Getting It All Back

By Brynne

~*~Thanksgiving, 2014~*~

“Why did we offer to have this here again?” Nathan asks grumpily as he peels what he is swearing is his hundredth potato, “This is our day, Haley J. We should’ve taken up someone else’s offer to have it at their place.”

“But we have the most space,” I remind him, “And it’s just easier with the kids to have them here, with their things.”

He huffs out an exaggerated sigh, glaring at me. “I know, I know. Can’t you just let me whine and complain in futility without reminding me of the valid reasons for us doing this?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” I wonder, poking him in the ribs as I walk by a bowl of ingredients to make pumpkin pies. We’re not sure that anyone really loves the pumpkin pie since we’ve never seen anyone in the family eat it, but this is our first Thanksgiving to host, and we figured pumpkin pie was a necessity. Sort of like sweet potatoes and turkey, even though I don’t love those, either.

“Haley, we’re getting married today,” he whines half-heartedly, “I know we said low-key, but this is sort of ridiculous!”

“Nathan, we’re mashing potatoes!” I mock, laughing when he swipes a dishtowel at me, “Oh, honey, come on. This isn’t so bad. It’s a little unorthodox to do it this way, but isn’t this what we wanted?”

He groans, glaring at me. “Don’t remind me. I think this was even my suggestion. Maybe you should start tutoring me again if I’m that big of an idiot,” he quips, setting the potatoes down and moving over to me, “We’ve got the license. We could just call the minister and tell him we’ll come to him instead. Do this thing and let my mother and Karen take over the cooking.”

“You’re incorrigible!” I exclaim, shoving him lightly, “Come on, so we’ll cook for awhile now, and then after dinner, we get married.”

“Are you sure this isn’t too anticlimactic for you?” he worries, and I know this is something that is genuinely bothering him, “We can do this big, Hales. I mean it, I know we talked about it and said this would be a good idea, but if you would rather do this big, we can wait. I’d wait forever for you if you wanted.”

“I don’t want to wait,” I assure him, pulling him into a kiss. When we’re both breathless, we pull back, smiling giddily at each other. Yes, giddily. I am giddy and excited and crazy in love with him, and after all these years, we’re finally going to be married. Hell no, I don’t want to wait!

“I don’t want to wait either,” he admits with a smile, “Weddings are just big deals. I don’t want you to regret not having one.”

“Marrying you is not something I’d ever regret,” I tell him solemnly, “Not doing it sooner, sure, but other than that, no. I will be so proud to be your wife, Nathan.”

His grin widens, and he lets his forehead rest against mine. “Same goes for me,” he promises, but it turns to a groan when Mere starts shrieking for me, “I’ll go get her. Probably some pants crisis or something. I can probably handle that, right?”

“Just tell her to wear the pink ones,” I tell him absently, turning back to the pie, “It’ll be fine. She loves those pants.”

This is going to be a crazy day. Pretty much everyone is going to be here, including Nathan’s not often seen paternal grandparents. They always add a special brand of crazy to the festivities. Of course, both Deb and Dan will be here, and Dan’s new girlfriend will be getting her first taste of the family. She’s actually his age, which sort of surprised all of us, and she’s supposedly really nice and really together. And she has three kids slightly older than Eric.

Karen, Keith, and Eric will be here, which is to be expected. I don’t know what I’d do without the three of them. They are so much my family, so much more than the one I was born to, and this is a day that wouldn’t be complete without them. Luke will be here, and Lola has even let him think he’s convinced her to spend her first major holiday away from her family, even though she admitted she was always planning on crashing his. What he doesn’t know….

With things continuing to be so strained with Brooke and I, she and Tim will not be coming to dinner. Tim swears it is because they’re going up to Vermont to try their hand at skiing, but I know better. We all do. In the absence of Brooke and Tim, though, Luke has stepped up and been a great friend, even helping me to find recipes for today.

And if I’ve come to one realization lately, it is probably that at the end of the day, my best friend lives with me, breathes with me, laughs with me. He’s by my side for everything, and that’s part of the reason I don’t want to wait to marry him. Nathan is so much more than my love, my lover, my fiancé, he’s my friend, my confidante. He really is my everything, no matter how cliché that sounds.

As I’m mixing things together for the pie, the baby starts to stir over the monitor. Knowing that Nathan has his monitor, too, I continue putting the pie together. Hearing Nathan walk into the room, Mere talking to him, I smile to myself.

“Daddy, help me,” Mere demands, probably tugging on his arm, or wrapping her arms around his leg, “I wanna play dollies!”

“Sorry, kiddo, we have to take care of your brother now,” Nathan tells her patiently, and I would guess that he ruffles her hair as he does so. I can tell when he has the baby in his arms – all crying stops. “Phew, I think he needs his diaper changed.”

“Ew,” Mere drawls out, her nose probably scrunched up in the type of disdain only a three year old can muster, “That’s yuck, Daddy!”

“You’re telling me!” he retorts, and she giggles, “I’m the one who has to do it! Wanna trade? You change his diaper, and I’ll play dollies!”

“No, Daddy!” she denies, still laughing at the light teasing, “I play dollies with Mama then!”

He sighs, and I can just picture him smiling indulgently at her. “Maybe you and me can play later. I’m guessing Mama is going to be a little busy, Mere bear. She’s got to get ready for tonight.”

“For da wedding?” Mere guesses.

“Yeah, the wedding,” he agrees, “Me and your mommy are going to get married. Isn’t that cool?” She’s quiet, probably shrugging or making a ‘big deal, who cares’ face at him. “There’s gonna be cake!” he tells her next, which at least elicits an excited clapping of the hands.

“I like cake,” she says solemnly, seriously.

“No way,” he gasps, feigning shock at the proclamation, “I never, ever would’ve guessed that you like cake, Merry! You’re not a cake monster, are you?”

“Daddy, I not a monster!” she exclaims, sounding worried. I laugh aloud at the concern in her voice, and I’m sure Nathan is fighting the urge to do the same.

“What? Are you sure you’re not? Sure and positive?”

“I not, I not!”

“Okay, okay!” he teases her, “Well, your brother is dry as paper. Should we go downstairs and see what Mommy is doing?” Sure, sic her on me. He just doesn’t want to cook. “Let’s go see Mommy, and I’ll let you two bug her while I do that kitchen stuff she wants done.”

“Okay,” Mere agrees, and I don’t expect to hear anymore. They surprise me, though. “Daddy, can I get married, too?”

“Today?” I can practically hear his grin through the monitor. “I don’t know if I’m ready for my little girl to be all grown up like that. And who are you going to marry?”

There’s a pause, and I imagine her hopping from foot to foot, trying to come up with a suitable answer to his question. “Mikey,” she says finally, and I ‘aw’ out loud. He’s this cute little boy in her preschool class. He’s shy and quiet, everything that my daughter is not, but she’s taken to him like jelly to peanut butter.

“Whose Mikey?” Nathan growls at her, “I don’t know if I like this Mikey kid hanging around my precious little girl!”

“He’s my friend, Daddy!” she explains to him, “We go school! I give him my cookie, but he doesn’t want it, so I make him take it anyway.”

Nathan half groans, half laughs at that. “That’s – that’s my girl,” he sighs, “You’ll be the death of me, Meredith Ryan Scott.”

They fall silent, and then I hear footsteps on the stairs, and I busy myself by spooning the pumpkin batter into the waiting crust in the pie plate. “Hey, you guys,” I greet as they come down the stairs together, the baby tucked safely in Nathan’s arm, “I was beginning to think you’d got lost up there. Or were hiding out, whichever.”

Nathan grins at me as Mere runs over to the fridge, grabbing onto the handle and leaning back to tug it open. I watch warily as she pulls out her sippy cup of juice. I point at Nathan, letting him know he’s on janitorial duty if she pulls something else out on accident again. Seriously, if the kid isn’t tall enough to see the countertops, do they really need to be getting into the fridge? The only reason we let her is to promote independence, and both of us bemoan that idea every time she knocks the milk or juice out on accident. At least the dog enjoys it.

“Good job,” Nathan encourages her, and she beams at him.

“I share,” she says so sweetly as she walks over to him, “He can have some juice, too!”

I wink at Nathan from behind her, and he nods in response, hiding his smile. She’s definitely warmed up to the baby. She wants to share with him, all the time, which isn’t possible, but it is sweet that she’s started to try.

“He can’t have juice yet, remember?” Nathan tells her, rocking our son in his arms a little, “He’s still too little.”

“I know,” she beams, nodding effusively, “I ask ‘cuz he can’t.”

That gets a laugh out of me, and I practically choke myself coughing to cover it. Nathan just raises an eyebrow at me, but Mere runs over, offering me her juice. “You really can have juice, Mama!”

“Oh, you’re too kind,” I tease her, “But it’s okay. You have your juice. Someday, your brother will be big enough to drink it, and then you will have to share for real, sweets.”

She pouts at that for a second, then shrugs, apparently not caring all that much. Nathan rolls his eyes at me, walking over to hand me the baby. “You want to let me work on the pies for awhile? I think someone prefers having Mama pick out her clothes.”

“Daddy doesn’t dress good,” Mere tells me seriously, tugging on my skirt. Having a toddler has made me appreciate belts that much more. “I need you, Mama. Um, and then Daddy, I ride bike!”

I snicker under my breath at that, my bossy little daughter slash fashion expert here. She’s so cute, so precocious, this little girl of ours. Nathan rolls his eyes at her proclamations, tapping her on top of her head to get her attention. “No bikes today, bear. We have Thanksgiving, and then we have to get married, remember?”

Her eyes widen in comprehension, and she nods eagerly. “Oh, yes, I ‘member, Daddy! And everyone is coming over!”

“That’s right,” I agree with her, grinning, “Come on, let’s go find you something fashionable to wear, since Daddy is such a wash in that area.”

He glares at me, sighing dramatically. “Fine, just leave me here to slave away over a hot stove. I see how it is!”

I pinch him on the butt with my free hand as I walk by. “We’ll be back to help you soon,” I promise him, “Mere can even be put to work.”

He snorts, giving me an incredulous look. “That promises to be a disaster on several levels, the first being that I’m sure she’ll really appreciate that.”

“Who cares?” I shrug, shaking my head as she climbs the stairs out of the kitchen on her hands and knees, “We’ll find something that she can do. She likes to help, and she likes to do whatever we’re doing.”

“There are some things that you and I do together that she is never, ever going to be allowed to do,” he winks, brushing a floured finger over my cheek, “Oops, gotcha.”

“Oops, my ass,” I mutter, swiping at the mark I know he left behind, “You’re more of handful than our three year old!”

He winks at me in what can only be termed a lascivious fashion. “Oh, I think I’m definitely more than a handful, baby.”

“Oh, yeah you are,” I purr, my hand again groping over his ass.

He groans, looking down at the baby in my arms, Mere on the stairs. “Okay, you need to go upstairs before we start something that really shouldn’t be finished in front of these two,” he sighs, pouting at me.

“You’re right,” I sigh in agreement, “Okay, we are so taking a honeymoon, Nathan. Just you, just me, somewhere warm and private where you can walk around naked all day for me to adore.”

He grins at that idea. “Now that is something I can get behind,” he smirks, “But only if you return the nekkid favor, of course.”

I laugh at that. “I’d do my best.”

“It’s so on.”

I walk up the stairs feeling as lighthearted as I ever have, and it feels great.

~*~

“That was such a great meal,” Lola gushes awhile later, slumping back in her chair, “I feel like I ate a whole turkey of my own, now, but it was totally worth it.”

Luke sleepily nods his agreement. “It was good. Really, really good. You’ll need a forklift to get me out of here. You got one of those out in the garage, bro?” he asks Nathan.

“Nope, but we can dump you in the back of the boat, and tow you home,” Nathan offers in return with a lazy grin, his hand finding mine under the table.

“Thanks,” Luke nods, his hands folding loosely across his belly, “That would be swell.”

“Did you just say ‘swell’?” Dan questions, teasing him, “That’s my son bringing out the hip references.”

That earns a chuckle from everyone and a half-hearted glare from Luke. “If I weren’t so full right now, I’d remind everyone how I schooled you on the links last week, Dad.”

Nathan grins at that, his hand squeezing mine slightly. “You have to hand him that one,” he chimes in, “Considering what a dud he was at other sports, he seems to have a strange knack for golf!”

I roll my eyes, elbowing Nathan. “I heard you weren’t any better,” I tease him, laughing a little when he leans over to kiss my cheek. The baby monitor, which is sitting between our plates on the table, starts registering his crying. I slide my gaze back over to Nathan, making pleading eyes at him. “You get this one, I’ll get next?”

“That’ll be at two in the morning,” he warns me, smirking.

“Oh, let me!” Lola enthuses, standing up. All earlier complaints of over-stuffing forgotten, presumably. “Since Luke wouldn’t let us leave until his little football game was done, he was already down by the time we got here!”

“Fine by me,” Nathan grins, second door on the left at the top of the stairs, “You do realize his diaper will probably need changing, right?”

“That’s why Luke is coming up with me,” she grins cheekily, tugging on the arm of Luke’s sweater. Yeah, his sweater – he so has not escaped the ‘welcome to my neighborhood’ comments today.

“And to think I somehow managed to live my life without having someone tell me what to do,” Luke intones dryly, “Who knew?”

“Go change your nephew,” Karen instructs, “And don’t complain about it. Someday you’ll have children, and you, my son, need all the practice that you can get.”

“Someday soon,” Keith teases, winking at Lola who blushes very prettily, “Get on that, Luke! We like the pitter patter of little feet.”

“Thanks, Uncle Keith, embarrass me and my girlfriend in one fell swoop,” Luke grouses, tugging on Lola’s hand to get her moving, “Let’s just go change the baby. Poop is more fun than this.”

Nathan cracks up, and this is honestly the most relaxed I’ve seen him around all of these people in half a damn decade. Golfing and spending time with Luke and Dan has gone a long way, and even though he has kept contact with Deb brief, he’s even thawed with her. It’s just so nice to see, and even with Dan’s girlfriend here tonight, it doesn’t feel even the slightest bit awkward.

Deb looks over at me, asking, “How has he been sleeping? Letting you get more than four hours at a time yet?”

I shrug, sighing. “Once in awhile. But we take turns getting up with him at night, and it’s working out pretty well. He is a doll in that he goes back down pretty quick after he takes his bottle. That’s been a pleasant surprise, since Miss Drama wanted to stay up for hours and look around and be held when she was that age.”

“They all have their own personalities,” Karen smiles.

“That they do,” Dan’s girlfriend, Susana, agrees, “And they manifest so young, too. It never ceases to astound me.”

“Okay, can we just skip the small talk – and maybe dessert – and get to the important question: when is this wedding you two keep promising going to start?” Dan asks plainly, giving me and Nathan an impatient look, “I think we’d all like to see you two married already, thanks.”

“He’ll be here in about an hour, Dad,” Nathan tells him, “Are you that eager to marry me off?”

“Nope, just that eager to have Haley officially in the family,” Dan jokes back, a wide smile on his face. I grin back at him, about to say something in the same vein, but I feel Nathan tense beside me.

“Uh, it’s taking an awful long time for Luke and Lola to change a diaper,” he says, pushing his chair back to stand, “I should go check on them.”

Sighing inwardly, I let him go, even though a part of me wants to make him stay here, and talk through this. But I know better than that, and it won’t help. Not now, not for these people. It never has, and it probably never will.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, I stand up as well. “I think that I am going to go get the desserts ready. I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”

“Let me help,” Karen says, smiling at me, “We can get it together in a few seconds.” Deb stands up and comes with us, and before she can say anything that will set my teeth on edge, Karen looks over at me. “Go upstairs and talk to him. I know you want to, and I know he’s probably waiting for you. It’ll just take a minute for us to get this ready, I promise.”

Nodding, I smile gratefully at her before turning and making a break for the stairs. She’s right, I definitely want to go up and see how he is. I hate knowing that I’ve contributed to his upset, and I want to smooth it over as best I can now.

I tiptoe down the hall after a quick glance in tells me that Nathan did not stop to see what was going on with the diapers, so I head for our bedroom. He’s there, sitting on our bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. I knock lightly on the door frame, just to let him know that I’m here. He looks up, smiling at me, and motions me over to sit beside him.

“Hey,” he smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, “Got a little sidetracked before I made it to help with the diaper.”

“I’m sure that they’ll manage just fine. I think they were playing with him when I walked by,” I assure him, shifting so that my legs rest across his lap and I can run my fingers through his hair, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just being my assy self,” he shrugs, no passion behind the words, “Nothing new here, right?”

“You weren’t being an ass,” I counter, teasing him a little, “That was actually your least dramatic exit from a family function ever. I feel like I should get my money back or something.”

That elicits a laugh from him, and he turns his face into mine, kissing me soundly. “Thank you, baby.”

Pulling back, I toss my hair over my shoulder. “Thank you for what? I didn’t do anything.”

“You came,” he says seriously, “And I know that you know what my problem is this time.”

“He didn’t mean anything by it,” I answer, by way of agreeing that yes, I do know, “It was just one of those things that you say, Nathan. We’ll say things to our kids that they don’t like sometimes, but we won’t mean it the ways that they’ll take them.”

He nods, taking a deep breath. “I know that you’re right, logically. Like, I know he wasn’t trying to insult me or even hurt me in front of everyone like that, but it still did, you know?”

Oh, Nathan. Sometimes my heart just hurts for him when he gets like this. “Why?” I ask him softly.

It takes him a minute to answer, but when he does, it is with heartbreaking honesty. “Because in some ways, I really think he cares more about you, and having you married and carrying the Scott last name, than he does about me. And yeah, I know that is not what he said, but sometimes, that is what it feels like. A lot of the time.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, even though I know he isn’t expecting that from me.

“You don’t have to be,” he assures me, sighing deeply. “Honestly, no one has done anything wrong here, except me.”

“And what is it that you think you’ve done?” I ask, frwning lightly.

He dips his head down, pressing a series of hot, open-mouthed kisses along my jaw. “I was a jerk. I overreacted, and got jealous for something that I know I shouldn’t be. It’s stupid.”

Closing my eyes, I wrap my arms tight around him. “It’s not stupid, Nathan. I don’t think that he meant it in a bad way or as a slam against you even in the slightest, but it isn’t stupid. And it’s not invalid, either. You spent a lot of your life feeling inadequate in Dan’s eyes, and that doesn’t go away overnight.”

“Maybe not, but it feels like it should. It just feels like now that we’re finally moving past these things, that I shouldn’t even be worrying about them anymore. And I feel like an asshole for getting upset by it when I know that he mean for that to happen.”

“I think he understands,” I tell him, “If that makes you feel any better. And I’m guessing that he feels badly, too.”

“That’s the thing, he shouldn’t,” Nathan shrugs, looking even more miserable, “He didn’t do anything wrong. He just said something completely innocent that I misinterpreted like a complete and total jerk. That’s all.”

“Neither of you should feel badly,” I tell him, resting my chin on his shoulder, “It just takes time, Nathan. Things are better, a lot better, but you and I and Dan all know that they can’t be perfect overnight.”

“It’s easier with Lucas,” he admits, “I don’t know why, but it is. Maybe because he’s my age, easier to relate to on that level. Whatever it is, it’s easier.”

“Well, I’m glad that part of it is easy,” I tell him, nuzzling my face against his shoulder, “And the rest will get easier, too. You’ll see.”

He nods. “I know you’re right, I do. It’s easy to believe that now that things are improving.” The doorbell rings, startling us out of conversation. He looks at me, smiling when he realizes who it would be. “That’s our pastor,” he grins, pulling me fully onto his lap, “We can go downstairs and get married, Hales.”

I let out a little squeal of excitement, crushing my lips to his. “Oh, my god,” I breathe when I pull back, “You’re going to be my husband!”

“And you’ll be my wife,” he smiles, leaning in for another kiss, “Have I told you lately that I’m really glad you proposed to me?”

“Have I told you that I’m really glad you said yes?” I retort, laughing with him. Settling down, I look at him more seriously. “You know that I’ve thought of you as my husband for so long, right? I’ve called you that and thought of you as that, and I meant it. I meant it all.”

He smiles at me, his fingers threading with mine. “We’re getting married. In our house. While wearing jeans.” He pauses, laughing. “I never pictured it this way, I have to admit. Maybe on a beach in the tropics wearing khakis and an unbuttoned button down, in my case, and a sundress with flowers in your hair in yours at sunset, but never jeans in our living room. Life is so weird.”

I gape at him, awed by the picture he just painted. And I hate to be wishy washy, but I want that. He looks down at me, shaking his head. “Haley, you…I mean, we couldn’t, right? Everyone is…do you think we could?”

I shrug, not wanting to force this, not wanting to make him think that I’d rather wait. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to get married today, because I absolutely, positively do, but what he described…that is in my head and it doesn’t seem to want to go away.

“Maybe we could,” I whisper, biting my lower lip as I try to gauge his reaction. It is…not what I ever would’ve expected, not even in a million years. He laughs. He falls back onto the bed, laughing. “Nathan!” I exclaim, laying back next to him, “It isn’t funny!”

“It’s a little funny,” he continues laughing, shaking his head when I glare at him, “Oh, come on, baby. We have everyone, including a minister, downstairs so we can get married today, and now we’re up here changing our minds? That’s funny.”

Frowning, I release the lower lip I’d been chewing on nervously. Giving in, I laugh with him. He’s right, it is at least a little funny. “So, what are you thinking?” I ask him.

“I think we wait and get married on some tiny island we rent out,” he grins, “Look, we can keep with the small thing, that’s fine, Hales. But we’re wearing jeans. And I have a sweatshirt on. Maybe instead of putting too much importance on this, we went the opposite way and put too little. I don’t want this to be something that we’re just doing. I want it to be special. We’ve waited this long, we could wait another month until Christmas, right?”

“Christmas?” I echo, “Who said anything about Christmas?”

“Well, we’ll all have time off for it, right? Why not invite our family and friends down there for a small ceremony and reception. God, Haley J, we could have Damian and Melissa come, and maybe Tim will be able to convince Brooke to be there. It would be nice, fun. Mere loves the beach, and you do, too. Let’s make it special, baby.”

Who could argue with that? Not even Ice Woman could argue with that. It looks like we’ll be having a Christmas wedding then.

Chapter Twenty-One – The End

‘And in the end the love we take,

Is equal to the love we make’ – Lennon/McCartney

~*~Christmas Eve, 2014~*~

“It is really beautiful here,” I smile as Nathan and I walk hand in hand down the beach. He’s got the baby resting on his chest, and Mere is running a little ways ahead of us, playing her own little game of tag with the surf.

“Glad we waited?” he asks with an answering grin.

“Most definitely,” I nod, bringing my free hand up to brush down the baby’s back, smiling as he looks at me with his wide eyes. “He is the most handsome little guy, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re lucky you said ‘little’,” Nathan smirks, “Because he’s good looking, I can’t deny that, but I think I’ve still got him beat.”

I laugh at him, dropping a kiss on the baby’s forehead when he gurgles at me. “Hi gorgeous, I know your daddy is full of himself and maybe a touch crazy, but he is still pretty great. We like him anyway,” I stage whisper for Nathan’s benefit.

Nathan just smiles mildly at me. “He knows who the man is,” he states confidently, “He doesn’t need to be reminded that he’s still just ‘junior’.”

Groaning, I roll my eyes at him. “Okay, see, we didn’t name him Nathan Jr. for a reason, and I’m pretty sure that reason was specifically so that no one could call him junior,” I sigh, glaring at Nathan as my fingers stroke our baby’s cheek.

He chuckles, bouncing the baby a little in his arms. “We could nickname him ‘Chip’ then, if Junior doesn’t fly for ya.”

“’Chip’?” I have to ask, not sure what he’s getting at, “Do I even want to know, Nathan Scott?”

“Sure,” he grins, “It’s a good one, I really think you’ll like it.” I arch a brow at him, knowing he means that I’ll really hate it. “Chip as in chip off the ol’ block.”

“Nathan,” I sigh, crinkling my nose at him, “You’re never funny when you try like that. Leave the jokes to…I don’t know, Mere.”

He grins. “I’m funny, you know I’m funny. I got jokes, Haley J. Good ones, too.”

“Oh, name your last good joke, Nathan!” I retort, hands on my hips. He laughs at my teasing, passing the baby to me. “I’m serious, you’re not funny!”

“Not funny?” he groans, clasping a hand to his heart, “You wound me! And besides, if I’m not funny, how come I get you to laugh all the time?”

“Maybe I’m laughing at you,” I reply archly, laughing at his pouting look. I laugh harder when the baby starts waving his arms around.

“Traitor,” Nathan accuses the baby mildly, “You’re supposed to be my boy, my Chip! Guess I’ll have to work on the one that can speak, huh?”

“I guess so,” I agree, leaning my head on Nathan’s shoulder when he loops his arm around my waist, “And just so you know, I am of the opinion that we gave him a good name, that you chose by the way, and maybe we should start using that.”

“Eh,” he shrugs, winking at me, “The boy had to have a name, right? I just came up with the best one out there. I just wish Whitey was still around to know about it.”

When Nathan brought up the idea, in the hospital, of naming the baby after Whitey, I’d sort of blanched at first. I’d never really gotten to know him, but both Nathan and Luke really respected him, and in some ways, I think he was something of a father figure for Nathan. There was no way that I could say no to a request that meaningful to him. Okay, I might’ve used it a little to finagle ‘Lucas’ as the middle name, but I don’t think that was much of a hardship for him, either.

“Maybe wherever he is, he knows,” I suggest softly, kissing our son on the forehead, “I bet he does, Nathan.”

“I hope so,” he sighs, “You know, I don’t want to seem like I’m making excuses or rationalizing anything, but it was right after Whitey died that I started using again.”

I nod, not really sure if I’m supposed to say anything here. I take his hand, waiting for him to continue if he wants to.

“It was hard,” he goes on, “Things were so bad with Dad and Luke, and Whitey – I mean, you know he meant a lot to me, but during college, he was the only one I could talk to who both knew me and had the ability to give me an outsider’s perspective. He was just…sometimes, he was my only friend, you know?”

“Oh, Nathan,” I whisper, biting hard on my lower lip. What do I say to that? There isn’t anything I can say – God knows that I wasn’t there for him, not the way I should’ve been. There are some things that I regret, and that is definitely one of the top two.

“It’s not, it isn’t a big deal anymore,” he shrugs, but we both know that not even time minimizes some things, and this is obviously one of them. He looks over at me, smiling wryly. “Okay, it is a big deal. But I’m not wringing my hands over it, Hales.”

I nod, taking one of said hands in my own. “I know that. I’m sorry you never told me this before. Can I ask why?”

He shrugs, struggling to find the words. “I guess that Whitey was a part of my life that was just mine, you know? And it seemed so lame, that after he died, I’d be that lost. That…poorly off. Even going through treatment, I didn’t know how to talk to you about that. It’s not that I didn’t trust you, but mostly, it didn’t make sense in my own head and I couldn’t imagine saying it out loud.”

Smiling gently at him, I lean my head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me everything, Nathan. Some things are just yours, and that is all that they ever will be.”

He shakes his head at that, smiling at our son in my arms. “Everything of mine is yours, Haley J. That’s not negotiable, it isn’t debatable. It’s just the way it is.”

Nodding, I give him that. And knowing he’s pretty much done talking about this, I change the subject. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”

”We are,” he agrees, hugging me a little closer to him, “Think Mere’s excited?”

I roll my eyes at him since he knows exactly what the score on this is. “For Christmas? Of course. The wedding? Eh.”

“What about you? What are you excited for?” he whispers in my ear.

I turn my face, my nose brushing against his. “You. I am very, very excited for you, Nathan.”

He grins, loving that answer. “Oh, baby, wait until I get you alone tonight. We’ll just have to put Mere to bed early tonight, huh? How does four sound?”

“It sounds like the time we’re meeting everyone for dinner in your dad’s suite,” I remind him, laughing when he sighs in aggravation, “But Luke did say he’d babysit tonight. Well, Lola told him to say that, but I was thinking we could let Mere spend the night with Damian and Mel’s kids, or your father or anyone. She’d like that.”

“That works for me, but Karen and my mother said they kill us if we slept together tonight. We’re supposed to abide by the superstitions, you know.”

“Mmm,” I nod, smiling widely at him, “But that goes into effect at midnight. We’ll have a little time to ourselves before then. So let my excitement build, Nathan.”

“We should probably head back soon,” he suggests, “Get the kids, and oh, maybe ourselves, ready for dinner. Mere’s going to go crazy once she realizes there will be presents.”

Rolling my eyes, I nod. “Hopefully this will go better than her birthday did.”

He nods, some of his amusement diminishing. “You know I’m sorry for that, right? It won’t be like that tonight or tomorrow or her next birthday or next Christmas. Things are better, Hales, and I’m doing my part to make sure they stay that way.”

I grab onto his arm with my free hand. “Nathan, I know that. I totally know that, and I knew it right after it happened. And I shouldn’t have even brought that up, it was an assy thing to do. If it helps, I did mean it more in terms of the fact that everyone who was there, plus a few extras, are here. Things could get messy. I mean, Brooke, for example, doesn’t have a filter between her brain and her mouth, and we know she’s capable of spewing some pretty foul things.”

“She does, and she’s outta here,” he promises, “You know I talked to her about that, right? About all of it, a couple of times.”

I’ve known that he’s tried talking to her a few times, and I know that there are other times where he’s approached her for reasons I don’t entirely know. But I’ve never once known the content of their conversations. I haven’t been told, by either of them, what they’ve said or why. It’s just there – something that happened, but sort of didn’t, since I have no clue what went down.

I nod, though. “I know that you’ve talked to her. I remember that you pulled her aside at the hospital before I had the baby. You never told me what you talked to her about, though.”

“You never asked,” he retorts cheekily, chucking me lightly on the chin, “But really, I didn’t know if that was okay, me talking to her on your behalf?”

“On my behalf?” I echo, surprised.

“Well, yeah,” he shrugs, trying to play it like it isn’t important, “I know how much you love Brooke, Haley J. And I know how hard it has been for you since you’ve been not talking. I just – I just wanted her to know what she was doing to you, I wanted her to know that it meant a lot for her to be here, even if you couldn’t say that yourself.”

I feel like such a sap, but there are tears welling in my eyes. “Oh, Nathan, you talked her into coming? Tim told me she was refusing one day, and then called back the next to say she’d changed her mind! That was you?”

He is clearly uncomfortable to have me know this, and even more so for me to be so emotional about it. “It’s not a big deal,” he tries to sidle out of it, “It was just what any man would do for the woman he loves.”

“Oh, Nathan,” I melt, shifting the baby to one side so I can half-throw my other side into him, “You’re so – you’re the – I can’t believe – oh, my God, I love you so, so, so much!”

“I love you, too,” he chuckles in amusement, “And it really isn’t a big deal, Hales. I just want you to have everything that will make you happy at our wedding, and I know Brooke is a part of that.” He shrugs again. “And I also know that right now, you can’t make those concessions to her yourself, so I kind of did it for you.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. He’s so right; I’m not at the point where I could’ve made the plea for her to be here. I asked them, invited them, but that was as far as I could push myself to go. For him to go the extra mile on this, reaching out to someone who doesn’t even deserve eye contact from him, that amazes me. It amazes and touches and warms me, and if I didn’t already love him with everything I had, this would do it.

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” he tells me as he looks down at his shuffling feet, “It just – there was nothing else I could do. Look at how much you helped me with Luke and Dad. You pushed when you needed to push, you talked to them, and you backed off when that’s what I needed. If I did half as well, then okay, good.”

“Not good,” I contradict immediately, “Wonderful. It was wonderful, Nathan. I don’t know that there’s much I can do with it, but it was really amazing of you to think of me like that. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” he smiles, his eyes rolling as he watches Mere flop down face first into the waves, “If she cries about her eyes hurting, I’m gonna have to leave her here on the beach. It would be the third time this week.”

Sure enough, she pops up out of the wave, rubbing her eyes. As soon as she spots us, she bursts into tears, running over and clinging to Nathan’s leg. “Daddy, my eyes hurt!” she wails, hopping up and down trying to get picked up.

Glaring at me, as if it were my fault, he crouches down, making a show of examining her eyes. “Oh, my gosh, they’re gone!”

She screams at that. Literally, at the top of the her lungs, she screams in terror. “I want my eyes, Daddy! Find them!” And then she cries, while Nathan, still crouched in front of her, looks like a truck hit him.

“Okay, not old enough for those jokes,” he sighs, bracing Mere by the shoulders, “Merry, it’s okay, shh. Your eyes are still there. If you opened them, you’d see that!” He looks up at me. “Definitely time to go back.”

“I think you’re right,” I smile, shifting the baby in my arms. “Come on, sweets, let’s go back to the hotel. You can play in the bath for a little bit before we go to your papa’s room for Christmas.”

She perks right back up at that, her eyes flying open as she begins clapping her hands in excitement. “Presents, Mama, presents!”

I roll my eyes at Nathan, but nod. “Yeah, there will be presents. But only for nice little girls who listen to the grown-ups around them, right?”

She knows exactly what I’m getting at with that, but to her credit, she just rolls her eyes and nods. “Okay, Mama! I good, right, Daddy?” she asks slyly, laying her hand on his cheek as she smiles widely at him. Oh, this girl is going to have boys in the palm of her hands.

Nathan grins, leaning forward to scoop her into his arms. “Yeah, you’re not too bad, most of the time,” he teases her, ruffling her hair as she laughingly tries to wriggle out of his grasp.

“Daddy!” she exclaims, still laughing when he sets her on her feet, “Up, I want up!”

“Of course you do,” he chuckles, smirking at me, “But sometimes you don’t necessarily get what you want, Mere bear. You’re a big girl, you can walk, right?”

“But I like Daddy rides,” she protests with a pout I know Nathan has no internal defense against. Keeping my smile to myself, I watch as he relents, swinging her up into his arms. “Yay!” she cheers, beaming at me. I swear she knows her power already, which is a scary, scary thing.

“Okay, let’s get going,” I suggest, nudging Nathan with my hip, “This sun is getting a bit much for me.”

“You okay?” he asks immediately, concern evident and overwhelming on his face, “Do you need to sit?”

I shake my head, smiling gently at him. “It’s fine,” I promise him, “It is just really warm out here. I’m ready for a break and some nice A/C.”

“You and your air conditioning,” he chuckles, shaking his head, “Okay, you ready, Merry? We’ll go get you cleaned up, and then…presents!”

“I like presents, Daddy!” she enthuses, clapping her little hands together.

“What?” he fakes surprise, “No way! Not my Mere bear, she doesn’t like presents, does she?”

“Oh, I do!” she giggles, “I really, really do, Daddy!”

“I never would’ve guessed,” he sighs, kissing her on the forehead. I roll my eyes at their goofiness, bouncing Brian a little in my arms. He’s still wide awake and alertly looking around, which is both good and bad. It’d be nice if he slept now, was awake during the festivities in Dan’s suite, and slept all night, but we just aren’t that lucky. Actually, tonight we kind of are, since Karen is taking him. He’ll be her up all night child to deal with.

Once we get back to the hotel, I take Mere in for her bath while Nathan tries to put Brian down for his nap. As soon as Mere and I are done, that’s where she’s headed, too, which I know will not be easy. Not much a kid loves more than Christmas, and the excitement of that will keep them awake for pretty much everything.

I sit on the step up to the Jacuzzi tub, watching as she splashes around with the bath toys that the hotel provides for children. She’s having so much fun that I actually have to pick her up and drag her out of the tub. “Meredith Ryan Scott, is this being a good girl?”

She sniffles, looking up at me. “No,” she mutters grudgingly.

“And who gets to open presents?”

“Good girls,” she sniffles, a second away from wailing with her tears again. “I’m be good, Mama, I good!”

Sighing, I nod. “I know, sweets. But you need to listen when your daddy and I tell you to do something, even if you don’t want to. If you don’t listen, then we won’t have presents today.”

Her eyes widen comically in horror, and I have to duck my head to let my hair fall forward to cover my smile. “Mama, no, I want presents!”

I nod as I wrap an oversized plush towel around her. “I know, baby. And we’re going to get you all dried up and your hair brushed, and after that we’ll take a nap. Once we wake up, it’ll be time to go to your Papa’s.”

She sighs, obviously put out by the nap part of the deal, but she nods. I should probably feel a tiny bit of remorse for blackmailing my small child, but hey, what can you do? Once she’s dried off, I put her in a t-shirt and shorts, and let her climb up onto the bed in me and Nathan’s room.

“’Nemo’?” she asks, smiling toothily at me.

“No, sweets, we’re napping now,” I tell her, looking up to smile as Nathan comes in. I can tell from his relieved smile that he successfully got Brian down for his nap. “No movies today.”

“Yeah, we have to be rested up so we can tear into those presents, right?” Nathan winks at her, earning a wide grin in response. “Scoot over, Haley J. She gets one side, but I get the other,” he informs me, spooning up behind me on the bed.

“By me, Daddy!” Mere calls to him, sitting up motion him over.

“Nope, not today, bear. You’re just fine over there,” he tells her, his arms wrapping around me. Smiling, I let myself sink into his embrace, my hands coming up to cover his. “I love you so much,” he whispers in my ear, “You are my whole world, Haley James.”

“I won’t be Haley James for much longer,” I whisper back, winking at Mere as she lies back down, still watching us waiting for an in to distract herself from sleep.

“No, you won’t,” he agrees, brushing my hair away from my neck so that he can nuzzle me there, “I think that will be the proudest day of my life.”

I twist my head around to look at him. “What about this one and the one sleeping in the other room?” I ask, smiling at him.

He shrugs, grinning. “They’re good, and those days are right up there, but this….I’ve been dreaming about this day for so long now. I really want you to know how happy I am about this, that we’re getting married.”

Turning over so that I am lying face to face with him, I lay my hand on his cheek. “Nathan, I know that. And I hope you know that I feel the same way. This is something I’ve dreamt of for years. Even when we weren’t together, it was always in the back of my mind. Sometimes not even the back! But the point is, it was always there. You were always there.”

“Oh, baby,” he sighs, his fingers teasing through my hair, “You were always there for me, too. Even when I was a big jerk.”

I roll my eyes at that. He was never half the jerk that I was, but he’s let me off the hook for all that. “You weren’t a jerk, Nathan. You pissed me off occasionally, and you frustrated me, but you weren’t a jerk. I had a monopoly on that, thanks.”

“Hey, you can’t officially be a jerk until you take the Scott name,” he jokes, leaning forward to brush a sweet kiss against my lips, “Then, and only then, will you have full access to your jerk potential.”

“Oh, well, I can’t wait then,” I laugh quietly with him, smothering it when a small hand pushes me in the back. Rolling back over, I take in Mere’s pouting face. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I want snuggle, Mama,” she tells me plaintively, her lower lip out and quivering. She holds her arms out in demand. “Hold me.”

Grinning at her, I pull her to me, laughing in surprise when Nathan wraps his arms around both of us, pulling us to him. “There’s my girls,” he grins, squeezing my hand when I twist to smile back at him, “When Bri is big enough, think we can all do this?”

“Give him a couple of months, and we can probably manage,” I agree, smiling at the thought. “Actually, if he wasn’t sleeping now, I’d suggest we get him for this. Because this is really nice, Nathan. Isn’t it, Mere?”

And on that cue, Brian’s cries sound through the baby monitor. Mere even laughs when Nathan and I grudgingly do so. “I’ll go get him,” Nathan volunteers, extricating himself from our hug, “I was the one who jinxed it, after all.”

“Yes, you definitely did,” I agree, laughing harder when Mere nods emphatically. “Go get him, honey.”

“Yeah, go get him, Daddy!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” he exclaims, holding his hands up in surrender as he shuffles out of the room.

Okay, so none of us are going to be rested for tonight, but who cares, right? How many moments will we have like this in our lives, the four of us cuddled up in bed together in a foreign country? It’s too perfect of an opportunity to let it slip past us, and I know Nathan is as unwilling as I am to let it go.

He comes back in the room, our adorable little guy in his arms. There is nothing hotter in this world than my husband in pajama pants holding our baby. Absolutely nothing. I sit up, smiling at Mere as she climbs onto my lap. Nathan sits down beside us, carefully placing Brian on Mere’s lap. I do most of the holding there, but this is one of the times that she seems to like him best – when he’s sitting with her, waving his chubby little arms around, laughing.

Nathan smiles at me, and I know he’s thinking of how adorable they are together. And they really are. That’s only partial bias on my part. But these are cute kids, and I doubt you’d be able to find anyone who though otherwise.

“Mama, he’s heavy,” Mere complains, sort of pushing at him. She’s soft, though; Nathan and I have driven home the ‘gentle’ thing, and she’s pretty good about following that. Probably because the times she hasn’t been, she’s gotten her head bitten off. She really did not appreciate that.

“Okay, I got him,” Nathan tells her, scooping Brian back up. He cradles him against his chest, and again, damn is that hot. “Hey big guy!”

Brian gurgles at him, his fist grabbing at Nathan’s nose. Mere crinkles her nose in disgust. “When he talk?”

Tipping my head down so it rests on top of hers, “He’ll talk when he’s bigger, sweets. He’s too little right now. That’s why we have to take such good care of him.”

Nathan nods in agreement. “He’s still a baby, kiddo. Pretty soon, he’ll be big like you, and he’ll be talking all the time.”

She nods slowly, still not really understanding why her little brother can’t talk with her yet. That’s all she really wants from him, but one day, she’ll be pissed when he won’t shut up.

“I can talk,” she announces, as if her incessant chattering wasn’t enough of a giveaway for us.

Nathan smirks at me over her head, and I nod. “We know, baby. And you’re very good at it, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am,” she agrees primly.

Nathan snorts at that, rolling his eyes. “Oh, Mere bear, what are we going to do with you, munchkin?”

“Play,” she says seriously, and both Nathan and I laugh at that. “We play!” she stubbornly insists, moving to climb off my lap. I hold her tight, though, kissing her cheek.

“Stay here, sweets,” I tell her, “We’re still resting, even if we aren’t sleeping, okay? You have to stay on the bed with Brian, Daddy, and I.”

Nathan lies back on the bed, Brian resting on his chest. He can lift his head up and look around now, even pushing himself up a bit. He does now, even trying to reach out and grab one of Mere’s curls. She frowns, opening her mouth to say something, but I cut her off by extricating her hair from his tiny fingers.

“He’s just a baby,” I remind her, ignoring her pout, “He doesn’t know any better, sweets. He doesn’t mean to hurt you.”

She huffs out a loud sigh, glaring at him, but she doesn’t say anything. I scoot back down on the bed, lying down so that I am face to face with a smirking Nathan. I tilt my head until it rests against the bare skin of his upper arm. He sighs, brushing a kiss against my hair. “Love you,” he whispers.

“Love you, too,” I smile back at him, grunting when Mere plops down on my stomach, “And I love you, sweets!”

“And Brian?” she asks, her hands coming up to hold my cheeks between them.

“Of course Brian!”

“Okay,” she smiles, rolling over to squeeze between me and Nathan, “That’s good. I love him, too.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nathan says quietly, smiling at me over her head.

So am I.

~*~

“More presents, more presents!” Mere enthuses, hyper as ever. She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet, her hands clapping together enthusiastically.

“Meredith Ryan,” Nathan reproves, “That’s not how we act, kiddo. Come here and sit down with me for a little bit.”

She stops the clapping and bouncing, some of the joy fading off her face. “I want my presents, Daddy!”

He nods, pulling her onto his lap. Karen gives me a knowing smile, and I remember Eric being just like this at Christmas. Heck, he’s still doing that now, and his bouncing ceased when Mere was told to stop.

“We’ll all get our presents,” Keith assures the now put out children, winking at Mere, “Let’s just settle down for a few minutes and look at what we already have, okay?”

They both let out big, heaving sighs. Eric picks up a huge box of Legos, and Nathan hands Mere one of the fifty books she has been given. There’s a knock on the door and the announcement of room service, so I get up to help Dan get them in here. Brooke gets up, too, and as always when she is near now, I tense up, waiting for her to say something that I can’t handle.

She doesn’t say anything right away this time, though, just helps in getting the food arranged on the serving table. Dan offers me a small smile, and I give him one in return. When she steps away from the table, moving back over to perch on the edge of the chair that Tim is sitting in, he looks over at me.

“How is that whole thing going?” he asks, nodding after Brooke.

I shrug, popping a piece of tomato into my mouth. “It isn’t, basically. We just…don’t talk. There’s a certain degree of civility, but mostly it is just avoidance of each other.”

“Listen, I’m not going to tell you about regret, mostly because I know you have your own, but just look at me. I pushed away half of my family for years, and that’s time I can’t get back now. I don’t want that for you, Haley.”

I nod, choking up a little at his words. He’s right, so right, and I know that completely. Because the more I think about it, the more distance that there is, I think that one day, we’ll be okay again. But not yet, not right now. I’m not ready to be okay with her.

She doesn’t seem ready either.

“It’s just not there yet,” I tell him, busying myself setting the table, “Maybe someday, maybe even soon, but not now.”

He nods, patting me kindly on the back. “It’ll work out. Obviously you know that I can’t say it will be easy, because it usually isn’t, but you’ll figure things out with her.”

I nod my agreement, sighing. I know he isn’t intending it, but this whole conversation depresses me a little. Nathan knows it, so he generally lets it go, at least the parts where he tries to convince me to reconcile with her. Maybe now more than ever, I’m frustrated with her. Knowing that Nathan pushed her to talk to me, knowing that he tried on both her behalf and mine, it just ticks me off that she’s still so awful about him, to him. She doesn’t hide her glares when he walks in the room, and she’s actually turned her back on him several times.

Knowing that he’s been trying to help us, and she hasn’t changed her stance on him, well, I can’t even fathom that. It makes me love him more, that he’d try and extend an olive branch of sorts, but her rejecting just has me seeing red.

“Nathan talked to her,” I confide in Dan, “He tried to get her to see my side, and make peace. And she never said anything, she never even took that into consideration. What does that mean?”

He shrugs. “It doesn’t mean anything, Haley, except that she doesn’t like Nathan. I can see where you’d want his making an effort be a catalyst for her to see him differently, but it doesn’t make it so. You know that I love Nathan, but you also know that I have had many problems with what he’s done to you and Meredith. She probably feels the same, but he’s not her son, and she doesn’t have that urge to forgive him and let the past go like I do. Like Luke does.”

“His mistakes shouldn’t be held against him forever,” I argue, “He’s paid a huge price, Dan. It just kills me to feel like I’m the only one who sees that, who feels that.”

“And you’re the only that matters,” he suggests, shrugging again, “Look, Haley, it was hard for Luke and I because in some ways, both of us know you better than we know Nathan. Particularly Luke. And we both saw what his addiction did to you and Mere on a day to day basis, because he shut us out of his side, denying us the opportunity to truly sympathize with him. Brooke doesn’t even have the desire to do that in the first place; she just sees you, and what he did to you. You can’t punish her for that forever.”

I snort, inwardly disagreeing with her for that. “Maybe I can, Dan. He’s made the effort, he’s tried with her, and she can’t even muster up one ounce of sympathy for him? Not even that, she can’t recognize how well he’s doing, how hard he’s trying? I’m sorry, but that doesn’t fly with me.”

He sighs, even throwing me a disapproving look. “It’s your choice, of course. I just hope that you make the right one.”

Looking closely at him, I raise my eyebrows. “Why are you taking her side in this? Against both me and Nathan?”

He shrugs, looking down at the lid in his hand. “Maybe because I’ve been there. Worse, of course, but I’ve been there. Alienated the person or people you love the most, with no way of making things right in sight. I know how she feels, Haley. And it’s bad. She feels bad.”

“If she really felt bad, she’d say it,” I argue, sticking to my guns on this one, “She’d admit she was wrong, at least to take it this far and hold onto this grudge for so long. I don’t believe she feels bad; until she shows me she does, I can’t.”

“Has she held Brian yet?” he asks quietly, “Does she come over to play with Meredith anymore? She’s not the only one losing out, Haley.”

“Dan, she trash talked Nathan in front of his daughter! You think I’m eager to let her near my children again? No, I’m not, and I’m sorry if that makes me a bad person,” I mutter defensively, “I love them, and their father, too much to expose them to negativity about him, especially when he’s continuously fighting so hard for all of us.”

He sighs, looking like he regrets ever having started this conversation with me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t try and push my views on you, especially when you’re justified in yours. Let me just end this with one more piece of advice: do what is best for you. For once, just forget about Nathan, forget about the kids, and do what is best for you.”

“What’s best for them is what is best for me, Dan,” I point out, “That’s not negotiable. And I’m sorry, but I don’t think it is best for my children to be around someone who hates their father. Sorry, end of story.”

He smiles a little ruefully at that. “I’ve never known you to be so obstinate, but I’m not surprised it would happen when it came to protecting your family.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I sigh, feeling a little drained. It just seems like everyone is judging me for this with Brooke sometimes. They all expect me to be the bigger person, the one that forgives and forgets and just indulges her in this irrational and unfounded hatred of Nathan. I tried – I’ve given her ins, and I’ve made the first move. I just can’t, no, won’t do it anymore.

“It’s okay to be the bigger person,” he tries to counsel me, as if he’s telling me something new, “It took me a very long time to figure that out.”

“Dan, I appreciate what you’re saying, I see where you’re coming from, but this is different. It just is, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he smiles kindly, “But I don’t want you to end up regretful, either.”

Nodding slowly, I set the last place at the table. “Maybe I will someday, but I’d regret it a hell of a lot more if I didn’t take a stand on this. I don’t know, Dan. Maybe no one understands this, maybe I’m the only person who really gets why this is so important to me, but I can’t just let it go. I can’t,” I say simply, and he nods, ready to drop it, I can tell.

He turns away from me, looking out at everyone scattered throughout the large room. “Well, who is ready for dinner? We’ve got enough food to feed an army much larger than the one we have here! Come on, Merry, I think there’s even some stuff here that you’ll eat, kiddo!”

“Mac cheese?” she asks, smiling brightly at him, “I like that!”

“I know you do,” he laughs, swinging her up when she runs over to him, “And that’s why we made sure to order some, kid.”

She squeals her joy, beaming at her grandfather. Tim and Luke are the first adults to jump, bumping into each other in a ‘fight’ to be first in line. “Now, boys!” Meredith scolds them, earning a laugh from everyone in the room.

Luke plucks her out of Dan’s arms, holding her above his head. “Who do you think you are, munchkin? Scolding us like that, I can’t believe it!”

“Put me down!” she giggles, “Uncle Luke!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grins, ‘dropping’ and catching her just before she hits the floor, “You’re down now, kid.”

“I want my cheese!” she grins back at him, pointing to the table. He picks her up, holding her at eye level with all the food. “There it is, Uncle Luke!”

“I see it,” he agrees, affectionately ruffling her hair, “Looks pretty good. Maybe I should just take it all for myself.”

She gasps, not getting the joke. “But me and my Mama need some!”

He gasps back at her, “You do? Really? Hmm, I guess we could share, right?”

She sighs, tilting her head to the side and eyeing him warily. “Okay, we share. But you can’t hog it! Brian hogs Mama and Daddy sometimes, and I no like it!”

“How dare he?” Luke frowns, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter, “Well, we’ll just have to get you extra, super duper mac and cheese and show them, huh?”

She nods solemnly, and I catch Nathan’s eye, smirking at him. He walks over, passing Brian to me. “Hey there, handsome.”

“Hey,” Nathan winks, knowing full well who I was really talking to, “You don’t have to butter me up anymore, I’ll still marry you, Hales.”

“Ha, ha,” I mock, accepting his kiss on my cheek, “How’s this one? Does he need to be fed?”

“I think he’s just fine,” he assures me, “I think he’s going to crash soon, though. His eyelids are drooping big time.”

I nod. “Yeah, he’s about there right now. I’ll go put him down in the other room,” I offer, “He’s going to fall asleep the second he’s in the seat.”

“Want me to help?” he smiles at him, his finger stroking over the baby’s cheek.

“No, you eat, and make sure Mere doesn’t wear out her welcome with Uncle Luke, at least not until morning. He’s not worming out of taking her for tonight now!” I warn, grinning.

He winks back at me, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him. Besides, she’ll keep him charmed at least long enough to guarantee tonight’s babysitting.”

“She better do a good job of it,” I laugh softly, smiling to myself as Nathan leans down and kisses the baby’s forehead, “You are so sweet with him, Nathan. I love it.”

“I only do it to charm you,” he teases, letting out an ‘oof’ where Mere hurtles herself into his legs, “Good thing I wasn’t carrying anything.”

I leave then, taking the baby down the hall towards the spare bedroom that Dan graciously offered for this very purpose. As I’m walking by one of the bathrooms, I can hear Brooke and Lola talking.

“She hates me, Lol. She definitely, absolutely hates me. You can see it on her face,” Brooke complains, her tone angry and bitter sounding, “God, she won’t even look at me most of the time, and when she does, she looks away immediately. And for what? What did I do that was so awful? Tell the truth? I hate this shit.”

“Be fair,” Lola responds patiently, “You can’t insult someone’s family and expect their eternal gratitude, Brooke. You know that.”

Brooke scoffs, stomping her foot on the floor. “I wasn’t asking for that! All I wanted was for her to acknowledge that I had a valid point! Is that too much to ask?”

Someone sighs, and I suspect it is Lola. “Come on, Brooke. Please don’t drag me into the middle of this, that’s not fair. There’s nothing I can say here that is going to make everyone happy.”

“Well, then don’t,” Brooke sniffs, “Just make me happy. Come on, Lol, tell me I’m right here. I need someone to say that to me. Tim keeps telling me I’m wrong, your stupid lughead boyfriend barely talks to me these days, and I know Karen is pissed.”

“I can’t just tell you what you want to hear, for the sake of hearing it,” Lola returns, “You deserve more than that from me.”

“I’m so mad at her, Lols! I am so damn mad at her. She just – I don’t know, she’s given up on me, you know? Like, I see it on her face. It’s over, she’s done, out. She’s chosen Nathan, and it’s like I’m dead to her.”

I shift the baby in my arms, thinking on her words. I don’t think it is that extreme, I really don’t, but maybe there is some validity in her feeling like that. I don’t really know anymore.

“What do you want me to say, Brooke?” Lola sighs again.

“I don’t know,” Brooke admits, her tone defeated. It does tug at a part of my heart, to hear her like this. To know that she thinks I hate her. It hurts me that she thinks me capable of that, when it is so not the case.

“Well, then I don’t know what to tell you, honey. I’m sorry there isn’t more that I can do for you,” Lola answers her softly. “Maybe you should talk to Haley again. Maybe this time you can work it out.”

“Why do I find that so hard to believe?” Brooke snorts derisively, “Come on, the last time we talked, it was a disaster of epic proportions. I’ve had more civil conversations with Nathan recently, and God, you know that is saying something.”

“Why do you hate him so much?” Lola asks, and from her tone, I wonder if it something she’s wanted to ask for awhile now.

“He hurt her, Lol,” Brooke grumbles, “Time and again, he’s hurt her. But that’s okay, apparently. He can get away with anything! But me? One mistake, one, and she’s shoved me out the door.”

Brian’s head drifts down to my shoulders, and I shake myself out of the eavesdropping daze. Moving on, I take him into the bedroom, lying him down in the playpen the hotel sent to the room. “Oh, baby, what am I supposed to do here?”

He doesn’t answer, of course, just continues on in his peaceful sleep. A part of me wants to stay in here with him and just avoid the whole Brooke mess, but I know that if I don’t go back out there, Nathan will come looking for me soon, and I don’t want to have another conversation on Brooke today. Is it selfish that a part of me is glad this whole thing bothers her as much as it does me? It feels like it, but at the same time, it doesn’t.

With my good luck, Brooke and Lola are leaving the bathroom just as I’m passing by. Offering Lola a small smile, I keep going, making my way out to the table. Nathan grins at me as I sit down next to him. Mere is on the other side of him, also next to Luke, whose ear she’s currently talking off.

“He sleeping like the baby he is?”

“Of course,” I smile, leaning my head on his shoulder, “You fixed me a plate? Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“Just like our daughter, lots of mac and cheese,” he teases, “See? I wasn’t so wrong when I called it five year old food, was I?”

“She’s three, thank you,” I smart back.

“Yeah, that makes it better,” he snarks, his tone teasing.

I scoff out a protest. “Hey, it’s food – “

“Of the gods, yeah, yeah,” he finishes, winking at me, “I’ve heard that one before somewhere, Haley J. Get new material.”

I gasp, shoving at him lightly. Everyone else is around the table now, Brooke and Lola included. “You’re evil,” I whisper at him, winking. “It’s a good thing I go for that sort of thing.”

He snorts quietly, raising his eyebrows at me. I just smirk back at him, not even caring that it is Christmas Eve, and we’re flirting with each other like teenagers in the middle of the lavish dinner his father ordered for all of us. It feels so good that I don’t even care what any of the rest of them think of it.

“Thanks for hosting dinner, Dan,” Tim says, eyeing his loaded plate appreciatively, “It’s nice that we can all hang out before the big festivities tomorrow.”

“Glad to do it,” Dan grins, looking down the table at everyone. Even Deb smiles back at him. “And thanks for coming. There’s probably better food than barely warm room service fare on this rock. Actually I know there is, because we had a great lunch today.”

“I want a cookie, Mama,” Mere interrupts, leaning around Nathan to look pleadingly at me, “Please, please, I have a cookie?”

“Not until you eat your broccoli,” Nathan informs her, nudging her back into her seat. She humphs out a pout at him, which he ignores. “At least two pieces,” he adds, rubbing it in.

“Nooo,” she whines, not even pouting at him this time, “Daddy no! Not two!”

“Hmm,” he bargains with her, “Maybe just this big one then, okay?”

She looks at it doubtfully, but nods, sighing deeply. “Baby eat broccoli?”

I have to stare down at my plate so she can’t see that I’m laughing at that. Well, not at her question, but at Nathan for having to deal with the inevitable fit of pique that is about to occur.

“Yep, he eats broccoli!” Nathan confirms cheerfully, smirking at me when I gasp, then glare, at him, “Two pieces even. Can you believe that? He beat you, Mere bear.”

“Nah uh, I win!” Mere exclaims, shoving the first piece into her mouth and chewing it hurriedly before shoving a second, and then a third, in there.

I elbow Nathan in the ribs as she climbs down, running over to help herself to a cookie. “What?” he asks, his eyes twinkling at me, “You saw how she scarfed that broccoli down. Win-win, Hales.”

Rolling my eyes at him, I grab his glass of water and take a sip. I have a definite solidarity pact with him where I don’t drink anything alcoholic at all. It works well for us, and I think it helps him. “She’s going to remember that,” I warn him, trying not to laugh, “Remember and resent you.”

“Who could resent this face?” he winks at me.

Brooke doesn’t say anything, but she makes a scoffing noise, and it pisses me off enough that I stand so fast I knock my chair over. “We need to talk, somewhere that is not here.” She doesn’t move. “Now.”

She gets up and follows me out into the hall. I stare at her, pointing down the hall to where I know her room is. “Yours is closer.”

“This is bullshit,” she gripes, glaring at me as she shuts the door behind us, “I’m not your kid; you don’t get to talk to me like this.”

“Do you ever want to be friends again?” I ask point-blank, not slowing down even when she gasps loudly, “Do you? Because the way you’re acting, not only towards Nathan, which is my biggest bitch with you right now, but towards me and my children, is telling me that it isn’t really a priority for you. So if it is, then you need to tell me, and tell me now.”

She stares at me for a few seconds, her eyes filling with tears. “Of course I want that! Shit, Haley, you are my best friend! I never wanted things to be like this; this is all your doing!”

I have to count to ten to get myself under control; I’ve never even had to do that with Meredith before. Or, God, Nathan! Even in his worst moments, I don’t think I was ever so irrationally angry with him as I am with Brooke right now. “You know what? If you can’t take even a tiny bit of responsibility here, then I don’t think that there is anything for us to talk about, Brooke.”

“That’s not fair!” she exclaims, “God, I just want what is best for you. You’re the one that has made this into something more than it should’ve been!”

Staring at her in amazement, I shake my head. “Okay. Then tell me, what should it have been, Brooke? Where should this have stopped?”

She falters a little, her mouth dropping open as she tries to formulate words. “It should’ve been small! It was nothing, why did you have to make it into this whole huge thing?”

“Maybe because this is my family that you’re maligning here! Nathan is my family, and I love him. There is nothing that you need to say about that, but you had to persist and call into question my choices and my feelings, and that’s bullshit. It’s not fair, and it is bullshit.”

“You won’t let me see your kids!” she yells back at me, tears streaming down her face, “You’ve never even let me hold the baby, Haley! How the hell am I supposed to be okay with that?”

“I’m not asking you to be okay with anything. That’s all your prerogative, Brooke. All of this has been your choice. You chose to hold onto petty grudges that were never really yours to have – seriously, the on ‘your behalf, Haley’ excuse got old a long time ago – and you chose to not be a part of this.”

She’s practically shaking now as she wraps her arms around herself. I should probably feel worse than I do, but I can’t muster it. She’s hurt me, too, in all of this, and she doesn’t get to act like she has a monopoly on that. “Look, I get it, okay? He’s your number one priority. Ahead of your friends, and even your kids. That’s your choice. But that doesn’t mean I can respect it. But I guess if you want to put your faith and the safety of your small children in the hands of a drug addict, that’s your choice.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “Who shot you down for a second chance?” I ask bluntly, “Nathan made mistakes, and I’m about the first person in line to acknowledge that. Well, guess who is the first person? Him, Brooke! God, he knows what he’s done, and he’s the one working hardest to fix himself. So don’t you act like he’s some monster careening through town on a drunken bender all the time. It isn’t like that, and you damn well know it!”

“Doubtful,” she mutters, “I know nothing now. Because what I used to know? That you were a friend, and you still knew how to act like one.”

”I don’t know how to be your friend anymore,” I admit, still angry – seeing red angry, “You oppose some of the things that matter the most to me. Not only do you oppose them, but you – I don’t know if I can ever forgive for the things you’ve said in front of Mere. A lot of this shit has just been hurtful, but that was truly damaging. That was spiteful and petty, and even when no one else did, I at least thought you were better than that. I guess I was wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, still silently crying. I feel like I could cry, too, but I’m still too angry and too tired of her attitude to be weepy over it. Maybe later, when I’m alone with Nathan I can truly let it out.

“Sorry for what?” I ask tiredly, pretty sure I had this conversation with Mere when she tried to hide Brian’s baby monitors so we’d pay more attention to her.

The blank look that crosses her face tells me what I was hoping I wouldn’t have to know. “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Yeah, of course. She couldn’t be sorry for any of the other stuff, just that. The thing that is sort of at the bottom of my priority list right now. I know she doesn’t believe me, but it is so much easier to put Nathan and the kids ahead of me that it is almost ridiculous in the end.

“That’s the least of what is important to me,” I sigh, telling her honestly, “Nathan, Mere, and Brian are my world, Brooke. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you, and maybe you can’t understand it, but that’s just how it is.”

“So I can’t be sorry for hurting you?”

“Be sorry for being judgmental towards Nathan, for exposing Meredith to your vitriolic hate for her father, and for being a bitch when I was in labor with Brian. But don’t be sorry for me.”

“I am sorry for those things,” she admits quietly, “Especially for hurting Mere. I never meant to do that; shit, Haley, I never wanted to do it either.”

I nod, sighing tiredly. “Yeah, well, things happen, and sometimes, we can’t take them. Sometimes we can’t even regret them until their edge is dulled.”

Her mouth falls open, and she wipes a tear away. “Haley, please. Please, I am begging you to at least consider forgiving me. I know that I hurt you, and God, I’m so sorry for that!” She leans towards me, her face pleading. “I love you, and I adore your kids. I don’t want to lose my place in your lives.”

“Then accept Nathan’s place in them,” I tell her firmly, “Accept that he’s the biggest part of my life, and that he’s going to be with me forever. That’s what I want, and that’s how it’s going to be.”

“I’m trying!” she exclaims, “I’m just so afraid he’s going to hurt you again, and I can’t take that. I can’t take you crying over him because he – he whatever! It hurts me to see you like that, and I hate it, and I want better for you. Does that really have to be so hard to understand?”

Sighing, I let myself give in a little. “No, it doesn’t. It isn’t. And when you expressed that at first, it was okay. But things have gone too far and for too long. You told me how you felt, I told you how I feel, and now we’re just banging our heads together.”

“Can we try? Please?” she begs, “Look, I will try with Nathan. I will, I will be nicer to him, and I won’t say bad things about him to anyone. And I’ll try to think fewer, too!”

“That’s…that’s a good start,” I admit, more of the fight draining out of me. This isn’t only what I want, but it’s what everyone else wants, too. And it is what Nathan wants for me. “I want to try, too. I do, but Mere is too impressionable and sensitive and – “

“It’ll never happen again,” she promises, “She will never hear another bad word from me about Nathan again. God, Haley, I promise that. I do, I promise that with everything that I have. I swear it on my friendship with you and Tim.”

I nod, tears of my own springing to my eyes. “I’ve missed you,” I admit, “Tigger.”

She lets out a sob, launching herself at me. “I know we aren’t okay, at least not like we used to be, but thank you for calling me that. Tutor Girl.”

I laugh, hugging her back. She’s right, nothing is exactly okay, and things are definitely not like they used to be, but they’re better than they have been in a very long time.

A very long time.

~*~

“I have been waiting for this since I was seventeen,” I tell Karen with a huge smile on my face, “Oh, my gosh, ever since Lydia and Jimmy made us annul the first one, I have been waiting for this day, Karen.”

Karen grins indulgently at me as she tries to pin a curl on top of a wiggling Meredith’s head. “Meredith Ryan, you hold still, young lady,” she admonishes her before glancing my way, “I’m so happy for you both. This day has been a very long time coming, and you both deserve it. Everything is coming together really nicely.”

Beaming back at her, I nod. “It really is,” I can only agree, arranging my own hair, “Oh, we’re getting married!”

“Yeah, we’re getting married!” Mere giggles, clapping her hands together as she smiles at me, “We get married!”

“I know, baby,” I laugh with her, dropping the flower I was holding and moving over to pick her up, “Oh, we are so getting married, and this is going to be the best day ever. It is going to be so great, sweets!”

She laughs as I twirl us around, not caring that my hair and her hair were both partially done. Who cares, anyway? We can leave it down; this is just a beach wedding anyway. It will be breezy and sandy and this isn’t what it’s about, anyway. It’s about me and Nathan and our children, and solidifying this relationship. The where’s and the how’s and the what’s don’t matter anymore. Getting married matters, and that’s what we’re doing.

“Okay, Haley, give me that child so I can finish her hair,” Karen lightly scolds, “We’ve only got a half an hour until the ceremony is supposed to start.”

“She can wear it down,” I shrug, but set Mere down anyway, “Or partially up? I think that might be what I do. The hair is so secondary to all this. I’m getting married!”

“Yes, you are,” she laughs, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “This is so wonderful to see,” she smiles wistfully, “I remember your last wedding. Now that day was about the complete opposite of this.”

I groan, nodding my agreement. “It was pretty bad. God, I was such a wreck that day, and ugh, it was awful. Just awful.”

“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have brought it up. I was just thinking to myself what a difference the right person makes.”

“It does make a definite difference, doesn’t it?” I glance over at her, sighing sadly. “I used to feel so guilty for running out of there that day, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have any of this. And I love this, Karen. I love this life that I have with Nathan and these kids. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m in this beautiful place. I don’t even feel guilty anymore.”

“And you shouldn’t,” she counsels me, “You shouldn’t feel bad, Haley. Mistakes are meant to be made, and we’re meant to learn from them. You did, and you have. That’s life, that’s what it’s all about.”

I laugh at that. “’And you put your right hand in – “

She makes a growling noise at me that Mere quickly emulates. “Be nice to your mother figure, young lady.”

Dropping the jokes, I move to stand in front of her. “You’re not a mother figure to me, Karen; you are my mother. For all intents and purposes, you are. You and Keith, god, you have taken me into your family and loved me like I was your own. You’ll never know what that means to me.”

“Oh, honey, if it is half as much as what having you in our lives means to us, then it is completely worth it.”

“Thank you, for everything. For being there for all of us, not just me. For Nathan and the kids, too, it means so much.”

“Well, you all mean the world to us, sweetheart, and you really are family. By your own merits and our relationships from before you ever even knew how cute Nathan Scott was,” she teases me gently, pulling me into a hug.

Brian starts crying from the crib in the corner, and Mere runs over, leaning over the side to shush him. I roll my eyes at Karen, who just shrugs. I guess from her perspective, she never had to deal with the sibling rivalry between her two children. Of course, what happened between Nathan and Luke was worse than most normal cases of rivalry, but those were extenuating circumstances.

At least we won’t have to go through that.

“Mere bear, leave him alone,” I order her gently, “Come here, sweets. Let Karen finish your hair, and then in a few minutes, we’re going to go get married, okay?”

“When my hair done?” she asks for confirmation. I smile, nodding in agreement. “Yay! We get married!”

“Yes, we are!” I laugh, kissing her nose before she runs back over to Karen. Bending down, I pick up the baby, cuddling him to my chest. “Hey you, this is a big day. It’s a good big day, though. Everything is finally falling into place, and I’m just so happy. So happy I have you and your sister and your daddy. We’re so lucky, Bri.”

When Karen finishes with Mere, I pass her the baby and finish getting myself ready quickly, since I promised Mere we’d go when she was done. As we’re about to leave the suite, we find Keith, Eric, and Lucas on the other side of the door. Meredith squeals with delight when Luke swings her up into the air, and I beam just as happily at them.

They are so truly my family. In every sense of the word, this is my family, and I'm so grateful for this. For them, each and every one of them.

They each hug me, and Karen takes Brian from me. "You about ready, honey?" Keith asks, proffering his arm for the walk down the 'aisle'. Laughing, I nod eagerly, hooking my arm through his.

Mere moves to stand in front of me, frowning. "I up, Mama!"

"Ask Uncle Luke," I suggest to her with a smile, "He'll give you a lift downstairs. Keith? You want to carry the baby?”

“I’d be glad to,” he grins, taking Brian from me, “Okay, everyone ready?”

“I’m very ready,” I confirm with what I know is a huge smile, “Never been so ready for anything in my life.”

Luke pulls me into a hug. “Welcome to the family. Well, welcome to the last name,” he grins, kissing me on the cheek, “I’m so happy for you all. You, Nathan, and the kids. This is so good.”

I nod, beaming at him. “Yes, it is,” I agree emphatically, “And I’m glad that you and Nathan are doing better, Luke. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Probably about as happy as it makes me,” he notes with a grin, “It does, Hales. I’m glad that Nathan and I can not only be friends again, but brothers, too. It’s important to me. Never would’ve had it without you.”

Shrugging, I lean my head on his shoulder. “You don’t know that. You two aren’t as dumb as you look, so maybe you could’ve figured it out eventually, even if I hadn’t been there to peer pressure you both.”

He laughs, but shakes his head in disagreement. “Maybe, but I don’t know. I’m glad that we didn’t have to find out.”

“Me, too,” I smile, “Believe me, me too.”

“He’s finally making an honest woman out of you,” he teases me, “It’s about damn time, too. I was afraid I’d have to kick his ass for knocking you up twice without the benefit of a wedding.”

“Me, too!” I agree, laughing, “But it’s okay. It’s okay that we waited until things were strong. I’m happy with where we are and how we’re doing this.”

“Okay,” he nods, and I know that’s enough for him, knowing that both of us are happy. “It’s a beautiful day for a beach wedding.”

“Damn right it is,” I agree huffily, “After all we’ve been through, we deserve a great wedding day.”

“I’d never dispute that,” Luke grins. “And can I compliment you on the uniforms for this thing? So much better than a suit or tux.”

Grinning, I nod, fixing his popped collar as Mere leans down in his arms, talking a mile a minute to Eric, who is listening good-naturedly. “Believe me, I don’t think either of us was up to the drama of a big, fancy church wedding. And Mere and I both have pretty dresses, you and Nathan will be comfortable, and none of the other stuff even matters a little.”

We all chat idly as we make our way down. All of the kids are well-behaved, even though Eric and Mere are both excited over the fact that we’re doing something out of the norm. Brian is wide awake still, but looking around with a quiet inquisitiveness that never fails to amaze me. He’s the anti-Mere, at least anti how she was as an infant. She was our little attention whore, and in some ways, still is. I think Brian likes the attention, but he never seems to feel like he has to demand it.

“Mommy, look, there’s Daddy!”

I laugh at my daughter’s enthusiasm. “I see him, sweets,” I grin, a little giddy myself. When she holds her arms out for me, I take her from Luke. “He looks handsome, doesn’t he?”

She shrugs, and I have to just grin at that response. “Mommy, I down!”

“Okay, okay, antsy pants,” I tease her, bending to set her on her feet. She immediately runs over to her daddy, who is standing with his parents, Dan’s girlfriend, and Brooke, Tim, and Lola. Nobody looks ready to explode, which is a definite good sign.

This really is an informal affair. I’m wearing a long silk dress in antique white and am carrying flowers and have a couple pinned into my hair, but that’s about the only part of this that screams wedding. Nathan is wearing tan slacks and a dress shirt that isn’t buttoned all the way up to his neck. Everyone else is wearing sundresses or something similar to what Nathan is wearing.

The man we’ve hired to officiate is there, and everyone falls into a circle around him. Nathan grins at me, holding his hand out for mine, which I quickly give him. I’d give him anything I had, always.

“I take it we are ready,” the officiate smiles, nodding at our murmured confirmations. “Very well then, let’s begin.” He turns to Nathan, smiling as he jumps right into, wasting no time on unnecessary platitudes, “Repeat after me…”

“I Nathan, take you Haley, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”

I’m beaming at Nathan as he speaks these words, and I’m so caught up in it that I almost miss it when it is my turn to speak them. “I Haley, take you Nathan to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”

After we both repeat those words, he glances up, smiling warmly at our friends and family. “Nathan and Haley each have prepared some words to say to the other. Nathan?”

Nathan grins at me, squeezing my hand lightly in his. “There are a lot of things I could say today, here in front of the people that we love, and some are probably things I should say. But I’m only going to cover the highlights because we only have so much time until the sun goes completely down.

“You know that I love you. And I know that you love me. It’s that love – it’s your love – that has gotten me through a lot of crummy times for many years now. Even when we weren’t together, the idea that we could be was always with me and it…I was better for it. That’s the best way I can put it: I’m just better for knowing you, for loving you. For being known and loved by you. Maybe that’s a very simplistic way of putting it, but it’s the truth. I’m lucky; I married you at seventeen, and I get to marry you again at twenty-seven. That’s incredible.”

I smile at him widely even through the tears he’s moved me to, taking a step closer. “I love you, too,” I tell him, unable to keep the smile off of my face, “More every day, and I swear, that does not seem possible.” Taking a deep breath, I toss the small bouquet I’m holding to Lola, and take his hand in between both of mine. “It is so stupid, the time I wasted with you because I was stubborn. But I think that we’ve done a pretty good job making up for it since. Well, most of the time,” I admit, reaching a hand up to brush over his cheek, “But – oh, heck, I love you more than I could’ve ever imagined was even possible. That’s special and real, and all that I really know now is that I wouldn’t trade what I have with you for anything. People say perfection doesn’t exist, but…maybe it’s what you make it.”

The officiate smiles at us. “Do we have some rings?” Nathan and I both nod eagerly. This is probably something I’m supposed to want to savor, but right now I just want it over and to be pronounced Mrs. Nathan Scott. “Nathan, as you place the ring on Haley’s finger, repeat after me…”

“Haley, just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal, just as it is made of indestructible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. With this ring I take you to be my trusted partner for life.”

My breath hitches in my throat as he slides the warm band of gold onto my finger until it rests against the diamond engagement band he gave to me. Nothing has ever felt so right before. I only stop staring at my finger when Nathan reaches up to brush another happy tear away as his eyes brim with his own emotion.

“Now, Haley, if you could repeat after me…”

“Nathan, just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal, just as it is made of indestructible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. With this ring I take you to be my trusted partner for life.” Once the ring is placed on his finger, I lift his hand, kissing the ring.

“Unless anyone else has anything to add – “

Mere interrupts at that moment, commanding Dan to put her down. When he does, she runs over to stand on Nathan’s feet. “Are we married yet, Mama?”

Everyone tries to stifle their laughter at the childlike question. “Almost, sweets, just as soon as he tells us so.”

“I stay with you?” she asks sweetly, with that little pout Nathan can never say ‘no’ to, the one even I have trouble ignoring.

“Yeah, but shh, okay?” I tell her, grinning when she nods, “This is the important part!”

“Indeed it is,” the officiate agrees, smiling as wide as all of us are, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

Everyone starts cheering, including Mere, who gets pulled out of the way by her Uncle Luke. Nathan gives me that lazy grin of his, reaching out and pulling me to him even as I step willingly into his embrace. “We did it,” I whisper before his lips meet mine, “We finally did it.”

He brushes his lips against mine lightly; I’m not having any of that, though, and I wrap my arms around his neck, leaning into him fully as I deepen the kiss. I can vaguely hear everyone laughing and catcalling and whistling, but it’s very low on my register right now. This is it, our first kiss as husband and wife. And damned if I don’t want to remember every single second of it.

That’s not going to be a problem, though. This day will always be with me.

~*~

After the ceremony is over, and the light of day is fading to night, we move the party inside. Dan had insisted on renting out a small room so that we could eat, have cake, and even dance. The room is elegantly decorated, and even Nathan smiles as we enter.

”It looks nice, Dad,” he tells him, “Thank you.”

Dan grins, pleased. “You’re welcome; I was more than happy to do it for you, son.”

It is one of the warmest exchanges that they’ve had in awhile, and maybe they’ll never have as close of a relationship as Dan has forged with Lucas, it is better. Much better than it was even ten years ago, and that’s very important to all of us, I think. Dan is such a big part of our children’s lives, and he should have some of that with Nathan, too. It’s good for both of them.

As I’m chatting with Karen, Tim comes over, looping an arm over my shoulder. “Can I borrow her for a few minutes?” he asks, winking at Karen.

“Of course you can,” she smiles back, “I’m just going to go make sure my son is behaving himself.”

“Which one?” Tim asks, and I laugh.

“Well, Lucas, of course,” Karen retorts with a sly grin, “Eric managed to pick up some manners somewhere along the way. We’re still not sure how that happened.”

Grinning, I let Tim take me by the arm, guiding me over to a spot a little bit out of the way. “What’s up?” I ask, the silly smile still on my face.

He smiles back at me, nervously twisting at his wedding ring. “I don’t know what happened with you and Brooke, but thank you. It was a lot, asking you to be the bigger person, but she couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Nothing is resolved,” I caution him, even though I definitely feel like we made some progress, and apparently Brooke does, too. “I mean it, Tim; if she goes back and starts treating Nathan badly again, then it’s done. I won’t put up with that.”

He grins a little at that. “Yeah, I hadn’t noticed, or anything. You are just a tiny bit adamant about that, James.”

I shrug, completely unapologetic. “Well, she’s practically begged for me to get angry with her, Timmy. But okay, I can try and let this go. I can, hell, I am. It is conditional, though. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I know,” he nods, “And that’s fine. I’d never ask for more than that. It really does mean a lot to her, even if she can’t say that herself.”

“At some point, she has to say these things,” I point out, “I’m not going to be the only one who makes concessions like that.”

“And you shouldn’t have to be,” he agrees, hugging me, “Thanks, James. You really made my wife happy in that way that only you can. She loves you; I swear, sometimes she loves you more than she loves me.”

I shake my head. “That’s not true, and even if it were, it shouldn’t be.”

He nods. “Well, anyway, I’ll let you get back to your family. I think I’m going to drag my wife out of here. We’re thinking of trying to have a baby,” he confides, a goofy ‘Tim’ smile on his face.

I clap my hands together, then throw my arms around his neck. “Oh, my gosh, that’s so perfect! That’s awesome!”

He rolls his eyes, laughing. “We aren’t quite there yet,” he shrugs as he extricates himself from my grip, “But thank you for the enthusiasm.”

“You guys will be great parents,” I tell him seriously, “I mean it, Tim. I know how much you’ll love any child of yours, and I know you’ll both dote on it like crazy.”

“Can I tell Brooke you said that?” I frown in confusion, but nod. “It’s just, she’s nervous. Her parents sucked, and then she’s got you and Karen as examples, and I think she’s afraid she won’t be as good as you two are.”

Sighing, I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. “Just tell her that if she ever wants to talk diapers and car seats, that I’m here.”

He hugs me again. “Okay, I’ll do that. Thanks, Haley Scott.” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t flow quite as well as Haley James did, but it works. It suits you.”

“Thanks,” I nod, giving him a small smile. So much has changed over the years, including my friendships. Some have gotten stronger, and some…not so much. But maybe they ebb and flow, and will be built back up someday. Maybe I can make sure that they get built back up.

Once he leaves, I move over to where Nathan is sitting at a table with Luke and his father. Deb and Karen have the kids, laughing at Mere’s dancing. I sit down in the seat next to Nathan, leaning my head on his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. Luke rolls his eyes. “Okay, just get out of here, no one wants to see you two all lovey dovey,” he teases – well, mostly teases, “I’ve got the kids tonight.”

Nathan snickers at that. “I don’t care how crazy Mere is driving you with the talking and the bouncing and the never sitting still, you can’t call us in the middle of the night to come get her, bro.”

“Hey! I think I can handle the two of them for one night, thanks. Besides, Lola will be with me, and she’ll help,” he grins, shoving at Nathan, “Jerk.”

“You love me,” Nathan retorts, and I just sit here silently marveling at how easy it has become for the two of them. It might never be like this for Nathan and his father, but it’s nice to see it here with Luke. Dan catches my eye, smiling, and I know he feels the same way.

“Well, I like the idea of getting out of here,” I announce, moving to stand, “Come on, husband, let’s go to our room.”

He stands up, too, grinning at me. “I can’t find any problem with that plan,” he laughs, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. “Okay, let’s say goodbye to the kids.”

We grab Mere, who is predictably excited about staying with her Uncle Luke and Lola, but leave a sleeping Brian be. Despite his earlier assertions, Nathan makes Lola promise to call if the kids are too much or they won’t let them sleep. She agrees that if it is too much, they’ll bring them back, even though she doubts that’ll be a problem.

“Okay, Merry, we’re going now. You be a good girl, okay?” Nathan tells her, kissing her on the forehead, “Take care of Bri for us, right?”

She nods solemnly. “I good, Daddy!”

I tweak one of her curls, smiling when she throws herself at me. “We know you are, baby. You have fun, too, okay?”

She nods again, wrapping her arms around my neck. “We play with my dollies! Uncle Luke is the one with yellow hair!”

“Well, good for Uncle Luke,” Nathan laughs, not deterred at all when Luke slugs him on the shoulder, “Okay, munchkin, we’ll see you in the morning for breakfast, alright?”

She agrees, and we leave them there with our family. We’re quiet on the walk to the elevator and even during the ride up to our room. We just hold hands silently, smiling at each other.

When we get to our room, he stops me, shaking his head. “We’re married now; I get to carry you over the threshold.”

I laugh as he swings me up into his arms, pushing the door open with his foot. “I don’t think I can be any happier than I am now,” I tell him, pressing kisses against his neck, “I love you, Nathan Scott.”

He sets me on my feet, but keeps his arms around me. “I love you, too, Haley Scott. Does this mean I have to change my nickname to Haley S?”

“Only if you want to,” I smile, looping my arms around his neck to tug him down for a kiss, “You can call me anything, and it’ll sound sexy coming out of your mouth.”

“Oh, yeah?” I nod, sighing when his lips brush over mine. “I’m so lucky that I still have you,” he murmurs, his lips skimming over my cheek, “It still freaks me out, the ways that I’ve messed up.”

I lean back, placing my fingertips over his mouth. “No, Nathan. Not tonight. Tonight is about the good stuff, and let me tell you, the good so outweighs the bad here. I promise you that.”

He nods, his hold tightening on me as he lifts me up off the ground slightly. “You save me, Haley. I meant what I said today, about you making me better, but you save me, too.”

“No, you save yourself,” I tell him seriously, running my fingers through his hair, “Oh, Nathan, maybe me and the kids are an impetus, but you do this yourself. You’re strong, and where you are…it’s a credit to you, and no one else.”

“I don’t know about that,” he sighs, kissing along my jaw, “But I do know that I’m as lucky as a man could get. I have you, and the two most beautiful children ever. I’m so lucky.”

“We both are,” I whisper, tightening my hold on him as he walks us to the bed, “This is a really nice life that we have.”

It really is.

The End

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