Why would you bet that? It’s a party, right? Alcohol, music, dancing. No one is going to leave,” I scoff.

“Hello? Did you see dancing? And you can barely hear that music. Trust me, it’s not enough to keep people here. There are other parties they can find on a Friday night, ones with loud music and actual dancing and drinking games.”

I glance back out there, realizing she’s right – everyone does look incredibly bored. Even Tim, I note, stifling a laugh. Brooke looks at me questioningly. “Even Tim looks bored.”

She does laugh. “Well, look at these idiots he invited. I mean, they act like they can’t talk to people they don’t know. No wonder it’s so boring here!”

Can’t disagree with that. “Why’d Tim invite them? Just because we went to high school with them?”

She shrugs. “Hell if I know. All I can think is that he’s just doing what’s expected of him. Having a party, I mean. I don’t know, but it’s not working out so great, is it? Oooh, look,” she says, pointing to the door.

And they’re leaving already. I don’t know if I should feel glad it’ll just be Brooke, Tim, and I, since we’ve gotten to this odd point where it’s kind of comfortable to be around them, or if I should be annoyed that this won’t be a chance to interact with more people.

“You okay, Tim?” Brooke asks when the door closes and the last of his few guests shuffles out.

He nods. “Sure, it’s no big deal, just a party. And I should’ve known – I wouldn’t have stayed at a crapfest like this myself, so it was stupid to think other people would.”

I laugh, “It wasn’t that bad.”

Brooke snorts. “Please, you just got here. It was awful. No dancing, no talking, no flirting, nothing. It was dead. Like being at a funeral or something.” She claps her hand over her mouth when she realizes that Tim is in fact standing right there. “Sorry, Tim.”

Luckily for her, he just laughs. “It’s fine. You’re right, it was boring. The weirdest part is that I don’t even care.” He looks around. “Want to get drunk and watch crappy b-movies?”

I look at Brooke. “I’m in if you’re in, Tigger.”

She gives me an exasperated look. “Well, I’m in for anything if it means I don’t have to go home and see my parents right away.”

And so we settle on the couch with large glasses of vodka and lemonade and watch lame movies and laugh our asses off the whole time.

And I have fun.

~*~

The faint ringing sound of a cellphone wakes me up. looking around, I’m surprised to see Brooke picking up my phone and putting it to her ear. I’m actually more surprised to find myself still at Tim’s sharing the couch with Brooke as he still sleeps soundly on the chair.

“Tutor Girl’s phone,” Brooke answers, winking at me when I groan. “Well, hello, Nathan Scott, let me get her for you.”

My eyes widen in alarm when she says his name. “Jesus, Tigger, why are you answering my phone? It could’ve been Peyton, and I know how you would’ve hated that.”

“Nah, his name flashed on the display screen. I can read, you know,” she laughs.

“Nathan?” I gasp into the phone, “I’m so glad you called me!”

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” he mutters, and I can tell he’s pissed. “What the hell are you doing hanging out with Brooke Davis? And why can’t you answer your own phone?”

“Don’t get mad, please,” I sigh, dreading where this conversation was going, “Why is it such a big deal that I’m hanging out with Brooke?”

“Do you remember her? Do you remember what @#%$ she treated Pey and Lucas like? You remember them, right, your best friends?”

“Nathan!” I begin as I extricate myself from the couch so I can find some privacy for this call, “Of course I remember them, and she didn’t do anything to them. She stopped being their friend, which is entirely her prerogative.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and I’m afraid he’s going to hang up again. Finally, though, he starts talking again, saying, “Hales, I don’t get it. You and Brooke Davis were never really friends, or even friendly to each other. What the hell is going on?”

I finally make it into the bathroom, and closing the door, sit down on the edge of the tub. “Nathan, what is the big deal? Am I not allowed to hang out with people you don’t like or something?”

He sighs. “I’m just surprised, Haley. I don’t know, when I pictured you making new friends, Brooke Davis wasn’t exactly on the list.”

Gee, he’s making it easy to tell him whose apartment I’m at. “Okay, I get that it seems weird, but if Luke and Pey can be okay with it, can’t you?”

“You’ve already told them and not me?”

Oh, my God, I can’t believe he’s doing this. “Well, you wouldn’t answer my calls or call me back, so what the hell was I supposed to do?”

“Fine, you’re right, I was being an ass. I’m sorry for that, too. Guess I’m just not taking any of this well at all.”

I soften immediately, wishing I was there to hold him. “Oh, Nate, I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask how school’s going.”

He chuckles. “It’s not school, that is tough, Haley J, it’s being away from you. It’s knowing that there is nothing to keep you from dating someone else. I guess I’m just jealous of the fact that you could be out there meeting someone new.”

I have to tell him now where I am. If I don’t, and wait till later, he’ll flip. “Look, Nathan, you should know where I am right now.”

“Please don’t tell me that you’re at some guy’s house. Please don’t tell me that you’ve already met someone new,” he begs.

“No! Of course not, Nate, there is no way that could possibly happen. Look, I have three classes with Brooke. That’s how we started, well, I guess hanging out together. Tim Smith is in two of those classes, and I have another with just him. So, we’re also hanging out with him.”

“And that’s where you are now?”

I sigh. He sounds so angry with me. “Yeah, he had a party last night that turned out to be a total flop, so he, Brooke, and I sat around drinking and watching crappy movies. I was too drunk to drive, so I crashed.”

“Yeah, okay,” he says, not sounding happy with this, but at least not biting my head off, “But you know, as odd of a choice Brooke is for your new friend list? Tim is about a thousand times stranger to find out about.”

“I know,” I laugh, “It’s weird to me, too. But it’s not a bad thing, Nathan. They’re kind of fun and they make me laugh, and that’s better than how it was last week when I walked around town in a daze missing you and the others. I don’t want to cry every day because I don’t have friends here.”

“I don’t want that for you either. I guess that means if you want to be friends with Brooke and Tim, I can try and support that.”

“You’re a really great guy, Nathan Scott,” I whisper, missing him more in this moment that the rest of the time put together, “I’m terribly lucky to have you in my life.”

“Don’t you know it,” he laughs, and I join in. “Hey, baby? I have an early morning practice. It’s probably more of a hazing thing, but I have to go.”

“Okay. I’m really glad you called, and I’m even gladder that you listened.”

“Anything for you, Haley J! Love you.”

“You, too,” I say, smiling.

I stay in here for a few minutes after hanging up with him, just letting myself miss him. Composing myself, I step back out into the living room where Brooke and Tim are waiting.

“You okay?” Tim asks, sounding like he just might care.

I nod, even manage a small smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t too bad, actually,” I laugh.

“He pissed you’re hanging out with us?” Brooke asks.

“A little, Tigger,” I tell her, deciding honesty is the best policy, “But I think he’s mostly still just mad that I broke up with him.”

Brooke awkwardly puts an arm around my shoulder, I guess trying to comfort me. “I guess he’ll be less mad when he starts making new friends,” Tim points out.

Brooke nods. “Sure, he’ll get over it. Anyways, he’s not here, and what does he think you’re supposed to do? Sit in your room all day? Someone needs to get over himself, I’m thinking.”

I laugh. “It’s not like that. This is just a weird adjustment period for us, you know?”

“For everyone,” Tim sighs, “I guess we all learn this the hard way.” He laughs, looking around his apartment. “Hell, look at this place, you can’t even tell I had a party here.”

“Uh, I hate to break it to you, Tim, but you didn’t really,” Brooke points out, “I mean, three people does not a party make. No one else stayed long enough to count as party guests, either.”

Tim and I laugh. “Well, when she’s right, she’s right,” I agree.

“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t a party. Oh, well,” he says brightening, “This wasn’t so bad either. Maybe my parents weren’t kidding when they said that not everything had to be a party.”

I shake my head. “If you’d learned that a few years ago, you might not be stuck in Tree Hill now.”

“Maybe being stuck here isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” he muses.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe it doesn't suck so much.

Chapter 3 - 4

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